"Why the fuck is this fucking thing so fucking heavy, Em? Are your swimsuits lined with fucking lead weights or something?" Lynn grumbles as she stumbles ahead of me, two suitcases in tow.

I shrug. "You're the one who packed it. If you don't want to carry it, I'll take it home with me right now." I spin on my heel but get yanked back by Lynn.

"Yeah, that's not happening. Vacay entails you actually leaving the premises of your home and your shop, chica," Lynn barks in my face.

"I do leave the premises. Twice to three times a week. Which isn't nearly enough, now that I think about it."

Lynn curses under her breath. "The hospital doesn't count, Em. You go so often that every single employee knows you by name. If you stayed there any longer you might as well close the shop because you'd practically never be there."

"Good idea. I'll call my assistant right now and tell her to keep an eye out for other job opportunities." I whip out my phone before Lynn snatches it, uncaring that she has now let both of my best suitcases fall onto their sides on the grimy airport sidewalk.

"Em, you may be reluctant to have some fun, but your employee is not going to lose her job over your stubbornness!"

I grab my phone back. "Fine, I'll just let her know that I'll be out of town for a while. Is that okay with you, Fun Nazi?"

"That's acceptable. You know I'm only trying to look out for you on Paige's behalf."

"I know. Now stop yelling in my ear. You're giving me a headache." I take a few steps away from Lynn and her loudness to dial my assistant's number. "Hey Dixie? It's Emily. I just wanted to let you know that I'm going out of town for a while with the girls and...really? Okay. That sounds fantastic. Thank you so much! I'll call you when I get back. Bye. Alright, you too."

Lynn bursts out laughing as soon as I put my phone away. "Dixie? Sounds more like someone who would work in a donut shop than a flower shop."

My smile falters. That's exactly what Paige said.

Spencer waves us over to the Virgin America registration kiosk. "What on earth took you two so long? Were you guys making out or something?"

Lynn rolls her eyes. "For the bajillionth time, Spencer, I'm straight."

"With the utter lack of male action you get? I'm totally convinced." Spencer oozes sarcasm from every pore. "Seriously though, the whole point of having you pack for her was that two people would be faster than one."

Lynn puffs her cheeks. "If you really wanna know, we're late because I had to drag Emily out of the apartment. I've forgotten how stubborn she is."

Aria laughs. "Stubborn? Emily? Ha. Who woulda thought."

I'm getting really annoyed at them talking about me like I'm not here. It's not like they don't know how hard this is. Hanna opens her mouth to reply, but I cut her off. "Enough. Seriously, guys? If this is how the trip is going to be, I'm going home right now and none of you will be able to stop me. She's infinitely better company than you anyway, and I'd rather talk to my furniture than spend another second getting teased by you."

"The furniture comment was a low blow, Em," Spencer says, looking at the top of her boots. Aria's eyes are looking all over the airport except for at me, and Hanna just stares at me with a frown.

Lynn rubs Spencer's shoulders. "Emily, we were just joking around. This trip is more for you than anybody. You haven't left the city since the incident ten years ago. And it's not just us that are worried. Your parents know about the trip too."

My eyes snap to her. "What? You've spoken with them recently?" My parents haven't called me in years.

Hanna rolls her eyes. "Well yeah. The only reason they stopped calling you is because they were sick of getting the answering machine instead of you. But they talk to us occasionally to check on you."

My eyes narrow. "How often is occasionally?"

"Every few months."

"Every few days."

Aria and Spencer speak at the same time, and I glare at them. Aria elbows Spencer. "Have you no tact?"

Spencer scowls at her. "Shut up, shortie." She looks at me. "Em, it's perfectly fine to feel apprehensive about leaving. We get it, really. The return flight for these tickets can be booked for any flight at any time in case I get any updates about Paige, okay? Can you please at least try to have a little fun with us?" she pleads.

It's scary to see Spencer beg. For the sometimes annoyingly confident and charismatic woman to be reduced to almost tears fills me with guilt. I step forward to embrace her. "I promise to try."

Spencer looks at me with a smile. "That's all I ask." She glances at her watch. "Come on folks, let's get on our plane!"

The next day, Lynn drags us to the car rental directly from the airport. "You bunch of lazy-asses, we came to Europe to have fun, not sleep!"

Spencer snarls at her, and Aria snipes, "You have way too much energy, Lynn."

Lynn shrugs. "I have caffeine for blood."

I scrunch my nose. "Technically that's impossible because caffeine's a molecule and blood's a fluid. Unless you're saying that there's so much caffeine that..."

Hanna cuts me off. "Let's just get the damn car so I can take a damn nap."

Spencer looks at me. "Well, princess, pick your ride."

"When I said to pick one, I meant a car, not a friggin tank on wheels," Spencer yells as she drives.

I glare at her. "You forget that I wanted motorcycles, so technically I was coerced into choosing this anyway. Besides, there's nothing wrong with a beautiful Toyota."

"Coerce my ass. Everyone knows you've had your eye on a Sienna for years," Lynn comments from the backseat.

Spencer blows air in her face. "I'm surprised the sales guy didn't have a hemorrhage. Really, asking for an Japanese car in English at a Mercedes dealership in Germany?"

Lynn scoffs. "I'm surprised the dude understood anything we said besides 'ya' and 'pretzel.'"

I hear a snort from the very back and then a bang. "Ow, my head. And holy hamburgers! Why the fuck is the car purple?"

Aria snickers from beside Lynn. "I see Hanna's awake now."

After twenty minutes of scrambling for makeup bags and back-seat driving and protests about the minivan, everyone's finally settling back to get some sleep. I glance at Spencer. "Are you sure you're alright to drive?"

She takes a hand off the wheel to squeeze my thigh. "I'm fine, Em. You should probably get some sleep too. You have bags under your eyes."

Those bags haven't gone away in years, and she knows that. "I'll just keep you company then. We can't have you nodding off, can we?"

Spencer nods, and I quietly fiddle with the radio to find some soft music. Spencer taps me on the shoulder and hands me a CD case. "I brought all of Paige's favorites," she says. "I didn't want you to think we were doing this just to get you away from her."

My heart skips a beat. Why hadn't I thought of bringing her music? And to spend so long without her presence...what am I thinking? I hurriedly scramble for my seatbelt, planning on searching through my suitcase for anything that belongs to her, and my fingers brush the bottom of my jacket. Her jacket. I heave a breath and force myself to calm down. She's still with me.

Spencer's eyes burn into me. "Em? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, nothing. I just...I had a panic attack." I run my hand over my face. "I'm fine."

"You're not fine, and we both know it." Spencer's frustration surprises me. "The incident hurt all of us, Em. I get it, that she's your girlfriend and that it hit you the most, but all of us loved her to bits. Why do you cling to her so hard?"

I bit my lip. I don't know how to answer her. She doesn't know the whole story. None of them do. They all think it just happened because Paige has the biggest heart in the world. They don't know that there's more to it than that.

I hear a sharp intake of breath and turn my head to find Spencer staring at me. "You blame yourself, don't you?"

My eyes fill with tears for the umpteenth time this week. Could she have figured it out after all these years?

"You haven't changed much at all." Spencer sighs and lightly punches the steering wheel. "Since Rosewood, you've always taken everything to be a burden on yourself. It's always your guilt, your problem." Spencer pauses, and when I look at her this time her eyes are blazing.

"You remember how she scored you the meeting with that swim coach during senior year?"

I freeze through my tears. None of the girls were supposed to know about that. Spencer continues.

"Yeah, I know about that. And you know how? Because after you bit her head off at the party, after you guys talked on the dock, I came out and held her while she cried when you went back and moped. I cradled her like a baby, Em!" Spencer slams her hand into the side of the steering wheel, and I flinch.

"We may be the Fabulous Four from Rosewood, and we may have been closer than sisters since Alison died. But that doesn't make Paige any less one of us. And she may be your girlfriend, but she is no less my friend. You have no idea how much it hurt to see her cry," Spencer mutters, tears streaming down her face.

"I know exactly how much it hurts," I whisper, balling my hands into fists. The only thing that hurt more than her tears that night was knowing that her seeing me cry hurt her even more.

"Good. Then you should snap out of your self-hate, no matter how much you despise the fact that Paige is on the other side of the globe right now, because you're breaking her heart with how much you blame yourself." Spence pauses to wipe the corner of her mouth with her hand, but she's not done.

"She's the strongest person out of all five of us, and we all know it. Only two things could ever make her cry; they were losing and the thought of you getting hurt. So if she could see how torn up you are, after ten fucking years, Paige would be drowning in tears," Spencer hisses.

I'm speechless. Spencer had been the most adamantly against our relationship when Paige and I first started dating, and while I knew they eventually developed a special bond among the five of us, it never occurred to me that they cared so much for each other. And the thought of Paige sitting there by the water when I stormed back to the lake house...I bow my head.

"This rant isn't even making sense to me anymore, but I have a point to make. Pull yourself together, Fields, and stop blaming yourself." Spencer exhales and hands me Brandi Carlile's The Story from Paige's music before she goes back to staring at the road.

Her last comment makes me snap my head back up. She doesn't know. None of them do. The truth is, this time it was my fault.

On the other side of the world, Dr. Mitchell repositioned his clipboard as he went through his daily checklist for his patient.

"Alright, Ms. McCullers. Let's see how you're doing today." He looks up at the woman on the bed before shifting his gaze to the machines at her bedside.

"Systolic and diastolic pressures look good, blood sugar's looking a little low, we'll get that fixed up in no time, don't you worry Paige." Unbeknownst to the doctor, the brunette is gnashing her teeth at the display of atrocious grammar spewing from Dr. Mitchell's lips.

"Well, it is time for your daily feeding and exercise routine, so I'll call one of the nurses in to do that with you. You look very healthy, my dear. I'll spread the good word to Emily," the doctor says as he pulls out his phone to send the notification to Spencer.

All of a sudden, his eyes dart up to the screen of the nearest machine. "What the...why Paige, why the sudden excitement?" Paige's heart rate has increased from 76 to 81. "That's utterly bizarre, but it doesn't seem to be too much to worry about. Let's keep it between you and I, no reason to worry your beau."

Again, Paige gnashes her teeth, and her heart rate increases from 81 to 84. "I'll call in one of the nurses. Maybe your blood sugar is having an impact on your heart rate."

The doctor dials a number as he steps backward out of Paige's room. "Spencer, it's Dr. Mitchell. She's responding. Any mention of Emily causes an increase in heart rate. What did you say? Grammar? Heavens, I have no idea. Well. Yes. Any sort of response to an occurrence in the real world is a drastic improvement. Yes. Yes. Do let her know. You're such a dear. Alright, goodbye."

hi all! longest update so far. they're finally on the road! if you're getting frustrated with how slowly the fic is moving and how long it's taking for Paige to wake up, please hang in there. also, we'll be finding out what happened to her in a few chapters. stick with me, people! :)

sidebar, i just want to clarify that in this AU, it is as if everything that happened in the show happened as well, except A never existed. so, Emily did hurt her shoulder from an incident with a car, but it had nothing to do with A. she still hates Shana though. that chick really annoys me. she had better stay away from Paily.

thanks for reading, folks! please review or favorite or follow or keep doing what you're doing, which is putting up with my rambling. school's starting soon, so it may be a while until the next update, so please sit tight. i love you, everybody!