A/N: So I'm really sure if anyone's even reading these anymore, but whatever. This song is "Hello" by Evanescence. It has a really dream like quality to it. I'm not really sure how that happened. And the characters might seem a little OOC, but I'm defending that by saying its Chuck and Blair when they're alone together, so they would be sweet with each other.

Summary: Blair decided that it didn't happen. It wouldn't have made things so complicated. But maybe that's when things did get out of control. Maybe she fell a little bit in love with Chuck Bass then.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. All rights go to Gossip Girl and lyrics go to Evanescence.

Playground school bell rings again
Rain clouds come to play again

Blair used to love to play outside. Serena was always the one that pushed for it. She was the wild child. The free spirit. Blair liked it, but then again, she didn't. She was being something she wasn't just for the benefit for someone to like her. Even if it was her best friend.

And that was how she spent her life. Pleasing other people when what really mattered was what she wanted. Only one other person saw that. But she didn't see him. Not yet. She couldn't.

For some reason, Blair enjoyed the rain. Her clothes would be completely ruined by it but there was an element of chaos that made Blair feel like she was in control. No one knew what this was. They would all roll their eyes at her antics. They all couldn't understand how it made her feel alive inside. No one except one person that was just as chaotic as her.

She met him for the very first time amidst the rain. Serena wouldn't go in it. Her mother was bringing home a new step father and she wanted to look presentable. Maybe this time, this one would stay. But Blair knew better.

She knew better than her mother's claims at her father's "business trips" when he didn't come home with any bags. He just came home smelling of cheap alcohol wearing his open collared shirts. Blair always knew better. But no one else seemed to.

Her father being away, her mother didn't see any reason for her to be looked after. Dorota was always there anyway.

Once again, Blair found herself in the middle of the chaotic down pour. And yet, she found a sort of peace. She held something that no one else could. She never had that feeling before. And that's when she saw him.

No limo in sight. His dark hair matted down by the moisture. No father. Just like her.

"Hello. You're alone," she mused. He looked upon her as though he was about to think her distasteful. But then he thought better of it.

"So are you," he replied.

"I'm always alone," she shrugged.

"No you're not," he disagreed. "I see you all the time with that overly friendly blond girl."

"You can be surrounded by people and still be completely alone," Blair said wisely. The boy looked upon her with curiosity.

"That's true," he said. "So why do you pretend?"
"Its better to pretend," she told them. "Because then you can fool yourself into thinking you're not so alone after all.

"I've always been alone," he offered.

"Then we have something in common," she replied.

"Not anymore."

And he smirked.

She didn't know what that meant.

"I have now."

Blair couldn't help but agree with that. At least he understood her.

"I'm Blair," she said.

"I know."

"You watch me?" she asked curiously.

"You're more intriguing then the rest."

"No one has ever watched me before," she said, more to herself.

"Then I'm the first."

"I like it," Blair said. "Maybe you'll always be my first."

"I'm Chuck Bass."

Blair relented.

"I know."

Has no one told you she's not breathing?
Hello I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to
Hello

Blair hadn't returned to that playground for awhile. She had forgotten she had liked the rain until she saw those two dancing at the Sheppard Wedding. She had said that she was good at pretending. She was even apt in fooling herself successfully now. Because she had to know they weren't having sex in the next room... she just had to.

She had forgotten she liked that he was her first. She had forgotten that he knew her. She didn't know that he was watching her outside. It wasn't a downpour, but it was still comforting. While her boyfriend and her best friend were consorting in a bar, she was, as always, alone. In the rain.

"Hello. You're wet," he remarked on the patio.

"You are very adept," he returned, surprised that his comment was quickly followed by a lewd smirk.

"He doesn't know," Chuck said.

"Know what?"

"You know..." he replied. "You don't breathe around him. Don't you think that you should?"

"I don't have the time."

"Right," Chuck sighed. "You're too busy being the perfect girlfriend."

"Its the only way," she said faintly.

"What about you?"

"What about me?" Blair asked.

"Don't you want to be happy?"

"I am happy."

"Not from where I'm standing," Chuck said dryly.

"What do you know?" she snapped.

"Everything," he returned just as quickly. "I see you."

"I want to breathe again," she replied.

"That's good," he said. "The first step is admitting you have a problem."

"I hate it when you do that, you know," Blair said sharply.

"Do what?" he asked, though he thought that he already knew.

"You make me laugh at the most obscene points in time."

"Its all a part of my charm."

"Chuck," she said quietly.

"Yes."

"I wish I knew," she said. "I wish I knew where the real me started and ended. I don't know where my mask ends and I begin."

"You need someone to talk to," he said, not sure if he was going to regret this or not.

"I can't," she said sadly. "Everything is fake all around."

"I'm not," Chuck said, realizing a second too late where this was going.

"Are you volunteering for the post?" Blair smirked.

Chuck decided he liked the rain more than he thought he did. The drizzle made her hair curl. It was more real.

"Waldorf," he reiterated, "we've always spoken the truth to each other. We just never admitted it."

"Well I'm admitting it now," she replied.

"I guess we're officially friends, then."

"Good," Blair sighed, smelling the damp air. "I want to be able to breathe again."

If I smile and don't believe
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream
Don't try to fix me I'm not broken

Chuck was the first to know about Blair's father. He always really knew, but it was obvious when he was really gone for good. No one noticed. And he knew it was killing her. Especially since her deceitful best friend had fled in the same breath.

"Hello. You're smiling again," he told her as she sat primly next to Nate. Nate had yet to notice anything other then when to get his next score of weed. Typical. It was called balance.

"Because I'm happy."

Chuck lowered his voice so no one could hear. "No you're not."

She was angry with him after that. But that was part of their agreement. He would always tell her the truth. And she was always the one to tell him things that no one else knew. She told him her darkest secrets because he didn't judge. And he never would. Because anything she did, he was sure he did ten times worse.

"Don't cry," he whispered in her ear as she lay slumped on the bathroom floor.

"I'm numb," she said honestly.

"Good," he said. "That's the first honest thing I've heard from you all day."

"I have to be happy," she told him.

"You don't have to be perfect all the time," he said. "You're perfect the way you are."

"I'm not sleeping with you."

He snorted.

"You're the only one who can do that, you know," he admitted.

"What?" she asked.

"Make me laugh," Chuck said. "Make me laugh for real."

"Then I'll admit," she said. "You do the same for me."

He pushed her damp hair away from her face.

"I wish you would do it already," she said.

"What?"

"Make a move on me so I'm not so tense preparing myself for it," she smiled slightly.

"I don't do that to women I respect," he told her.

"How many are there of those?" Blair rolled her eyes. He looked deep into them, holding her in his gaze.

"Only one," he whispered.

Blair decided that it didn't happen. It wouldn't have made things so complicated. But maybe that's when things did get out of control. Maybe she fell a little bit in love with Chuck Bass then. It was detrimental to her psyche.

"I keep thinking that I'm going to wake up from this nightmare any minute now," she whispered as though it were a secret.

"I wish you wouldn't," he said. "Then I'd never see you again."

"You're only honest when you're alone with me," Blair said, pretending that last part sort of didn't happen.

"You're the only one who sees me."

Hello I'm the lie living for you so you can hide
don't cry

Blair was the only one who knew about Chuck's mother. Everyone know that she died but even Nate didn't know that she passed in childbirth. Blair knew it killed Chuck. That's why he wasn't fond of celebrating his birthday. It was the eve of his mother's death. And he blamed himself for it. He was like her. He suffered in silence, taking his pain out on himself.

She didn't like it. It wasn't fair. From the moment he was born. He didn't deserve it. But it was what he got. And he hurt himself every day for it.

Blair stepped quietly into his room. It was his birthday. Tradition should show that he would drown his sorrows in scotch and hopefully give himself liver disease. But the other unspoken tradition was where Blair would turn up. Just like he did when her own father left. But no one really knew that. How could they? They wouldn't understand.

Blair laid down on his massive bed beside him. He gave no sign of life, no sign that he was even aware of her presence. But she knew that he was. He always knew. Always.

"Hello."

"He's not here," he mumbled into the covers. "He never is."

Blair didn't respond in words, but neared him on the bed. He didn't have to say his father's neglect tore him up inside.

"You're okay," she promised him.

"I'm really not."

"You are," Blair said confidently. "Because I say you are."

"And who would I be but to denounce the Queen B?"

"You have a right to hide today," she said. "I don't know how you do it. Keep that facade up every single day."

"You do it too," he reminded her.

"Not like that," she said softly. "Never like that."

"Waldorf?"

"Yes."

"Am I worth it?"

"Elaborate."

Chuck didn't know how to. He knew what he wanted. That much was for certain. Nate didn't deserve it. He didn't know what he had. And he wasn't going to get it anymore. It wasn't fair. None of it was.

"What if I kissed you right now?"

Blair was silent.

"Its a simple question."

"It has implications," Blair said admittedly. "And yes, I think you're worth it. Never let anyone make you feel less that you really are."

"You should take your own advice."

"You don't have a shiny best friend who has an addiction to the limelight."

Chuck didn't want to say that, yes indeed, he actually did.

"So are you going to let me kiss you or not?" he asked in irritation.

"Oh," she said. "that was an open invitation?"

"It was more like a suggestion."

"I'll think about it."

Chuck was in the middle of telling her to think fast because he hadn't gotten any action in days when her hot mouth was on his and she literally stole the breath from his body.

"I have a boyfriend," she reminded him.

"Not really," he whispered. "Not for a long time."

Blair was in the middle of having Chuck probe his tongue in her mouth when she realized that she didn't ever want him to stop.

Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping
Hello I'm still here
All that's left of yesterday

Blair forced her fingers down her throat for the eighth time that day. She knew she had to stop. She was getting frantic. Nothing was happening. She needed to purge her feelings but it also drove her insane how no one even noticed.

Blair's breathing became labored as she went to the sink. Her movements became crazed as she knocked over bottles that were on the counter. That certainly would have alerted someone's attention but that wasn't her intention. She could feel herself unraveling.

Then she could feel herself being held together by familiar hands. They were the hands that always held her together. The hands that she would be lost without.

Blair sniffed and turned in his arms, purging herself in the healthy way. He laid her down on his silken sheets, lying next to her the way she always did for him. Always.

"Hello. Am I sleeping?" she asked drowsily. He was just glad he came home in time before she actually could permanently hurt herself. He was always just in time.

"No," he breathed into her hair. "You're awake. With me."

"Good," she replied. "I don't want you to go away."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"I feel like I'm fading," she said after awhile. "Do you think that I am? Am I still here?"

"You always were," he said, tightening his grip around her. He never wanted her to leave him.

"You're the only one who made me feel that way," she said. "Makes me feel that way."

"The worst thing you've ever done," he said reminiscently, "the darkest thought you've had. I will stand by you through anything."

"And why would you do that?" she breathed.

"I guess I love you," Chuck sighed mockingly.

"I think I believe you."

"Look," Chuck said at the window. "Its raining."

"Hello," she greeted the rain.