Author's Note: I was really excited to write this one! This is a request from a friend of mine and is heavily based on Scottish comedian Danny Bhoy's 'French Class' bit. I'd recommend checking him out; he's pretty great!

Enjoy, Rose!

"Is it me or does it feel like rehearsals are getting more and more demanding?" Jean asked Aria as the two sat down with their food. They had just been released from another practice for Kiss Me, Kate and had decided to visit The Wall, a sports grill on campus, for a late dinner.

"I'm not surprised. We're getting close to opening night, so it's crunch time right now. You're right, though; it has been getting more intense. Ugh, I'm starving," Aria replied, digging into her hot wings. "I don't regret any of it; it feels good to be performing again."

"I can tell. You seem a lot happier than you did when we met," Jean observed.

Aria smiled and rolled her eyes. "Well, considering we first started hanging out after a pretty disastrous vocab test for our French class, I guess that's no surprise."

"Oh damn, don't remind me," Jean said, laughing. "That was awful. That professor had it in for us, I'm telling you. Why put the two worst people in the class together for a test like that?" He shook his head. "I have no idea how we managed to pass that class."

"By the skin of our asses, that's how," Aria replied, laughing as well. "It wasn't all bad, though. That test did cause us to start talking to each other, so it wasn't all bad."

"Okay, let me see here," the professor said, looking over her list of students. "The next pair will be... Aria Foley and Jean Kirstein. I want you two to come up to the front and act out 'Chapter 17: At the Grocery Shop'."

Aria and Jean jerked their heads up at the same time, both fixing the professor with a look that said, 'Seriously? Us two? She/He is probably the only other person in here shittier at French than me.'

"Come on, you two, get up here," the professor said, gesturing to the front of the class. "You've got five minutes to act out the chapter. Which one of you is going to be the customer?"

The two freshmen shared a look, silently agreeing to pad the test out as much as they could with what little dialogue they could remember. "Um, I guess I will," Aria said with a shrug as they took their places.

Aria had taken it upon herself to spend the first two minutes of the exam browsing the imaginary store, making a big show of picking up and sniffing imaginary fruit. Jean, meanwhile, was dutifully wiping down his pretend work station/an unused desk while smoking an imaginary cigarette.

With two of the five minutes gone, the professor spoke up. "Alright, you two. This is all very entertaining but I hope there's some dialogue in this."

"There will be," Jean said, holding his hands up defensively. "We just need to get into character. It's very important, you know."

Knowing they could no longer waste time, Aria and Jean began going through the pleasantries. If they did it right, it would eat up another minute. After that, though, they would have to wing it and hope for the best.

"Bonjour," Aria said as she approached the 'counter'.

Jean took his pretend cigarette from his mouth, blowing smoke as he stared dramatically into the distance before glancing back at Aria. "Bonjour."

"Ca va?" Aria asked.

"Oui," Jean replied. "Et toi?"

"Oui, aye," Aria muttered, her accent slipping out just a bit as it often did when she was nervous.

They were now out of things to say and still had two minutes left in the exam. Suddenly, in a flash of apparent brilliance, Aria remembered the one French phrase that would fit just about anywhere in any conversation.

"Qu'est-ce que c'est?" Aria asked, eyes alight with confidence.

'Oh, you little shit,' Jean thought. He hadn't expected Aria to pull something out of her ass so quickly. He raked his brain trying to think of a response.

"Qui est... Uh... Une banane," he replied. He'd always remembered 'banane' because of how similar it sounded to 'banana'.

"Une banane?" Aria asked, her hand raised in the air as if this was some great revelation.

Jean blinked and stared almost disbelievingly at Aria for a moment before responding. "Une banane."

"I mean seriously, who the hell says that in a conversation? 'A banana!' 'A banana?!' 'A banana.'," Jean pointed out.

"Oh whatever, that was a stroke of creative genius," Aria retorted. "We were trying to string it out so I had to work with what I had."

"Does that include trying to slip in an English word in a French accent hoping the professor didn't notice you?" Jean asked with a smirk.

"...Shut up. I just didn't want us to fail," Aria muttered, looking away.

"Je...purchase un kilo... of seis bananzas. Por favor," Aria said, eyes widening as she realized what she'd said.

Jean blinked again, a look of disbelief etched into his features once more. "Habla espanol?"

"Huh? Oh no, no," Aria replied, shaking her head. "Je make-ey un mistakey."

"Alright, I think I've seen enough," the professor interrupted. "You two have obviously not learned this. Go ahead and sit down. You're wasting my time and the rest of the class's."

"Hang on a sec, I haven't got my bananas yet," Aria said, before turning around and following Jean back to their seats.

"And that was the moment I realized that keeping you around meant keeping things interesting," Jean said, laughing at the memory.

"Nice to know I'm keeping you from having a bad day," Aria replied, rolling her eyes playfully. "I always look a little prettier by comparison when I'm standing next to you anyway, so I guess this friendship works out pretty well for me, too."

"You wound me, my lady," Jean said in mock hurt, clutching at his chest dramatically.

Aria laughed before glancing down at her phone. "Oh damn. I had no idea it was so late! I've gotta go, Jean. I promised Levi we'd play Minecraft. We're really close to finishing a Death Star that fires chickens. I can't wait to tell him about this, though."

"Wow. You two are such nerds. Perfect for each other, though," Jean said as the two stood up to leave.

"Damn straight we are, horseface," Aria agreed, walking outside the grill with Jean.

"See you at rehearsal tomorrow, chika," Jean said as he offered Aria a high-five.

"You got it!" Aria exclaimed, returning the high-five. "Je m'appelle Aria. Tres bien, motherfucker!"

With that, Aria turned and began walking back toward Recon Hall, Jean shaking his head after her.

Ending Notes: Oh man, this was so much fun to write! Danny Bhoy's one of the comedians I've based Allegro on so I'm always looking for new stuff from him. Allegro's a blend of Danny, Jack Whitehall, and Christian Finnegan, so he has a nice blend of nerd humor and angry ranting.

Thanks for reading!

Geekinthepink, out!