AN: So, there is a trigger warning on this one right at the end. It hopefully isn't too graphic but there is a description of an assault. I would like to make clear that a woman is NEVER asking to be raped regardless of the clothes she wears, the way she acts, or how much she has had to drink. And on that cheerful note please enjoy and review!
A whole day had passed since Jasper and Sophie had shared their kiss and, rather shockingly to Sophie, nothing had really come of it. Jasper smiled and fumbled over his words slightly more than before and Sophie would have bet anything that she had set a record for how many times a person could blush in a single conversation. But other than that things continued without much change. Sophie and Jasper walked to the hospital and Sophie worked until her feet felt as if they were going to fall off while Jasper talked with the soldiers there. Then, after hours, Mrs Miller would give her permission to leave and the pair would walk home. The only noticeable change was that they would walk slightly closer together on the walks home.
One thing that only slightly caught Sophie's eye as strange was that after Jasper had walked her home he left again without much explanation. She had tried to wait up for him but the heaviness of her eyelids forced her up to her room. In the morning Jasper looked a little worse for wear and the familiar red-rimmed eyes told her he had spent the night drinking but she kept her mouth shut and they walked to the hospital together in mostly silence.
Thankfully Mrs Miller had finally decided that she could do more important things than collecting dirty sheets. Sophie was currently standing in a storeroom looking for something called Dover powder. Apparently the stuff was a pretty effective narcotic, it smelt like death and Sophie imagined it was banned from use in modern America.
That was one thing Sophie was noticing, she was beginning to forget details about the modern world. Not the important things like her social security number or her address but some of the more mundane things like cars or cell phones completely lost all meaning to her. The world was quiet in a way she had never experienced before. Music didn't flood through every building, cars weren't honking at every turn, and there were less people. Of course it didn't feel like there were less people in the hospital. Every room was crowded with men, overflowing with smells and shouts and death.
She noticed today that her bullet hole was bothering her more than usual. She was going to blame the corset forcing her chest up causing her injury to be constantly squished, but she knew it was something else. As she picked up the box with a hand labelled mark identifying it as the Dover Powder she was looking for she heard a sound behind her causing her to look around. Jasper looked nervous as he stood in the doorway.
"Jasper, what are you doing back here?" She looked around him anxiously. "Mrs Miller will have my head if she catches us back here together." The woman had already given her a lecture because she noticed that Sophie and Jasper were so frequently seen together.
"I need to ask you something." Jasper still stood at the door looking paler than usual.
"It – uh – it can't wait?" She peeked around him again.
"Well I suppose it could but I really need to talk to you." He moved into the small room and Sophie had to side step him so that they could both fit.
She tucked the small box into a pocket on her apron and faced him again.
"Quickly then Jasper, I need to get back." Her hands were sweating and she wiped them on her dress.
He opened his mouth and it looked like he was going to start a speech but thought better of it at the last minute.
"Never mind it's not important. We can talk about it on our walk home." He smiled but it didn't reach his eyes and jerked forward to plant a kiss on her cheek.
"Are you sure?" Her face wrinkled, she wasn't used to him acting like that and he had never kissed her on the cheek. Really he had never kissed her at all, she had kissed him once and he hadn't pushed her away, and he seemed to enjoy it as much as she did but the moment just sort of passed. No great fanfare like she had imagined she would have for meeting the future father of her children.
"I'm sure." Jasper turned to go when a shadow filled the doorway.
"Well what do we have here?" Mrs Miller snapped with her hands on her hips. "What did I tell you about being alone with the men here?" Mrs Miller stepped into the room, squeezing them all closer together.
Her hand shot out and grabbed for Sophie's ear. The woman started tugging and Sophie saw red. Sophie pulled away from the lady, slapping her hand away.
"Listen here, you old bat, you have talked down to me for the last time. I am not an idiot and if I want to have a conversation with my friend without you eavesdropping then I most certainly can. You think that I care what anyone thinks of me?" Sophie snorted. "I've worked most of my adult life in a bar, and you think I care what a small town nurse thinks of me?" She untied the waist of her apron and handed it to Mrs Miller. "I will not be back tomorrow." Sophie warned before pushing her way forward and out of the room.
She had made it to the door and even out onto the street before she heard footsteps behind her. She sighed and now that she thought about it she should have thought her words out better, she shouldn't have let slip that she worked in a bar. She should have been more careful but her temper and the pain from her injury made for a lethal combination.
"Jasper, I'm sorry I shouldn't have stormed out like that and I shouldn't have left you back there with that hag. I – ugh – I don't know." She wanted to say that she needed a drink but stopped herself.
"That's okay." He paused. "You confuse me. You said you were raised on a plantation, then why did you say you worked in a bar?" Jasper tugged on her arm forcing her to stop walking and turn around.
"Would you believe me if I said I lied to her?" Sophie forced a smile as she
"Only because I would hate to think you have lied to me." The look on his face looked so hurt that Sophie felt as if she was going to be sick.
"I – uh – I, I can't breathe." Her bullet wound spread a fire in her starting in her chest and radiating down to her toes. She clutched at her chest and gasped for air that never reached her lungs. All she could think of is burning, invisible flames licking her eyes, her fingers, her toes, but mostly her heart. The centre of her chest felt as if it were melting. She vaguely recognised hitting the ground and thought for a second that it should have been harder; she should have hit the ground harder. But she couldn't think that for very long because the edges of her vision were going black and the pain in her chest wasn't going away. It felt impossible but she managed to lift her hand up and grab at Jasper's shirt. She pulled him closer to her ear and managed to whisper. "I don't want to die. Save me for Samuel."
Finally her eyes closed and the pain washed over her. Sophie recognised that she was moving but the strength to care eluded her. She was fighting at the heat that had begun to attack with a vengeance. Someone was making noises that should not have been made by any human. Sophie wanted to yell at them to shut up that racket but as she went to open her mouth she realised it was her making the noise.
"Samuel!" She cried.
Her back hit something soft and even though she thought it would be a relief all she could focus on was the burning. This was worse than anything she had felt in the past. All of her attention was on controlling the burn. Hours must have past and someone placed a cool rag on her forehead. Rough hands were stroking at her hair, but it was almost like they didn't know what they were doing. As the burning started to dissipate she was able to think it was a bit like someone was petting her, and she wasn't really a fan of that. She was about to lift her hand up to stop whoever it was but stopped herself before she started when she heard people talking about her.
"She fell over on the main road. I would have taken her back to the hospital but that woman doesn't like me and Sophie wouldn't want to be lying around with all of those soldiers in all of that filth." Jasper explained softly, his voice was close to Sophie's head.
"Stop doing that to her head! She's not a dog." Martha scolded. "What was that name she was calling? Sampson? What an odd thing to call out, do you know a Sampson, Ms Bella?"
"No, I don't think so." Her timid reply came from across the room and for a moment anger flashed through Sophie. 'She couldn't stand a little closer and at least pretend they were sisters?' She grumped silently.
"That's because it wasn't Sampson," Sophie could feel the glare Jasper was giving his sister. "It was Samuel. She asked me to save her for Samuel." Jasper sounded concerned and although his hand had stilled he hadn't moved it off of her head.
"Well who's Samuel?" Martha's voice muffled and Sophie assumed she had turned to face Bella.
"He was her – our – father." Bella caught herself and Sophie heard the slight intake of breath. "She had a dream about a child named Samuel. She told me that she tried to save him but he died." Bella's voice grew in confidence, as she talked more, especially when she was telling the truth.
"A child?" Martha voice turned serious and Sophie could tell what she was thinking and could only pray that she didn't say it out loud. "How curious." She finally managed and Sophie thanked whatever deity was out there that she had held her tongue.
"We should let her sleep." Jasper warned but Sophie could tell he made no action to move.
"Wait, don't go. I'm fine, I promise." Sophie finally spoke up and forced her eyes open, before immediately closing them to avoid the bright sunlight.
"Sophie?" The three voices exclaimed, all sounding very shocked.
"Oh God, how long was I out?" she asked as she propped herself up on the bed she found herself in. "I don't think I've felt this well rested in my entire life." She joked as she stretched her arms out before looking at everyone. "What's wrong? You look as if you have just seen a ghost."
Jasper was seated in a chair by the headboard of the bed she was occupying. And while Sophie was joking about seeing a ghost he did look more pale than usual and his shirt was soaked in sweat.
"Sophie, you have been asleep for four hours." Bella pushed forward and perched on the foot of the bed.
"Well that would explain why I am so hungry. Are we all just going to sit around here, in a bedroom, or should we go downstairs?" Sophie was trying to get the point across that she no longer wanted to be in bed, she felt fine.
She realised that only hours ago she thought she was going to die but now she was feeling fine, fidgety even, and really needed to get out of the confining bed.
"Are you sure you should be getting out of bed?" Martha cocked her head to the side. "You gave us all quite a scare, I've never seen my brother look so worried when he carried you through the front door and you screaming your head off."
"I need to get out of this bed, I don't do well just sitting around." Sophie tried to convince her with a smile and didn't see any sort of real resistance.
"I need to talk to you first." Bella gave her a look that Sophie knew was her serious face. "In private, it will only take a second." Sophie didn't know if it was the look in her eye or the tone in her voice, or maybe it was just that they had finally gotten in the swing of acting like sisters but Sophie was actually nervous for what Bella would want to say.
"Okay, could you give us a minute?" Sophie looked mainly at Jasper, who looked like he was going to have a heart attack.
"Yes, of course, I'll wait for you at the bottom of the stairs then." He smiled and stood up before looking at both Martha and Isabella before leaning over and placing a kiss on Sophie's cheek, so light it was almost as if there was no contact between them at all.
Martha looked as if she were going to sing a song as she bounced towards the door towing her brother along with her. Her eyes gleaming with excitement as she mouthed 'wedding?' to Sophie. Sophie on the other hand pretended she couldn't see her and tried to focus on Bella, who had gotten up and started pacing around the empty space.
As the door closed Sophie let out a sigh.
"Just say it Bella, don't give yourself an ulcer." Sophie rolled her eyes and threw the covers off and walked over to the mirror.
"Fine, I'll just say it. You can't be with Jasper." Bella stopped pacing and started ringing her fingers and chewing on her bottom lip.
Sophie swivelled to face Bella with what could only be described as a look of complete fury.
"Excuse me?" She whispered, afraid that if she raised her voice any higher she would start yelling. "Give me one good reason."
"He's not yours." Bella squared her shoulders and tilted her head up slightly. "He becomes a vampire at some point in here an does horribly awful things and Alice saves him. She is his mate, you can't get in the way of that and she's my best friend and I won't let you do that." Bella nodded a little bit, content with the way her speech came out.
"Do you hear yourself right now?" Sophie glared and watched as Bella's confidence falter. "Even if I believed this vampire crap you are touting, which for the record I don't, you can't tell me that the best thing I can do for him is to let him do 'horribly awful things' and then let him go live with the bitch that slept with my best friends fiancé. I'd like to remind you that she is also the reason we are here. Alice doesn't get some sort of claim on him, mate-shmate, I don't care if she's the God damn Queen of England!" Sophie bellowed the last part before moving closer to Bella. "Do not dare try and tell me what I can and cannot do."
She stormed out of the door and down the stairs. Jasper was, as promised, waiting for her at the bottom of the stairs.
"Miss Sophie, I need to have a word with you before we go in there." he pointed towards the door.
"That is the same thing you said this morning." Sophie laughed but stopped once she saw the seriousness on Jasper's face. "Okay let's talk, should we go outside maybe?" Her face frowned as she followed Jasper out onto the porch and waited for him to start his speech.
"I know we have only known each other for a few days." He paused and Sophie smiled.
"Five days." She moved forward to steady herself on one of the support beams. "I'm not usually so quick to let people into my life."
"Then I consider myself honoured." Jasper chuckled but Sophie could see the streak of concern still in his eyes. "I don't want to seem that I am presuming too much but I have these feelings towards you that I have never felt with anyone." All Sophie could do at this point was blink stupidly. "I'm leaving in a few days, and I would like to know that I would come back to you, here, with my family. I want you to feel as if this is your home. I would like to make this your home." His face turned red as he spoke and Sophie's mouth dropped.
"Jasper." She noticed her mouth was open again and she closed it trying to find the right answer to what she thought he was asking. "I need you to be very clear about what you are asking from me." She chose her words carefully and even as she spoke they sounded stupid.
"I would like that, if you should agree, we would marry once I have returned. I can't offer much but I can give you a peaceful life here. We would be happy." Jasper motioned to take her hand and she didn't stop him, although the uneasy feeling in her stomach grew.
This wasn't the first time she had been proposed to, men at the bar would occasionally drink themselves into oblivion and promise her lots of things for her to marry them but she had always been able to laugh at it and tell the bartender to cut them off. But this was different, this was Jasper and he wasn't drunk and he looked incredibly serious. That didn't change the fact that the idea was ridiculous. Laughable if it weren't so serious and now she was left with the task of responding.
"Oh," she took in a surprised inhale of breath. "Jasper." Her face contorted in a way that made her look sympathetic. "I'm so sorry, it's just I don't really think I'm the marrying type, at least not yet, I barely know you and you barely know me. What if I agreed and then a month later you find out that I can't cook, I barely clean up after myself and I -"
"Those all sound like excuses." Jasper moved forward and pulled Sophie into her. "The last time we were so close you kissed me, remember?
"Why wouldn't I remember?" Sophie looked down at the closing gap between herself and him.
"And you smiled in a way that made the whole world bright, and you said 'I figured it out', now I want to know what that meant." Jasper nearly whispered but to Sophie it felt like he was shouting.
"Jasper, I can't explain it." She stuttered over her words. "And I, I just."
"I can't stop thinking about you." Jasper blurted. "I tried, I drank and drank and I even." He stopped and looked away; Sophie could see him biting his cheek. "I tried, but you force your way into everything I do. I tried to be mad at you for a minute but in the end I just keep thinking about the way you smiled." His free hand moved up to brush a stray wisp of hair out of her face. "Who is Samuel?"
"Samuel was my father." She used the adrenaline she was feeling to keep her face expressionless.
"Miss Isabella said it was the name of a child you had a dream about." Jasper hadn't moved and their entire conversation took place only inches apart from each other. "You screamed the name when we were headed here and I let it go but you told me to save you for Samuel."
"Jasper, I'm sorry that there are something's I just can't explain to you, to anyone, I'm sorry but that is the reason you don't want me to marry you." Sophie shook her head, aware that with every movement she was moving her head forward.
"Do you have the same feelings I do towards you?" Jasper asked, his voice no louder than a rough whisper. "Because if you do then all of this is just excuses and tomorrow we go down to the church tomorrow and get married."
"Jasper, no." Her voice had more conviction in it this time. "I do like you but I won't marry you, at least not yet." She pushed herself away from him, needing both space and air to think about what had just happened.
"So is this it then? Am I just supposed to act like this never happened and when I come back you might be here?" Jasper sounded annoyed but kept his anger in check.
"It doesn't have to be. I would write to you I just couldn't promise you a life that I can't give you." She justified.
"Can't or won't?" Jasper bit out.
Sophie stepped back towards Jasper and reached out slapping him across the face.
"I'll write." She turned back towards the door.
As she walked back to the dining room she closed her eyes and walked into the room taking her seat between the two Mr Whitlock's. Dinner was a quiet affair; Mr Whitlock talked for a moment about the war before Mrs Whitlock declared in a frightful dinner conversation. She and Isabella seemed to get on well but even they were coming up short for things to say. Everyone could feel the tension around the table and Sophie expected Martha had heard at least the beginning of it because for the first fifteen minutes of the meal she looked excited and her eyes kept flashing between Sophie and Jasper. After receiving a glare from Jasper and a small shake of her head from Sophie she let it drop.
"I received my orders today." Jasper finally spoke up. "I am to report to General Hood in Houston in a week."
"Houston? That is close." Mr Whitlock commented before taking another bite of his meal. "Is there some reason you aren't on the lines like your brothers?"
Jasper looked insulted for a moment but recovered quickly enough.
"The word around the hospital is that General Hood is assembling a brigade that will travel up to Northern Virginia."
Sophie let her fork clatter when she heard that. She knew Jasper was going to be in some tough situations and that his life would be on the line more than she cared to think about but she could remember learning about how Northern Virginia was all but decimated in the war.
"I'm sorry, it looks like I am still dealing with the after effects of this afternoon." Sophie flashed an apologetic look at Mr Whitlock. He surprisingly smiled and patted her hand affectionately.
"That is quite alright dear, I've heard about your little episode. What do you think could cause something like that?" He asked leaning in slightly.
Mr Whitlock's complexion was similar to Jasper's although his looked as though he had never had a day of hard work in his life. His face was ruddy and soft and his blond hair could make him look somewhat sickly in the wrong light but he was kind whenever Sophie had to talk to him.
"I would place money on the woman you were working for. I went to see her one time about some blankets to donate to her little organization but she couldn't even be bothered to say thank you. What a very rude woman, it's no wonder you had an episode. All of the stress she puts on those girls it can't be healthy." Mrs Whitlock looked at her with a sympathetic gaze.
Addison Whitlock, on the other hand, grated on Sophie's nerves. She was all around too friendly and superior in a way that Sophie absolutely detested. She frequently found herself wondering how a very sweet man could marry a woman like that. Mrs Whitlock was easily in her forties but seemed obsessed with being younger, she was always talking about what all the women in England were wearing despite that some of the fashions looked hideous on her. Sophie couldn't be sure but she thought Addison and Bella had bonded over that shared, twisted, fascination.
Sophie had always thought she was too young, ever since she was six years old she had tried to look and act older. Once she had turned twenty-one the fascination with being older only increased. It wasn't about the looks anymore but she craved the experience.
"Perhaps." She mumbled before turning back to her meal only to realise she had eaten her last bite.
"Oh Jasper, I do so wish you didn't have to go. I feel like we haven't seen enough of each other." Martha made a face at her brother.
"Unfortunately the confederacy needs a hero like me." Jasper smirked earning a tut from his mother and a disapproving glare from his father.
"Now son, I am proud of your accomplishments but it is rude to talk about yourself in such a manner especially in front of our guests." Mr Whitlock lectured in a serious tone before smiling over at Sophie and grasping at her hand again.
This time the motion was a little over zealous and instead of seeming friendly it seemed like he was flirting with her. She smiled but it was more forced than before and when he looked away she made a small face at Bella sitting across from her. Bella gave her a look that said to 'just deal with it and not make a scene'.
Dinner mercifully ended and Sophie immediately excused herself, blaming her earlier health concern. No one looked at her twice and wished her a good night. She was asleep before Bella made it up and as a result woke up before anyone else. After a twenty minute internal debate about if she should go downstairs and see if coffee had been made or wait for the sun to come up, the need for coffee won out and she slipped her robe on and tiptoed downstairs.
"Thank goodness." She muttered as she saw the carafe of hot coffee.
After finding a mug, which was much harder than she expected, she sat down and closed her eyes. She was trying to replay the last twenty-four hours and pretend they weren't as bad as she knew they were. Sophie was so absorbed in her own thought she didn't hear the footsteps. She jumped a little when she opened her eyes and saw Mr Whitlock standing in front of her also holding a cup of coffee.
"Mr Whitlock, I didn't see you there. Good morning." She smiled before taking another sip in preparation for her to talk to people.
"Hello Miss Sinclair, I can understand the surprise. I am usually the only one up this early, I have got a business to run and whatnot." He seemed to puff himself up like a peacock as he said it.
She smiled for lack of things to say and returned her attention to the coffee.
"Are you feeling better? You looked quite under the weather last night." He questioned as he leaned into her slightly.
It was just enough to make Sophie slightly uncomfortable but not enough to be threatening. She shifted slightly and gave him a smile. He seemed pleased by her reaction and leaned even further forward.
"I assume it is no worse that the suffering you faced at the hands of those savages." He smiled as he said it but his eyes were calculating. "I have heard horror stories about the things they do to white women. You have no need to worry, I am so much more civilized then those beasts." He leaned even closer and Sophie could smell last night's tobacco on his breath. "Come now don't make that face. I've seen the way you look at me, the way you act around me. I hadn't wanted to make a move with my wife so close yet you turn up everywhere I go." Sophie had stood up at this point and moved a full step away.
"Mr Whitlock please don't." She protested putting one hand up as she placed the coffee on the table. "I don't know what you thought I was doing but I'm sorry you were mistaken."
Jedidiah grabbed at her wrist and forced it down by her side.
"Don't play that game with me girl!" He snapped. "You have teased me for long enough." His hands moved to her hips.
"Mr Whitlock please stop." Her voice was stronger and a little louder than before.
"Hush now, we wouldn't want my son to hear you. What would he think of his dear friend to be caught in this position?" The way he said 'friend' made it clear that he knew they were something more that friends.
"Mr Whitlock I really think you should move away from me." Sophie warned but he only sunk further into her causing her to realise her mistake in backing towards the wall. "Stop this, please. I am sorry you thought I was interested but I can assure you I am not." She felt his hands on her and she tried to fight back but he was heavier and in a better position to attack. "Stop!" She finally yelled her hands trying to push him away but refusing to find purchase on anything.
She was so focused on pushing him away that she didn't see anyone enter the room but she did notice when Mr Whitlock was being pulled off of her. She couldn't think she just sank to the floor and looked up to see Jasper hovering over her. The look of concern mixed with rage sparked a completely knew emotion in Sophie and she couldn't help the tears that poured form her eyes. She felt Jasper lift her off the ground and hold her in his arms and she let herself be taken care of for once in her life.