"Seriously, Mabel?" said Dipper. "You're letting them take our argument to court?"
"Hey," said Mabel. "I didn't make the rules in Mabeland."
"Yes, you did!" said Dipper, pointing to a tapestry of Mabel making the rules.
"Actually," said Yakko, "I think settling it in court is a great idea. I mean, there's not a single case me and my sibs haven't won! So don't worry, we gotcha covered."
"Yeah!" said Wakko.
"Besides," said Dot, "we know every trick in the book!"
Dipper appreciated their positive attitudes, but Mabel became slightly unnerved. She couldn't think of a single time the Warners actually lost a battle. But she had to take it off her mind when a policegiraffe entered the room.
"All rise! For the honorable Judge Kitty Kitty Meow Meow Face-Schwartstein!"
A large pink cat emerged from his hole at the bottom of a catscratcher, climbed up, and banged his squeaky mallet.
"Order! Order! This trial begins right meow!"
"Oh boy," said Yakko, "here come the cat puns. Hey, does George Washington know you stole his wig?"
The judge ignored his remark.
"We are here to try Dipper Pines, Yakko Warner, Wakko Warner, and Dot Warner in the case of fantasy vs. reality."
The words "FANTASY" and "REALITY" appeared beside them.
"If Dipper and the Warners win, Mabel will return with them to the real world! But if they lose, they will be banished forever! And replaced with town darling, Dippy Fresh! Dippy, come out."
"Flip-a-dip-dip!" said Dippy Fresh, striking a pose.
"I hate him," said Dipper. "So. Much!"
"Is this thing rigged?" said Dot. "The jury's made up of Mabel!"
"Look," said Dipper, "Mabel, this whole thing is ridiculous. But if winning a trial is what it takes for you to come home with us, then so be it."
"I'm sorry, Dipper, but I can only speak through my legal team now."
Xyler and Craz entered, wearing suits with the sleeves cut off.
"We have a doctorate degree in hunkiness!" said Craz.
"Also criminal and international law," said Xyler.
"Oh, please!" Dot scoffed. "These guys think they're handsome? Ha! Mel Gibson and Channing Tatum'll knock 'em outta the park!"
"Let's hear openin' statements," said Judge Kitty.
Yakko opened his mouth to start his case, but Xyler and Craz spoke before him.
"Your honor," said Xyler, "townsfolk, lovely ladies of the jury."
"Oh, he's talking about us!" said the second Mabel.
The jury Mabels laughed, the third Mabel falling out of her chair.
"We're not that lovely," said the sixth Mabel, trying to be modest.
"Lame," Yakko muttered.
Mabel giggled, knowing he was the better charmer. Yakko secretly planned to outflirt Xyler and Craz once it was his turn.
"My case is simple: these very unrighteous dudes and dudette thinks that reality is better than fantasy," said Craz.
In actuality, the Warners preferred fantasy over reality, but Mabeland was an exception. A board appeared and Craz pointed to some words.
"But reality is bogus, lame and whack."
"Objection your honor," said Dipper, "that's conjecture."
"Nobody uses 'whack' anymore!" said Dot, heckling Xyler and Craz.
"Meowverruled," said Judge Kitty.
"I'd like to show you this 'reality' that Dipper loves so much," said Xyler, "and show you how it has wronged my client, and Dipper, and their friends their entire lives."
He took out a scrapbook from a case Craz held.
"Exhibit A. Mabel's Scrapbook."
He opened it.
"Second grade, October tenth."
The flashback of a memory filled the entire room.
"Photo day," said Dipper.
Young Dipper and Mabel sat in chairs, waiting to get their pictures taken.
"Darn allergies," Young Dipper sniffed.
Young Mabel put a slap bracelet on her arm, which was covered in slap bracelets. The Warners cringed slightly.
"That oughta hurt..." said Wakko.
"I'll bet her arm'll be completely red once she takes all those slap bracelets off," said Dot.
"Boom!" said Young Mabel. "A million slap bracelets! I'm gonna have the best photo ever! And how'd you like my new pigtaaailllls?"
She waved her head back and forth. Meanwhile a kid passed by and put gum in her hair.
"Have fun, brat."
The other kids laughed as Mabel screamed.
"Gum! You ruined my hair! Dipper, what do I do?"
She burst into tears and ran away.
"Mabel's fantasy was having a great school photo," said Craz, "but reality had other plans."
"Objection!" said Yakko, standing up and slamming his fists on the table. "Who in their right mind lets kids chew gum on picture day?"
He shook his head in disappointment.
"For shame."
The crowd laughed, Yakko's accusation only adding humor to the case. Dipper chuckled at Yakko's remark, but quickly regained himself, ready to counterargue with the evidence.
"Meowverruled," said Judge Kitty.
Yakko sat down, taking out a banana and peeling it.
"When they're done, I'll be asking for an appeal."
He ate the banana, pleased that his visual gag managed to make a few animals sitting behind him laugh. Then he rested his feet on the desk.
"Look," said Dipper, "that was one bad day!"
"One of many," said Xyler. "February fourteenth, fourth grade. Valentine's Day."
"Oh," said Dipper, "come on, man, you can't."
"What happened?" said Dot. "Did ya get dumped?"
"Worse," said Dipper.
The scene changed and showed Young Dipper and Young Mabel looking at their valentines. Mabel had a bag full of them.
"How many valentines did you get, Dipper?" said Young Mabel.
He looked at his bag. Young Dipper received no valentines at all. Unfortunately, instead of getting comfort from the other kids, they only used this moment to humiliate him.
"Dipper didn't get any!" said a fat kid. "Oh, man. I thought I was the class loser! Hey everyone, Dipstick didn't get any!"
The other kids laughed and made fun of Young Dipper, who ran away in tears.
"I can't believe that kid's your brother," said the fat kid to Young Mabel.
"Objection!" said Dot as the memory ended. "Those kids couldn't possibly be that cruel! This testimony has a big fat 'F' written all over it!"
She handed the judge, Xyler, and Craz three grammar tests with an 'F' written in red ink on the front.
"Meowverruled," said Judge Kitty.
"Oh, come on!" said Dot, pouting in her seat.
"That's harsh," said Yakko, trying to comfort Dipper. "But ya know what? That doesn't compare to what I've been through."
"Coming from the guy who lets nothing get to him," Dipper grumbled.
"Oh," said Xyler, "but you're wrong. Everybody has a vulnerable side and Yakko is no exception. Exhibit B. Wakko's Wish."
Xyler took out a DVD.
"December twenty-first, nineteen ninety-nine."
"What?" said Yakko, running towards Xyler and Craz. "No, wait! Stop!"
It was too late. Yakko stopped in his tracks at the center of the courtroom as the memory had already begun. It showed Yakko and Wakko lying on a snow-covered ground. Wakko had patches in his hat and wore an orange scarf. Yakko had a green scarf and his belt was replaced with a small piece of rope. Yakko was on his stomach and Wakko was on his back, both seemingly injured. They got up and turned around.
"No!" they shouted.
Mabel gasped as In-Memory Yakko and Wakko ran up to In-Memory Dot, who was injured on the snow with a burn mark across her cheek.
"What happened?" said Mabel.
"I got hit by a cannonball," said Dot.
Yakko found himself put on the spot. He wanted to say something, but his voice wouldn't work. He wanted to look away and hide from the crowd, but he couldn't move his body. For once, he didn't know what to do.
"Dot, can you hear me?" said In-Memory Yakko.
In-Memory Dot opened her eyes.
"Tell me the story."
"What?"
"The story. About mom and dad."
"You should rest."
In-Memory Dot coughed.
"Once upon a time, a brave knight married a beautiful princess and they had two sons. But they wanted a daughter, too. So they planted a garden."
Yakko was choked up. One of the most traumatic moments of his life unfolded before his very eyes and to those in the courtroom, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. Sure, he knew how it truly ended, but it always felt so real to him.
"...they'd come in and say 'Who's the cutest girl?' and you'd say..."
"I am."
"And they'd ask 'How'd you ever get so cute?'"
In-Memory Yakko rubbed noses with In-Memory Dot. Wakko and Dot quickly ran up to Xyler and Craz and tried to stop the memory before Yakko got too emotional.
"Guys," said Dot, "turn it off."
"Yeah," said Wakko. "You're gonna make it worse!"
But they kept it going. No matter how much they tried to convince them to turn off the memory, it was no use.
"...and they'd ask 'Can we call you Dottie?' and you'd say..."
"No. Just Dot. Call me 'Dottie' and you...die."
In-Memory Dot fell limp and died in In-Memory Yakko's arms. In-Memory Yakko sobbed and held her body close. When the memory finally stopped, a few tears ran down Yakko's face.
"Is he...crying?" said Dipper.
The entire audience was in tears except for Xyler, Craz, Wakko, Dot, Dipper, and Wendy. Wakko and Dot went over to their brother, who hugged them tightly and let a few more tears come out.
"Shhhhhh," said Wakko.
"It's ok," said Dot. "We gotcha."
"Wait," said Wendy. "If Dot died, why is she still here?"
She received no answer.
"Is your life any better now, bro?" said Xyler. "Heartbreak. Disaster. Broken promises. That's reality for you."
"Out there," said Craz, "it's nothing but heartbreak. But in here, who wants pug sundaes?!"
Yakko stopped hugging Wakko and Dot.
"Better?" said Wakko.
Yakko nodded.
"Sorry you had to see that," he told them.
"Sorry we couldn't stop 'em," said Dot.
"Well," said Judge Kitty, "I think we're ready for a verdict."
"Objection!" shouted all three Warners.
"I'll have you know we didn't even present our case yet," said Yakko. "Hey ladies, wanna get some of this?"
He signaled to his body and flexed his muscles; the jury Mabels ran up to him and ran their hands through his arms and chest.
"So strong..." said the fifth Mabel.
"Do you even have a case?" said Judge Kitty.
"Yes," said Dipper. "We do, your honor. I call as a witness: Mabel Pines!"
A/N: I'm gonna end this chapter on yet another cliffhanger because it's getting kinda long. And in case I get any questions about this, I also added in that little scene with Yakko crying because even the Warners need to have their weak spots revealed in all the weirdmageddon drama, right?