7/Challenge
According to the trainers and doctors, JJ would not be medically cleared to wrestle until her shoulder healed. This process took a lot longer, as it was impeded by her constantly showing up on RAW anyways. Several weeks in a row, she had become involved in one way or another in matches that involved Triple H and/or Edge.
RAW, backstage , no cameras
"JJ! IF YOU STOP COMING, DON'T YOU THINK YOUR SHOULDER WOULD HEAL FASTER?"
"Yeah…but that would make it too easy. Oh, by the way Eric," she grinned, "two words: tic tac."
"What?"
"What don't you understand? Supercalafrajalistic-chronic halitosis, man!"
"How dare you speak to me that way!"
"Like this: YOU HAVE BAD BREATH! DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!
Eric could only gape and stutter at her. "How dare you?"
"What do you mean, how dare I? I do it to everyone; you're nothing special, bitch-off."
"It's Bischoff!"
"Could've fooled me!"
"You ungrateful little—"
"Little, what?" challenged an all-too-familiar deep Texan voice. Eric spun around. The Undertaker was glaring down at him. He backed off, stammering excuses. Taker watched him go, and turned to JJ.
"You don't have to rescue me, you know."
"I just don't want you to get hurt."
"Yeah, I can tell," she gestured to her shoulder, "what the hell do you want?"
"Can't a person just stop by to say hello anymore?"
"No. Society's paranoid. You're a celebrity, therefore you can't do anything anymore, without getting scrutinized with the utmost thoroughness, and a zero-tolerance policy. The smallest slip-up can bring you crashing to the bottom of the food chain faster than Big Show off a ladder. I blame the government.
"Hey! That sounded like a song! Gotta go, see you later." The Undertaker stared in amazement as she hurried off somewhere. He knew that Island To Discover had gotten back together, of course, but it was his personal opinion that it was a waste of time. He didn't tell JJ that, though, it would have crushed her, and then she would have crushed him.
Match: Kane vs. Edge
This is kind of unfair. It seems more like play than work. I almost feel sorry for Edge. Almost, but not quite. Heh-heh, prepare for some pain, you Canadian candy-ass! Such were the thoughts of the Big Red Machine at the beginning of the match, which actually turned into the entire match, as Edge was knocked out almost immediately by a thunderous right hand.
King: Wow, that's gotta go in the record books as the shortest match in history!
JR: That was incredibly quick. I think Edge needs medical attention.
I'm back!
And I'm better than ever…
Eric Bischoff strode confidently to the top of the ramp. "Edge?" He called. "Edge! I don't know whether or not you can here me, but I'm going to announce your match for next week."
King: Edge may not be fit to wrestle for a year after that blow!
"Edge, you were involved in the 5-on-1 match a while back, and since you assisted Triple H in illegally attacking JJ, you need to be punished. Edge, your opponent next week is…JJ, in a no-disqualification match!"
RAW, 2 weeks before Bad Blood
JR: We're back live on RAW, we want to thank you for inviting us into your home here tonight, and King, do you know what match is coming up next?
King: I sure do JR, it's the in-ring return of JJ, who will take on Edge in just a few moments.
JR: JJ has been out of action for several weeks with a partially dislocated shoulder, courtesy of Triple H.
King: Triple H? JJ received that injury in a match against the Undertaker! What are you talking about?
JR: True, but Triple H is the one who attacked JJ with a sledgehammer the night before.
King: So you don't think that JJ would have been injured at the hands of the Undertaker if it weren't for Triple H?
JR: That's exactly what I think.
King: That's the craziest thing I've ever heard.
JR: Nonetheless, King, JJ is back—woah, what's this?
The camera had cut to the General Managers' office, and he was standing face-to-face with JJ's opponent for the evening. Edge looked furious, and he had a huge bruise on the side of his face, from the match against Kane the week before.
"Eric, how could you put me in a match after what happened last week?"
"How could he not?" responded Teddy. "What happened last week wasn't really a match, it was more like something to fill fifteen seconds of the show."
"Who asked you?" snarled the Canadian.
"Edge!" It was Bischoff. "Like it or not, you are in a match, right now, against JJ, so I suggest you get your ass to that ring, and prepare to fight!"
Commercial
Edge had made his way to the ring during the break. He was now pacing back and forth like a caged animal. He had a microphone in his hand. The crowd started booing the second he raised it to his lips. He cast an eye at them, daring them to interrupt him again.
"I do not see the purpose in me pitting my undeniable, unbelievable, unbeatable, amazing talent against the likes of a wrestler like JJ," he spoke his opponent's name as though it were something foul and smelly. Before he could continue with his temper tantrum, he was interrupted by Steve Earle's Amerika Version 6.0 blasting through the sound system. JJ was storming down to the ring, being followed by a respectably sized group of people. Lillian also seemed grateful for the chance to shut Edge up so she could do her job.
Lillian: The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is a no-disqualification match. In the ring, from Toronto Canada, Edge! And his opponent, being accompanied to the ring by Island to Discover and—she paused, not immediately believing the last member of the group was actually there—the Undertaker, from Dallas Texas…JJ!
JR: Well, this is JJ's first sanctioned competition since the injury received several weeks ago to her shoulder, and you may notice that her entrance is a little different than it normally is.
King: Believe me, I noticed. I was talking to JJ earlier today, JR, and she told me that she he shoulder was still injured enough to prevent her from playing the guitar with her band.
JR: JJ's entrance is a little more traditional than it normally is.
King: Not much more. She also told me that she wants to compete tonight completely on her own. Looks like that didn't work out for her. He was right. JJ had wanted to come to the ring on her own this evening, but the band insisted on accompanying her, because they were too bored to do anything else. The Undertaker said he wanted to come with her just for support, but she had a funny feeling that he wanted to be there to save the day should anything go wrong. She hated him for it.
The match started rather uneventfully. Punches were exchanged, trash was talked, they sized each other up, and so on and so forth. The first bit of excitement came when Edge surprised JJ with a roll-up and hooked his feet on the bottom rope fore extra leverage.
In a flash, Taker had pulled him out of the ring and thrown him into the steel ring post. Just as he was about to attack Edge again, JJ leapt from the apron and caught him with what looked like a Bulldog. However, she released her hold well before he slammed into the ground. It seemed like she just wanted to be able to look him in the eye. After all, he was nearly a foot and half taller than her.
She was in his face as soon as he looked at her. She wasted no time in berating him for getting involved in her match. In fact, she yelled at him loud enough for the cameras to pick it up, so everyone watching at home heard what she said.
JJ: What the hell are you doing? I told you to stay out of it!
Taker: Did you see what he did? It's called cheating, perhaps you've heard of it?
JJ: I warned you, Dead Man. I told you to mind your own business. She paused here and rolled into the ring quickly to break up the impending double count-out. Now your gonna get the hell out of here. Before he could respond, she had seized him by the ear, the way a mother would discipline a small child, and was dragging him up the ramp. She could hear the referee counting again.
Three…
There was no way she would be able to throw him into the locker room without getting counted out. She looked for a quicker solution.
Six…
She found what she needed in the form of an empty chair and a free headset at the announce table. She threw the large man into the chair between JR and King and sprinted back into the ring. She just barely made it.
In the time that it had taken her to force the Phenom up the ramp, Edge had regained his composure and struggled back into the ring.
JR: And Edge catches JJ with a Spear. One, two and a kick-out.
King: Forget about JJ, JR! Look who's joined us here on commentary! It's the Undertaker!
JR: Certainly Undertaker one of the best Superstars of all-time. Undertaker, how do you feel about this match?
Taker: That information comes a terrible price. Are you willing to pay it?
JR: …uh…
Taker: That's what I thought.
King: I've got $22.47. Will that cover it?
Taker: --growls menacingly—
King: I'm shutting up now.
Taker: It's about time.
JR: Edge hammering away on JJ with thunderous right hands.
King: Speaking of thunderous right hands, do you remember what Kane did to Edge last week? One hit KO!
Taker: I taught him everything he knows.
JR: Really?
Taker: No.
JR: Speaking of teaching, King and I—mostly King—were wondering if it was you and Kane who trained JJ.
Taker: What makes you think that?
JR: Well, we saw her Chokeslam Trish Stratus back at Backlash, and we know that you two are somehow connected to her. Did you train her?
Taker: Well—
BOOM! Kane's pyro went off abruptly. In the ring, Edge had screamed at the sudden explosion and jumped into JJ's arms. She promptly dropped him on the ground and gave him a weird look. They both glanced towards the top of the ramp, but Kane wasn't heading for the ring. He was walking over to the announce table.
Taker: Where have you been?
Kane: Taco Bell.
Taker: Why?
Kane: Where else would I be?
Taker: Hmm…let's see…maybe…HERE?
Kane: Yeah, well, here doesn't have chalupas, now does it?
Taker: I swear I'm not related to you.
Kane: You want a chalupa?
Taker: NO!
Kane: Ok, suit yourself.
JR: So, anyways, were you two the one's who trained JJ?
Kane: Wouldn't you like to know?
Taker: When did you get a sense of humor?
Kane: They were on sale at K-Mart. Blue light special.
In the ring, JJ had finally given up on trying to beat Edge with a pin. She was too much smaller than him for it to work. She had taken to trying to get him to tap.
JR: Thumb to the eye by Edge.
Kane: You're just jealous because I've got chalupas and you don't.
Taker: Yes, I'm so envious of your good fortune, brother.
King: Edge is setting up for another Spear!
JJ saw Edge's plan just before he connected with his finishing move. She seized his arm and turned it into the only submission move she knew.
Taker: Did you teach her how to do that?
Kane: Yeah, right. Do I look like I need to use submission holds? Besides, I don't know how to do that anyways. JJ had caught Edge with a Crippler Crossface. He inched towards the bottom rope and was able to grab it. JJ was forced to break the hold.
JR: I think JJ may be growing a little frustrated that she can't beat Edge.
Taker: I really don't think she cares anymore.
Kane: Why do you say—oh. Never mind. JJ withdrew a ladder from beneath the ring. She slid it under the bottom rope with ease, but the referee immediately began yelling at her to get it the hell out of his ring. JJ cast the audience an over-exaggerated long-suffering look. Then, she nailed the ref with Dos Jotas, after which she placed Edge's right hand between the two sides of the ladder.
Taker: (Standing up) I think I know what's coming next.
Kane: (Also standing) Me too.
Audience: OOOH!
JJ had performed a leg-drop from the top rope onto the ladder, crushing her opponent's hand in it.
King: How the hell do you do a leg-drop onto a ladder and not get hurt?
Taker: You don't.
JJ limped to the side of the ring and supported herself on the ropes. She gingerly flexed her leg until the pain subsided. Then, she raised her hands into the air, index and pinky fingers extended. It was her signal for her infamous finishing move.
JR: Dos Jotas on Edge! One! Two! Three! It's over! JJ defeated Edge!
Kane: Well, that was fun.
Taker: Where are you going, brother?
Kane: You think I'm gonna hang around this place with nothing to do? Get real!
King: What are you doing, Undertaker?
Taker: You'll see. He left the announce table and strode purposefully to the ring. He grabbed a mike and spoke menacingly to Edge.
"Edge, you were unable to beat JJ, a child. A girl," JJ stuck her tongue out at him, "but, how do you think you'll fare against a dead man?" The crowd roared.
"Undertaker," Edge gasped in pain, "I think…my hand…is broken…I can't…wrestle…in this…condition."
"Don't worry boy. You don't have to wrestle me." He grinned sadistically. "You just have to bury me!" The audience cheered in approval. "And I won't…take no…for an answer!"
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