Chapter 7

Edward-

As the final bell rang, declaring 5th lesson I shuddered. All day, I'd continued in a trance, in a dark, dangerous trance. Justin had let me be, but others had often interrupted and that was when the

pain would start again, that was when I could feel my heart breaking into 2 massive pieces. When I thought of what I would have to say to the girl I was madly in love with I almost collapsed in grief.

Why would I have to do this? Why couldn't I be normal? I questioned myself. Why couldn't I be perfect, like Bella? Why couldn't I be right for her? My head was swirling with questions I couldn't

answer, questions I barely knew the answer too. I bowed my head low, trying to avoid the excited first years. I ducked my head and managed to get past unidentified. In the corridor I passed Justin

he gave me a nod and I stopped dead in my tracks. I had the signal, she was there. I remembered the moment I came out from my daze to ask Justin to do this for me. As I entered the classroom I sighed.

I saw Jasper in the corner and Mike Newton hovering at the edge of my bench, or Bella and I's bench. Bella looked up through her thick black lashes. My heart quickened as I resisted the booming

erg to kiss her, to grab her in my arms and never let go.

"Hey." I breathed.
"Hi." She answered me solemnly. I cringed at her tone. I braced myself for the difficult declaration. I was going to have to lie, a lot.
"About your text." I started; I took in her completely straight face. "Well... I don't know what you mean. We're nothing, just friends right?" I asked her. The words were like agony. A poison in my

system, and I remembered, the words weren't the poison in my system that was me. That was me all me. I was a bad person. And I did not deserve Bella. This thought was the only thing I let myself think

as I started to speak again. Before I could Bella spoke.
"Yeah, I know. I wanted to know for sure you felt that way too." She answered. I was going to howl in pain, I was going to fall. I didn't understand how those few lines had made me feel. I was in pure

pain, agony. And I didn't understand how Bella had done this to me. I loved her and this is how she makes me feel. I remembered the times with Alice. I didn't care; she didn't affect me at all. She could

say whatever she wanted, and I never ever felt the grief I felt in that second. The phrase 'you've got to learn what's good for you' went over and over in my mind.

"Glad that's settled." I lied, and I brushed my fingers through my messy hair. I saw Jasper on the other side of the room, observing us carefully. I remembered our old sign language. The language

two brothers had used to communicate in a simpler time. In a time when they were joined at hip, before one of the brothers ruined the solid relationship. I moved my head up then to the left. And

I hoped he would catch on. He looked at me for a split second then responded. He moved his head left to right then up. Yes I should sort it out, and me telling her she was nothing was exactly how I

was doing that. I was making sure she was going to be safe; I was protecting her from heart break in the future. But I realised she didn't care about me; she had just told me so. So I wasn't protecting

her from anything. I was just hurting myself by loving the wrong person. I sighed. If only life was simple, I was 12 and Jasper, Emmet and I were all good friends. I remembered playing in the garden

I remembered having rides on my elder brothers solid back, time spent in jasper and I's 'special tree house' when we devoted hours to silly languages we made up. And then I remembered playing the

Piano. Letting myself unwind and composing soft tunes, transferring my emotions to music. Music that my mother adored, I promised myself I would go home and go straight to my old piano. I

Wondered if the beautiful, sleek grand piano was still in tune. And I prayed with all my heart it was. I would enjoy writing the soft, beautiful piece playing through my mind. With a jolt I realised this tune

were my thoughts on Bella? The melody which had haunted me for days were sat next to me and I was staring at her blankly I gave her a little smile as I heard the final bell go. Music time. I made my way

over to Jasper after gathering my things and shoving them in my bag. Before I could leave the door with my brother Justin came over grinning.

"Meet me at my house 7 30 invite everyone, I'm having a massive party." He said happily. I smiled. Okay I thought. I'd invite Jasper and Cody. Maybe Jessica but I had a feeling Justin had invited her

Already, I wondered if Bella had invited. I lied to myself as I declared that I didn't care. As I turned away I saw her talking to Justin, I guess she was invited. Good for her I thought bitterly. A long night

Lay ahead of me. As I got into my car I smiled, the weekend I thought merrily. Its Friday I thought again. And I may not get the chance to write anything tonight but tomorrow I could play all day

For my beautiful mother. I loved Esme very much and I know that she loves me too. She also thinks I am the worst son of all 3 since the incident. But I pray at night she still likes me. Liking someone and

Loving someone are completely different. I thought about my relationship with Emmet, although at the moment I dislike him more than the 50s music. I would jump in front of a bullet for my big

brother without a second thought. As I pulled into the all too familiar drive way I saw my Fathers car parked outside. Well that was odd. He wasn't due home till 5, I looked at the clock, and it was 5

I realised that all of Jaspers complaints at the speed of my driving were correct. Oops I thought. I owed him an apology. But he wasn't going to get one. As I rushed to my room I stopped of two doors

down. "Jasper, will you come with me to Justin's party tonight?" I asked him,

"Errm, Sure..." He answered. Although I knew he was thinking of how awful the experience would be, "What time shall I be ready?" He asked.

"Well Justin lives about 20 minutes away, so if your ready by 6 30 we can pick up a few people on the way, anyone you want to pick up?" I asked him, praying he wouldn't say Bella.

"Just Bella, but I bet you've already asked her?" He asked me. I shook my head, Jasper wasn't one to pry, he moved on, "And Alice" He took in my reaction, "If thats okay with you?"

"Yeah, sure" I didn't care who Alice dated. I didn't care at all. Bella lived near by and so did Alice so 6 30 would be fine. I told Justin to sort out the times with the girls before I went to my room and got in

the boiling hot shower. I had started it running before I went to Jaspers room and by now it was boiling hot. As I got in the shower I breathed in the steam. The boiling water felt nice against my

body. The warmth was comforting and I forgot the world until the water began to go cold, it went slightly warm, but compared to the temperature of the water earlier, it was like someone had

thrown a bucket of ice over my head, I was thankful that I'd already washed my hair and body. As I wrapped the cream towel around my waist I grabbed another and ran it through my hair, so it was

dryer than before. I wouldn't bother drying it with the hair dryer as I still had an hour and a half before the party. My room was quite tidy and as I got to the mirrored wardrobes I took in my

appearance, and laughed. I was soaking wet, wrapped in a towel with another around my head just like a girl. I slid open the door and realised I'd gone to the wrong compartment. I was facing shelves

and shelves of shoes, everysingle pair I owned, adding to about 35 pairs. I walked further along and opened the third door along. I took out a dark grey T-shirt with some sort of purple logo, it was

something like Ralph lauren but I didn't take in the actual make. I grabbed a pair of deep blue jeans, my favourite pair and a black coat. I laid them all on my bed as I went to find my underwear. The 2nd

cupboard was full of drawers and I was pretty sure one of the drawers had socks and another had underwear. I was right. I gathered some calvin klein boxers and some plain black socks. I placed the

clothes on my bed with the rest of my outfit, I rubbed myself dry and finally slid on the clothes, the soft material felt like silk against my bare chest. As I walked back to the cupboard with my shoes I

took out a pair of trainers. Not running shoes, just the designed make, they were nike or puma, I didn't take notice. But they were black with purple laces and a purple tick. Not bad, I thought.

I looked at myself in the mirror and felt I was close to what I had been before Bella but with a better friendship with my brother and grinned.

Who needs Bella? I ignored the tiny voice in my head that screamed I do

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