"Dale, where's Foxglove?" The other tamias
turned and replied, lowering his ears, slightly annoyed,
"I'm just fine, Chip. Excuse me, I need
some breakfast." With that, Dale padded into the kitchen, with his parents
following.
Everyone feared the worst at this point.
Chip then stood, ran out the door, and looked outside.
It was another fine day, with partly cloudy
skies. A perfect day to get married.
Foxglove wasn't there.
"No," he growled. "NO! You DIDN'T!! YOU'RE
STUPID, BUT NOT *THAT* STUPID!!" He whirled and saw Gadget at the door.
Both had their ears down now. He tried to reason, "No. Foxglove must have
gone into emotional shock. He must have comforted her, and had her sleep
someplace away from the park. There is NO REASON why he can't marry her!!
NO REASON!!!!" Gadget then took hold of his arm and led him back inside.
"Chip, I hope you're right. But now, only
Dale can tell us what happened, and he's going to need some time before
he can tell us." The sciurid shook his head in denial,
"He won't NEED time!! Foxglove is coming
here by sunset, and everything is going to be perfectly fine for both of
them!!" Gadget closed the door, led him to the couch, and sat him down.
She was about to hold him close too, but another knock on the door interrupted
her. Everyone perked their ears, looked at the door again, and prayed dearly
that Foxglove would be there. Gadget ran to the door, and opening it, she
asked,
"Foxy?"
"No, my name is Clark Jent. I'm a reporter
for the *Fur and Feather Journal and Picayune*." Everyone stared at the
tall brown ferret, who wore a red shirt and white cap. "I was sent here
two days ago to cover a wedding for our social column, a wedding of one—"
he pulled out a paper from his right pocket, "Dale Oakmont and one Foxglove—no
last name. A chipmunk and a bat, interesting combination. I got to the
pond just after you all learned that the bride had been kidnapped by one
of your enemies. Our sources tell us that you Rescue Rangers rescued the
bride. Is she and the groom in right now? I'd like to interview them—"
Gadget eyes flashed with sudden anger as she interrupted,
"The bride and groom are indisposed right
now, Mr. Jent." Pausing for a moment, she added, laying her ears back.
"And now that you mention it, so are we."
"Still? Hmm, I *thought* I had given you
guys enough time to recover from the emotional shock that this incident
might have brought. My boss wanted me to come yesterday, but I asked him
to be patient." Gadget calmed down and raised her ears again, but only
for a moment, as Clark continued, "Still, I have a column to fill. Could
you 'fill' me in on the facts of the kidnapping and rescue?" When Gadget
replied, with low ears again, even *she* was surprised to hear her voice
somewhat lower,
"I *could*, but I *really* don't feel like
it right now, Mr. Jent!!"
"All right, we'll skip that. What will
happen to the wedding now?" Gadget's mind went blank for 1.45 seconds upon
hearing this question. She *didn't* want to give the press something that
would make their enemies feel victorious. Thinking for another 6.83 seconds,
she replied,
"The wedding has been postponed, Mr. Jent."
"Really?" he asked casually. "I already
knew that. And when is the new ceremony going to be held?" Gadget had to
use every bit of self-control to avoid strangling this media representative.
Her tail stiffened, as she tried not to growl,
"The wedding has been postponed, Mr. Jent.
For security reasons, it will be held in an undisclosed place at an undisclosed
time, both of which will be disclosed to you one day later. Good-bye."
The ferret was about to ask another question but before he even finished
taking his next breath the door was already shut.
With angry ears and tail, Gadget went over
to the couch and sat next to Chip.
"Postponed?" he asked.
"I hope," she replied.
Dale opened the cupboard and was about to
get a candy bar, but then, something within him held him back. Or actually,
it was something that wasn't in him anymore. Dale felt confused for a moment,
seeing that he simply couldn't bring himself to get his favourite food.
With a sigh, he closed the cupboard, opened the refrigerator, and pulled
out an eighth of an apple. He sat at the table and practically had to force
the food down his own throat. His parents, looking at him with unbelievable
sadness and with drooped ears and tails, slowly sat in front of him. His
mother fearfully began,
"Dale? What—what happened?" Dale returned
a blank stare, swallowed, and replied with a sigh,
"What was supposed to happen…what…what
happened to Grandpa." His parents' hearts finished breaking at this point.
Both reached out to hold his paws, pausing his breakfast momentarily. Pierre
said,
"Dale, we're so sorry. But you already
know the whole story. You know that you can't lose hope because it won't
happen—"
"Again, yes, I know," Dale stated, pulling
back, lowering his ears. "Not with me, at least. No sirree, this generation
has paid the toll. But Dad," he looked at Pierre's eyes, "It *can* happen
again, with whoever comes after me, and whoever follows *him*!! It's never
goin' to stop!!!" Remembering Chip's words, Dalee said,
"Well, now dear, we don't know that for
sure. For all we know this could stop at any momen—"
"It already did," interrupted the young
tamias.
"What?" she asked in confusion, raising
her ears, as did Pierre.
"I said it already stopped. I finally figured
out how to stop this, and I'm *puttin'* a stop to this." His parents looked
at him even more confusedly.
"You figured it out?" asked Pierre, with
annoyance added to his confusion. "Then why didn't you do something before???!!!"
Again, Dale looked at his father with the same seriousness of the tragic
night.
"Because the Clown, the Goof-up, the Klutz,
and the Comedian convinced me not to."
"Dale! Don't talk about your friends that
way!!" exclaimed Dalee, ears stiffened up. Dale looked at her and sighed,
"Mom, I'm talkin' about ME. For a long
time *I've* been all those things. And all those things pushed me into
doin' somethin' I *knew* would lead to disaster. But I know better now.
I'm puttin' a stop to this. It won't happen again because I'm gettin' *rid*
of the Clown, the Goof-up, the Klutz, and the Comedian…and it won't happen
again because…" Dale gritted his incisors for a moment, trying to push
back the pain of what he was going to say, "Because I'm *not* goin' through
this again." He just couldn't look at his parents' faces now. He stared
at the table, trying to make himself eat again.
"Wh—what?" asked Dalee, drooping her ears
and beginning to cry again. Dale looked up a trifle and continued,
"Mom, Dad, you heard me. I'm not goin'
to pass this torch from hell to *anyone*, much less my cub and grandcub.
And the only way I can put a stop to this—is if I put a stop to *us*. Mom,
Dad, I'm not goin' to try again. I'm—" The pain was so intense he nearly
threw up. "I'm—remainin' single. I—won't look for anyone else. The only
way this curse will die is if the Oakmonts die. And I've decided to let
the curse die with me. No more Oakmonts will suffer this pain from hell."
He sat back and sighed, reflecting, "Maybe this will be the smartest thing
I've ever done, with all the goof-ups I've caused—"
Like watching a re-run on TV.
An exact copy of his exact thoughts 25
years ago.
And not only thoughts, but now, thoughts
brought to action: an EXECUTION.
A ghost of himself, his father, his grandfather,
every single ancestor, all rolled into one tortured 'MUNK—
This last statement caused Pierre to lay
his ears back, stiffen his tail, grind his incisors, sink his claws on
the table, stand slowly in an incredible rage, and snarl,
"DALE SEGOLEH OAKMONT———!!!!!" Dale almost
lowered his ears and shivered and cowered when he heard his father call
him by his full name, but a previous decision kept his serious look on
his face.
"Oh, by the way, Dad, I'm gettin' rid of
that name as well." Pierre enraged even more and leaned closer to his son.
"WHAT???!!! You mean you're killing your
Mohawk roots before their time as well???!!! Why not just kill yourself
and *us* right now???!!!" Dale continued to speak calmly,
"No, Dad, *I* already died. I died the
other night. And I should have said 'I'm *changin'* that name as well'.
'He who laughs' simply can't be a part of me anymore, not after all the
damage he's caused up to now." Dale's parents were speechless again for
a moment. So, he took this chance to explain, "Dad, I'm not cuttin' off
my roots. I'm just adjustin' them to the decision I made. As of today,
I'm Dale Hastahah Oakmont." Dalee gasped, paled, and nearly fainted. Her
whole life flashed before her eyes for a moment, or more precisely, just
the day of Dale's birth, and how instead of crying or whimpering, the cub
made strange noises which almost sounded like *laughter*. And now, her
son was not only rejecting the name they had given him, which had proved
to be quite prophetic, but he was now replacing it with its exact opposite.
Still shocked and enraged, especially by seeing his wife's reactions, Pierre
snarled again,
"But Dale, you can't change who you are
by just changing your name!!!" Dale replied with a deathly calm,
"You're right, Dad, but I'm changin' my
name *because* I'm changin' who I am." With veins nearly standing out from
his neck fur, Pierre asked,
"Well, 'he who grieves', just *what* will
you be grieving at?" Dale looked at his parents, then he looked down again,
and sighed,
"At what else? At the death of the Oakmont
line. At the death of Dale and Foxglove. At the death of a Goof-up, a Klutz,
a Clown—" His heart collapsed within him once more, as his voice cracked:
"…at the death of a Comedian…"
Pierre would have beat the tar out of his
son, but Dale's tone of voice and the shock and the suddenness of a nearly
literal death caused him to freeze after he stood. His whole body trembled
as his eyes reddened. Finally, he just leaned over and hugged his son tight,
whimpering. Dalee, too, broke down in tears and hugged them both.
But Dale didn't cry, for some reason…
One hour later, a freshly showered sciurid
stood outside the front door, looking at the sky, ears up and tail relaxes.
No chiropterid tears or scent remained on him now. He still refused to
talk to the other Rangers, and that was getting just a trifle unnerving
for them. But he would tell them, eventually, if they didn't know about
this already. At this point, his parents padded outside and hugged him.
"Give us a call whenever you need us,"
said Pierre, with sad ears and tail.
"I will."
"Oh, Dale, are you *sure* you won't come
home with us, even for a little while?" sobbed Dalee.
"I'm sure, mom. I—I've got a job here.
An important one. I can't let my feelin's get in the way of rescuin' others.
But I *will* keep in touch. And—I'm sorry you came all the way here for
nothin'." Pierre said,
"You—did what you had to do, son." With
that, they kissed him good-bye and climbed down the tree.
And they both knew that they would be the
only couple in their part of the forest without grandcubs…
Chap, Nikoma, and Phinehas gave their farewells
to the other Rangers and padded outside. Their features also expressed
their sadness.
"Are you *sure* you're gonna be all right?"
"I'm sure, Chap."
"You'd better. I think Chip's taking this
worse than *you* are!!"
"I'll talk to him, Nikoma. I'll talk to
all of them. I—have to move on. And, Phinehas, I'm sorry you never got
to do the ceremony. I'm sure you had somethin' big in mind, but, maybe
you'll be able to do it with Chip."
"Now, Dale, don't you keep talking that
way. For some reason, I don't think this whole thing is over yet—"
"Phinehas, please, just forget the whole
thing. It's over—it's—over—" Chip's relatives then hugged Dale and left.
Cheddarhead and Camembert followed. Their
ears and tails were down as well.
"Dale, lad, I must say that this is the
first divorce I've seen that 'appens afore the weddin'," said Camembert.
"My first time, too," replied Dale. "I
suppose you two know how I feel—"
"No, we don't," stated Cheddarhead. "We
may be divorced, but that was 'cause of differences that came o'er the
years. You—you released the one you loved—because you loved 'er. We're
sorry, lad." Monterey's parents hugged Dale and left.
Midge hopped out and said,
"Dale, I'm so sorry about this—"
"I'm sorry you flew all the way over here.
And, thanks for your help. I couldn't have rescued—" The chipmunk choked
on this last word and simply hugged the bird. Moments later, they broke.
"Keep in touch, will you?"
"I will. So long, friend." With that, the
swallowmaid flew off.
Tammy had just kissed Chip good-bye, and
for some reason, he did not mind that, and nor did Gadget. She padded outside
and looked at Dale. She was about to give her condolences too, but her
words disintegrated in her throat. Her eyes welled up, her ears and tail
drooped, and she embraced the chipmunk tightly, sobbing on his shoulder.
Dale did not cry.
He already did that the other night…
A few moments later, he said,
"Please, Tammy, you *really* should go
home now. Your mom and sister are probably worried about you." The teenage
squirrelmaid looked at the chipmunk and could only reply,
"Oh, Dale, I'm so sorry—I'm so sorry—"
Abruptly, she released him and ran back home.
Dale sadly saw her run off. From her reactions,
one would think *she* was the one who lost a loved one. Looking at the
sky one last time, Dale padded back inside.
He'd have to stop looking at the sky that
way now…
The other Rangers were waiting for him in
the living room, so he padded up to them and casually asked,
"Okay, guys, what's our next case?"
Chip then jumped at him and bonked him
with the biggest bonk he had ever given him, so big, he actually hurt his
left paw in the process. Before Dale could recover, Chip grabbed his Hawaiian
shirt and slammed Dale's back into the wall.
"DALE, WHERE IS FOXGLOVE," he growled,
laying back his ears and stiffening his tail. The others were shocked at
Chip's behaviour, but Dale remained calm, as if nothing had happened.
"She's probably sleepin' right now. Why?"
Looking at him with mad eyes, Chip growled,
"I'M GOING TO ASK THIS AGAIN, DALE: WHERE—IS—FOXGLOVE."
"I don't know, Chip. Now please let go
of my shirt." Chip, suddenly aware of his temper, slowly released his grip,
brought his ears up again, relaxed his tail, and asked him more calmly,
"Dale—Dale—what—what happened?" Dale wasn't
sure if he wanted to re-live the events of the other night. But still,
the others deserved to know. They *had* to know.
"Chip, why did you guys leave me here and
fly off to rescue Foxglove?" The others were somewhat surprised at this
question, thusly lowering their ears, except for Zipper. Chip replied,
"Um, well, Dale, because you fainted, and
we couldn't wait for you to wake up."
"And?" Chip looked at him as if *he* were
the one being interrogated.
"And—and—because she needed help right
away—"
"And?"
"And—because—because—we knew you'd go berserk.
We saw things that would have made you—made you—"
"Mess everythin' up, *again*?"
"Yes—NO!—I mean—"
"It's okay, Chip, you—you made the right
decision. I'm—I'm glad I didn't see the things you saw. I—could have got
everyone killed." Chip wondered if Dale was reading his mind, particularly
in a chapter *he* didn't even know existed.
"But what about Foxglove?" asked Zipper.
Dale took a deep breath and replied,
"Guys, I'm sorry we made you build the
new room. And—I'm sorry for all the times I fooled around and messed things
up. It won't happen again anymore. As for Foxglove—well, guys—I—I let her
go." Shocked beyond explanation, the Rangers looked at him with slack jaws,
ears, and tails. Moments later, Gadget laid her ears back and whimpered,
"B—but—why??"
"For the same reason you never chose me."
Gadget's mind, as well as everyone else's, went blank. Dale explained,
"Gadget, it all became clear to me the other night. You didn't choose me,
and you were right by not choosin' me. Foxglove—and you—deserve someone
who won't faint when you need help, someone who won't go berserk and put
you in danger, someone who won't fool around and get bonked on the head
over and over and over—" Chip winced here, "—someone without horrible enemies
that want to kill you—or your cubs—and that very much leaves me out of
it. Foxglove's gone to live with the bats." The others simply could not
believe they were hearing this, and much less hearing it from *Dale*. "But
don't feel too bad. I—I'm kinda relieved we all found out about this before
we made a stupid decision. Strange, isn't it? It was *Fat Cat*—our enemy—who
stopped us from makin' a HUGE mistake! And—there will be no more messin'
up by me. No more wisecracks, no more practical jokes, no more goofin'
off, no more clownin' around, no more stupid comments, no more jokes, nothin'.
The Comedian is dead. From now on, I'm a full-blooded Rescue Ranger. Now,
do we have a next case?" Chip stuttered,
"Um, well, no, but—"
"Then are we goin' to *look* for a case?"
"N—no. Dale—"
"All right, then, excuse me. I've got things
to do." With that, he padded back to his room. The others just looked at
him pad out to the hallway, and then they looked at each other, stupefied.
Moments later, Chip enraged once more and stormed off after his best friend,
leaving Monterey, Gadget, and Zipper by themselves.
"He—he—let her go—" she sobbed. Monterey
could only reply with sad ears and tail,
"I—I know, luv. But maybe Dale did somethin'
right for a change. You know the sayin': If you luv somethin', let it go…"
"If it comes back—it's yours forever…"
she continued. Zipper finished,
"And if it doesn't, it wasn't yours to
begin with—" Gadget looked at her father's best friend with shock, pain,
and confusion, and with low ears and tail, threw herself at him and cried.
And the only time that she had cried so
hard was on the day her father died…
Chip stormed into his room and saw Dale
packing all of his comic books and joke books into an empty milk carton.
Dale turned and asked,
"Say, Chip, can I borrow one of your Sureluck
Jones novels—?"
"DALEWHATINTHE######HELLDOYOU######THINKYOU'RE######DOING!!!!????"
Dale looked at his best friend more than surprised at this outburst,
"I'm packin' away my comics, do you have
a problem with that? Gosh, Chip, I never thought I'd see the day I'd hear
you cuss like that——"
"THAT'SBECAUSEI'VENEVERBEENSOSHOCKEDATYOUBEFOREDALE,"
he growled in response, and breathing *very* audibly. His ears were again
against his head, and his tail was as stiff as a board.
"What'swrongwithputtin'awaycomicbooks?"
he asked, also beginning to get riled.
"DALE***WHAT***AREYOUDOING???" Dale sighed,
stood up straight, padded over to him, looked at him in the eye, and replied,
"WhatdoesitlooklikeI'mdoin'?I'mburyin'myoldlife."
Calming down somewhat, relaxing his tail, and raising his ears, Chip asked,
"Dale, what—*what* *about* *Foxy*?" Dale
sighed again,
"She's better off without me. We realised
that the other night." Chip's mind simply could not register this fact.
"Whatdoyoumean'better'??!!Youtwowereperfectforeachother!!"
"PERFECT???!!!" he spat. "NowTHAT'Saninterestin'wordtodescribemeespeciallywhenit'scomin'fromYOU!!!!!"
Chip stood back a moment and lowered his ears upon hearing this accusation.
"AndjustWHATdoyoumeanbythat??!!" he spat
back. Dale looked at him for a moment as pain once again filled his eyes.
Finally, he explained,
"Do you know what it feels like to be insignificant,
Chip?"
"Huh?" Dale laid his ears back and explained,
"Sure. To see your friends, people you
would gladly lay down your life for without hesitation, to see them cringe
when you offer to help them with somethin'. And to have your advice, input
and thoughts on *any* topic instantly dismissed as worthless?" Chip suddenly
felt all his blood pool to his foot-paws. He never knew…"You, Chip, on
more than one occasion were ready to be believe that I had lost my mind
before you were willin' to believe that I was right about somethin'." Chip
suddenly felt a deathblow himself. "Or Gadget, of all people! Her words
are STILL ringin' in my ears all these years later: When we were in South
America, tryin' to find who was stealin' those cacao trees, and when I
showed you all where the trees were taken, Gadget uttered those cruel words,
'Golly! Could Dale be right after all?' As if the very idea of me bein'
right about somethin' was utterly unimaginable to her!! I would have expected
words like that from *you*, Chip, but not her. That—that was the worst
part…" Dale turned away for a moment. Chip was now robbed of all speech.
This was certainly something he had *never* considered. "Actually, no,
that *wasn't* the worst part," he continued, turning back to Chip. "The
worst was Paris. Chip, even though that nozzle exploded on me, I *knew*
I had messed up again. I *knew* I shouldn't have tried to get more cream.
But all I wanted was a little slack from *you*. *YOU*, being a Detective,
should have used your powers of observation to see that the nozzle was
faulty from the start. Still, you had every right to be angry with me,
but you didn't have to say that the Rescue Rangers would be better off
without me."
"Well, they wouldn't be—"
"Of course not, Detective. How long did
it take you to get out of that sewer?" Once again, Chip felt another blow.
It was because of the absence Dale's sensitive nose that they took so long
in finding their way to the correct storm drain. "But that wasn't the end
of it. I really thought Gadget would have backed me up, with her bein'
so smart and knowin' what was wrong with the nozzle. But she called me
a Goof-up as well, as did Zipper. And did you think I didn't notice the
way she said it? Monty was 'kinder', you might say, by callin' me a 'Comic
Relief', but at *least* he already apologised for that! And then you told
me to do somethin' I wouldn't mess up: *sight-seein'*. And do you think
I didn't hear you say that I would learn my lesson if you solved that case
by yourselves??!!"
"Dale, I—"
"But do you know what was the *truly* worst
part? Chip, I was *cryin'*. And how many of you came after me?"
Silence.
Chip could not say a single word.
"Yeah, you're just barely noticin' that,
aren't you? Chip, I was *one second* away from leavin' Paris and the Rescue
Rangers forever, if that was the thing that would have made you happy.
Fortunately for you, I got hit on the head right before I went to the train
station. And sure, later on you apologised, sayin' that the Rescue Rangers
wouldn't be the same without me. And you said that you'd never doubt my
abilities again. But tell me, Chip, *have* you doubted my abilities after
Paris?" Chip froze again. "Come on, Chip, I *dare* you to say NO." Dale
crossed his arms and waited one minute, but his fearless leader/best friend
would not say a word. "And not only you, my best friend, but Zipper, Monty,
and GADGET as well!! Boy, how I wanted to speak out. Of course, I couldn't
tell her that her words or her lack of faith in me was deeply woundin',
otherwise it would have hurt her feelin's. Which would have prompted YOU
to bonk me on the head for not being considerate of HER feelin's!!! Am
I right, Mister Maplewood???!!!" Despite all his outward denial, Chip knew,
he *knew* that those would have been his exact reactions. "I've admired
you from the first day we met, Chip. When you decided to make a rescue/detective
organization, I jumped right in. I was your best friend *and* I wanted
to feel important. But do you think it's been easy for me bein' a Rescue
Ranger? Here I am, day after day, surrounded by a detective who is equal
to or better than Sureluck Jones, an inventor who can build things that
baffle science, a legendary adventurer, a fly who can knock you down once
he finds your balance point, and here I am, Dale: the Cowardly, Dim-witted
Klutz!!!"
"D-Dale—"
"Do you have any idea how small and unimportant
I have felt *bein'* a part of this group? It often feels that if it wasn't
for occasional bits of dumb luck, my presence would add nothing."
"Now Dale, that's not—"
"Have *you* ever felt insignificant, Chip?"
he interrupted, derailing once again Chip's train of thought. Before he
could even think about that question, Dale continued, "I think not, but
I have, *ALL* *MY* *LIFE*!!! You think you're so tough and bold, Chip,
or *any* of you for that matter. Try paddin' in my shoes for just *one
day* and know what if feels like to be worthless. What if Gadget lost her
prodigious intellect? Would you start bonkin' *her* on the head if she
started doin' or sayin' dumb things?" Once more, Chip stood in shock. He
had never considered that option, not in the least. "What if Monty wasn't
big and strong? What if Zipper suddenly started makin' jokes and wisecracks?
What if YOU lost your detective abilities? Imagine these things and know
what it's like to be Dale. What it's like to be the Comedian." Chip was
not only robbed of all speech, but of all thought as well. So many things
he had taken for granted, so many things he had overlooked, so many times
he, and the others, had hurt Dale without even knowing it. Dale looked
away from him for a moment, and continued, "Even before we came to the
city, it has always been like that. You know we've not only fought for
Gadget, but for other females as well. And they all seemed to like *you*
better. And even those who remotely SEEMED to like me more……Chip, I've
never heard from them again. They talked to me once or twice, and they've
*never* come back." He then counted off his digits, "Not Clarissa, not
Clarice, not Chi-Chi, not Lucy, *NONE* OF THEM EVER CAME BACK!!!!!!" Dale
fumed to himself for a moment, trying to control his rage. He continued
with stiff ears and tail, "If I suddenly left, I know now that Gadget would
not even *think* of goin' after me, just like the time in Paris!! *She*
would be *another* who would simply NOT come back and *NEVER* give another
thought about me AGAIN!!!"
"Nowyoujustholdonthere—"
"I'MNOTFINISHEDHERE," Dale suddenly growled.
He paused again, as his throat knotted again, and as his chest pressed
against him as well. "But—but then, one fine night, I found myself fallin'
twenty feet off a lamppost, by my stupidity again, what a surprise, and
out of nowhere, a bat flew by and saved my life. Not five seconds later
she began flirtin' with me. Chip, she had never seen me before, she didn't
know me or what I did, or even my name—*I*DIDN'TKNOWHERNAME######IT!!!!
And then she started lookin' at me like no female has ever looked at me
before. Not Clarissa, not Clarice, not Chi-Chi, not Lucy, much less *Gadget*
had ever looked at me like that. Chip……I was scared to death of her. Not
just because she was a bat and of all the things I *thought* I knew about
bats……but……" Dale's paws trembled a trifle, as finally, his actions and
thoughts and feelings coalesced into words, "…but because she thought of
me as *significant*, Chip. No one's ever thought of me that way before.
Not *you*, not *Gadget*, not *Monty*, not *Zipper*, not those other females,
*no one*. I had no idea how to react other than to push her away. When
she left the first time, I thought I was right, as you were *always* right:
that I was *really* insignificant and she never really meant anythin' of
what she did to me, and that she was *exactly* like all the other females
who had even *bothered* to talk to me. Then—then—" He paused again, as
his voice nearly cracked. "Then she came back, Chip." Dale's eyes were
filled with pain once more. "No one has ever done that to me. She—she was
the first one to ever came back—to *me*, Chip———she came *back* *to* *ME*.
I had *no idea* what to do. And—and——so I——I got scared all over again.
I decided to try to be a good friend and not say anythin' that would hurt
her feelin's, which I STILL stupidly messed up again, what a surprise here,
and—then I suddenly saw that I'd lost her to a RADIO. You know, I was ABOUT
to tell her that she could take her radio back to her home, thinkin' she
would and then she and her radio would never come back and live happily
ever after the end. But———when she got captured———I————*I*——felt captured
too, Chip. I didn't know what was happenin' to me. Until I looked at her
eyes. And then everythin' fell into place. Finally, I had someone who really,
*really* believed in me. Someone who *wouldn't* consider my ideas insignificant
or worthless. Someone who *gladly* accepted my help. Someone who *wanted*
to hear my thoughts and ideas. Someone who *loved* the Comedian. I felt
*important*, Chip. I finally thought that after all this time, I was *really*
worth somethin' after all. You thought we were perfect for each other?
Well, we thought so too. But—but—" Suddenly Dale stood to Chip's face and
chattered, "Butweweren't!!Sodon'tyoutellMEanything'aboutbein'PERFECT!!!TheComedian'snogoodforherandifhewasthenhewouldn'thavefaintedwhenhereadFatCat'snotewouldhe??!!YOUwouldn'thavefaintedright??"
Chip pondered for a moment on what would have happened if Fat Cat had kidnapped
Gadget and left *him* a similar clue. And all he could answer was,
"N—no."
"Andyouknewthat.Andyou*also*knewthatIwouldhavegoneberserkandmessedupagainateveryone'sriskright?"
"Well, yes—"
"So there you have it. She was wrong about
me, and you were right once again. You've *always* been right. The Comedian
could never live up to anyone's expectations. Not hers, not mine, and not
yours. That's why I'm killin' the Comedian and startin' again." With that,
Dale turned around, relaxed his ears and tail, and padded back to the box.
But Chip wasn't through.
"Andyoulethergojustlikethatthen??"
Dale stopped.
He turned to him again, and slowly replied
with a pained voice,
"'Just like that', you ask?" He padded
back to him and continued with tight fists, clenched incisors, flat ears,
and stiff tail, "'Just like that'?? ChipI**DIED**thatnight!!AndFoxydiedtoo!!"
Turning aside, he raised his paws and reflected, "You know, you just don't
wake up one day and say to yourself, 'Zowie! This looks like a fine day
to kill myself *and* my Significant Other!' Chip, that was the most horrible
decision I've ever had to make. Now, I'm startin' over again." But for
some reason Chip still could not understand.
"But Dale, why do you think those were
perfectly good reasons to let her go? I mean, you *have* been getting more
serious lately—"
"Chip, Fat Cat also saw a chance to get
all of us, and he made good use of it. Can you imagine what would have
happened if he had got not only Foxy, but also my three cubs and *your
son*??!! There's no way we could get married, not with danger being all
around us!!" Chip's features twisted and stiffened at this. With an accusing
index digit in front of him, he hissed,
"That'stheLAMESTexcuseyou'veevercomeupwithyouIDIOT!!You'rejustsayingthatbecauseyoumadeyourselfbelieveaLIEthatALLofthishappenedbecauseofyoufamily'sso-calledcurse!!"
Dale growled back,
"Somyparentstoldyouaboutthat.WellI'llhaveyouknowthatyou'reWRONG!!IoncehadtheVERYdimhopeofbeatin'youandwinnin'Gadgetoverandmarryin'*her*!Andyoucouldverywellseethatnocursewasstoppin'mefromtryin'!!ButwhenIfellinlovewithFoxglovethememoriesofwhatmyparentstoldmestartedtohauntme.ButIkepttellin'myselfthatthosewerejustcoincidencesandthattherewasNOWAYitcouldhappentousnotevenwiththeenemieswehavenow!!
That's why—I fainted—whenIsawthenote.Azilliongenerationsofcurses—hitme——IN
MY INSIGNIFICANT *FACE*!!!!!"
"ButDaleFoxglovewasrescued!!YOUrescuedher!YOUrescuedUS!!AndyouDIDN'Tmessup!!YouprovedyourselfmorethanWORTHYofher!!"
"IalreadytoldyouwhyIlethergo.And—don'tworryaboutme:Gadget'sallyours—andIwon'tseekanother."
Chip infuriated again when this last phrase reminded him of what Pierre
said.
"So*you're*goingtodothehonorsthen?" he
asked, crossing his arms.
"Huh?Whathonors?"
"You'regoingtodowhatyourfathercouldn'tbringhimselftodo:you'regoingtoremainsingleandlettheOakmontline*die*."
"YouhaveaproblemwiththatMisterMaplewood?"
"DALEAREYOUCUH-RAZY?????!!!!!" It was Chip
who had his paws in the air now.
"IfIwas'cuh-razy'IwouldhavemarriedFoxglovealongtimeagoandrightnowIwouldhavesixteencubsnotgivin'theleast######aboutthemormygrandcubsconcernin'thiscurse!!
Soyou'rerightChip.I*will*dothehonors." Dale sighed.
"With me, the Oakmont line—and this curse—comes to an end. It's about time
I finally did somethin' significant." Satisfied with this, Dale relaxed
again and continued packing away his comics. But Chip would not give up
so easily. Still with stiff ears and tail, he continued,
"Daleyoubrokethelaw." Dale looked up and
shook his head,
"Huh?Whatlaw?"
"Don'tyouremember?AgentsMulderandScullyplacedFoxgloveunderourcustodyunderYOURcustodyandunderalifesentence!!"
"NoChipthey*recommended*alifesentence.Theyneversaidforhowlongshewouldhavetobewithus.AndIthinksheservedhertimewellandsheisnowmorethanabletore-enteranimalsocietydon'tyou?"
Chip slowly wiped his face with his left paw.
"DaleFoxgloveisALSOaRescueRanger.HerdecisiontoleaveaffectsALLofus!!Whydidn'tyouATLEASTtellusaboutthisbeforesheleft??"
"Chip—you—you just had to be there when
it happened. She did not abandon us—she resigned. Just leave her alone."
"Oh?Andwhatwillyoudoifshesuddenlyreturnstohercriminalpast?"
Dale stiffened his features again and growled,
"FromwhatshetoldmethatnightI*really*doubtthatwillhappen.ButifitdoesthenIguessI'lljusthavetohelpyouguyshuntherdownanddefeatherwon'tI?"
Chip looked at his best friend with total incredulity. Not only had he
released his ultimate love, but also he would not seek another, *and* he
would treat Foxglove like a criminal if he had to.
"DaleYOU'REINSANE!!!Andwhat'sallthisaboutacomedianbeingDEAD??"
Calming down with difficulty, Dale explained,
"Chip—ChipI*was*insane—but no more. The
Comedian I was is now *gone*, *dead*, and *buried*. And why aren't you
glad I'm no longer a clown? Isn't that what you always wanted? For me to
stop foolin' around and help you solve cases without messin' up? Didn't
you say that you thought the Rescue Rangers would be better off without
me? Well, surprise. They *are* better off without the Goof-up, the Clown,
and the Comedian. And as of today, the Rescue Rangers are goin' to improve.
Because that is exactly what I am goin' to do now: I'm killin' the Goof-up,
the Clown, and the Comedian. Chip, I'm sorry for all the times I've messed
things up because of my clownin' around. From Day One I've been messin'
up, and I can only guess you haven't fired me because I'm your best friend.
I abused of your friendship, Chip, and I've caused you and the others to
say all those things about me, and I'm terribly sorry I did, and……now that
I look back, I see that you were right……in sayin' what you said. But I
won't abuse of you friendship, or anyone else's, anymore. As of now, the
Goof-up, the Clown, and the Comedian is dead." Chip simply could not believe
that this was the same happy-go-lucky chipmunk who was ready to get married
two days ago—
Suddenly, he ran up to him, grabbed his
shirt again, and growled,
"ALLRIGHTDITZWHATHAVEYOUDONEWITHDALE??????!!!!!!"
Dale looked at his best friend with low ears and tail and tremendous sadness.
"You don't know how much I wish I *was*
Ditz, Chip. If I was, then the real me would have already escaped from
his spaceship and Foxy and I would be havin' our honeymoon on the actual
moon—"
"DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Dale stiffened again, grabbed Chip's jacket and chattered,
"CHIPI'M**NOT**DITZ!!! ANDIT'S***OVER****!!!!FOXGLOVEIS**GONE**!!!THECOMEDIANIS**DEAD**!!!"
Silence.
Slowly, they released each other.
Their ears came back up again, and their
tails relaxed.
Breathing deeply, Chip said,
"I'm sorry, Dale. I'm sorry for what happened
to you—and Foxglove. If you need anything, I'm on the lower bunk."
"Thanks, buddy. I'm glad I can count on
you. And—I'm glad Foxglove was the *only* friend I lost." Chip then saw
Dale take his last issue of "The Red Badger Of Courage" and place it in
the carton, along with his joke books, and his Iron Goose tapes. He then
closed the carton and placed it neatly in a dark corner of the closet,
in a dark corner of his life.
Neatly?
Dale then went to the bookshelf and asked,
"So, can I borrow one of your novels?"
"Uh, sure, just don't mess up the order
they're—"
"I won't. And thanks."
"Dale, again, I'm sorry I yelled at you,
and for all that I said to you. And—you're *not* insignificant—you never
were—never—"
"Forget it, pal, it's all in the past—all—in
the past—" Dale then climbed on his bunk and prepared to read the novel
while hanging from his ankles, but just as he reached that position, he
blinked and said, "Oh, sorry. Old habit." He raised himself up, sat on
his bed, and began reading.
Chip looked at his best friend with low
ears and tremendous sadness. Dale *had* killed himself. The Comedian was
truly dead.
And a part of *him* had just died too,
for some insane and unknown reason…
…and that reason was driving him insane,
for it was unknown, and far beyond his own capacity of logic, analytical
thinking, and deductive reasoning, to figure out what it was…