Hello all! Sorry it's taken me a while to update; I've been really busy, but I'm going to be more frequent now! :D (famous last words…)

I just want to thank all of you for helping me to hit over 100 reviews! Wow! I cannot say how awesome that is, and please keep on reviewing, because they make me so happy and help me to write! Every one of you reading and leaving your opinion counts. Thankyou all SO much. I hope you enjoy this chapter :)

(I promise it will get a bit more cheerful next chapter. For now, anyway *cackles into the distance*)

((By the way… I do plan on changing Leia's name to Penny! I'm holding out to see if we get the Mother's name soon, so then I can change them both in one go.))

Ted stared blankly at his laptop screen. He'd been doing the same thing for the past hour, and the hour before that. In fact, most of the previous nights had been spent avidly refreshing news sites.

Everywhere, reports about Barney were available to be read. Pictures of the blonde were present in high resolution on front pages.

For the past 5 years, Ted swore that if he saw that face one more time, he'd take the opportunity to punch it. The way his face looked after Marshall slapped him would not even begin to compare to the mess it would be in after he was done with it.

He wanted to leave his smug, grinning expression unrecognizable. That pig of a man left Robin. Their Robin. Their Robin who had ached for her husband over the years.

He swore Barney Stinson would pay if he ever waltzed back into their lives.

And Barney used to claim to be Ted's best friend. So often, he would reinforce just how important, how vital their friendship was. Seeing him leave without even a goodbye hurt Ted more than he had been willing to admit.

It made him wonder if all those 'legendary' nights were even real. All the things Barney had ever done for his group of friends, were they lies? In all honesty, Barney had always been closest friends with Robin. But he was still able to run her heart through with a chainsaw. Had he ever even liked Ted as a person?

He found his pupils unwaveringly fixed to the old photos of Barney plastered across websites, Ted couldn't deal with it. Knowing what Barney had been through.

That was his bro. His very best bro.

Barney talked himself up, yet in reality, quivered at the mention of a fight. He had childishly squealed at 'the slaps'.

As a kid, Ted used to pride himself on his vivid imagination. Sat at the back of his nursery classroom, he would look down on all the kids who couldn't play pretend properly. He pitied those who only saw beauty in a numbers rather than in a pen, paper, and mind.

His eyes met with the glazed computer screen eyes of Barney. He wished that he were one of those kids who could not imagine.

If he were one of those kids, then maybe he wouldn't be seeing Barney being beaten, blood trickling from his wounds and meeting in a pool around him.

If only he wasn't picturing that. If only that didn't have to happen to him at all. Ted wanted to lull against his laptop screen and wake up five years ago, with Barney unharmed and Robin happy. He couldn't live with the guilt of hating Barney, when the man was being tortured. Actually tortured.

Every time Ted had used that word to describe a grueling day at work now seemed to be a federal crime.

Barney was tortured.

He clicked on another article and began to reread the same story he had been obsessing over for days.

"New York Male Tortured for half a decade'.

He could feel tears pricking in the back of his eyes.

No sooner than he had he finished the article, warm hands slipped over his shoulders. He felt Bella's lips on his cheek.

"You've been reading those for hours." She said quietly.

"Mmm." Was all he could answer.

She was silent for a while. She continued to massage his shoulders, before sitting down on the chair next to him at their oak dining table.

"It's not your fault."

"I don't think it's my fault." Ted retorted immaturely.

"But you're blaming yourself. Don't tell me you aren't blaming yourself a bit." He tore himself away from the screen at her words. Her large eyes were bright. Somewhere along the line, she had cupped his hands in hers.

"Aren't you?" He couldn't look at her properly.

"We can't blame ourselves. This has no-"

"Nothing to do with us. I know. We didn't know what was going on at Barney's work after he did that bust. We didn't know he kept signing the documents. We didn't know anyone was after him. We didn't know what the group of Koreans would interpret. We couldn't have done anything to stop him. This is literally so far from our fault that it's not even possible to blame ourselves." He paused, meeting her chocolate eyes. "But I'm blaming myself."

"Because you love him. He's your best friend."

"Marshall's my best fri- oh hell, I don't even know why I bother with that. Barney's just as much my best friend, and now he's gone through years of- years of fucking, oh you know." He broke off. He couldn't say it.

"I know." Bella murmured, lip wobbling. Ted could tell she was trying to be strong, but this was affecting her. "I always knew something was up."

"What?" Ted was confused.

"With him walking out on Robin."

"You couldn't have. We all hated him just the same." Ted couldn't take any more guilt. He couldn't feel like he was the only one who hated Barney.

"I hated what he did. But I always thought something had to have happened that we didn't know. That guy I met all those years ago… he loved Robin. He loved her."

"God. God I know. He loves her." Ted hadn't slept for over 24 hours. His brain was barely functioning, but new information was still rushing in. This meant that Barney had always loved Robin.

When he didn't know the full picture, he always wondered why he too didn't see through Barney. He wouldn't trade his life with Bella for the world. Nonetheless there remained a part of him that wished he could have protected Robin from this. He used to love her so much, after all.

But this whole time, Barney had been the one protecting her.

"I knew love when I saw it." Bella smiled. She reached up to touch Ted's face.

"How do you always know the perfect thing to say?" He returned her smile, voice becoming softer again, the way it normally was around her.

"Because I'm your wife." She moved closer, and Ted pulled her into a fierce hug. He held onto her hair and her waist. He blinked his eyes tight shut.

"We're so lucky." He spoke into her curls. "So lucky to have each other for all this time."

"They weren't so lucky." She said. He could tell she was crying, but trying to rein it in. So he held her tighter, unable to imagine what it must be like to have to let her go.

Barney sat in his bed pouring over photos from the book Robin had given him.

Easily, meeting Cara had been the best thing to happen to him.

He couldn't quite fathom how amazing that tiny person was to him. And staring at all the photos of her as a baby, he hated the fact that he had missed those moments. He wanted to have been there.

His index finger traced Cara's face in what was probably his favourite of all the photos.

It was titled 'Cara's first birthday'. In the picture, a Robin was kissing a laughing baby Cara's cheek. He couldn't quite get his eyes off that picture. How delightfully beautiful his girls were.

He memorized ever story Robin had written down. Every fact, every detail. Chuckling, he slid his hand across toddler Cara's hair in a photograph of her tragically holding an empty bag of mini muffins, tears streaming down her face. Underneath the image, Robin had written 'she's crying because somebody ate all of the muffins. It was her'.

On the locker, his phone buzzed, causing a loud, harsh sound as the vibrations knocked against the surface. He smiled when he saw the message was from Robin.

He tapped on the file attachment to reveal Cara, concealed partially by blankets, sleeping in her tiara. It was captioned with 'Sleeping Beauty wouldn't take her crown off.'

Something skipped in his chest. His daughter liked him. His daughter genuinely felt special because of him.

Again, the phone buzzed in his hand. 10.30 tomorrow?

Barney quickly tapped the response 'yes' into his phone before shooting a glance towards the clock. The time was 5.47.

He rubbed his eyes, becoming slightly aware of how tired he actually was. He could barely recall the last time he had actually slept. For the past couple of days, everything had been a whirlwind. Finally holding his wife again, but being faced with the fact that she wasn't his wife. She was broken. And regardless of the fact that he did everything to save her, he couldn't shake the fact that it was still him who broke her.

The woman who he saw panicking on his couch wasn't Robin. Her thin frame shaking in his arms, retracting upon the realization that it was him. There was no doubt that she would have changed. But he could see that she'd lost herself. Buried it, perhaps.

Over the years, they had come so far in moving past their commitment phobia.

Barney still remembered the first night they ever properly spooned. Well, there had been many nights when they first dated where they would fall into each other's arms after sex, and awaken the next morning with guilty expressions as they found themselves embracing.

Then there were the days she wanted him to comfort her, and back then, he was too scared, too self absorbed to do anything about it. Right before his introduction to Robin 101, he'd never been a listener, simply brushing off her hints at wanting a conversation in favour of an awesome time at the bar.

She acted like she didn't care. She wasn't touchy feely, and that was what he loved. Back then it had been a mixture of trying to deny how incredible it was to have a more domestic life with her. But when he sauntered down to the bar and later returned for sex, he'd be able to see afterwards that tiny little look of upset.

He couldn't offer consolidations, nor was he the perfect boyfriend, all equipped with balanced arguments and days to spend 'talking it out'.

He had his arms. And he'd sort of keep her there, muddling his fingers through her hair. In the morning, they wouldn't talk about it. After all, cuddling was not meant to be part of 'barnman and robin'. They were two super attractive friends, who got on really well and happened to have mindblowing sex every now and again- oh who was he kidding- at least three times a freaking day. Nothing more.

Which was probably why they didn't work out back then. Neither of them were ready.

Once they got engaged, it was a different story.

2012

He leant over her chest, breath heavy as he trailed light kisses from her ribs to her neck. She gave this soft kind of laugh, half a sigh, bucking her hips against his and running her fingers through his hair.

His lips reached hers, and he smiled at her. The genuine type of smile that Robin didn't even realize how horrendously she had missed.

She'd missed this. Him. Being with him.

Everything simply… stopped once they broke up. It never felt like they got proper closure. She just got dropped back into this friendly banter, trying to hide how badly she still wanted him.

And then there was that time when they cheated. She tried not to remember it, not to even count it because it made her feel like such an awful person. But she remembered that when he pushed inside her that night, frantic hands and grabbing.

It felt right. For the first time in god knew how long, everything felt right. The rawness of his lips attacking hers again. Passion that nothing else compared to. Hearing him moan, and remembering all the times they'd kissed. Thinking that all the seconds that hadn't been spent kissing were wasted.

She wasn't considering about consequences, and neither was he.

Because they were just them again. They both knew, then, that this was it. They'd always fall back to each other.

It got screwed up. She screwed up. Robin never expected to get a second chance.

Barney never expected to be good enough to make her happy.

Now they were here. They were engaged.

Engaged meant forever. Engaged meant marriage, and weddings, and spending rainy weekends watching old CSI reruns and arguing about getting a new pelmet fitted. Trust, and commitment, and compromising. Not exactly areas of her expertise. She wanted them to be, though. Together. With Barney, even the lamest and most tedious of activities became exhilarating.

She wasn't scared. Even though earlier that night, she'd have gone to her grave swearing that she was about as interested in Barney's love as she was in a toothpick, she wasn't scared about sharing the rest of her life with him.

It didn't feel like 'her life'. It was their life.

Oh, she liked that.

He kissed all around her jaw, managing to find a spot she forgot even existed. It made her chuckle again, rubbing circles in his back with her nails.

"That." She murmured, still breathless. "Was…"

"Awesome." He told her cheek. "Like, 1000 out of 10."

She shifted again as he pulled out of her. All shame out of the window, she whimpered a little at the loss, before quickly regaining her awesomeness.

"Eh. I disagree." She sat herself up, running her hands over Barney's abs. She could now. It was starting to sink in that his abs were just for her. His kisses were just for her, and his love was just for her, and hell, he'd even snuck into her house and stolen her Canadian flag mug, the perfect bastard.

"Disagree?" He seemed indignant, even though she was already wrapping her legs around him. "Disagree! Scherbatsky that's unacceptable. The barnacle express has not waited this long to reunite with your little robin, and cause her to 'choo choo' into the double digits for an 'eh'."

"Sh't up." She kissed him again. She could kiss him for the rest of the night if she wanted.

Her red dress was abandoned on the floor, after Barney had slowly and excruciatingly undressed her. The flickering light from the candles leapt against it, causing it to shimmer against the material, and fall across what could only be described as a nigh on sea of rose petals.

"I was going to say 1000," she paused to stroke her palms along his cheek. "and 69."

For a moment he just stared at her. Already that night, he'd touched every inch of her body. They'd explored every part of each other for the first time in far, far too long. But again, he raked his gaze across her like she hung the stars.

Then he smiled. Grinned, actually.

"I fucking love you."

Even with choice language, those words prickled at Robin's eyes. The overwhelming blissfulness of it all made her start to tear up. She told herself to get a grip, and then recognized that she didn't have to.

She didn't have to hide anything anymore. She didn't have to sit at the bar and dig her heels into the oak floorboards as he recounted his conquests. Nor did she have to pretend she didn't want to bang him senseless when he did that thing where he removed his jacket and rolled his sleeves up high.

Crap, now she was crying. Maybe she could blame half on the fact that her toes hadn't yet uncurled from the last round of pure awesomeness.

"You're crying." He said. And he was holding one hand around her waist, and the other supporting her back. He nuzzled – Barney Stinson- nuzzled her cheek. "Why are you crying?"

"I just-" She submitted to the cringe-worthy cliché of wafting her eyes with her hands. "I fucking love you too."

"You're crying with lurve."

"Don't you laugh, Stinson. You did this. This is all your fault." She accused, leaning further into him and using her left hand to massage his neck. She couldn't even count the number of times she had been ordering drinks at the bar and wanted to do that.

"My fault?"

"Your fault." She nodded. "Your fault."

"Damnit, I love you." He repeated. Rolling the words off his tongue in front of her seemed foreign. For several nights, he'd said it to the air, but not yet the real Robin.

"You said that."

"I want to say it again."

She leant back into the pillows.

"I love you." He cupped her boobs, making her laugh.

"Me or them?"

"You. Definitely you. Your voice, and your hair. Your clothes, your walk, your laugh and your jokes. And your weird angry face… your emperor penguin obsession and your really weird snoring. The gals are just an added bonus. For the record, you don't even know how much I've missed maple and syrup."

"I might tell everyone you call them that." She teased. "How much it turns you on that I'm Ca-"

"Don't even say it." He shook his head.

"Canadian. You're marrying a Canadian." With a quick kiss to his chest, she chuckled. "Let that sink in. You're going to be Mr. Barney Canada. No- Barney Scherbatsky!" She took a pause to touch his thighs. "Sweet timbits that sounds that sounds good."

He pulled back, removing his hands. She pulled them back to where they were, pressing their hips closer together.

"I can't believe my fiancé says stuff like sweet timbits."

"You want a bit of my sweet timbit?" She questioned.

He shook his head at her. Somehow, she managed to make Canadian donut puns the hottest thing on the planet.

"I want more than a bit. I just want your timbit. Only your timbit. For the rest of our lives."

"You're so romantic." She drawled sarcastically. Underneath her tone, they both knew she meant it. They were surrounded by the scent of the petals, following his promise to marry her.

The ring felt alien to her finger, but she already loved it. She made a pact right then and there to never take it off. No matter what happened, no matter what might go wrong along the road. Always.

She informed him of this about an hour later. They were lying under the sheets, catching the pace of their breathing up to normal. Barney never felt the afterglow with anybody but her. Every other girl, he didn't want to stick around.

However, with Robin, he wanted to hold her for as long as she'd let him. Post sex, he'd linger inside her for a bit longer than even she thought necessary. There was something delicious about knowing that this was going to be his life.

"I'm never taking this off." She remembered. Admittedly, it was hard to remember anything else after that. They were holding hands under the duvet with their bodies inches away from each other. He realized that he missed her eyes. He saw them every day, but he'd missed being this close to them.

He always got the credit for having 'blue eyes'. This seemed preposterous to him, staring into Robin's. They weren't as bright, perhaps, but they were somehow clearer.

They were so, so full of love. He hadn't seen that much adoration, that much contentment in her eyes in… well, in ever.

"Your ring?" He smiled, brushing his thumb over it.

"Mmhm." She nodded.

He kissed her nose.

"I like that." She used her foot to play with his ankle. "The nose kissing."

"And the loving?"

"I love the loving. God, anyone who can go for that long." She grinned coyly, but stopped herself.

"Mmh?" He could tell she had something to say.

"More than that too." She tried to collect all of her thoughts. She both admired and envied the way he could put his love into words. She'd never been able to do that.

"I love that you love me, I mean, I, well, I love you. I just realized I never said it. Before. When we dated." She stroked his bottom lip with the hand that wasn't in his.

"S'kay. I know you meant it."

"No. It's not okay. I never said it… and I mean… you don't hear it enough. Maybe even at all… no… not that, um, I don't want the details of your relationships, but." Robin blinked. "I love you. I was so scared of everything back then. I wanted to push you, and make something that we weren't ready for."

"We're ready now."

"Little Barney's ready now." She noticed.

"He'll always be ready." He nudged her to prove it, but she lightly slapped him away.

"Too sleepy. You can't possibly want more sex than we've just had."

"I don't want anything more than what I've got right now." Barney spoke in his honest voice. The one he very rarely used, only on occasion, to divulge secrets. Like the fact that the trouble wasn't so troubling with her.

"You make me so happy. And I love you. You're the best person I know, and you're my best friend, and I just… really, really love you, Barn. I'm going to tell you more." She was crying. Barney thought it was remarkable how she managed to stay so beautiful, despite tears and sniffling.

"I could get used to that." He lightly removed his hand from hers and wrapped both of them around her, so they were resting on the small of her back. Instinctively, she did similarly, and let her hands meet at his back.

"Our arms are gonna be so numb tomorrow." She observed.

For possibly the hundredth time, he kissed her. Slowly, this time, locking their tongues. A while later, he broke apart, seeing her beaming. "Totally worth it." He boasted.

Ten minutes and they were both on the brink of sleep. As they had done on the rooftop, they just enjoyed being in each others arms. By this time it was early morning, and the light from the window was starting to stream joyfully into the room. Telling them that perhaps it was time to get up. Robin was exhausted, but hadn't felt this ecstatic in her life.

Just the same, Barney had a sense of completeness. Robin was in his arms. She was going to be his wife.

Every morning until he was old, grey, and regrettably less awesome, he'd fall asleep to her. Her breath against his chest, her hair tickling his chin. Earlier, he was surprised she didn't call him out for bringing up her snoring. He could tell she was awake at the moment, but even so, her snores were starting to take their form. Robin didn't snore like a normal person. She grunted and squeaked to a most displeasing tempo. It always used to wake him up.

He couldn't wait to hear it again every night.

Back when Lily was forcing them to define things (no matter how many times he insisted that he was happy just the way things were), he truly didn't know what he wanted out of their relationship. With Robin in front of him, looking confused and nervous in a green dress, asking him if being with her was what he wanted, he hadn't answered right. He'd been holding back. Trying to harness his feelings in.

He was done with that. This was what he wanted. To be with Robin, and do everything within his power to make her feel loved and happy.

He felt her shuffling against him, reorganizing herself so that she was even nearer to him. She pressed her lips to his adams-apple and sighed.

"I love you." She repeated. "I love you." She lazily draped her leg of his, reaching her head up to kiss his cheekbone. Then she lowered to a whisper. "I don't think I stopped. Not really."

"Me neither."

At that, she snuggled into their sheets and into his arms. He watched the fluttering of her eyelashes as she started to snore. He shut his own eyes then, only needing to know that she was there.

He knew that five years, ten years, any number of years from now, it would be like this.

present

Unable to sleep, Robin had slunk round to Cara's doorway. She refused to be alone with her thoughts. So much hurt and confusion was buzzing around her brain, and she simply couldn't sort it all out. Love, and hate, and sadness and excitement and sheer relief were all jumbling into one sea of emotion, and she felt a tiny bit like drowning. Cara always calmed her down.

Robin was almost jealous of her daughter. Sleeping peacefully in her bed, dreaming of something fun and princess related. Robin saw Woof the toy puppy tucked cozily under Cara's chin.

She glanced around the room, noticing all the little memories. Mostly, there were photos of the two of them. Robin wondered if that was going to change.

She was so used to doing all of this alone. She had become accustomed to feeling unloved by all but Cara. Cara was her everything. The one, tiny little being that was nothing but pure joy.

Sure, she had Aidan. Aidan who was lovely. Aidan who listened. Aidan who cared. Aidan who she thought she might love, but wouldn't ever love back… not 100%.

She didn't think Aidan could ever love her the way he loved his own wife. Ivy was still alive. She just couldn't remember her husband, and her children. Robin herself couldn't imagine a worse fate.

Forgetting Cara would be the worst form of agony.

All these years, Robin had wondered if it was worse or better that way. To have lost a partner who loved you, or one who lied to you so abhorrently that you could hate them.

That mindset had changed. She had been accustomed to dealing with loneliness. She was surrounded by a number amazing people. But as soon as she was in bed, and the lights were out, her heart felt so alone.

Now she was trying to come to terms with all that had happened. Sort out all the memories. She'd distorted her past with Barney over the years. It was all fake, wasn't it? Which meant that she couldn't have fond memories.

It was now her task to put a label on what she thought wasn't real, but actually was. She felt confused.

Her baby girl would have a father, and Barney would finally be able to be with his family. That was what he deserved, and what she wanted.

Except she felt like she'd be cheating him. She wasn't his family anymore. The girl he left was gone, and in her place was a person she didn't really understand. She rubbed her empty ring finger with a dash of guilt, sighing against the wall.

She slipped her hand into her dressing gown pocket and took a photo of Cara, sleeping soundly in her tiara. Instantly, she mailed the attachment to Barney. She knew how happy he'd be to see Cara in his gift. And she wanted him to be happy.

She also wasn't sure what the future held. How they were going to make this work. Frankly, how she was going to handle sharing the most important piece of her life. It was selfish, but she had been Cara's only parent. The change scared her. She couldn't lie and say it didn't.

She returned to her own bedroom and shut the door behind her quietly. With an almost inaudible thud, her purple slippers landed at the end of her bed as she slipped beneath her sheets.

She shivered slightly. Yes, she was Canadian, but it was also Winter. Plus, she was thinner than she used to be.

On the side of the bed sat a woolen blanket. Robin placed it over herself, determined to concentrate on the correct blanket folding rather than what she was feeling. She couldn't afford to overthink this.

She lay down on her back and attempted to ignore the sadness creeping across her. It always came when she was at night. She imagined Cara to cheer herself up.

It didn't stop the cold.

She shivered again and bit her lip. No. She wasn't going to cry, or get anxious, or analyze everything to death. Barney and Cara bonded. She was going to help teach him about Cara tomorrow. And everything would be fine.

That mantra in her brain made it easier to roll over onto the other side of the bed and try to sleep. Free space was one of the freedoms that came with sleeping alone in a double bed. She wrapped her arms tightly around herself.

(It wasn't as though she missed the warmth of somebody else.)

After his seventh read through of Robin's scrapbook, Barney was sure he had memorized everything.

Time was getting on, and he knew he needed sleep. Hell, sleep was practically dragging at his eyes. He had that feeling where his whole body had almost shut down, and his brain was beginning to switch to auto-pilot. He was desperate for some rest.

He just didn't want to have to deal with the nightmares.

He didn't want to cry. Tonight he was so happy. Nothing should ruin that. He shouldn't have to remember that cell.

Eventually though, his eyes finally shut. The mastery of his self control was good, so for the first few minutes, he only saw black. As he eased his mind into this state of serenity, he introduced some of the pictures of Cara.

Everything flashed. Dark. White. Then deep red. He saw was the familiar hue of the wall he used to face. His hands were free and clutching the pages of the book, but they felt shackled. A cool, metallic texture was mingling with his hot skin. He was yelling.

Five years on from their wedding, he'd have been screaming. Roughly calculating, it was probably one of the days when they chained him to the wall to beat him. He kept resisting. He should have given up by then, yet he hadn't.

His skin was rough and bruised. Some areas of had grown so weak and sensitive that they began to bleed as soon as fists and weapons made contact with them. By the end of beatings, he was left literally blackened. And they'd just leave him on the wall like that. Cold, sobbing, bleeding.

He snapped his eyes open. When he shot up to sitting, he realized that they were coated with tears. Through his long night shirt, his chest was trembling furiously.

Days previously, after he picked Robin up from WWN, she'd collapsed on his couch. One of the pillows from his bed quickly made a makeshift comfort for her; he couldn't leave head unsupported. The very same pillow now rested next to him.

His arms were shaking, and he needed something to do with them. He wrapped them around the pillow and took a deep breath.

If he tired hard enough, it smelt like her.

He truly thought they were done dancing around each other. That after he proposed, that would be it. Their happy ending.

Barney's whole body felt cold and tired as he kept his eyes firmly open, clutching the lifeless pillow. His lone breathing was the only sound in the silent room.