A/N – As always a huge thank you to everyone who left me reviews on the last chapter, and to the people who have this on their favourite and follow list. It means a lot. Now, I had some trouble replying to reviews for the last chapter, so apologies if I didn't reply to yours. I'll try again this week!
I hope you enjoy this chapter!
Pandora was pretty sure there was some kind of alien tentacle monster inside of her head trying to claw its way out. It had wrapped itself tightly around her brain and was squeezing mercilessly, and it scratched and clawed angrily at the slightly provocation; including any light and sound. Darkness seemed to sooth it, as did the cold, and with a groan of relief she closed her eyes and slumped in her seat, resting her forehead on the cool metal of the mess table.
I'll never drink ryncol again, she promised herself silently. Never.
A rustle of fabric and the faint metallic vibration of footsteps was the only warning she had that a body was approaching, then someone slid into the empty seat beside hers, she felt the pricking tickle of his biotics, and heard the light scrape of something being placed on the table by her head. She winced and drew back, aiming an accusatory stare at Kaidan as he settled into the seat beside her.
"Well, well, kitten." The bastard was actually smirking. "You're looking a little worse for wear this morning. How's the head?"
She narrowed her eyes at him. "It hurts like a son of a bitch."
"Thought as much. Take these," he nodded towards a glass of water and some pills that he'd set down on the table next to her. "I got them from Mordin. He said they'd help."
"You got me headache pills?" Pandora managed a small smile through the pain as she reached for them. "I thought you'd just come up here to make fun of me."
Kaidan's smirk widened. "Well, not only to make fun of you."
"Thanks," she muttered and rolled her eyes as she swallowed the pills, washing them down with a gulp of water. Her head reeled as she tossed them back, and she felt Kaidan's hands on her shoulders, steadying her as she wavered.
"Take it slowly. Ryncol has a bad effect on us poor humans. Even I don't touch the stuff often." Kaidan sounded concerned, and he squeezed her shoulder as he let her go. "If I'd known you were drinking so much of it last night, I'd have warned you."
Last night.
The memory of dancing with Kaidan at Afterlife swam to the surface of her blurry memories of the night before, of his body sliding against hers, and his mouth pressing kisses against her neck. She swallowed hard, surprised at the intense emotional that accompanied the memory; of just how much she'd loved feeling his arms around her, and how much she'd enjoyed the possessive way he'd held her.
Pandora shrugged the memories away and cleared her throat. "I'll be fine once these kick in. Thank you." She drank the rest of the glass of water and then turned back to her coffee. "God, what a night. The next time I give the crew some personal time, remind me to keep myself in check."
He quirked an eyebrow. "You were in fine form; I'll give you that."
"I suppose you found it hilarious."
"I'm not sure hilarious is the word I'd use. I enjoyed dancing with you," Kaidan shifted in his seat so that one leg pressed against hers, his biotics were warm, and she barely bit back a sigh of relief at the comforting buzz that slid over her skin. "The rest of the evening was subpar. Not that I don't enjoy spending time with you any way I can, but I had hoped to end the evening a little differently."
Pandora vaguely recalled stumbling back to the Normandy with Kaidan helping her, of throwing up in the airlock, and of Kaidan putting her to bed in her room. She shifted uncomfortably, embarrassed at how legless and idiotic she must have seemed to him, and looked up in surprise when his hand covered hers and his thumb rubbed across her knuckles in small circles.
He was grinning.
"Have I mentioned how adorable you are when you're embarrassed, kitten?"
"Oh, shut up!" She shook his hand off and grabbed her mug of coffee, sipping the hot liquid carefully and using it to shield her burning cheeks as he smirked at her in amusement. "Look, thank you very much for putting me to bed and not taking advantage, is that what you want to hear?"
His smile vanished and he blinked. "A thank you? No, you don't need to thank me for not-" he trailed off and sighed, his biotics spiking as he pushed away from the table and stood up, rubbing the back of his neck agitatedly. "Forget it, Shepard. I hope you feel better soon."
Kaidan turned and left before she could say anything, and when Pandora looked after him, his hands were clenched into fists and his body was stiff with tension. She had the strange unshakable feeling that she'd hurt him, hurt him badly with her waspish thank you, though she couldn't for the life of her understand why. There was so much about Kaidan that she didn't understand, and so much of his past was still a mystery to her.
She sighed and sipped her coffee, looking down at the table as her head pulsed and she tried to straighten out her tangled thoughts. She'd deal with Kaidan later and try to work things out, she owed him that much, especially as things had been so much nicer between them lately. He had been making a real effort to make up for his ugly behaviour on that morning, so the least she could do was make sure she helped keep things pleasant.
"Commander?" Pandora glanced up as Samara approached the table, her red armour glinting under the lights. "May I join you to discuss the plan for today? I received a tip off about a suspicious death and thought we could begin by talking to the victim's family."
She nodded and hoped Kaidan's headache pills had an effect soon; she had a feeling it was going to be a long day.
Kaidan paced, his biotics spiking angrily inside of him as Samara and Shepard continued arguing at the mess table. They'd been gone all day, and when they had reappeared, neither of the women had been in a very good mood, and it hadn't taken Kaidan long to work out why. Despite Samara's wishes that her personal business stay quiet, Shepard had insisted that Kaidan and Thane be brought in as part of this and the asari was putting up a fight.
"It is my personal business," Samara was arguing. "You have no right to involve them."
"And if something goes wrong tonight? What then?" Pandora demanded. "It's my neck on the line."
Kaidan's eyes flicked from one woman to other as they argued, irritably clenching and unclenching one fist until he couldn't take their bickering any longer. As far as he could tell, Samara's main concern was that he or Thane were going to give themselves away and frighten off her psychotic daughter, whereas Shepard desperately wanted backup on this mission.
And he couldn't blame her one little bit.
"So let me get this straight," Kaidan broke in, coming to a stop in front of Samara. "Your daughter is some kind of mass murdering psychic vampire, and your plan to lure her out is to use Shepard as bait?" He didn't bother to hide the disdain that dripped from his tone, nor did he disguise the look of disgust that he could feel creeping across his face.
Samara narrowed her eyes. "It is the only way. If she even suspects that I am on the station she will flee. The Commander will be safe."
"Why not use me?" He crossed his arms over his chest. "You said she likes different, that she likes strong? I'm both of those things."
She cast her eyes over him and pursed her lips, evidently not liking what she saw. "Maybe. You would attract her attention for sure, but not as quickly as Shepard would." She looked back over at Pandora. "The commander draws others to her like a beacon. People cannot help but look to her when she enters a room. If she goes to Afterlife, I'm sure she will attract Morinth's attention." The asari let out a sigh. "She will be unable to resist her."
Kaidan grit his teeth but kept quiet. He couldn't argue with her; Pandora did attract attention. Hell, she'd caught his attention from the very first moment he'd laid eyes on her. He'd been hyped up on adrenaline on the prison ship Purgatory, fuelled by rage and fear, determined to get free even if it meant tearing the ship and everybody on it to pieces. And then she'd appeared, brandishing her gun and standing up to him even though he could have thrown her aside at any moment.
And he'd been moments from doing just that when he'd looked at her, really looked at her, and had stopped.
It hadn't been that she was a beautiful woman, or that she was in a Cerberus uniform, or even the gun she'd been holding, though he'd noted all of that in an instant. There had been something in her eyes which caught his attention, and something in the way she so willingly talked to him instead of ordering or demanding that had held his attention. He'd hesitated, and those pale blue eyes of hers had pinned him good and proper, had managed to piece some of the armour he had in place and had made it to the softer stuff still inside of him.
"Yeah," he agreed reluctantly. "Morinth won't be able to resist her."
"Hey!" Pandora swung around and glared at him. "You and Thane are supposed to support me in this."
Kaidan shrugged, and shoved his hands in his pockets so he wouldn't be tempted to touch her. "I know bad people, kitten, and I know what people like. They like power and they like strength. She'll go for you. Thane and I can be there as-"
"Safeguards," Thane finished smoothly, straightening and holding his hands behind his back. "We will ensure your safety." He turned to Samara, his face cool and impassive. "I will be invisible. Your daughter will not see me unless I wish to be seen, but I will ensure that I am able to watch the Commander closely."
"And you?" The Justicar looked at Kaidan with doubt. "Thane has great skill as an assassin, but I have yet to see act with more than brute force."
Kaidan chuckled and ignored the implied insult. "Me? Oh, I'm never invisible. I'm so loud that she won't fail to notice me, but that's how I blend in. Let her notice me and then let her attention move on when I don't do anything except drink all night and flirt with the asari dancers." He couldn't help but glance at Pandora, but she didn't so much as bat an eyelid at his teasing remark, and he continued. "I know how people like her think, I'll keep my head down and let her see what she expects to see."
Samara sighed and tapped long fingers on the table, finally she nodded. "I will allow this, but if anything goes wrong-"
"It won't." Pandora stood up, signalling the end of the discussion. "It's my life on the line, and I won't do this without them at my back. I'll see you at the Afterlife VIP entrance like we agreed."
The Justicar nodded stiffly and then stalked away, gracefully angry. Thane watched after her for a moment and then excused himself, promising to be at Afterlife when Pandora attempted to make contact with Morinth. The drell moved from the room in the same direction that Samara had taken, and Kaidan leaned back against the table and watched him go, waiting until his footsteps had faded before he turned to face Pandora.
Finally, it was just the two of them, and he watched her silently, waiting for some sign of what she wanted. It was painfully clear to him after her sarcastic little 'thank you' this morning exactly how poorly she thought of him. And maybe he shouldn't have been shocked; he was a criminal after all, and he hadn't done anything to disguise any of the terrible things he'd done.
"You said you'd explain everything," she said suddenly, looking over at him with those lovely eyes of hers.
His hands itched to reach out and touch her, and he balled them into fists.
"I did," Kaidan agreed and scuffed a boot across the floor. Shit. He'd planned on talking to Pandora and telling her why he'd been such a bastard, but now that the time had come to actually say it to her face he felt … awkward. He forced the words out anyway, "I told you some of what they did to me at BAaT, but not everything. Not the bad stuff. It's not an excuse for what I did, but … ." Kaidan pulled his hands from his pockets and stared at the tattoos, at anything other than Pandora as he spoke. "Well, it's all I have."
"They tortured all of us, I told you that, but some of us got it worse than others, and when they found out that hurting people I cared about got a biotic reaction from me, well, they hurt them more. They used them. They pushed them. They killed people. The Alliance was bad, Cerberus was worse. After a while it became second nature to push people away so they wouldn't get hurt." He scuffed the floor again, grinding the toe of his boot into the metal. "Sex was usually just sex. It was nice, but it never meant anything. But with you-"
Kaidan made himself look up and swallowed uncomfortably with how tense and serious the air between them was. He shuffled, uncrossing and recrossing his arms, his skin itching as his biotics crackled and crawled beneath the surface. Pandora was watching him intently, her gaze unwavering as it focused on him.
"Fuck this feels stupid." Kaidan ripped his eyes away from hers, angrily kicking at the floor and hating the churning feeling in his stomach. "Look, that night with you, it meant a lot to me. I wanted you, but until I was actually with you I didn't realise how much it meant to me-"
"Kaidan."
He looked up at the sound of his name, and watched spellbound as she moved to his side, leaning against the table so that their hips and shoulders were touching. Her biotics tickled against his, and the small physical touch was comforting. Some of his anxiety drained away and he drew in a deep breath.
"I woke up holding you and I didn't want to let you go," he admitted, "and it scared me. I don't like being scared. So I did what I always do and I took off. I pushed you away, and I'm sorry."
She sighed, a soft slither of sound. "You were a bastard."
"I was."
"You hurt me."
Kaidan nodded. "I know. I kept telling myself that you were a big girl, that it was just some fun, and that it hadn't meant anything to you because I'm just some fucked up criminal who you were slumming it with."
He clenched his teeth as the words were forced out of him, and the thought of how she must see him was laid bare. Everything he'd done, everything he was, he'd always accepted it and been proud of surviving against the odds. But the thought of how Pandora must see him from the outside; as a thief, a criminal, a murderer, and worse, it hurt.
A lot.
"That's not what it was." Her hand found his and her little finger hooked around his, a tiny gesture, but one that gave him hope. "I was with you that night because I wanted you. It was mutual."
Kaidan drew a breath and nodded, a tight feeling spreading across his chest; there was one more thing he had to tell her. "I know what you must think of me, but I didn't want to hurt you. I'm not … this morning you thanked me for not taking advantage of you. But I'd never do that. I'm not like that. I've done some bad shit, but never … that."
"Shit, Kaidan. I didn't mean to imply that. I'm sorry." Pandora's hand closed firmly around his and she pulled him to her, going up on tip toe and wrapping her arms around his neck.
Kaidan froze, surprised at the embrace, but relaxed into her arms a moment later. The material of her uniform was soft and warm against his chest, and she burrowed close; pressing her face into his neck. He drew in the scent of her perfume, of sugar and spice; a familiar and comforting scent.
"I like the man you are." She said softly, and Kaidan drew back so he could look into her eyes again. "Thank you for telling me the truth. But … you need to put some faith in me if you want this to work between us."
"Is there an 'us'?" he asked before he could stop himself.
Pandora smiled and went up on tip toes, giving him his answer in the form of a slow teasing kiss. Biotics tingled between them, and Kaidan slid one hand over her waist, splaying his fingers over her taut lower back. When she pulled away her cheeks were slightly flushed, and he grinned before he could stop himself, a curl of excitement streaking through him.
"You're still an asshole," she added, her eyes sparkling despite her words. "And if you ever treat me like that again I'll throw off the ship, but I'm glad you'll have my back tonight." She leaned forward and kissed him once more with another firm press of lips, and Kaidan shivered as her nails scraped over his shoulders, frissons of excitement dancing through his body.
The kiss was relatively chaste, but it was warm and soft, and it reminded him of how much closer they had been once, and how much closer they might be again. When Pandora pulled back he let his hand linger on her hip and stroked his thumb against her slowly, allowing her to step back reluctantly.
"I'm going to get changed. I guess I'll see you tonight at the bar," she said.
Kaidan nodded, slightly dazed. "I'll be there."
Pandora smiled and him and then sauntered away, her swinging walk letting him know that she was well aware of his heated gaze following her. When she vanished from view Kaidan turned and started when he saw Garrus lounging at the top of the stairs that led to the Main Battery, the turian watching him with bright eyes.
"It's about damn time," Garrus said with a small smile.
A/N – Pandora is such a soft touch when it comes to Kaidan, lol. The next chapter has the Samara loyalty mission with Morinth, and some very dark moments for a few characters. Reviews are always welcome! :)