"You okay, S?" Quinn asked immediately upon arrival. The hazel eyed cheerio quickly closed Santana's bedroom door behind her and sat beside her friend on the bed. One glance at the head cheerio said it all: she was not okay. It was a good thing she hurried over.
"When did everything get so complicated?" the Latina asked lowly, wiping at her eyes for what felt like the thousandth time that day. "Do you remember the time I punched Finn? You know, back in elementary school."
"He ran crying to tattle on you," the girl nodded. "Why'd you do that again?" It was hard ignoring the brunette's bloodshot eyes and tear stained cheeks but Quinn did so until she felt a little safer asking.
"He was being a stupid jerk… not unlike these days actually," Santana replied. "Don't you remember what he did?"
"Oh yeah, he was picking on that dancer chick, Brittany."
The mention of the other blonde's name caused Santana's heart to swell and shatter all at once.
Since she returned to her silent home from the confrontation with the girl, Santana had spent a little over an hour on her bed bawling her eyes out. Voices and images ran rampant in her mind as she tried to calm herself but it was useless for what felt like forever. Eventually, she decided to call her best friend for help before her parents returned from work. She needed to regain her composure unless she was willing to deal with her parents' inquisitive gazes; which she wasn't.
"He yelled at her and called her stupid in front of everyone during recess. Everyone started laughing, remember?" It was difficult understanding Santana with the occasional sobs that shook her voice but Quinn nodded nonetheless, unsure what the memory had to do with her current state. "You told me he was being dumb but didn't say anything to him but I couldn't. Br- she looked so scared and hurt. When he shoved her, I lost it."
Shaking her head, Santana lost herself to shoulder heaving cries once more, pulling her knees up to her chest and wrapping herself into a ball. Angry and violent scenes flashed from behind her eyelids and she cried harder, not caring who heard or saw. Her body trembled and her chest tightened as she began to gasp for air.
Quinn, who had sat frozen in shock, surged forward and pulled at her friend's limbs, using all her strength to force her onto her back. She placed her body atop Santana's, pinning the Latina's thighs between her legs and holding her wrists to spread her arms open. She looked down and held her friend's dark gaze as she rested her forehead against hers.
"Breathe," Quinn instructed softly. "In and out, slowly."
Santana cracked a smile then that looked more like a grimace as she listened, doing as she was told. "So wanky," she muttered once she caught her breath more or less.
"You're such a perv." The blonde rolled her eyes when she realized any immediate danger was gone. Shifting up and off her friend, she sat with her legs crossed and hands in her lap, looking at Santana with concern evident in her gaze. All things aside, Quinn loved Santana like a sister and it was times like that that she remembered how deeply she cared. "What happened?"
Looking into Quinn's eyes, Santana couldn't keep it to herself any longer. She needed a friend, someone who knew better than anyone else (well, except the other blonde in her life). She needed Quinn, the girl who spoke honestly even if it hurt. She needed that honesty and sincerity. She needed her best friend since first grade. So, she did the scariest thing she could think of, she told her everything.
She began by admitting that Quinn had a point when she called Santana out about having hidden motives for playing the piano. She told her about the first time they played, how it was purely by chance. Of course, Quinn already knew about that but what she didn't know was that the brunette had gotten a mysterious card that night and a visit from the blonde dancer she defended years ago. Quinn had to bite her tongue to keep from interrupting.
Santana told her about the cards she got every night they played since then, how they grew longer and more detailed in compliments and observations. She shyly confessed that they made her feel special and because of that, she grew infatuated. She told her about the secret letters that she got in school from the same mysterious piano person; letters written about mundane things that would have meant nothing if they were from anyone else. She paused and took a breath, giving Quinn a look that clearly meant she could ask questions for the time being.
"Did you ever meet the guy?" was the first thing to spill out. "Why didn't you tell me?" the next then, "so, did you meet him?"
"I… I met the piano player, yeah." Everything she said before was easier because she could ignore the big, pink elephant in the room, sitting on her chest, shitting glitter and weezing out rainbows. Fuck, this is harder than before, she thought.
"So? Who is he? Is he cute?" Quinn pressed, staring intently at her friend. "Was he nice?" She didn't particularly care about the appearance but she knew what Santana reacted best to, and that was mindless, unimportant questions. Anything serious would just scare her off.
"He- he w-was… he was a she," the Latina rushed out, squeezing her eyes shut. She didn't want to see the look of disgust that must have been on her friend's face.
"Wh- what are you saying?" Quinn whispered, looking at her friend with confused and questioning eyes.
"There's uh," she began slowly, opening her eyes and using every ounce of courage she had to continue. "There's something- well, something I haven't told you but I'm pretty sure th-that I'm in love with Br-Brittany."
…
"What did she want?" Lily asked gently when Brittany returned to their living room. The younger Pierce had waited patiently on the couch for her sister's return but curiosity and concern burned inside her. She heard muffled screaming and it took all her willpower to keep her from checking out what was going on; she knew Brittany wouldn't have appreciated it.
"She knows it was me and she freaked," the older blonde replied in an exhausted tone. She plopped down beside Lily and cuddled into her, wrapping her arms around the smaller girl's waist.
"She knows that you love her?" The words were spoken simply and without judgement, causing tears to sting Brittany's eyes.
"Yeah, she knows I love her and I'm the pianist." Burying her face in Lily's side, she mumbled incoherently and tried her best to fight against the sobs that lodged themselves in her throat.
"It's okay, y'know? That you love her I mean." Again, Lily spoke plainly, holding her sister close. "Some girls like guys, some like other girls and some even like both." Her cheeks heated up a little, thinking of how the roles should have been reversed but really, she only cared about making her big sister feel better.
Pulling away from Lily's comforting embrace, Brittany nodded, wiping the back of her hand across her face. "I know and I'm happy you know too," she hiccuped. "But she doesn't know. She's scared and so lost."
"She'll come around, Britt. I know she will because you two were friends and if she doesn't accept how you are, then screw her."
It didn't occur to Brittany that Lily didn't see Santana the way she did: scared of herself rather than Brittany's feelings. Well, okay, Santana was afraid of the blonde's feelings but that fear didn't amount to anything in comparison to what she felt about her own feelings.
"Ugh, I'm so stupid," Brittany grumbled, flopping onto the couch so that her back hit the armrest. Should she tell her sister? No. Santana needed her privacy and she would give her that, even if it meant keeping a secret from Lily.
"Brittany, don't say stuff like that, okay? You're not stupid; you're smarter than most people I know. How do you think mom would like it if she heard you saying you're stupid? I know dad wouldn't have liked it either, so don't okay? Wait… did Santana call you stupid?" Her eyes were narrowed and critical, looking at Brittany with an intensity only a concerned sibling would have.
"She did but-"
"Seriously? That… that bitch!" Lily looked furious, jumping from the couch and onto her feet with an angry grunt.
"Lily Mae! Don't you dare cuss like that in my house!" their mom shouted, walking into the room. She looked tired and somewhat upset as she dropped her things beside the couch. After a glance around the room and small nod, she half grinned. "Now, who's a bitch?"
"No one, m-"
"This one Lima Heights loser," Lily interrupted, frowning at Brittany.
"Lily seriously, don't say things like that. Please," Stephanie admonished gently. "Now, Britt-Bee, mind explaining?"
Looking into her mother's sincere gaze, Brittany crumbled and told her everything she felt about the Latina, only leaving out anything to do with the other girl's questioning sexuality.
Finally, the two girls spoke of something they felt for so long. Brittany expressed what she long since knew and Santana expressed what she long since suspected and feared. The blonde felt relieved, a little intimidated by the strength of having it all in the open with the people that mattered most but relieved nonetheless. The brunette was frightened of her friend's reaction but felt the weight that had rested on her chest for so long ease up.
In either case, each of their it was out there and without a way to go back, each girl had their share of things to deal with. Thankfully, they always had one another, even if they didn't realize it at the time.
A/N: So, this came out quicker than I thought! (Was that considered a pun? Hmm..) Right, well, I have to say, I have no idea what I am doing anymore. I am a complete lunatic and hope that this came out making at least some sense. Also, I love all of you who read my stuff, you make my day. I hope you all find your unicorn one day. Or bicorn or uh other unicorn... yeah.
Oh and... I am SO excited for the 100th episode! Getting those small glimpses of Britt and San is like crack. My gosh. Next two Tuesdays are going to rock! Not to mention my brotp being reunited; yes, I mean the Unholy Trinity. Ah, life feels good. Brittana is on and nothing hurts.