Rose soon came bounding up to the Doctor, looking like an angry penguin trying to run on ice. "Where'd he go? I saw you two talking, and then he just walked off! What did you say to him?"

The Doctor folded his arms back, feeling a bit like his ninth incarnation. "I don't know who you're referring to."

"Err… you!"

"I'm right…here. Hi, Rose Tyler." He waved.

"Fine, I mean him then."

"Who? Oh, you mean Wilfred? The groom Lee? The loveable usher? Osama Bin Laden, maybe? The Hanson brothers, perhaps?"

Rose finally laughed. "You sound like him now, too."

"Do I? Guess I'm feeling a little nostalgic. Slipped back into old habits."

"So where is he? The um, non-you Doctor?"

"Welllll –" At that, his eyes bulged like a squished bug's, before he cleared his throat and stuck his tongue out…once, twice, three times. "Oh, that word does feel odd with this mouth."

"Answer. The. Question."

The Doctor backed up a few feet, and stuck his hands out, as if trying to tame a naughty dog. "He's in the TARDIS."

"WHAT? YOU…BUT!" She yanked at her hair. "You sent him off to do your work? He's only got one heart. If he gets fatally injured, there won't be a flash of orange light…and he's miraculously wearing a bow tie and a younger face! He'll just…he'll die."

"Doesn't he do dangerous things for Torchwood all the time?"

"Yeah, but that's different. That's…it's…just…it's different."

"Well danger was never a problem for Rose Tyler, was it?"

Rose bit her lip.

"And relax. He just went to fetch Donna a present."

"Oh." Her face relaxed. "Well, why'd he need the TARDIS? What - is he going to get her the Titanic ring? Original Van Gogh painting? I dunno…Shakespeare's autograph?"

The Doctor felt his face form into impressed by Rose Tyler's wit facial mod. He decided it suited this face, too. "He just needed to talk to someone and check some numbers. I made sure they sold lottery tickets at the hotel's little shop."

Rose mouth snapped open and closed. "He wouldn't!"

"He would. I did."

"Oh." Lip bite again. "Why not for me?"

"I thought you'd prefer Slitheen and nanogeens."

"Very funny."

They ogled at each other for a moment, performing a familiar flirtatious dance with their eyes - before the Doctor spoke again.

"And I gave you Pete. Twice."

Rose turned bright red. "Well, wanting to stop my real dad from dying was a very human emotion. At least He gets that now."

"Rose, I –"

"Yeah, yeah. I know. You didn't mean it that way."

The Doctor looked to the ground.

Jackie Tyler's presence broke the silence. "Come back to dance, sweetheart! Only a few songs left. And I –" she listened to the new song starting up. "Yes! 'The Hamster Hustle!' "

The Doctor scratched his hair. "Never heard of that song."

"It's this universe's version of 'The Chicken Dance.' Now come on, kids!"

"You don't have to tell me twice." The Doctor yanked her on over to the dance floor before she had the chance to lead.

"So…tell…me: what…else is…different...in this…universe?" The Doctor asked Rose in between breaths, while incorrectly performing the "Ha Ha Thrust" – this universe's Country-style version of the "Cha Cha Slide."

"Hmmm, well, Lady GaGa is actually an overweight bald man named King Gaga, David Beckham is married to Ginger – not Posh – Spice. Harriet Jones retired as 'President' and now does infomercials for those 'hello. my name is:' stickers. Oh, and Michael Jackson? He stayed black!"

"Ah, well that last one's not surprising."

"What do you mean?"

The Doctor used his hands to swat the words away.

"Doctor, are you sayin' my original universe's Michael…is an alien?"

"'Course not. Just…alien intervention. Not partially my fault at all."

Rose's stare was one of massive confusion.

"Oh! The Conga! Thought that was only popular in America." As the song started up, the Doctor stood up on his toes and called out to the whole crowd. "Come on, everyone. I will lead the queue! And Donna," he dashed over to her and carefully placed her fingers on his back, "you get in just behind. And….AWAY. WE. GO. GER-RON-I-MO!" He marched forward, kicking his left leg, then his right one far out into the air.

A queue of about fifty guests – adults and children alike - quickly formed behind him, including Jackie and Rose. Even Ianto, and a few other wait staff joined in. The Doctor weaved in and out of the tables, shouting "who-hoo!"s, "oh oh!"s and even one "I am the Lord of the Dance!" Passing by a seated Wilfred, he bellowed, "For you, good sir!" and tossed out his top hat, which landing perfectly on the man's head. He also stole an abandoned pink lei from the bridesmaids' table to throw over his neck, declaring that "leis are cool."

"Oi! You started the Conga without me?" The half-human Doctor had arrived. "But I love the Conga Line. It's my fifth favorite type of line…"

"It was his fault!" called out Rose.

"Well then," while everyone continued dancing, the half-human maneuvered his way to the front of the queue and placed the Time Lord's hands on top of his own shoulders. "This time, you'll be the one to follow me!" He laughed, a bit manically – a cackle, really. "And nice lei." He shot Rose a wink.

"Family and friends! Ahem…everyone?" Donna was now standing at the microphone, holding an empty glass of wine in her other hand, and swaying. "We've done all the eggs – uh, toasts, I mean toasts - but I was wondering if anyone else would like to come out and say something about me? Congratulate me s'more?"

All the guests just glanced around at each other. A few gestured to the person next to them to break the awkward silence, but no one was an eager volunteer. Wellll, except for one man, of course.

"This gentleman will!" The Doctor thrust the half-human's hand high up into the air, and gave him a big push forward.

The half-human tripped a bit over his legs, and Donna (even in her drunken state) looked weary, but she let him take the mic.

"Er, hello, everyone. Friends. Family. I'm the…uh, I'm…wanting to congratulate Donna. Donna Noble. Um, Mrs. Donna McAvoy-Noble…and her husband Lee. Lucky, lucky Lee." He cleared his throat, and looked out at the audience, who gawked at him as if he were…well, an alien. He continued, "just by saying 'have a great life.' Do that for your friends and family, Donna," he turned to look at her, "build a fantastic life with Lee. And stay brilliant." He took Donna's wine glass and lifted it. "To Donna and Lee!"

"Donna and Lee!" the crowd echoed, with various degrees of enthusiasm.

The half-human Doctor set the mic down on the table, and leaned in for a Donna-hug - even though it was completely one-sided. He then walked over to Wilf, Sylvia, and Lee, who were seated just behind. He gave Lee a firm handshake, Sylvia a more reluctant one, and Wilf a warm hug.

The Time Lord Doctor then dashed on over to the table, gave all four Noble-McAvoy-Mott's a kiss per cheek, and disappeared back into the crowd again. In turn, each recipient gave their wine glasses a few more chugs.

Donna took the mic again. "Never mind then. Enough toasts. As a final surprise, the wait staff will now be delivering each person a fortune cookie. It's our way of sharing in our good fortune." She took a seat.

The half-human reached into his pocket and held out a small envelope to Donna. "I just wanted to give this to you personally."

"A gift from one of the 'Dance Lords', eh? Put it on the gift table there. It's not like I have pockets in my wedding gown."

"Right. Yes. Yes, of course." He turned away, but then spun back. "Oh and Donna? If you ever want a free dance lesson, I'd be more than happy to teach you."

Donna rolled her eyes. "Yeah, you'll be the very first call I make after the honeymoon."

"Oh, a honeymoon! Where are you going? Some exciting place, I hope! Pompeii, maybe?"

"Australia, than Los Angeles. Got a really good deal on Oceanic Airlines."

"Ah. Well," He winked at her. "I'll make sure we see each other around some way or another."

Back at their table, Jackie and Rose were eagerly unwrapping fortune cookies.

"Mine," began Jackie, "says 'A special ceremony will take place in front of you.' Yeah, how prophetic. I think I noticed that I'm at wedding."

"And mine - " Rose slowly unwrapped hers, "- says " 'Something you lost will soon turn up.' " She eyed the Doctor. "What, did you write these?"

He shook his head. He hadn't.

"Alright. Your turn then, Doctors."

Neither man moved.

"What? Scared of glimpsing a bit into your futures? A little biscuit frighten you more than time travel?"

"Spoilers," both men responded, rather seriously.

"Oh, come 'on. It's just a silly paper. Pleeease? Open them for me? They're fun!"

"Fine," the half-human sighed, but obliged. " 'Your knowledge and skills will always be quite handy.' " He smiled and slipped the paper into his pocket. "Oh, that's brilliant! After all, I am very good!"

"Your turn now, Doctor," Rose nudged the Time Lord.

He opened up his slip and stared at the text for a good ten seconds, feeling his left heart race widely and his right one come to a near stop.

"What is? What does it says? Something wrong? Oh come on Doctor, you don't have to take it so seriously."

"It says -" He held up a finger and took a long swig of good 'ol H20, " 'Hello, Sweetie.' "

After retrieving his top hat from Wilfred Mott's head and returning the pink lei to the bridesmaids' table, the Doctor sprinted down the hall towards the TARDIS, with Rose and his half-human counterpart trailing slightly behind.

"Who's…calling…you…Sweetie?" Rose managed between breaths. He didn't answer, so she looked to the half-human.

"No one. She's… she's just…no one."

"Ah!...So …you…know…about…her…too?" They reached the TARDIS, and Rose slammed her body against the door, preventing anyone from entering. "Been chattin' her up in both bodies then? And it isn't Donna. I may have only met her briefly, but she doesn't strike me as the type to use pet nicknames."

"Rose, please –" The Time Lord held up the TARDIS key, "I really need to be going NOW. The message came from someone back in my universe, and whatever it means …it's most certainly extremely very not good. I have no idea how anyone could communicate with me here. Even her. "

"Pfft. What is she, your wife?"

The Doctor didn't respond.

"Doctor, I was kidding. Wait – she isn't, is she?"

"She's a married woman." He ran every finger through his hair. "Also happens to be a murder. Plus, an expert at flying the TARDIS and has a habit of calling me "sweetie". But really, that's all I know."

Rose looked to the half-human. "Is he lying?"

"Maybe. We do lie. But I wouldn't completely know. And actually," he looked to the Time Lord, "I would like to know. I'll never get to live those times she promised. I'm not much bothered by spoilers, me. Always skipping ahead to the end of my favorite TV shows, movies, books, scented comics from the thirty-fifth century –"

"FINE!" The Time Lord leaned forward and swiftly head-butted his human self.

After a moment, both men stumbled back, holding ontp their foreheads.

"TWELVE years late? You were TWELVE years late?" The half-human's voice reached a chipmunk-level pitch. "And COLORED Daleks? COLORED again? Ewwww, and a fez…really? Now that's just distasteful." He looked at the Time Lord in horror. "Oh, but nice that you didn't have to deal with any mothers."

"Oi, my mum's not that bad," Rose piped in.

The Doctors raised eyebrows at each other, then the half-human sniffed and looked away. "Thank you. Erm, thank you for that."

The Time Lord nodded. "Yeah."

"But you didn't show me…I didn't see how it happened," he motioned up and down the Doctor's whole body. "Was it right after Dårlig Ulv-Stranden?"

"No, no." He paced a bit, thinking. "Okay, fine. HERE." The Time Lord head-butted his human self again, and the two men stumbled back once more.

"Ahh, I sure like the look of Lady Christina! And a hot air balloon, REALLY? Ohh, I do wish I could go up in one of those! And THE MASTER? As a bleach blonde? Wellll –"

"And AGAIN."

Another great, big head-butt, and the half-human suddenly grew misty-eyed, plus spoke with a mellow, human-pitched voice. His eyes moved slowly from side to side, as if viewing an invisible film. "Mickey and Martha? Brilliant. And my Sarah Jane…and good 'ol Captain Jack. Allonsy! Joan Redfern was happy… that's fantastic. And Donna…our Donna looked beautiful. And…"

He slowly turned to face Rose, cupped her cheek, and kissed her nose. He closed his eyes, resting his forehead against hers. The two breathed together for several moments.

Then, he turned back to the Time Lord. "You still left out how it happened."

"Do you really want to know?"

The half-human Doctor tugged on his ear, pulling his head to an almost horizontal point, before straightening back up again. "No."

"Ok. Well…" The Time Lord shuffled his feet and raised the TARDIS key to its door. He opened it, and without looking back, took a step inside.

But, his half-human counter-part placed a hand on his shoulder and forced him to turn around. "Ya know what, Gramps? I think I like this incarnation as much as our fifth. Wellll, almost." He sniffed. "But I'm still glad I get to stay as this handsome devil. I mean, look at me."

The Time Lord titled his head. "Even though you'll grow old?"

He took Rose's hand and didn't hesitate. "Yes."

"Hey, I'll remember that the next time you fuss over a grey hair or new wrinkle!" Rose teased.

"Okay, well –" The Time Lord shuffled his feet again.

"Wait! What about Donna!" Rose looked frantic. "This'll be your last way to show her the TARDIS. Don't you think she should see it? Just to take a look around? Wouldn't that bring you - both of you - some cheer?"

"No," both Doctors responded immediately.

"It would hurt too much," said the Time Lord.

"Because the other Donna can't," the human concluded.

"Oh," Rose's shoulders deflated.

"Okay, well -" Another Time Lord feet-shuffle.

"When? When am –" Rose gave the half-human a guilty look, but proceeded in asking the Time Lord anyway. "When am I going to see you again? Ever?"

The Doctor offered up a sad smile. "I would say it's impossible, but we know that's not true. Clearly never was."

Rose actually giggled. "Yeah."

"And you can see him everyday. I hope that's enough."

Rose look at the half-human's hand, which she was still holding. "Yeah. It's becoming more than enough."

The Doctor sniffed. "Right then. Guess my next line is 'Geronimo.' "

Rose stood on her toes and gave him a kiss, on both cheeks. "Bye, Doctor. For now."

The Doctor looked to the half-human and pointed to both of his own cheeks – a question.

"WHAT?"

"Handshake?"

"The right hand? Sure."

The shook hands.

"Okay, well –"

"Oh, just go already!" Rose showed off a huge grin, reached into the TARDIS to grab the handle, and slammed it right on the Doctor's face.

The Doctor stared at the door for several seconds (during which he swore that he could hear his human counterpart whisper "Allonsy" into Rose's ear, before the pair walked back down the hall), then went to the ship's center console, right above its heart. He used his sonic screwdriver to activate the Huon particles, which would briefly open a TARDIS-shaped hole to his own universe and bring him back home.

He then reached for the Harry Potter book and started to read, anxious to get lost in another fantasy. Page seven mentioned a new curse. Though it was part of JK Rowling's imaginary wizard language, the TARDIS was able to translate: Hurry up, Sweetie.

A/N: I know that I used several Americanisms here, but I just couldn't resist. Sorry. I'm sure I already showed my American authorship in past chapters, so I'm guessing that if you made it to this final one, you didn't mind too much. Plus, Harriet Jones is called "President" in Pete's World, so let's just pretend that its Britain is pretty USA-ish.

Thanks so much for reading my first ever fic!