Disclaimer: SM owns all things Twilight. I'm just lucky enough to be able to give Bella a much needed attitude adjustment.

A/N: First: So sorry about taking so long to update. RL and internet issues. Bah. Still having net problems so I'll get the updates to you as soon as I can.

Wow. 180+ reviews. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

And Madam Akyria of The Twilight Muses rec'd my story on their blog! http:// thetwilightmuses. blogspot. com (take out the spaces). I'm totally blown away! This is such a fun story to write and to hear that you are all enjoying it just makes my day! Madam Akyria (Musings of Akyria on FFn) has a very interesting story called Phantasmagoria. Go check it out and show her some love.

Annnd... apparently someone nominated me for a Gigglesnort Award for Best Bella. Who did this? I want to thank you. Nominations are open until May 14th. If you like NLTR's Bella, go nominate it. Only the top nominated go to voting. http:// gigglesnortawards. mmmboptastic. com

Originally this chapter was going to be all BPOV but after many requests, I decided to add a little JPOV for the kitchen scene. And thanks to Script Tease for giving me a little male perspective. Enjoy.

Chapter Seven: The Perks of Being a Whitlock

JPOV

"Who the fuck are you and what have you done with Bella Swan?" I have to ask because this certainly isn't the same little girl the Cullens left five years ago.

"Bella Swan died, Jazz. Now, I'm just me and you find me enchanting." She's right, I do. Hell, we all do.

"You can always be a Whitlock." As the words fall out of my mouth, I realize how true this offer is. She is family. A flicker of a conversation Peter and I had a century ago ghosts it's way into my head and looking at Peter and Char, an overwhelming amount of love pouring off them, I think maybe she always has been.

"Bella Whitlock, I like it."

"Then it's settled. Welcome to the family, sugar." Bella looks like a kid in a candy store, like we've just offered her the world.

"I'm going to go and get dried off. You kids be good." She says, wiping the shit eating grin off her face and scurrying into the house. The rest of us follow, grabbing towels and making our way inside to change.

I grab a t-shirt and pair of jeans from the duffel that Peter apparently packed for me and change quickly. I look around, wondering what I should do next when Charlotte appears in my doorway.

"Take a walk with me?" Char asks. She's pulling me out the door and I realize that nobody says no to Charlotte. Not in any mean way, you just wanted to do what she wanted. I always wondered if that was her power. Not that she would admit it if it was.

"Are you sure we should leave Bella alone with Peter? I mean, what if-"

"Oh, please!" She scoffs. "The world would have to end before Peter let harm come to Bella. She's one of us, Jasper. I know you know this. Have you not noticed the way he's been looking at her?"

"I know." I follow her down the quiet street, soaking in the events of the last day. "Do you think-"

"Ya, Jazz. She is."

"How did I not notice before? When she was with Edward, I mean."

She shrugs. "I dunno. Maybe because she was with Edward. Maybe she wasn't ready."

"Maybe I wasn't ready." I mumble. I wasn't ready then, I had Alice and she controlled the world. My world. I hadn't even been allowed to speak to Peter and Charlotte in years.

"Maybe," she muses. "But you do now, right? She makes us complete. A true family."

"She does." I smile and lose myself in thought. I could kill Alice for what she's done to her. Bella is kind and fucking beautiful, she's quite possibly more than we deserve.

"It's getting light out. We better head back."

We reach the house and I sigh at the amount of lust Bella and Peter are putting out. Char smirks and raises her eyebrows suggestively. I know that look. Hell, I've missed that look. Char and I haven't had a roll in the hay in a good sixty odd years. Alice would've never allowed it. She didn't understand, called it disgusting.

How someone can ever call such beauty disgusting is beyond me.

I kiss her hard and fast, pushing us through the door. I set her on the kitchen counter, slowly pulling her dress up, letting my finger run softly up the lengths of her thighs.

"Stop fucking teasing me Jasper."

I smirk at her before dropping down, my tongue replacing my fingers. When I finally reach her clit, a low growl escapes me. Char moans and throws her head back into a rack of pots that are hung above the stove. Seriously, who the fuck hangs pots?

"You fuckers better disinfect my counters when you're done. I eat in there!" Bella shouts. Oops. I guess we were a little louder than I thought.

"Apparently, so does Jasper." Peter tells her. At first, I wonder how Bella will react to this, but then I hear her giggle. The sound of it is infectious and soon we all join in.

"Uh-oh. Looks like the Jazzman is having some performance anxiety." Fucking Peter. Cockblocker.

Peter continues his commentary to Bella and Char nearly falls off the counter she is laughing so hard, but the vibrations are causing new things to happen until she moans softly at the new position.

"Don't you dare stop, Major!" She whispers. I never had any intention of stopping.

I plunge two fingers inside her and continue working her clit with my tongue. It doesn't take long before her breathing speeds up and I feel her muscles tighten.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," she chants. There are only two times when Char curses; orgasms and anger.

"Your turn," she tells me as she undoes my pants with a flick of her fingers.

I sigh as she wraps her lips around my cock. This moment, this family, my family, is perfect.

Shit, Char gives the best blowjobs.

And that's just one of the perks of being a Whitlock.

BPOV

I hate mornings. Or afternoons. Whatever the fuck you want to call that period of time when you wake up. I yawn and stretch and scrunch my eyes against the blaring Arizona sun that is pouring through my window. I almost miss the dreary gray of Forks on days like this. Almost.

A quick glance to the nightstand clock reveals it's eleven. Too early. My body protests movement. I need coffee and hold the fucking phone! Why am I naked? And why is my favorite shirt torn and tattered on the floor? I didn't drink that much last night, did I? Oh.

OH!

That shit really happened?

I replay last night in my head and yes, yes it did. Holy fuck!

"I had sex with Peter." I'm pretty sure I didn't mean to make this little proclamation out loud, but it's far too early to engage the filter. And in a house full of vampires, I really shouldn't have been surprised when I received a reply.

"Yes, you did." Char sneers as she walks into my room and I have to admit, for a minute I'm a little fucking worried.

"Ummm... Where are the boys, Char?" Stall. I can do that. She won't hurt me if the boys are around.

"They went out for a bit. It's just us girls now." She smiles fully, showing her brilliantly white teeth.

Shit. I'm about to piss the pants that I'm apparently no longer wearing, thanks so much Peter, when she smiles and hands me a piece of paper that says; "Play along."

She gives me a wink and tilts her head in the direction of the door to let me know they are listening. I roll my eyes and nod. Silly boys.

Let the games begin.

"Well, Char... No disrespect. I know he's your husband and all and he's got mad timing skills, but he's, shall we say, a little small for my taste."

"Hmm." She pretends to contemplate. "I get what you're saying."

"So what about Jazz? How was it and please tell me you made him clean up."

She laughs. "See now, that's the hitch right there, sugar. I had the opposite problem with Jazz."

"Hmmm. Too bad we can't combine them."

"I hear ya. We could teach them a trick..."

"You know, Char, it's really too bad that the smell repulses you, cause the wolves man," I sigh, all over-dramatic and wistful. "The wolves had size and skill. There was this one time-

"That's it!" Peter interrupts, bursting through the door and tackling Charlotte. I'm struggling to hold back the fit of giggles I can feel making their way up my throat, but Char's still got her game face on.

"What the hell, Peter?" She asks as she ducks out of his hold and swings her arm around me. "We were having girl talk. You better not have been listening." Char scolds like a school teacher. Or a catholic nun. You know, someone with no real authority other than the ruler they use to slap children's knuckles. Except Char obviously has some weird voodoo authority, and she prefers to remove body parts.

"Oh we were listenin' all right. You girls aren't very nice." Jasper lectures, his tone matching Charlotte's.

"Say it ain't so, girls?" Peter pouts. Mr. Cool pouting it a sight.

"Really, Bella? The dogs?" Asks Jasper as his grip on the door tightens.

"Calm down, Princess Jazzerella. I only slept with two or three of them. It's not like I fucked the whole pack."

Peter and Jasper start to growl and Char and I lose it.

"I'm kidding. The wolves were my brothers, trust me, I wasn't about to go there." I say in between laughs. Better to not tell them about the vamps in my past just yet.

This seems to relax them and we settle into easy conversation. That is, until I notice Peter's hand sneaking it's way up Char's skirt.

"Jesus, guys! You have your own room. Stop groping each other in mine. Stupid, horny vampires."

Looking somewhere between amused and embarrassed, they rush out the door, leaving Jasper and I laughing on my bed.

"So... Bella Swan." Jasper leans against the headboard of my bed and looks at me expectantly.

"Whitlock." I correct and he smiles a smile that puts the morning sun to shame.

"Bella Whitlock." He laughs. "It really does suit you."

"I think so too. Bella Swan was too much trouble. Bella Whitlock kicks ass and takes names."

"It would seem so."

"How are you doing, Jasper? You know, with everything?"

"Honestly Bells, up until yesterday I was a mess. I only just left the Cullens cause Carlisle was bitching about me projecting. I just... I spent so much time relying on Alice and changing to be what she wanted, I forgot myself. I didn't know how to exist without her."

Well, this just won't do. I sit up, tucking the sheet around me and straddle his legs, grabbing his face in my hands.

"Man the fuck up, Whitlock. You are a vampire. A warrior. Plus, you're hot as fuck. Seriously. The wardrobe change is a big improvement. Get it?" I ask as I give him a soft kiss on the cheek and move to snuggle into his side. "You being you is perfect."

"Thanks, doll," he says as he wraps his arm around me and pulls me tighter against him. "You know, it weird but us being here with you, I don't know. It feels like we're whole."

"Aw, Jazzy. Are you saying I complete you? Cause, you had me at hello."

He chuckles, and rolls his eyes before we lapse into a silent understanding.

"Bella?" He calls, breaking me out of my trance.

"Hmm?"

"I'm glad you're not dead."

"Me too. My life may suck, but I really do prefer to not be dead. That would be boring."

"It would be boring, Baby Whitlock."

"Yes, it wou- Hey! Baby Whitlock? What the fuck?"

"Easy Bella. You are the baby of the family. It makes sense." He tells me matter-of-factly.

I can only glare. Baby Whitlock. "Does that make you great grandpa Whitlock then?"

He scowls and is about to come back with some witty retort when my cell vibrates off the nightstand.

You need to call me ASAP. You'll love this. Alice finalized the wedding party. ~Jane

I laugh and show the text to Jasper.

"Bella, how is it that Edward doesn't read in the minds of the Volturi that they talk to you? I don't understand that."

"Well, it's kinda confusing. See, at first, when I could block Jane and Aro, they thought I might be a shield. It took us awhile to figure out that that's not exactly it. You remember how Edward was always saying that I had no sense of self-preservation?"

He nods, his expression almost tactical.

"Well as it turns out, I have the best sense. Or I will once I become a vampire. The best way I can explain it, is that to a vampire's powers, I simply don't exist."

"But of course you exist." He says skeptically.

"Jazz, if I didn't have a heartbeat and you closed your eyes and stopped breathing, would you be able to find me?"

He thinks on this for a minute before he smiles. "I guess not. But that still doesn't explain how Edward can't read it in somebody else's mind."

"Think about it. Every thought and feeling I have doesn't exist to a vampire, I don't exist there. Someone who doesn't exist can't be hurt, or have a future, they can't have a conversation. Does that make sense? On the level of gifts alone, I'm only a memory. Forgotten before I was ever there. I'm still learning to slow it down, pick and choose where I'm seen, but I'm getting better at it. Like Aro can read Alice's thoughts of me, but Edward can't and I let you feel what I was feeling the other night."

"Fuck," he breathes.

"I know. If you add in my instincts, like I said, the best sense of self-preservation."

"Who the hell would've guessed that self-preservation could be a gift?"

"It is pretty awesome. Plus, it drives Aro crazy that he can't read what I'm up to. Chelsea officially named me the Royal Secret-Keeper. As long as I don't speak about it, it never happened."

We laugh and I flip my phone open to call Jane when I suddenly notice the air swirl and thicken. Fuck. Not now.

"Bella, what's wrong?" Jasper's tone must have indicated the look of horror on my face because quicker than lightning Mr. Cool and the music box are dressed and standing in my doorway.

"You fuckers are supposed to have the super-senses. Don't you know?"

Charlotte and Peter look as confused as an infant in a topless bar, but Jasper seems to have caught my drift. I watch as he sniffs the air and crouches in front of me.

"Vampires," he explains.

Fuck. I still don't have any clothes on.

A/N: Sorry about ending it there, but it was necessary. I'll get the next update to you as soon as I can. Love it? Hate it? Review and let me know.

If you haven't already, go read Becoming Bella Swan by BellaFlan. It's... wow... just wow. Read it.