Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who and gain nothing from the creation of this story

Chapter 7

The Doctor sat at the table, it was late, but he couldn't sleep. He looked at the stars, remembering, and wishing that there was a way to get home. A way to fix things so that this had never happened. A way time could mend this like it normally does.

"How many?"

Rose was behind him.

He had felt it rather than heard her come into the room. Even after all this time he could feel the connection, he still missed her so much. He missed all of them. His heart ached with guilt every time he thought about all his lost friends.

"Doctor? How many times have you replaced me?"

He looked up into her face, oh that face, the one he had wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Her blonde hair was glowing faintly in the moonlight and she looked beautiful. After so many years, all he wanted to do was tell her everything, tell her to make it go away. Change the past and live the future with her.

"I never replaced you Rose Tyler."

"Did you try to?"

He looked at her, "Yes. It hurt too much."

She turned away, "How many times, Doctor?"

He shook his head slowly, "Too many Rose Tyler. I'm so sorry."

She looked out at the stars sadly, "How many have there been?"

The Doctor looked down at his hands.

"Five of them. Five friends I've loved and lost Rose Tyler. I always loose them but it never hurts like when I lost you."

She turned back to him and the memories that had been repeating themselves over and over since he'd first seen her appeared again. When she entered his life, and when she left, that store, that beach, over and over.

"Who were they?" It was a whisper, a test, seeing if the Doctor truly did care, if he remembered all of them.

A deep breath, a small chuckle, "Martha Jones. She was my doctor."

Rose took a deep breath, "And what happened to her?"

The Doctor's eyes flickered up to her face then back down to his hands.

"Nothing. She chose to leave."

Rose looked slightly surprised; who would chose to leave the Doctor?

"Then there was Donna Noble," he said with a sad smile. "She had to forget everything. She got married, had a family. And I left."

His voice quivered a little.

"After that there was Amy. My little Amelia Pond, the girl who waited."

He sighed deeply, pain in his eyes.

"Her fiancé, Rory, joined us later as well, and they were happy."

"Doctor?"

He risked a glance.

"What happened?"

It was obvious to Rose it had been something bad.

"The Weeping Angels. And, they were sent back in time."

He swallowed, tears appearing in his eyes, the death of his friends, the inability to help them that still haunted him.

"They're dead now?" Rose asked quietly.

He swallowed.

"Yes, Rose Tyler. They're dead." He said it quietly, like he could pretend that they were just at home, asleep.

"And now I have Clara, who you've met."

He looked up at her, eyes blurry with tears yet still intense, "I promise you, Rose Tyler. I promise you I stopped trying to replace you a very, very long time ago."

Rose sat down next to him and stared at her hands.

"How long has it been since that day? Since the beach?"

He stared out the window, remembering, "It has been a very, very long time."

Rose swallowed; she was scared of the next answer. The Doctor had had travelled with so many, she was just one in a long list.

"And how many times? How many times have you forgotten my name?"

"I have never forgotten you, Rose Tyler. Never. Not a day has gone by when I haven't though of you, of us, of that beach and those words I never had the courage to say."

He turned his head and they locked gazes, and his voice lowered to a guilty, depressed tone.

"But I'm sorry Rose Tyler. I am so, so, sorry. I tried to forget. I tried to forget you so many times. I've tried to forget you Rose because," he paused, a lone tear rolling down his cheek, his voice lowering to a whisper, "It just hurt, so very much."

Rose Tyler looked at him, tears in her eyes, and whispered in the most heartbreaking tone he had every heard, "Why Doctor? Why?"

She paused like she was going to regret what she was about to say.

The Doctor sat quietly waiting for the words he knew would break his heart.

And they did, "Why did you come back?"

The Doctor felt like his heart had been ripped to pieces, a girl who was once his best friend didn't want him anymore. All he ever did was hurt people, and now, it wasn't his absence that had hurt her, it was his return.

He swallowed, and trying to hide the pain and heartache on his face, he looked up and whispered, "I'm sorry."

She stood up slowly and turned to leave the room without replying.

The Doctor reached out to stop her but his hand just clasped thin air as she walked away.

In a desperate attempt the Doctor to get her to stay, to listen to him, he tried once more saying what he had once thought had never needed to be said. It was meant to come out sadly, yet strong, but his voice came out broken, the voice of a man who had suffered so much pain he no longer knew what to do.

"Rose, wait."

The broken voice made Rose pause but she wouldn't look back at his tear streamed face.

"Just... just... just, you know... don't you?"

The Doctor stopped, froze up, what was he doing? He couldn't say that. He stared at her back and he realized that this might be his last chance to repair what he had broken. He had lost all his friends and he said that the Universe didn't make deals, but here she was, and, he was being given a chance to regain someone he had lost.

He took a deep breath, "You know... please.. just.. just.. tell me you know... that... that I have always loved you."

There, he said it, his heart was on the line now.

And she turned back, "I know Doctor."

Had he done it? Had he saved the thing he regretted loosing most in the entire universe?

"But you never said it."

And then she left.

Rose Tyler walked out and left him sitting alone in a kitchen.

Alone with the shadows flickering across the sand patterned tiles on the walls. The lone wolf howling outside. Those last words echoing around his head.

His world imploded again, nothing was stable or safe.

The Doctor cursed.

He should have known.

As if he had been stupid enough to think deserved love and the chance to fix things.

The first rule he had ever learned.

The one thing his dad used to tell him over, and over, and over.

The Universe didn't make deals.

He had just confirmed what he had already suspected.

That he was too late.

Rose Tyler was gone from him and he knew that now.

He knew.

He knew that his Bad Wolf was never coming back.

And as the Doctor sat there, his head in his hands, tears flowing slowly, steadily, he heard something.

A sound that was somehow familiar.

He heard Rose Tyler crying.

Is it weird I uploaded 7 chapters at once? Probably. Sorry but I haven't written the next one so you'll have to wait! Reviews and ideas are greatly appreciated though!