TRIS

I'm out and about because I can't sleep. The conversation with Eric earlier has got me all twisted and unable to focus on anything else. I don't understand what is so bad about him that he can't allow himself to accept affection from someone else. What made him feel so insecure? I need to know or else I don't think I'll ever sleep peacefully again. As I walk down the empty halls of Dauntless, I end up coming to the train tracks. Every time I think of trains I end up thinking about how I practically begged Eric to kiss me as I gazed at his lips during training. Then every time I think about the training I'm brought back to our moment earlier, the kiss that almost happened. Every thought always comes back to Eric even though that's not my intention. I wonder if this has ever happened to him. My first guess would be no, but then, as I think back to how many times he's watched me, I begin to think maybe it's not just me having constant thoughts that make me all love sick. Maybe it's just that I'm the only one willing to acknowledge it.

It now makes me wonder if Eric has ever been kissed. I've never asked, and something tells me if I did, he probably wouldn't answer. I think that would hurt his pride if I knew he had never kissed a girl before. Truthfully the thought just makes me smile. If he hasn't kissed anyone before, then that can be a first for us. I'll also feel less nervous because then I won't have to worry about living up to some high expectation. Then there's the idea of sex. The thought has always terrified me because of the details involving one's first time, but as I think about my first time being with Eric, I find the anxiety isn't as bad. God, I have it bad for this guy. Is that a bad thing? The worst part is that I have no one to talk to about it all. I don't think Cristina will entirely keep an open mind considering Eric's not her most favorite person. If I tell Will, then he'll tell Cristina, and she'll be upset that I told Will before her in the first place. I don't want to talk to Edward about it, and Al is out of the question. As for Peter, he's about the last person I will ever go to for love advice. I wish my mom were here, or better yet my aunt because I'm not sure how mom would take the news of me being in love with a Dauntless leader that doesn't have the best rep.

"You lost," a voice suddenly says. I turn quickly and see it's one of the Dauntless-born initiates. Is he following me?

"Ugh no, I was just walking around. I couldn't sleep," I reply.

"Don't worry I'm not going to hurt you. I'm Uriah, friendliest guy you'll ever meet. I wouldn't hurt a fly," he says smiling as he comes towards me. Somehow I find myself laughing at the irony.

"Shouldn't you be in Amity then," I tease.

"The friendliness only goes so far. Plus, I'm too Dauntless for Amity. They wouldn't be able to handle me,"

"Well, I see the Dauntless confidence," I tell him. He laughs, and we both sit together on the tracks.

"You're the Abnegation girl, right? Tris Prior,"

"I'm surprised you're not saying stiff,"

"That's rude to say in my opinion and from what I've heard, you're nothing close to a stiff. Eric speaks highly of you and Lauren talks about you non-stop, but she doesn't praise you like Eric does. She does it to push us all to do better because she says it would be embarrassing if an Abnegation girl outranked a Dauntless-born. I think she's just jealous of you because Eric never says anything positive about anyone," says Uriah.

He looks at me intensively, and I blush lightly. Eric truly is in every thought and conversation. I never knew he talked to others about me and I would never think he would talk about me with the trainers and Dauntless-born initiates. Then there's that comment about Lauren. I don't see how someone like her can be jealous of me, but maybe Uriah is exaggerating.

"I'm sure he talks about other people. It's not as if I'm the best in the class,"

"But you're the most interesting, that's the point. It's not as if all people from Abnegation line up by the dozens to be in Dauntless,"

"I have family in Dauntless,"

"Which is another reason why you're so entertaining and Lauren is jealous. Your story is epic. Your mom, aunt, and uncle are triplets, your mom transferred to Abnegation and married one of the government heads, while your aunt and uncle become Ambassadors between factions. Your uncle died a hero, and now here you are in Dauntless rising through the ranks,"

"Is that what they say, that my uncle died a hero," I say bitterly.

"Sorry...I didn't mean any harm but a lot of people here admired Nate, I and my family included. I know how he died might not have been some great heroic death, but he was always my hero," he says.

"Mine too," I reply softly.

"I'm sorry. I can't imagine how I'd feel if I lost a family member. I'd probably be a mess,"

"Do you have a big family," I ask him.

"Just my mom and my brother Zeke. If you haven't meant him yet you will soon enough, he's hard to miss,"

"He's initiating with you?"

"No he was in Eric's class," he answers. "Speaking of which, you and Eric..." Oh no, not him too. Does everyone here talk about us being a couple?

"There is no Eric and me," I say before he can continue.

"I don't mean to pry or anything. I'm sure you've had lots of people on your back about that subject,"

"No kidding. I'm not sure why my love life is so exciting to everyone,"

"Well, it's Eric after all. It's just shocking cause you guys seem like an unlikely match. He's not exactly a social butterfly outside of doing his job. Everyone sees you both as opposites like night and day, fire and ice, a lion and a mouse -"

"I think I get it," I cut in, "no one understands, though,"

"If you like each other then I say to hell with what everyone else thinks,"

"It's not about them...it's Eric that's the stubborn one. I've come out with my feelings for him, and he hasn't completely rejected me, but he keeps holding back,"

"Why?"

"I don't know. Fear I suppose. Apparently, he has some dark past that he's scared to reveal, so he stops himself from getting close to me,"

"Maybe he's overthinking things. I know Eric isn't the nicest of people, and he's done some stuff in his past, but I don't think he's that bad,"

"Try telling him that," I say.

He laughs. "I think I'll past. I doubt he'd be happy knowing you've said this much to me about your relationship,"

"I'm surprised I opened up to you so easily. Maybe it's because there isn't anyone else I can talk to,"

"Or it might be because I'm a great listener. Like I said I'm the friendliest guy you'll ever meet," he tells me.

"I guess that makes me pretty fortunate,"

"I'd say so," he says smiling brightly. I believe I've just made a new friend.

FOUR

I didn't mean to hurt her as I did. All I wanted to do was scare her a little but, I let myself get carried away. I was angry, and I took it out on Tris. I could have killed her if Eric hadn't stopped me. Of all people, he was the only one to speak up. All of them watched as I beat Tris and none of them said a word, not even her friends.

In truth, my anger was fueled by jealousy of him. Here I was, trying to plan how to help Tris and warn her about Eric possibly watching to see if she was Divergent. Then in the process I start gaining feelings for her, only to find out, she has a thing for Eric. ERIC, of all people. It's insane. I almost laughed the first time I heard the rumors but then when Eric started boasting about Tris to all the trainers, all I saw was red. I had never been jealous of anyone before and yet I was pissed. The way Eric talked about Tris showed that he did indeed care for her. He probably didn't even notice how much he was talking about her to the rest of us, but I did, as did everyone else. Then when Tris came to Peter's defense, I was even more pissed. I didn't, and still don't, understand how she could form such an attachment to a guy like Peter when he was making fun of her when they first arrived. All he cares about is himself. It's just as ridiculous as her feelings for Eric. Peter is a narcissist, and Eric is a cold-blooded control freak who has killed Divergent after Divergent. She's friends with one and has feelings for the other. Then on top of that, she raised her voice and talked back to me as if she had the right. Naturally, my mind was telling me I was doing the right thing by teaching her a lesson. After all, she was the initiate, initiates know nothing, and I'm the one who is the trainer. I'm the one who has been in Dauntless for two years, and I'm the one who placed 1st my initiate year. I needed to show her she wasn't as untouchable as she believed. However, I regret strangling her. I know I left a mark and I imagine it'll start to show if it hasn't already. I'll have to apologize for that if I'm able to get close to her. Something tells me Eric will be guarding her like a hawk to make sure I don't have another episode. The very thought is weird. How in the world did I become the bad guy and he, the savior?

ERIC

The warm water that hits my body washes away the sweat from my previous workout. After everything that had happened with Tris, I kept myself busy for the remainder of the day. First I ran 10 miles, kick-boxed with Max, did crunches, push-ups, pull-ups, sit-ups, squats, and now I'm here showering away all my hard work and pain. I haven't even eaten, but food is the last thing on my mind right now. The steam on my face reminds me of when Tris was close to me, and I felt her hot breath near my mouth. I wanted to kiss her so badly with the way she stared at me and moved in closer. It was seductive, and I was very tempted to let myself lose control. Even now I'm still barely holding on as that desire I felt earlier is starting to come back again. I hate how I'm so affected by Tris. It hasn't even been a full month since she has been in Dauntless and I'm feeling things I've never considered for any of my past girls. Then again those moments were meaningless and just about getting a release through sex. There had never been any sweet words exchanged because I never allowed them to talk. I turned them over on their stomachs, did what I had to do and left. I didn't caress them, didn't let them hold me, and I certainly never kissed any of them. That sort of intimacy wasn't for me. Tris is the first and the only girl I've ever had a strong desire to kiss. She's also the first girl I've ever let hug me. Little touches and holding hands aren't my thing either but with the way things have been going with Tris, who's to say that won't be the next thing she tries. That's why I should stay away from her. Stuff like that will only fuel her feelings, and if she's in love with me as she claims, it'll make it much harder for her to let go. Then there is the fact that Natasha wants me to keep an eye on her. Although I can do that from a distance, how well will I be able to hold out if I'm always keeping tabs on her? I want Tris but I don't want to act on my feelings and the only way I won't have the urge is if I'm not around her and losing focus. Maybe I can tell Natasha that, and she'll understand. Although she specifically asked for me, there are others I'm sure she can trust to do the job. It's not like Tris is a troublemaker or under any suspicion about anything. Hopefully, Natasha sees reason and that stubborn trait her whole family seems to carry won't intervene.