Chapter 6: Manipulating Mary
"Michael don't you want to join?" Jane asked.
"Why would I want to follow you lot around all afternoon?"
"Oh come on, you could do with some fresh air you know."
"I have plenty more books to read," Michael chuckled. "Have a good time with Mary Poppins though."
Jane smiled. Though she did enjoy teasing Michael about his bookishness, she knew he was very smart and would likely go to a prestigous university very soon. Besides, not having Michael around meant she'd get a chance to really talk with Mary Poppins. After exiting the room she pulled her gloves on tight and primly made her way down the stairs just in time. Mary Poppins was straightening Barbara's hat one last time before they set off, and with a nod to Jane she grabbed both twins by the hand and out the door they went.
"Jane's coming with us?" John asked as he noticed his older sister following along behind his nanny. Craning his head back was causing him to fall behind from Mary Poppins' quick stride.
"John if you can't keep up with me then I shall have to leave you behind," Mary sniffed. "Yes, your sister is joining us on our outing."
"Come along John," Jane smiled. "You can hold my hand."
Mary Poppins came to a halt and gave Jane a quick glare, but John had already slipped out of her hand and into Jane's. She winked at Mary as she came up beside her. They set off walking again, side by side, each one pulling along one of the twins. Mary's nose turned up slightly but there was a smile in her eyes that indicated to Jane that she didn't mind in the least. Jane knew Mary well enough to know when she was truly upset, but she also recognized that the nanny had to keep up appearances in front of her younger siblings.
"I had some of the cookies you baked yesterday with mum," Jane said, acknowledging both of the twins.
"Really?" Barbara asked. "What did you think?"
"Excellent," Jane trilled. "But I think they could use more chocolate."
Barbara and John giggled at the idea. Mary let a small, satisfied smile break out on her face, and Jane's eyes twinkled at her reaction.
"Did you ever bake with mum?" John asked. Mary let out a small "Ha!" and then it was Jane's turn to glare at her former nanny. The glare only caused Mary to raise one eyebrow.
"Well," Jane began. "There was one time when Michael and I were being rather naughty-"
"You were naughty?" Barbara asked, astonished. The little girl had only ever known her older sister to be kind and wonderful. She had a hard time picturing Jane as a naughty little girl.
Mary had managed not to laugh again, but she had a rather endearing smile on her face and her eyebrows were still raised in amusement and anticipation.
"Oh I was very naughty when I was your age," Jane smiled. "Well, I was naughty sometimes," she said sadly, remembering the old days when she and Michael had acted out to gain the attention of their parents. Their lives had changed drastically after Mary Poppins had arrived, but sometimes Jane remembered what it had been like before. She was glad that John and Barbara hadn't experienced any of the feelings she had as a very young girl. Mary noticed her somber tone and she stopped smiling, her look was unreadable to Jane.
"Well, anyway," Jane said, shaking off her thoughts. "Your older brother and I had gone to the kitchen where Mrs. Brill had baked a cake for one of mother's tea parties. We decided that we were going to ice it instead of Mrs. Brill."
John and Barbara peered at each other in front of Mary and Jane, excited with this new information about their sister.
"Poor Robertson Ay," Jane laughed. "We terrorized him and then demolished the whole kitchen."
"Demolished?" Barbara asked, trying the new word out.
"We positively ruined it," Jane said, her eyes alight with laughter.
"Wow," John breathed.
"Wow is right," Mary stated gravely.
"Yes, if it wasn't for Mary Poppins we would have ruined mother's whole day. We learned a very important lesson that day, and it certainly wasn't how to ice a cake."
Jane and Mary's eyes met and an understanding passed between them. Mary knew she changed lives, but hearing Jane recant just how she helped her, in at least one way, was incredibly uplifting. Jane gave her a half-smile, glad to give Mary the support she so desperately needed right now. Both women slowed down, twins in tow, as they entered the wrought-iron gates to the park.
"Run along, Jane and I will be at the bench," Mary said, letting go of Barbara's hand and allowing the twins to go running off to stretch their legs and use some of their stores of energy for the day. They knew not to wander far, and they were very good at keeping themselves busy. Jane knew her opportunity had finally come, and she excitedly took Mary's arm in hers and practically whisked her over to the bench at once.
"Calm down Jane, and don't tug at me so," Mary exclaimed with a laugh, brushing her sleeves with her gloved hands before sitting down beside Jane on the pristine park bench. "I suppose I'm to receive an interrogation and not the quiet day at the park like I'd planned."
"I think you were fully aware when you allowed me to come with you today that you were going to tell me about your unexpected day off," Jane smiled.
"I never explain anything," Mary huffed, giving Jane her best glare. Jane simply laughed at her.
"You know, there was a time when that worked on me splendidly, but you're going to have to do better than that," Jane said, arching an eyebrow in amusement. "Don't you confide in anyone Mary Poppins?"
"That's none of your business," she snapped.
"Well I'm going to assume that's a no then," Jane chuckled softly. But she grew serious and studied Mary's face as she gazed out at the park and kept an eye on the twins. "You don't even tell Bert anything, do you?"
Mary's expression faltered only for a moment, but Jane saw a wave of emotions pass over her face in that split-second, and she gasped in the realization that her nanny had no one in her life to truly talk to. Mary grew uncomfortable under Jane's stare, and she played at the ends of her lace gloves to avoid eye contact. As a child Jane thought her former nanny was so secretive because she wasn't old enough to know or understand all of the things Mary Poppins knew. Now that she was a young woman she recognized that it wasn't just that Mary Poppins kept things to herself, it's that she hadn't yet trusted anyone in her life with all of the things bottled up inside of her.
"I tell Bert plenty of things," Mary whispered, more to herself than anyone.
"Oh Mary Poppins," Jane sighed, upset that she only just now recognized the loneliness in her former nanny's eyes.
"Oh really Jane, you're a grown woman now. It's Mary. No need to be so formal anymore."
Jane's mouth opened in shock, it was as if in the short moments she had spent with Mary Poppins on the park bench, the whole word had turned upside-down.
"Close your mouth please, we are not a codfish," Mary commanded, though she still refused to make eye contact. "You'll be thought unattractive by your suitors."
Jane blinked and closed her mouth, before scoffing in reply, "What suitors?"
"Now Jane-" Mary started.
"Oh no, don't you try and change the subject Mary," Jane reprimanded, the use of just her first name still felt strange on her tongue. At this statement she'd finally caught her attention, and Mary looked up into Jane's eyes. "You can't fool me anymore Mary. I may not have noticed it when I was little but I see it now."
"And what is that you think you see, hmm?" Mary replied haughtily. She felt nervous and tense but some part of her was glad that this conversation was finally happening.
"You're lonely," Jane whispered. Mary made no attempt to respond, and she went back to looking at her lap and playing with her gloves.
"It's not that I'm lonely it's just that, well my life is rather complicated and it's best if-"
"I don't care what you think is best, you're wrong."
Mary looked up at Jane, whose face was defiant, her usually soft eyes burning. She wasn't entirely sure how to proceed, but she knew that at this point in time there was no turning back.
"Jane, you don't understand," Mary began softly, her eyes pleading as she looked at the young woman before her, her life so full of promise and hope.
"You're right, I don't understand," Jane huffed, allowing Mary to go no further in her explanation. "I know that I'm young but that doesn't mean I'm stupid."
"I didn't say-"
"Now listen to me," Jane cut her off again, and she set her shoulders back, preparing her argument. "I know that you think because you're different that you have to keep people apart. You care too much. Do you know that? It's actually one of your faults," Jane laughed sadly. Mary looked up from her lap to glare at her. "Oh yes, you have them. Not many people see them but I do. You don't let anyone get close to you because you think someone will get hurt, most likely you. So people let you into their lives but you don't let them into yours."
"Jane," Mary said, her breath hitching slightly. "When you were a little girl and I left...you asked me something."
Jane sighed and slumped back against the park bench, her eyes now downcast instead of Mary's. "I asked, 'Don't you love us?'"
"That's right. And I asked you what would happen to me if I loved all the children I said goodbye to."
"Mary Poppins," Jane breathed. She closed her eyes for a moment, composing herself, before looking up at her former nanny with such love and determination. She took both of Mary's hands in hers before continuing, "I know for a fact that you love every child you've ever cared for, just as every child has loved you for exactly who you are. I refuse to believe otherwise."
Mary let one silent tear fall down her cheek in response. The look on Jane's face was enough to tear her to pieces, but she wasn't finished and she was determined to keep her composure in front of her.
"I can't even begin to imagine what it's like for you. I only had to say goodbye to you once, but you've been saying goodbye your entire life. I can't pretend to know what it feels like to be in your shoes, but please, please know that I will always be here for you, as a former charge but also as a friend, if you'll let me."
"Jane, I don't know what to say," Mary hiccuped quietly.
"Don't say anything," Jane smiled warmly. "I have not stopped loving you, nor did I ever intend to, and I knew someday you'd be back in my life. Now that you are, I needed you to know that. And I need you to know that I will always wait for you and be here for you when you need me. What little of your life you've chosen to share with me has been ample, but if you should ever need anything ever again whilst you're in London I expect you to call on me."
"You talk as if I'll be leaving you again soon."
"Perhaps you will, I know that it's not up to me," Jane laughed weakly, her eyes beginning to tear up as well. "I just thought you should know it all before I ran out of time or lost my courage."
"I've been unfair to you and your family Jane," Mary sighed, finally recollecting herself and allowing deep, calming breaths to override the emotions she was dealing with.
"You're the best thing that's ever happened to us," Jane replied, puzzled.
"Yes but you're right about the not letting anyone in my life. I've been treated so wonderfully by your family since I've taken the twins under my wing and all I've done is act like a nervous cat around you all," Mary chuckled. Jane giggled at the apt description of the nanny's behavior. "It's not in my nature to get close to people, but I realize that I haven't even give you each that chance. I just can't bear to disappoint you all when I do leave, and I always do. It's my duty."
"Then we, all of us, including you, have to have faith that you'll return," Jane said serenely. "You already have once," she smiled kindly. "Not to mention that in the not so distant future, I'll be starting a family of my own. I'll probably need a nanny to keep the little blighters in line."
Jane's eyes were twinkling with mischeif that reminded Mary of so long ago. Their conversation, she knew, was moving away from difficult things now and both of their composures had fallen back into place.
"You'll be an excellent mother Jane, you won't need a nanny," Mary replied, her smile growing at the thought of Jane with her own children.
"That's what you think!" Jane practically guffawed. "It would be like fate to punish me with unruly children like myself. Especially if I marry the sort of man prone to mischeif himself," she winked. "I can only imagine the mess they'd make of things. Future husband included."
Mary laughed, a musical one that really told you she was amused. It was a beautiful sound for anyone to hear. "You just put your former nanny in line, which if I'm being honest, is absolutely unheard of."
"Mmm, but you're fairly skilled at telling off former nannies as well if my memory serves," Jane giggled.
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Mary sniffed, her haughty and practical decorum slowly returning.
"Have you heard from Caruso?" Jane asked, one of her eyebrows arching in a knowing fashion. "I always did wonder if he made out alright."
"He has a healthy and happy family now," Mary smiled. "You really aren't phased at all by the fact that I know that, are you?" she asked sincerely, marvelling once again at how easily Jane spoke of things that most people would never dream were possible.
"I wouldn't say phased is the right word. I'm still entirely in awe of you, just as I was as a little girl. You're the most amazing woman I've ever met," Jane said fondly. "However, if you think just because I'm growing older it means I've let my belief in such things waver, then you're very wrong. I may even be slightly offended," Jane stated, scrunching up her face in thought.
"Offended!" Mary scoffed. "By me?"
"Mary Poppins," Jane began rather fiercely, "if a certain chimney sweep and myself, not to mention my mother or the rest of my family for that matter, haven't gotten through your thick skull and proved to you that we love you for exactly who you are, then I'm entirely unsure how to explain it to you so that you do get it."
"Yes but-"
"Goats butt, birds fly, and if we don't corral these children home we'll be late for tea," Jane sniffed, mimicking Mary as she stood up from the park bench and smoother out her skirts.
"I'm very close to letting you nanny the twins and packing up my things," Mary laughed.
"You wouldn't dare!" Jane glared.
"As I said before, you'll make a great mother," Mary smiled, her eyes turning sad.
"Oh hush now, enough of that," Jane laughed. "Besides," she said with a sly smile as she and Mary made their way over to the twins, "you're not off the hook just yet about your date."
"Date?" Mary spluttered, stopping dead in her tracks.
"Come along you two," Jane called, and John and Barbara dropped the large sticks they had found and had been swatting at each other, and made their way over to their sister and nanny. Mary had recovered by the time they caught up with her. The twins chatted animatedly all the way home from the park, with Jane listening intently to their imaginary games they had played all afternoon. Mary kept her nose in the air and didn't dare look at Jane once. She already had one all too revealing conversation about herself today, and it'd be the only one if she could help it. If she knew Jane though, and she did, the young woman would find a way to get it out of her. At this point she was becoming dangerously skilled in manipulating Mary. Oh how the tables had turned.