Hi! So, it's about three more chapters until I am caught up here, but I am finally done with finals, so I am hoping and planning on having y'all caught up by the end of the week (but don't hold me to that!)

Thank you for the continued support. All of your reviews keeps me wanting to post this story here as well, so keep it up! I am going to use my winter break to post some of my other stories, so keep an eye out in the next few weeks! In the next few chapters, I might try and get an idea of what other stories you all want to see first, so please let me know when the time comes!

Enjoy!

"Are you sure about this?"

"For the millionth time, Jay, yes."

Jay sighed and gripped the steering wheel harder, his knuckles turning white at the action.

"I know," he whispered, "but you didn't sign up for this."

He looked over at her to see her looking back at him. It has been a week since she showed up battered and bruised and he was silently thankful that his originally scheduled meeting with Voight and Antonio got pushed back because he didn't want to see her like that. It scared the shit out of him just thinking about it.

"I know that, but I want to help. I want these guys gone just as much as you do. I want to give these girls a better life, better than what I had."

There were tears building up in her eyes, a sight he has seen a lot of lately. In the past week, she has been over almost every night, to the point where he didn't even call Reyes to send her, he just did. And while every time he saw the bastard he had a smug look on his face hinting at what he thought was going on, Jay relaxed the minute Erin crossed the threshold of his apartment. Nothing ever happened, even though there were a lot of times it almost did, but most nights were spent getting food into their bodies and relaxing on the couch. Jay had even gone out one day and bought her some more comfortable clothes to wear so she didn't have to keep on the skin-tight dresses and push up bras. But she always ended up in one of his limited selection of shirts. They joked one night that he was running out of shirts for her to wear since he did laundry only occasionally.

He ended up buying more shirts, too.

Sometimes they talked about her, sometimes about him. They almost always talked about what was going on. Jay and Upton had their meeting for the exchange in two more weeks, giving Reyes time to move his product and keep up the ruse that Hailey would be back from overseas soon from meetings with her contacts. Erin kept him updated every step of the way, giving them more than they thought.

They were still staring at each other as Erin reached over to take one of his hands, bringing it to her lips to softly kiss his knuckles. His own eyes slid shut, savoring the moment he had with her right now, knowing that tomorrow, they may not get this. When he opened his eyes, there was something there he couldn't quite pinpoint, maybe worry or fear, but she didn't let onto anything being wrong.

"Hey," she whispered. "It's gonna be okay."

"Since when are you the voice of reason?" he asked, trying to find some lightness in the situation.

Erin laughed softly, a sound he now loved to hear, despite the look in her eyes. It was one that made him picture a future with her, that laughter ringing in his ears and mixing with the sound of tiny feet running around, ones that had her eyes and his freckles and were the perfect mix of them both.

It was not the first time he had these thoughts and they didn't scare him at all.

"I just have a feeling everything is going to be okay."

Jay smiled at her, using their still joined hands to pull her closer and kiss her softly. These kinds of kisses, soft, touching, sweet, had become such a staple in, whatever it was they had. It was the kind he gave her when she walked into the room or right before falling asleep on the nights she stayed over, which was now almost every time she was there. It was the kind of kiss you gave to your significant other that looked so small but meant so much.

He never felt like this with Allie.

Erin's words rang through his ears. "Everything is going to be okay."He sincerely hoped it would but he was never one to get his mind back to reality during an op. But his thoughts kept drifting back to Allie. Antonio said he would give Jay her letter when he saw him and his tone of voice had him anxious, like he knew something Jay didn't. He told Allie before he left that he wouldn't blame her if she left, and now, thinking that might be a reality, it worried him.

But then he looked at this brunette beauty beside him and felt that maybe everything would be okay.

The alarm on Jay's phone suddenly went off, causing him to break off his thoughts and look down. It was 10:30, time to head to the docks.

"Ready?" he asked Erin.

"Ready," she replied as he shifted his truck in gear.

Jay pulled into the warehouse, waiting to hear the clang of the bay door to hit the cement before getting out of the truck. Erin followed suit, not worried about getting out in a dress for once, as she had slipped into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt Jay had bought for her. He had to admit, seeing her in such casual clothes was more of a turn on for him than heels and dresses.

He moved to the front, meeting Erin there and extending a hand for her to take as he turned to face his boss and partner.

"Sarge, Tony, this is Erin," he said, motioning to the woman beside him.

"Hey," she said, her voice now small and childlike. He didn't blame her, both guys would seem intimidating at first.

Voight was the first to speak up, his voice calm.

"Would you like some coffee?"

Erin looked up at Jay as if to ask if it was okay. He gave her a slight nod back and a squeeze of her hand before letting go, urging her forward with Voight. Jay watched her follow his boss and soon felt his partner's hand on his shoulder. He turned around and the look on his face told him this was private.

"Hey man," Antonio whispered, pulling something from his back pocket. "I believe you know what this is."

Jay looked down at the white envelope with his name written in perfect handwriting. That was all that was there, just "Jay" and Allie had left it at that.

He let out a breath he didn't know was in him and looked back up at his partner.

"You sure you wanna deal with this now?"

Jay just nodded, taking the envelope from him and turning to walk towards his boss and Erin.

"I'll be fine."

They met up with the other two and Jay was surprised at the sight before him. Voight was smiling softly at Erin as they appeared to make small talk. He bit back a smile as he walked towards his girl, taking the seat next to her.

"Here," she said, picking up the cup sitting on the table.

"Thanks," he replied, returning her smile.

Voight cleared his throat and Jay's attention soon was solely on his boss.

"So, Upton is gearing up. She's taken the last few days to drop off the grid and let Mouse build her profile. I'm not sure we will be able to get you the info beforehand, so is there anything specifically you have in mind that you could remember?"

"Umm, yeah," Jay said, leaning forward as his forearms rested against his knees. "We had a cultural support team attached to us while I was overseas, mostly women. It was common for them to interact with the locals and because they could talk to the women, we would get more information than by just interacting with the men."

"Ok, that would work," Antonio said, writing notes from Jay down. "And Mouse would know this too?"

Jay nodded, "Yeah, and honestly, just tell him to use anything from our time overseas and it should be fine."

"Ok we will let him know. The only for sure thing we can give you know is like names and basic background. Rebecca Edwards, just got back from an assignment in Iraq and has some contacts looking for American weapons. You've got the hookup and she's got people that want them fast and under the radar."

Jay nodded his head, taking in the information while assessing Erin's body language. Her relaxed posture was now tense again and she was fidgeting with her hands. He reached over, taking one in his in hopes to calm her but it didn't seem to work. He couldn't say anything, not yet, as Antonio continued.

"We could bring Atwater in for the drugs, but we don't have a lot to go on."

"Umm," Erin began, her voice still small.

The three men in the room turned to look at her as Voight spoke up.

"Is there anything we're missing?" he asked.

"Well, Jordan, or Reyes, he doesn't like to advertise about the drugs. It's more of a recent development and he is trying to make himself more known on that scene before branching out."

Antonio wrote down notes as Erin continued.

"His long-time clients are getting first dibs on the drugs, the loyal ones. I've heard him talking about offering it up to Jay but he wants to see how the weapons deal is gonna go down first."

She paused, looking at Jay, nervous if she could continue. Before he could say anything, Voight spoke up again.

"What you tell us, it won't be used against you. As far as I am concerned, at this point, you are a CI, nothing more, and you are cooperating, which helps. And from my understanding, held against your will?"

Erin silently nodded as Jay squeezed her hand once again. He knew she didn't want to elaborate on her past right now in front of two men she didn't know and had reason to be skeptical about.

"He also knows the police are closing in."

This piqued Voight and Antonio's interest, both looking at her now.

"He does?" Antonio asked.

Erin nodded again, "I already told Jay, but they don't think it is him. They think it is another buyer that recently got picked up, Alan Reynolds. He is a regular with the girls and recently started buying coke off Jordan."

"That's where he got it from?" Antonio asked. "We've been questioning him but he wouldn't budge. Could only charge him with possession."

"Yeah, Jordan thinks he ratted him out, so he's been pulling back with the drugs. I also heard him talking about potentially "eliminating the problem". It doesn't take a genius to figure out what he means, and it wouldn't be the first time."

"What do you mean?" Voight asked.

"Jordan has a history with making people "disappear" when he thinks they have double crossed him, regardless of whether they did or not. He's got smart people, former cops, FBI agents, assassins. In the almost 10 years I've worked for him, he's done this more times than I can count."

"So, this guy," Antonio began, "is trafficking guns, girls and drugs, and is also involved with murder?"

"Yeah, and I've heard discussions about eliminating the competition with drug trafficking."

"And conspiracy to commit murder. Is there anything this guy doesn't do?"

"I've seen just about everything with him."

"In the last 15 minutes, you have given us more information than we've ever been able to get," Antonio explained as he looked to Jay. "She's good."

Jay didn't reply, just looked at Erin and gave her a small smile.

"I think that is enough for tonight. We'll run with the information that Erin gave but we may need to buy more time to build a case," explained Voight.

"The meeting is scheduled for two weeks," said Jay.

"Ok that should work, but we will let you know if something changes and we will try to have Mouse get the profile to you before the meeting, just so you're not going in blind."

Jay nodded before standing up, everyone else following suit. His hand remained in Erin's and neither his boss nor his partner paid him any mind. He moved to head back to his truck with Erin, but was stopped when his sergeant called his name.

"Keep her safe."

Jay nodded, turning back to head out of here. After tonight, he felt a good night's sleep was in order with Erin's small body melded into his side.

"How's Halstead doing?" Atwater asked when Voight and Antonio returned to the district.

"Good, looks good despite being undercover," Antonio answered.

They quickly gave the team the info they got from Halstead and Erin, Voight dishing out orders as Antonio talked to Upton and Mouse, letting them know how Jay wanted to take this.

"Hey boss?" Ruzek asked, causing his boss to turn around.

"How did Halstead get all this information?"

It was the one question everyone was thinking but were nervous to ask. There were many different scenarios with how the answer could go.

Voight exchanged a look with Antonio that did not go unnoticed by the team before turning back to his detectives.

"Halstead befriended one of Reyes' girls, Erin Lindsay. We're not sure of how she got involved, but she basically runs the girls in his command and has been for at least 10 years. Halstead made Reyes include Erin in the deal with Upton and she's been relaying information to him from the inside of Reyes' command."

"How do we know she isn't involved?" asked Burgess.

"For one, she knew Halstead was a cop before he said anything. Said she got questioned years ago. She is also voluntarily supplying this information and the DA and state's attorney won't be charging her because she is willing to provide information and she was forced into this and held against her will. Halstead trusts her and for all intents and purposes here, she is being regarded as a CI."

The room went silent as everyone took in the information until Ruzek spoke up again.

"Well if Halstead trusts her, then so do we."

Jay silently unlocked his apartment, pushing the door open to let Erin in. The ride back from the docks had been silent, which had been unusual. Erin had been off all day, nerves radiating off her but he hadn't bother to ask yet. When she got here earlier, they only had enough time for her to change out of her dress and into more casual clothes before leaving to meet Voight and Antonio. The ride there had been silent too, but it felt comfortable as Erin's fingers were interlaced with his. It was one of the many moments lately where it felt like the world melted away and they were a normal couple. It was a feeling Jay now craved and needed in his life when this was all over.

He suspected Erin felt his own apprehension as he now had the letter from Allie, the one he had yet to read. It felt like a weight in his jacket pocket and he knew he couldn't put it off any longer. There was no telling what the letter contained and Antonio didn't give off anything to help give him an idea of what was written inside.

They both removed their jacket. It was nearing November and the weather was dropping but it wasn't unbearable. It simply felt like fall outside, a season that was welcome as it meant the hot summers were melting away. For Jay, it meant football season was back and his Chicago Bears were back and that triggered something in his brain that had him picturing he and Erin curled up on a couch with pizza and beer, him yelling at bad calls from the ref and her laughing at him, making comments about how they couldn't hear him. Maybe he would take her to a game, let her fully enjoy the excitement.

While Erin moved to the couch, he walked into the kitchen, grabbing them both a beer out of the fridge and walking back. Erin sat there, back straight and her hands fiddling with a loose string from a hole in her jeans.

"Here," he said, handing her the bottle before sitting beside her.

Her hands now had something else to focus on but he noticed she didn't drink it, just sat there, eyes glued to the floor as her nail scrapped at the label.

"Erin?" he asked after taking a sip of his own.

The silence remained and after taking another sip for courage, Jay set the bottle on the side table before turning to face her.

"Erin, are you okay? You've been quiet since we left."

Her attention did move from the spot on the floor but she nodded her head, indicating she was fine. Her body language was telling thought and he wasn't a detective for nothing.

"Hey," he said, taking the bottle out of her hands and replacing his own to cover hers.

"Talk to me because something is bothering you."

Erin looked up then, eyes now rimmed with tears but there was something else in her eyes this time, fear, and he would do anything to get rid of that. One of his hands left hers, moving to wipe escaped tears from her cheeks.

"What's wrong?"

"I.." she began before trying to avert her gaze from him.

"Er, talk to me. Let me help."

"I think I'm pregnant."

The words rang in his ears and he couldn't quite process what she just said.

"You think you're pregnant, or you are?" he asked.

"I am, or I think I am, but I'm not sure," she stumbled through her words as her eyes seemed to dart all over the room, focusing on anything but him.

"Hey," he whispered. "Look at me."

Surprisingly, she did, tears now falling down her cheeks, some of her mascara going with it.

"Why do you think you're pregnant?"

"I'm late," she stated. "And I'm never late and lately I've been feeling nauseous and I, I don't know, that was my first instinct."

Jay could tell she was scared and nervous, and her nerves told him the answer to his next question, but he had to ask her.

"Do you know who the father is?"

She furiously shook her head no, telling him what he suspected.

"I don't know," she whispered, hesitating before continuing. "And I don't think I will know."

That was what scared her the most, he could tell, the not knowing. There was no telling what could happen with her, or a baby, not knowing who the father was.

Jay pulled her into him, letting her head fall against her chest as the tears kept falling. He didn't say anything other than softly shushing her and rubbing circles on her back.

Eventually, her cried quieted to sniffles, her eyes red and puffy. He knew she wouldn't be up for more talking so he opted for a safer option.

"Let's go to bed, we can talk more later."

It was hours later before she finally fell asleep. Jay could tell the exhaustion of the day and the worry of a potential pregnancy was hitting her like a ton of bricks. They both lay in his bed, her head resting against his thigh while his back was propped against the wall. His fingers were still tangled in her hair, a gesture he found caused her to succumb to sleep very easily.

If Erin was pregnant, then he didn't know what to do. The easiest question he could answer was whether he would follow through on his promises and he would. A thousand times yes. He knew he would support her, whatever her decision was.

The other thing he knew with clarity was that he loved her. Never in his wildest dreams would he expect to fall in love while undercover to a woman he would never have met under normal circumstances. He had no idea how she felt, but he had an idea. Their relationship since they met was an unconventional one, as was their situation. But a part of Jay was convinced that everything had happened to lead to their meeting and where they were now.

But he was left with a decision to make, one involving his girlfriend of the last six years. The way he felt about Erin was unlike anything he ever felt for Allie. With Allie, everything always felt comfortable, but with Erin, it was something different. The nights they spent talking about nothing and the newfound banter between them was refreshing. He suspected she would be one to keep him on his toes, to always keep him guessing about what would happen next.

His mind was pretty much made up as he felt Erin's breath hit his bare thigh. Jay looked down and smiled at the woman sleeping beside him. His eyes wandered to her still-flat stomach as he pictured her pregnant. There was a small twinge of pain to his heart with the knowledge that the baby wasn't his, couldn't be his, but that pain was quickly replaced with hope at the thought that maybe one day her stomach would be growing with his own child, one that was a part of them both.

Jay reached over and grabbed the extra pillow, trying to limit his movement as much as possible. She needed the sleep and he needed to read Allie's letter. He managed to replace his leg with the pillow and she barely stirred. He quietly moved towards the living room where the letter was still in his jacket.

As he grabbed it and sat down on the couch, he looked at his name printed on the front. He had always teased Allie for having such perfect handwriting and looking at it now, he couldn't help but find it boring. That simple thought suddenly defined their entire relationship for him: boring. There was never much excitement and her always cautious nature never left room for spontaneity, something he never had and never knew he needed until he met Erin.

Sliding his fingers under the flap, he pulled out the lined paper that was perfectly folded and unfolded it to reveal more perfect handwriting. He leaned forward, paper in one hand and the other moving to scratch his chin as he read.

Jay,

I have no idea when you will get this letter, or if you ever will, but I need to tell you that I love you. I always have, always will and that will never change.

But I don't think I can do this anymore. I can't handle the worry of whether you are safe or if you will even come home at the end of the day. You always said you never wanted this life for me – a cop's wife, a soldier's wife – and I always told you it would be okay, just as long as I had you.

But I am now seeing just what you were keeping me from. You've always said the same thing, that undercover ops hold zero promises. I know who you are when you come back and it breaks my heart every time.

If you need me, I will be here for you, but for now, I need to focus on me. I'm back at my parent's house and no, they aren't mad at you. They understand this is your job, and by being with you, I signed up for this. They will take care of me until you are back. But please, if this letter gets to you, please come back. I need you, we need you. I can't do this without you.

I'm pregnant, Jay. This baby needs its father and even though I have my parents, I need you too. I love you, and this baby will love you, so much. If you aren't back soon, I promise to save every ultrasound picture, record everything that happens and try to give you updates when and if I can. Antonio seemed skeptical about being able to give this to you, but I will try my best.

Stay safe, and come back soon.

Allie