A/N: Jenny's P.O.V. Poor girl, stupid Damien. These eps. are just…love. This was hell to write but I'm looking forward to tonight's ep. for inspiration in spades! Love to all my reviewers/alerters/favoriters!
And argue Nate does.
("You can't be with someone who's dealing drugs!")
And Jenny has to fight for air because this, this was all too familiar and this was all too unfair—
(and she still can't lie to him)
—and he, he would stand up after he'd said his piece and he'd have Serena and she'd have…
(all I wanted was you)
This is stupid.
(Where do I tear when we were so close?)
There is a line, clearly indicated by the heel of her Christian Louboutins.
(Blair would be so proud.)
Jennifer's heart. Jennifer's head.
(Come break me down.)
Nate does not live here anymore; it is Damien who blurs her lines now.
(I am finished with you.)
But he says, "I'm sorry".
(you're killing me, killing me)
And it nearly shatters her.
(look in my eyes)
He isn't her father and he isn't her brother and she needs him to understand that her relationship with Damien is about more than just because and she wants him to hurt and she wants him to feel what it is to be empty and she needs him to stop.
(What if I wanted to fight?)
So she picks at the scab.
("It's not like you're available.")
Scratches until it opens.
("Stop pretending that you care about me.")
Leaves it bleeding.
("In fact the only one who does just got here.")
Child. Always a child, a kid, a girl.
("You're acting like a child."…"I knew you were just a kid."…"You're a really special girl, Jenny.")
Always coddling, sheltering, surveilling.
(What if I wanted to break?)
She wants dirty, needs dangerous, craves the depraved. She isn't being coerced, pressured, or intimidated.
Maybe she wants to fuck.
(Maybe she wants to see the look on Nate's face as it dawns that she had.)
She is not trying to rewind. He can't seem to stop.
(you say you're wrong, you're wrong, I'm right, I'm right, you're wrong, we fight)
She was never going to stay bright, sunny, young Jenny forever.
(okay I'm running from the light, running from the day to night)
She thinks it's insane that he can't handle it. She thinks it's insane that he has a problem with sex and drugs.
(Oh, the irony.)
She thinks it's insane that they can't have a conversation without an altercation.
(—tattling, assault; what are we ten year olds on the playground?)
She thinks the last time they stopped talking she almost went insane.
(oh, the quiet silence, defines our misery)
She is miserable.
She thinks she might lose it.
(the riot inside keeps trying to visit me)
Because he keeps talking
("…you know, who's gonna be there in the morning…")
and he keeps showing up, and how is she supposed to keep hating him if he's forcing all this friendship on her
(—and it rolls off her tongue like spoiled milk—)
and why does he bother when there's just so much between Nate and Jenny & NateandJenny.
(no matter how we try it's too much history)
Too many months, too many words, too many tears.
(too many bad notes playing in our symphony)
She gave it space
(so let it breathe)
She gave it time
(let it fly)
She gave it away
(let it go)
She tied their friendship up in that little tan dress and threw it out
(let it fall)
Wrapped their relationship up in Vanessa's gown and burned it
(let it crash)
And it is still alive.
(burn slow)
Dormant but not dead.
(Bury me, bury me.)
She thinks she might throw up.
("Where are you going?")
She can't feel her legs but she walks home.
("I knew you were just a kid.")
She can't feel her heart but she guesses it's beating.
("I knew you were just a kid.")
She's fighting for her breath but she's still breathing.
("I knew you were just a kid.")
She speaks but God knows what she's saying.
("No we did; honestly, Serena, I don't know what you were so worried about. It was no big deal.")
She knows exactly what she's saying.
(Be careful what you wish for.)
She wanted an argument.
A/N: Credit goes to my soundtrack; 30STM for lines from "The Kill (Acoustic)", and Hurricane, and to Leona Lewis' "Alive". Seriously, tonight is going to be epic. Watch and squee proudly!
As always, comments/reviews are welcome!