Zero cowers in the corner of Yew as Cooper's flaming marshmallow continues to create erratic designs in the darkness. "Cooper!" Lils leaps up and removes the roasting stick from her brother's grasp. "Zero is a giant ball of fluff! She's close to spontaneous combustion on any particularly warm day!"
Rowan sandwiches the blackened marshmallow between two squares of graham cracker and hands the sticky mess to Cooper. "I agree. . .she really doesn't need the added stress of you flinging a glob of burning sugar onto her!" Zero lets out a faint bleat of appreciation.
Crumbs of tan biscuit and flakes of charred sugar fall onto Cooper's lap as he chomps into the ooey-gooey treat. His expression droops. "You forgot the chocolate. . ." Three wrapped Hershey bars hit his chest in rapid succession. "Thanks!" He unwraps the first bar and loses interest in the other components of his campfire delicacy.
"Now that Cooper's sugar low has been attended to, may we proceed with discussing the real issue?" Gold looks around the cramped space to confirm he has everyone's attention. "Years ago, dismayed by the TARDIS's inability to visit user-specified coordinates in time, I created a prototype version that would allow travel-"
"Why are you all gathered in Yew? We have a perfectly good Castle in which to discuss our plans!"
Gold stands from his chair and peers out the door. "Ah, Johanna! I apologize, I must have somehow miscounted our numbers in all of the snacktime confusion." Still in a weakened state from his bout with zombie-ism, Gold calls on Lils to assist with lowering a wooden ladder for her dwark to join the emergency meeting. With Lilanna reunited, he reseats himself and clears his throat to begin again. "As I was saying. . ."
"You made a time machine that can go to any moment in time that the person wants, yada yada yada. We got it." Muffin breaks a chunk off of the second chocolate bar that Cooper opened.
Zero's eyes open wide. "That's baaaaaaad!"
Iris pats her sheepy friend's head reassuringly. "But the machine was probably dismantled when you abandoned the project, right?"
"Not entirely. . ."
"Not entirely?" Head frowns at his brother. "What does that mean?"
Gold begins to form a response. "Well-"
Muffin steals another chunk of Cooper's chocolate. "It means 'not at all', judging by what I could see through the keyhole."
All eyes turn to Gold. He shrinks into his chair, sickened by the worry and anger radiating towards him. Rowan finally says what everyone else is afraid to speak out loud. "We might never see each other again!"
Iris amends Rowan's thought. "We may never meet in the first place."
"-and that, my friend, is why the rhinoceros tells the dirtiest jokes!"
Brooke stares at Narwhal.
Narwhal waits for Brooke to gurgle with laughter.
Brooke continues staring, then begins hesitantly, ". . .because he's horny?"
"Yes!" Narwhal nods enthusiastically, still waiting for a giggle.
Brooke bobs silently with the waves. "I don't mean to be rude, but that was-"
"Hilarious!"
Brooke and Narwhal scan the water for the source of the voice, but no other creatures appear to be present. A bubble rises from the crest of a wave and pops near Narwhal's tail with an audible hello!
Brooke chastises her pointy-headed acquaintance, "Did you just fart?"
"How magical do you think I am?" Narwhal raises his eyebrows. "I mean, yeah, I've dreamt of being able to talk out of my ass, but I've never actually figured out how to transfer my voice into a fart bubble-"
"I'm not a whale fart!"
"See!" Narwhal smiles triumphantly. He looks down at the water and asks, "What kind of fart are you then?"
A lengthy pause precedes the emergence of a dozen more bubbles. They hover above the surface, then explode with a snippet of song:
Until I find a way,
I will say the only words I know that you'll understand.
Michelle, ma belle. . .
The impromptu choral performance ends and a young woman appears where the bubbles had been moments ago. She waves.
"Are you a mermaid?" asks Brooke. "Because that is so much cooler than a comedic whale!"
"Hey now! Comedic whale right next to you!" Narwhal frowns at Brooke's interest in the dark-haired sea beauty. "We're probably talking to a dugong that doesn't understand anything we're saying. . ." He splashes a bit of water at Chelle with his tail. She crosses her arms and scowls at him.
Brooke also scowls at Narwhal. "Why don't you go work on some funnier jokes, okay?" She turns to Chelle and asks, "Do you understand us?"
Chelle nods.
"Did you see anyone fall off the cliff earlier?"
Chelle nods again.
Wuh-PSSSH!
Irma cracks her whip in the air, urging the pandas to swing their pickaxes faster.
Wuh-PSSH!
Kuh-PSSSH!
"You're getting a little too frisky with that thing, Irma Grey!" says Zoey with a wink. She drops the heavy wheelbarrow she's been hauling back and forth all morning and stretches her back. "Seriously, we've made good progress, wouldn't you say? Give 'em two seconds to breathe!"
"They can breathe when we've broken through to the other side."
Kay appears around a curve in the tunnel, lugging a cooler of water and a bundle of fresh bamboo. "UNION BREAK!" The pandas simultaneously drop their tools and lumber towards her.
Irma sighs and checks her wristwatch. This is slow work. It's going to take at least a few more days. She chugs down some water, then wanders over to the blueprints tacked to the wall. "We'll set up shifts in order to complete the excavation quicker."
"We don't even know if Angel was able to make it to the cave. . ."
"The Littles are using their resources to search the sea, so for now, we're going to cooperate with them and do our part in finding Anniekins and April."
"We'd be better off naming a new leader and-"
"No." Irma locks eyes with Zoey. "Dead or alive, we're going to find them before we do anything else." She retrieves her whip from the ground. "End of conversation."
Wuh-PSSSH!
Flipping up the visor on her welding helmet, Lucy takes a step back to study the new safety cage and heat shielding around the drab metal box. The exterior aesthetics and interior spaciousness of her TARDIS will be sorely missed, but she'll be able to accomplish her task more efficiently by utilizing Gold's ugly time machine.
BANG BANG BANG!
"Lucy? Mum? Open the door!"
Checking the current time via her phone's lock screen (because who the hell uses watches anymore?), she realizes that she's been working in the laboratory for nearly twelve hours straight.
"We have a couple of teams trying to locate April and Angel, but we'd really like your thoughts on how else to proceed. . ."
BANG BANG BANG!
"Are you still in there?"
BANG BANG BANG!
A sudden desperate need for caffeine comes over her. She throws a couple of dirty sheets from the zombie panda experiment over the time machine, then sneaks out the lab's exterior exit. She can't bear to see Cooper, Gold, and Head together as the Little triplets; they won't have that title for much longer if all goes as planned. She duckwalks behind a row of hedges to avoid being spotted by anyone; her black ninja suit has lost all of its inconspicuousness in the daylight.
Rounding the corner below the Castle's highest tower, she is hit by the smell of freshly baked muffins. Wafting down from an unshuttered window, the mingling of scents makes it difficult to be sure, but warm chocolate chip and strawberry rhubarb seem to be the two main flavors. Those are April's favorites. Her throat constricts in an all-too-familiar way. If she stays near this delicious (but presently unwelcome) olfactory invasion for much longer, tissues will certainly be a necessity.
"BaAaaa!"
Her mind is so preoccupied with calm, focused breathing, Lucy does not hear when Zero calls out to her. Even when she does hear Zero, she can't see Zero. "Where are you?"
An extra-bushy shrub uproots itself from near the stables and frolicks straight towards her. "Right here!"
"Oh my!" Lucy gasps as she takes in Zero's fifty shades of green. "Are you having some identity issues today?"
"I'm helping to paint the mural!"
"Mural? Where do we have a-" As Zero zigzags back to the stable, Lucy realizes there is indeed much more greenery present along the side. She continues to stand a safe distance back, observing the artistic process of the sandy-haired woman who has already turned half the wall into a lush forest scene. April has been meaning to paint something on the stables since we moved in. Her vision begins to blur as the barely restrained tears from minutes ago attempt to reemerge. April would not approve of this. Unsure about how she feels to have someone else take over the job, she rushes away while Zero is busy adding texture to the undergrowth by dipping in some paint and repeatedly throwing herself against the wall.
What is going on around here?
"I'm awfully tempted to throw you out of this cave right now," April growls through clenched teeth.
"Do it." Angel stands defiantly in the cave's opening. "Besides having two dozen horcruxes hidden around FFn, I'm also a freakin' Mary Sue!"
"You've got the 'freak' part right," April mutters under her breath. She pushes a clump of soda-logged hair off her forehead. "Why did you attack me with a shaken can of soda?"
"I was bored."
"Aha." April nods as if that is the most sensible answer in the world. Still nodding, she hooks her thumbs in her front pants pockets and saunters over to the stockpile of junk food. She grabs a generic cola, turns back to Angel, and begins to shake the can. "I'm awfully bored, too." She takes another step forward. "And sticky." Another step. "And pissed off."
Being backlit by the gorgeous day outside, it's impossible to get a read on Angel's face, but the heel of her left shoe begins to bounce nervously against the stone floor. "Don't come any closer or I'll jump."
April shrugs. "You were just bragging about your near-immortality." She slips the ever-present ink pen from her shirt collar. "Besides. . ." CLICK "By doing this the correct way, I don't need to come any closer!" She grins and dislodges the rivet holding the tab in place. A powerful spray of soda explodes from the tiny opening, driving Angel closer to the edge.
"My glasses! Stop, you stupid little Little!"
"HaHA! There's no Irma here to save you this time!"
"And there's no Estoma to save YOU!" Angel tucks her chin and sprints through the onslaught of soda to tackle April.
"GAH!"
"Argh!"
Narwhal winces. "Hey! Stop throwing things!"
Brooke looks at him curiously. "What are you talking about?" She glances at Chelle, but the mermaid just shrugs her shoulders.
"Sooooomethiiiiiing hiiiiit meeeeee in the heeeeeaaad," he complains again.
Brooke sighs with the breeze. "Your whale accent gets thicker when you're being emotional." She splashes around his tiny boat, searching for any sort of attacker. No one is in the water with them. "I honestly don't know what could be hitting you, Narwhal. . ."
Ping! Pingping!
"Ouchie!"
Brooke and Chelle watch the small stones bounce off of Narwhal's head and back; they seem to be coming from the cliff. Scanning the peanut brickled surface, no disturbances are visible at first, but as they continue to watch, a body appears out of nowhere! It clings to the vertical surface for ten long seconds before a second person leans over the edge and hauls the first to safety.
"I need to find a way to the top of the cliff!" Brooke starts splashing around wildly. "We know exactly where they are now!"
Focused too intently on fleeing yet another reminder of April, Lucy is again blindsided by one of the Castle's permanent guests.
"DUCK!"
Field hockey instincts kicking in, she manages to maneuver away from the tall young woman trying to fullbody tackle her. She's halfway through asking 'what the fuck' when something wet splatters across her back. Turning around slowly, she comes face to face with Johanna holding a machete.
"Ack! That's the first piece of fruit I've managed to hit, I swear!" Johanna slowly sets the weapon on the ground beside her and backs away a couple of steps.
From behind the cannon, Lils cringes as a pulverized chunk of watermelon slides out of Lucy's hair and hits the ground. "We were trying to pass the time by playing-"
"Fruit Ninja." Lucy nods and brushes a piece of green rind from her shoulder. "April promised to show you how to play, I know." She shakes her head. "Though I doubt the cannon is a required piece of equipment. . ."
Iris soaks a rag in the nearby silent brook and tries to dab away some of the mess on Lucy's outfit. "Ack! I'm so sorry! You seemed to be walking in a daydream and I didn't know how else to get your attention and Lils had already loaded the cannon and lit the fuse and like Jo said, she really doesn't have the greatest hand-eye coordination and. . ."
"It's fine." Lucy gives a small, unconvincing smile to Jo's flustered doppelganger.
Iris reaches to straighten the bow in Lucy's hair, but Lucy pulls it off her head instead. Iris' brow knits together in worry. "How are you?"
"I've been better." Johanna and Lils cautiously creep into the conversation zone. Lucy bites her lip and looks around the grounds. "Why all the April-centric eccentricities today?"
"Thetripletsbelieveyou'regoingtogobackintimeandgetridofCaesar'sPalacebeforeiteverexists!"
Lils looks fearfully at Lucy and kicks Johanna in the shin. "Well, yeah. . .that's basically it."
Lucy stares at them each in turn before speaking. "Well there you go." She wraps her bow - which April enjoyed poking fun at - around her wrist and turns toward the Castle again, determined more than ever to obtain that damn mug of coffee.
"I spy with my little eye. . .something blue."
"The sky," April guesses with a sigh.
"Cheater!"
"How the hell could I be cheating? There is nothing blue around us except for the sky! What else could you possibly spy that is blue? Huh?"
"A boat."
"You see a blue boat somewhere?" April looks down at the choppy waters, but without her glasses, she can't spy a damn thing.
"No."
Silence.
Angel flinches as April cracks open a can of knock-off grape soda. In between swigs, April asks, "If this is a smuggler's cave, why is it so high on the cliff? Shouldn't it be more accessible to the smugglers?"
"The original mods of the Palace were a little paranoid," Angel shrugs, still keeping a wary eye on the beverage in April's hands. "When a shipment of salty snacks was due, they'd take turns keeping a lookout from this cave. String licorice was used to haul the contraband up, dirty drabbles were sent back down to the smugglers as payment and. . .ta-DA! The cave remained a closely guarded secret!"
"The Originals were a little odd, eh?"
"No more odd than you or me."
April snorts with laughter. "Dude, we're really odd!"
Angel joins in with April's laughter. The odd couple sits at the edge of their stoney prison, feet dangling in the vanilla-scented air. The laughter eventually tapers off and is replaced by a silence that neither enemy is completely comfortable in. Angel breaks through it first. "Want to play again?"
"Sure, why not." April leans back on her elbows and stares at the cave's ceiling while Angel picks out a new object.
"I spy with my little eye. . .a boat."
April snorts. "Five minutes ago, you said you didn't spy a boat."
"No," Angel corrects her elder nemesis, "Five minutes ago, I said I didn't spy a blue boat. The one that's been bobbing below us all morning is green."
"All morning?!" April leans forward, squinting at the water. "I'm going to throw you out of this fucking cave again!"
Remnants of the Castle's lunch litter every surface of the kitchen when Lucy steps through the back door. She rinses the environmentally inconsiderate styrofoam trays that the pandameat burgers were piled on and places them in the bin. She locates a filter for the coffeemaker, adds fresh grounds and water, then collapses onto a nearby stool to wait out the brewing process. A mountain of cold chips makes her stomach grumble, but when she reaches to sneak one from the top of the pile, a choked sob causes it to fall to the floor. Soggy. Limp. April would love them. Dillon delicately retrieves the fallen chip and takes it back to his corner.
Down the corridor, a heavy door closes with a thud. Too tired to try hiding, Lucy simply waits for whoever it is to inevitably wander into the room; at the Rainbow Castle, all roads seem to lead to the kitchen. Moments later, Cooper enters the room with a vase of pink roses in each hand. The flowers frame his happy grin as he greets her. "Lucy! Look, I freshened up April's flowers!" A fragment of conversation from less than twenty-four hours ago comes back to her at that moment. "April doesn't even like roses." The coffeemaker beeps to signal that it's done brewing. "But Lucy likes roses-" Cooper sets the bouquets on the counter near her and retrieves two mugs from the cupboard. "-and April likes Lucy."
She watches in a daze as Cooper plops nine cubes of sugar into his half-filled mug.
I can't breathe.
"Lucy?" Cooper asks.
I need to get out of here.
"Sorry?"
"I was asking how many cubes you like?"
Run.
"Two, thanks."
Run.
"Coming right up! I'm so glad you stopped by, because I have something important to tell you about April and-"
Run.
"You know what, on second thought, I probably shouldn't have any coffee. I need some sleep."
"Oh. Okay. Do you want me to wake you for supper?"
"No."
Less than a minute after Lucy makes her escape, Gold, Head, and Muffin appear in the room. Breathing heavy from their hurried search of the Castle's interior, it's a moment before any of them are able to speak. While Cooper pours three tall glasses of Kool-Aid and drops a bonus sugar cube into each, Lilanna, Iris, and Zero battle to pass through the other doorway all at once. Laughing at the spectacle, Cooper returns to the cupboard for four more glasses.
"Did you catch her?" Zero asks frantically.
"No. We haven't seen her at all," answers Head.
Wringing her hands, Iris says, "We talked to her for a very short time. . ."
Gold's head snaps up. "Why didn't you detain her?!"
Lils gives a side-eye glance to the two mugs next to the coffeemaker. "We thought maybe Cooper would have better luck. . ."
Perking up when he hears his name, Cooper asks, "Who are we looking for?"
Muffin smacks her palm into her forehead. "LUCY!"
"Oh! Oh sure, she was here just a moment ago, but then she said she was tired and asked not to be disturbed."
"COOPER!" A collective groan fills the room.