PICKING UP THE PIECES

Maddison fic. Thanks to Sparklepop777 for the title. Addison tries to set up a new life for herself but there is one man she really misses. Mark heads over and he is in for a huge surprise.

Author: Emily

Rating: T

Summary: Addison leaves Seattle, and no one knows where she has gone. Mark sets out to find her, and eventually he does. They start a new relationship, but can their love hold out through everything they will go through?

Chapter Seven – You're All I Have (Addison POV)

Train this chaos

Turn it into light

I've gotta see you one last night

I practically ran into the lobby of CCH that morning. Tammy raised her eyebrows when she saw me, out of breath and hair wild and wet, but she said nothing. She just clicked her fingers at one of Tim Gold's interns and walked off. That left Dr Gold, Kayleigh Stanford and three interns waiting to ask where I had been. Surprisingly, no one did. Dr Gold looked me up and down, and I scowled at him. I didn't like him very much at all. A third year resident, he was young and hot, and boy, did he know it. But not… not in a very… this is hard to explain… sexy way. In a Hi-I'm-Dr-Gold-and-I'm-ridiculously-in-love-with-myself way. And since he had tried to hit on me in my first few hours in Chicago, well, we hadn't really got off on the right foot.

"Now that Dr Montgomery has joined us we'll get to work, then." Kayleigh said brightly, trying to hide the glares I was throwing Dr Gold.

"What is it?" I asked. If I was completely honest, my head was still reeling from the good morning Mark had given me. I will say no more.

"Mother six months pregnant with sextuplets – three of them conjoined."

My heart sunk. I hated multiple births. I hated conjoined babies. Combine them, and you pretty much get Addison's worst nightmare scenario. Dr Gold turned to me.

"The mother is adamant that we do everything we can to keep the babies alive, and although I have been trying to tell her that it would be safer for her and for the other three healthy babies to surgically remove the three conjoined babies, she still insists that she will not let us take the lives of any of her babies. As our attending obstetrician and neonatal, I thought you could-"

I didn't let him finish his sentence. "You thought I could what, Gold? Because there is no way I am going in to any woman and telling her that she should kill three of her babies. If you want to advise her that, then fine, but I will not tell someone to do something they believe in their heart is morally wrong. Please do not harass the patient over it anymore. Schedule her for an afternoon exam, Dr Brown."

The meek intern nodded and walked away. Gold stared at me exasperatedly. I smiled and turned and walked away, Kayleigh following.

Before the lions

Take their share

Leave us in pieces scattered everywhere

The morning was relatively uneventful. I didn't like to admit that, but it was. I checked up on a couple of women that were scheduled for routine C sections in the next week or two, and looked over some CT scans of babies that had been sent in from New York, where I used to work, asking my advice on a baby with a brain tumour. I faxed the scans to Richard Webber, and told him to get Derek to have a look. Kayleigh and I sat eating lunch in the cafeteria when Mark put his tray down next to mine and slid into the seat beside me.

"Hello, ladies."

Oh my god. I couldn't even look at him, just the smell of him and the closeness of him made me tremble with longing. I shook myself – what am I, some sort of lovestruck teenager – and smiled at him.

"Anything interesting this morning?" I said, praying he wouldn't say anything dirty in front of Kayleigh. She was a new friend, but also I was her superior, and her teacher, and I needed to hold onto as much respect as I could, what with the rumours about my marriage going round as it was.

But he was Mark, and I should have had faith in him to make some comment. He grinned at me. "Depends what you count as interesting, Dr Montgomery." He said, and took a bite of his waffle.

Just give me a chance to hold on

Give me a chance to hold on

Give me something to hold on to

The rest of lunch wasn't too bad. Mark chatted to Kayleigh about work, about soccer, (which apparently they both loved) and about, well, work. I smiled and nodded and laughed in all the right places, when really I was being eaten up inside about the exam on the woman with sextuplets that I had to do this afternoon. I knew somewhere deep down that Dr Gold was probably right, and aborting the three conjoined foetuses was probably the best way to go, but I didn't know whether I could sit there and tell a woman to have a multiple abortion. Not with my past history. And after last night, I was in a fairly fragile state on that matter as it was.

Kayleigh rose and I rose with her, to take our trays away. But as Kayleigh walked off, Mark caught my elbow.

"Addie, are you ok?"

"Sure." I said, "I'm fine."

"It's just… it's just…"

He had a sort of guilty look on his face. Immediately, warning bells went off in my head. What had he done?

"What, Mark?"

"You look pale, that's all." He said, and put a hand out on my cheek. I found some bizarre reflex in me making me smile when he did it.

"Love you." He said, and then let go of my arm. I took that as a sign to walk away.

When we had rounded the corner and got into the lift, Kayleigh turned to me.

"Can I ask you a question, Addison?"

"Sure."

"It's not very professional of me, really…"

"Spit it out, Kayleigh."

"I just heard some interns… I wondered… everyone else has been wondering about it too… I don't mean to be rude…" Here she cleared her throat and looked me, almost defiantly, in the eyes. "Is it true that Mark Sloan really has an eight pack?"

And I burst into fits of hysterical laughter.

So clear now that you are all that I have

I have no fear cos you are all that I have

So clear now that you are all that I have

I have no fear cos you are all that I have

"Good afternoon, Mrs Evans. My name is Dr Montgomery, and I am going to be your obstetrician gynaecologist neonatal surgeon."

I smiled at her blank face, "Which basically means I'm the boss of everything that happens to you at this hospital with your babies."

She smiled at me weakly. Vicki Brown was hovering behind me.

"Who's presenting?" I asked, knowing she was jumping for the chance to impress me, and any of the other attendings, but because she was so quiet she generally got sent to the pit.

"Rachel Evans, 32. Multiple pregnancy with three conjoined foetuses in the base of the uterus."

"Thank you, Dr Brown. Now, Mrs Evans, I hear a colleague of mine has already told you that the safest option would be to abort the conjoined foetuses?"

She nodded, tearfully.

"Well, I'm not going to force you to do anything, but I have to tell you, that is the safest option."

"Is there nothing you can do to save my babies?" she whispered, and then I knew what kind of patient she was. She wasn't one of the ones that you could babble on in medical terms to, and then they would let you do whatever they thought best. She was the kind of patient who needed to know every option and all the possible outcomes before she would make her own decision.

"I'm going to be straight with you, Mrs Evans. If we call the healthy foetuses Baby A, Baby B and Baby C, we can then call the conjoined foetuses Baby D, E and F, ok? Baby D is joined to Baby E by the ankle. That would be a simple enough surgery, and as far as we can tell there would be no serious repercussions. But Baby E is then joined at the head to Baby F. The surgery for that would be so high risk it probably wouldn't even get past anaesthetics. Both Baby E and Baby F would be unable to have full brain function without the conjoinment."

She swallowed. "So what can I do?"

"You can't save Babies E and F, Mrs Evans. They are sharing part of a brain. However, Baby D should be retrievable if it – he - has chance to grow in the uterus for slightly longer – meaning leaving all the conjoined babies in there. But, that heightens the risk of oxygen starvation and complications with the births of Babies A, B and C. In theory, it is more likely, if you leave Baby D in the uterus, that the healthy foetuses will develop aneurysms where their skulls are being cramped together."

Her eyes were wide. "So I either choose to kill three babies, one that could possibly be saved, and save three more, or I choose to save one baby, and put three other lives at severe risk."

I nodded. "Unfortunately, yes."

"Then I don't have any choice, do I?"

You're cinematic,

Razor sharp

A welcome arrow through the heart

Mark met me in the lobby at the end of the day. He smiled at me and took my arm. Then his lips brushed against my cheek. I sighed.

"Bad day?" he asked as I drove us home.

"Sorta. Had to prep a woman for a foetal abortion. Three conjoined babies."

"Oh, Addie." He patted my knee, "Sorry."

"It's ok. I think that it's ok, Mark. I stood there today and watched her, and she only chose the get rid of them as a last resort. To save her other three babies. And I thought: she's inspirational. And then I thought about what I did and realised that my reasons were purely selfish. I didn't want to ruin my marriage, and I didn't want something to tie me down."

He breathed heavily and drew his hand away from my leg like it was suddenly scalding hot. The silence consumed my unspoken words: I didn't want a baby with you.

I pulled up to my apartment in silence, and we got out of the car and walked in equally noiselessly. I stripped down to my pyjamas and climbed into bed. I was asleep before Mark even climbed in beside me.

Under your skin

Feels like home

Electric shock on aching bones

The next day Kayleigh was waiting for me again in the lobby, but thankfully, this time, without Gold and the Merediths. The day ran smoothly for the first few hours. Then Plastics paged me. Mark. I almost groaned, and then I checked myself. I was not in the mood for another one of the stupid teenage girls who went in for boob jobs and half way through their prepping decided to admit they were pregnant. But when I got to the exam room I'd been requested at, there was no one there. And then I felt his arms wrap around my waist.

"What the hell are you doing?" I snapped, spinning round. The door to the exam room had closed, and Mark had twisted the lock. I glared at him and sprang away from his arms.

"I'm making up for last night. I was sulky. So now I'm gonna make it up to you."

"What the…" but I didn't have time to finish my sentence. Mark had grabbed my head, pulled it to him and kissed me violently. I felt weirdly powerless and empty, as if he was sucking the life out of me. But I didn't protest. This was heaven.

"Mark…" I murmured between frantic kisses, "This… is…totally… ina… inappropriate… oh God… Mark… We shouldn't… ohmigod…"

His fingers worked their way up under my scrubs, sliding the nylon fabric over my head. And then I couldn't resist any longer. My hands came to the drawstrings on his scrub pants.

Give me a chance to hold on

Give me a chance to hold on

Give me something to hold on to

We laced up our scrubs, hardly looking at each other. I broke the silence.

"God, Mark, we're like a pair of teenagers."

"Probably." He agreed. "See you later, Addie."

He kissed my cheek before disappearing off down the corridor. I grinned to myself. I felt like a slut, I felt like a intern, but I didn't care. Kayleigh raised her eyebrows at me from across the lobby. I smiled even wider.

In bed that night, we continued our tryst. Then I fell asleep in Mark's arms.

When I stirred, he wasn't there. I silently crept out of bed and down the hall, when I saw the crack of light from under the kitchen door. I was about to open it when I heard the conversation Mark was having.

"Sweetheart, I'm sorry. It's just… things with Addison are a little rough right now – she's going through a tough spot. We're going through a tough spot. It wouldn't be right just to walk off and leave her… I know, sweetie. I'm sorry. Don't be like that, darling…" he sighed. I stood stock still, not daring to move, not even to breathe. "You know that I love you more than anything… all right. All right…. I'll come. At the weekend?... Not yet, it's not the right time…. I'll just say I have a conference or something… that's fine… love you baby. See you then. Bye!"

My heart felt like someone had pulled it out of my chest and stamped on it. Anger rose inside me. No one cheats on Addison Montgomery. Not even Mark Sloan.

I opened the door.

So clear now that you are all that I have

I have no fear cos you are all that I have

So clear now that you are all that I have

I have no fear cos you are all that I have

"Addie." Mark said, fear instantly moving to his eyes. For a moment I could hardly speak for anger.

"I heard it all. I know everything." I said darkly.

For a moment his face registered shock, and then confusion.

"Look, Addie, I know I shouldn't have kept it a secret…"

"Don't. Call me. Addie." I spat, "I hate you, Mark Sloan. More than I've ever hated anyone. More than I hated Derek."

He swallowed, but still looked genuinely shocked.

"I thought you would understand…" He whispered, unable to look at me. I walked towards him.

"Understand? All I understand is that you are a vile cheating scum, Mark, and I was right about you before. It was just about the sex. You made me think I was special! You made me feel loved! Hell, I even think I was falling for you. But not anymore. Oh no. Not anymore."

The venom in my voice shocked even me.

Then realisation spread across his features. "Oh… you think… no, Addie… it's not what it looks like…"

"I was wondering when that one would come out. What is it then, Mark, if not a sordid affair?"

He sighed, and then looked at his feet. "I can't tell you, Addy. Not yet."

Anger threatened to drive me mad.

There is a darkness

Deep in you

A frightening magic I cling to

"Well, that's the worst excuse I've ever heard. Even Derek was able to come up with he was in love with Meredith. But you just say you can't tell me."

"Addison, I promise you, there is no one else!"

"Whatever, Mark. Why won't you tell me who you were talking to?"

He stood up. For the first time, I wished he was Derek and I was taller than him. I suddenly felt very small. "Don't you trust me?"

"You know what? No. I don't. Man whore Mark and all that? Still applies."

"Well, we can never have anything… this relationship can never work without trust."

"THIS ISN'T A RELATIONSHIP!" I screamed at him, "THIS ISN'T ANYTHING! THIS IS JUST A FLING! THIS IS ABOUT THE SEX, AND THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT AND ALL THAT BULLSHIT. THERE ISN'T ANYTHING WORTH FIGHTING FOR, MARK. I WAS LONELY, AND YOU WERE THERE. THAT'S ALL."

The hurt in his eyes made the grey turn almost blue. I blinked the angry tears back.

But give me a chance to hold on

Give me a chance to hold on

Give me something to hold on to

"I'll go then, shall I?" Mark asked, the pain in his eyes so deep I could hardly look in them.

I nodded. "I think so." I was suddenly calm; the anger subsided, making way for the pain.

"If you send me away now, Addie, I'm not coming back. Ever."

"I'm not sending you anywhere. You made this choice. You cheated."

"I didn't, Addie, and one day you'll believe that. I just can't tell you. And whatever you say about this relationship, it wasn't just about the sex. I said it to you so many times but you wouldn't say it back. I love you, Addison Montgomery, and I will never stop."

"You don't love me more than anything, though, do you?" I spat, and he bowed his head.

"I mean it, Addie. I won't come back."

I looked at him and cold seemed to grip my insides. "Hurry up and get out. I can't look at you anymore."

And I walked into the living room and slammed the door shut.

So clear now that you are all that I have

I have no fear cos you are all that I have

So clear now that you are all that I have

I have no fear now you are all that I have

I didn't move until I heard the front door slam. Then I wandered back to my bedroom and looked around. He had taken everything of his. I looked down at the bed, where there were two human sized indents still, and I sunk to my knees and cried.

Sorry, that ending was very angsty. Soooooo…

- Who was the girl Mark was talking to?

- Why can't he tell Addie about her?

- Will he be back?

- What will Addie do now?

Please review, I really really care what you think and getting reviews makes me happy on the inside (sad little person that I am).