Hey guys, I am so sorry I havent updated here in so long, it completely slipped my mind. The stories are more up to date at my tumblr, jordan202 .
My Boys: Beneath the Surface – Chapter 7
Amelia finished helping Megan with her dress while she looked around in search of Lucas' shoes.
"Ugh, I knew it," The twelve year old frowned as he picked up the pair from his mother's hand. "I've spent twenty minutes looking for these and you found them in three seconds. How is that even possible?"
"Theory says," Thomas barged into the conversation, "that if a mom can't find it, then it's lost forever."
"Which is no excuse to leave your things scattered around," Amelia gave her oldest sons a censoring look before smiling back at Megan, who looked adorable in a light blue dress. "Okay, is everyone ready?"
As the weekend finally arrived, a lot of the guests to the wedding had come to town and they were having one last dinner party before the ceremony the following day. Amelia couldn't contain her excitement about the prospect of finally seeing Addison. Rushing down the stairs pretty much at the same time she put on her high heels, Amelia gathered all the kids in the foyer before they left the house to her sister's.
"Is it wrong that I don't want to go back?" The neurosurgeon smiled at her husband while they made their way to Nancy's house. The wedding was pretty much the last event before they went home.
"Not wrong, just really surprising," Owen glanced at her with an amused smile. Judging by his wife's resistance towards her family through the entire week, he had assumed Amelia would want to go back as soon as possible.
"Why?" Amelia let out a chuckle in response.
"I just…," Owen tried to make a good choice of words. "I supposed you preferred to be at a safe distance from your relatives."
"I do," Amelia confirmed with a head nod just as they were approaching the house with the big group. "I meant I will miss the rental house, the summer, the pool…"
"Oh," Owen nodded his head in playful disapproval and smiled as they stepped up to ring the door bell.
That evening, Nancy's house had more guests than it did the previous weekend. Amelia saw some of her cousins and before Owen could notice, he was engulfed in a wave of introductions and small talk.
The trauma surgeon couldn't help losing his smile when he noticed William Hartley approaching his wife and whispering something in her ear. Amelia laughed at him and dismissed what he was saying with a wave of her hand, making Owen wonder if the guy had just paid his wife a compliment.
"Are you usually this obvious with your emotions or does this happen only when my sister is involved?"
Owen heard the amused voice asking him a question and turned around to find the cheerful expression of Liz Shepherd.
"I'm sorry," She kept on grinning like she was completely at ease. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."
"You didn't," Owen lied with a forced smile.
Liz kept on widely grinning at him and then Owen couldn't hide just how uncomfortable he really was.
"Don't worry," Amelia's sister finally broke the silence, after she'd had her share of fun. "He is not a threat."
"I never considered him to be," Owen arrogantly replied with self confidence, even though his jaw was clenched a little too hard.
Liz didn't bother replying but Owen noticed the way she smiled at him before taking a sip from her cup, with an expression that looked almost like pride.
"So, Amy has been saying to me that I should go to Seattle more often," Amelia's sister said in a tone that made Owen feel like he was being tested.
"You should," He promptly replied. "I'm always telling Amelia she should invite you all more often. Or take up on your invitations to come here."
"Really?" Liz raised her eyebrows and then looked at Owen like she knew something he didn't. "You really do like my sister, don't you?"
Even though he found the question strange, especially because he and Liz were practically strangers, Owen decided to be honest.
"More than I could ever explain," He said somberly, finishing his drink with his eyes still fixated on the woman they talked about.
"Good," Liz approved of Owen's fierce reply with a head nod. "It's good to see that she turned her life around and is now in a good place," The Shepherd sibling turned her head from Amelia back to her husband. "You seem like a nice guy with a clean record. I'm not sure how it is between you and Amy, but judging by how she spoke of you, I assumed you were close and get along well."
"Yes?" Owen slightly frowned, confused about the purpose of that conversation.
"I guess what I am trying to say is," Liz awkwardly explained herself, "I'm happy you love Amelia the way she is. I know she has a lot of baggage and most people would be scared away the minute they knew about her troubled past."
Owen knew Liz meant well, but he couldn't help getting a bit angry at her words. He was very defensive of Amelia and couldn't control it. Everyone in the Shepherd family seemed to judge her for the choices she'd made in the past. The way they would keep bringing things that had happened years before was a bit exhausting and he started to wonder if that was why Amelia didn't share more with them. But it wouldn't make sense because now, in her current life, his wife had nothing to be ashamed of.
"It is me who is happy that Amelia took me with all my baggage," Owen dryly replied, looking deeply into Liz's eyes so she could see he meant it. "Your sister is the strongest person I have ever met and it doesn't scare me that she's beenthrough things," He explained, trying to soften his voice a bit. "It actually attracts me that she has overcome them many times over. She might have taken some blows but she's still standing. That is way more relevant."
Liz frowned, taken by surprise by the new perspective.
"You know what," She sheepishly admitted, looking at Owen with renewed admiration. "You are absolutely right."
Owen answered to her confession with a smile, unable to control his thoughts. Amelia didn't talk much about her family but judging by what he'd been told by his wife, they didn't know a lot of what had happened to their youngest sister, especially the details about the darkest days of her life while she still lived in Los Angeles.
He once again looked at her and heard Amelia's contaminating laughter when she obviously teased William about something. Owen realized that whereas his wife was looking at the neurologist with a fraternal smile, his gaze upon her seemed to be nothing but innocent.
Or maybe he was just overreacting, Owen thought to himself. After hearing about Amelia's past and plans with William, of course his reading of every situation would become biased. Excusing himself, he told Liz he would check on the kids, feeling better already just to envision his children's company.
.
"You've been awfully quiet tonight," Amelia playfully scolded her husband. They'd made it back from Nancy's house a couple of hours before and during the entire time they'd helped the kids with their bedtime routines, Owen had barely said more than a few words.
"More like thoughtful," He corrected her, stopping what he was doing to look at her.
Amelia realized how serious and stiff he looked, in contrast to the relaxed serenity he'd had for most of the past week. Owen really did look like he was dwelling with his own thoughts and as he hesitated to start a conversation, Amelia turned her back and opened the chest drawers, hoping to discourage him, because she wasn't sure the topic he was about to bring up would be pleasant.
"I talked to Liz today," Owen declared, thinking that was a good way to start. He knew a conversation about Amelia's family was long overdue and she couldn't keep postponing it much longer.
"Yeah?" Amelia tried to sound indifferent, taking advantage of the fact that he couldn't see her face. She hoped not to sound too interested because she really didn't want to talk about what Owen obviously did, at the same time she was curious to find out what he could have possibly discussed with her sister.
"She said you invited her to visit us," Owen shared, noticing how defensive his wife was getting. He finished untying his wrist watch and walked around the bed, approaching her but keeping a distance. "She seemed happy about it."
"That's good," Amelia evasively replied.
"Well?" Owen raised his eyebrows, feeling like a school teacher reprimanding a student who'd been caught cheating.
Amelia drowned in the uncomfortable silence that followed. Knowing she was caught between the chest drawer and Owen, the neurosurgeon swiftly turned around, making eye contact with him for a fraction of a second before breaking it.
"I did. I meant it," She added, trying to distract him as she made an escape.
When Amelia thought she could safely let out the breath she'd been holding, Owen's hand captured her arm as he gently but firmly spun her around.
"Amelia?" Owen insisted, raising his eyebrows with authority.
"What?" She snapped, raising her hands in a typical defensive manner. "What do you want me to say? I can't guess what's on your mind," Amelia hissed, deflecting her anger on him.
"You know damn well what's on my mind," Owen replied with a determinate, low voice.
Amelia hated how patronized she was feeling. Flashbacks of the majority of conversations she'd had with her mother and sisters all her life ran on her mind and she saw herself once again being cornered by someone she loved, familiarly feeling like a big disappointment.
"What do you want me to say?" Amelia exploded, trying her hardest to contain her raised voice. "You complained that we don't see my family often enough, so we came here… Then you complained some more about it, so I invited Liz over… What more do you want from me?"
Owen closed his eyes and let out a slow breath, knowing this discussion would be one of the difficult ones. Amelia was being totally unreasonable and twisting facts because she was hoping to, once again, avoid that conversation.
"Why is it so hard for you to talk about your family?" He raised his eyebrows, trying to control his anger at her childish attitude. "Whenever I ask you questions, you either shrug it off, come up with a joke or tell me to forget about it…" Owen listed, knowing he was pressuring her and that she hated it. "Why?" He insisted, taking one step in her direction and deeply staring into her eyes. "Why, Amelia?"
Silence followed but instead of looking away, his wife proudly sustained his gaze, angrily breathing out through her nose. Owen could see how worked up she was and even though he didn't like putting her in that position, he hoped it would make her talk.
"Amelia?" He insisted, not daring to break eye contact.
More silence followed and Owen lost his patience at her stubbornness.
"You are god damn unbelievable," He chided, nodding his head in disapproval. "You spend years telling me one thing, then we come up here and nothing is what it should look like and you don't even have the decency to explain to me why your description does not match reality."
"What do you know?" Amelia defensively asked, fuming with anger. He had no right to judge her or jump to conclusions after only a few days with the Shepherds.
"Nothing!" Owen raised his voice, opening his palm up in the air as he leaned over in her direction. "That's exactly my point. I know nothing. Because you won't tell me."
"Owen, listen…"
"No, you listen," He took a step in her direction and stood close to her body, in a very intimidating maner. "You told me your family was unsupportive, that they didn't come to our wedding because they didn't care…"
"They didn't care!" Amelia interrupted him, feeling her heart breaking all over again. Inviting her sisters and mother to her wedding had been one last attempt at making peace with her past and yet they had completely shut that door with their refusal to show up.
"You spent the past decade telling me how awful they were to you, but they have expressed nothing but concern and sorrow for the fact that you've been distant from them… I am just trying to understand, Amelia."
"You think that one week defines it all?" Amelia attacked him, feeling betrayed by the one person whose support meant everything to her. "You think that in one week, you can make up your mind about how they feel about me, or how they treated me or the things I've been told all my life?" She angrily snapped, hating to feel herself tear up. Anger was mixing with hurt and Amelia knew better than anyone how dangerous that combination could be.
Owen felt the weight of her words and stayed in silence, trying to understand. He noticed how affected by the entire situation she was and that vision only added to his frustration.
"I'm… I'm just…" He struggled with words, hating that Amelia was feeling like he wasn't on her side. "I am just trying to understand, Amelia," Owen repeated, calming down for her sake. "I don't understand and I am trying to. All I am asking is for you to explain it to me. I'm not saying I don't believe you…"
"You are!" Amelia interrupted him, pulling away when he tried to reach out for her hand. "That's exactly what you are telling me!"
"Don't," Owen used a tone of command that set her off even more. "Amelia, damn it, why do you have to make this so hard?!"
"It's you who started it," She exploded, carelessly yelling at him. "You know what?" She gave up, a look of hurt clear on her face. "Take my family's side. You'd fit right in," Amelia declared with despise. "You're already very good at making everything my fault when all I ever did was basically make sure I minded my own business."
With those words, Amelia turned around again and entered the bathroom, on purpose slamming the door to let out her anger.
Owen stayed put and took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down at the same time he wondered how things could have gotten that much worse.
.
When Amelia finally calmed down enough to leave the bathroom, she found out Owen wasn't in bed like she'd originally imagined. Too angry and upset at him to go figure out his whereabouts, she went to bed by herself, aggressively pulling the covers and turning off the lights in an attempt to force herself to sleep.
The next morning, when Amelia woke up, Owen wasn't there either. With mixed emotions, she realized he probably hadn't come to bed the night before. At the same time that hurt Amelia, for it was very rare that they fought badly enough to sleep in separate rooms, she was glad he hadn't come. The neurosurgeon couldn't help feeling backstabbed at the way he'd jumped to conclusions about her family, obviously not taking her words for it.
At the same time Amelia imagined that superficially it really must have been hard to understand, she was also upset that Owen demanded to know more. The more she thought about it, the more Amelia wondered if her anger was really directed at him or her inability to talk about the subject. She tended to avoid those topics in her mind, even more so ever since she'd gone to Seattle and built a life for herself there, keeping that part of her past compartmentalized somewhere deep inside her memories.
Amelia had gone through something similar a few times before and she knew that avoiding feeling pain could very well backfire in the worst possible way, but she had hoped with all her heart that the long years of being told, directly or not, how much of a failure she was would simply not matter anymore after she'd proved her worth. Amelia acknowledged the life she had at the moment was everything she'd ever dreamed of and yet it made her angry at herself because right now, feeling the weight of her past on her shoulders invariably made her question if her present really was enough to make her fulfilled.
Without much time left to lose with those alarming realizations, Amelia went downstairs, not at all looking forward to the long day that was about to start. It was Saturday and Nancy's wedding was finally happening. Telling herself to cheer up because at least she'd get to see Addison, Amelia prepared the kids' breakfasts and then went upstairs to sort out their clothes for the ceremony.
Nancy and her husband to be had decided on a simple ceremony in their own backyard. Luckily, it was a warm, sunny day and because both adults were getting married for the second time, they'd chosen something simple, with a quick formality to exchange vows and rings, followed by a lively reception with a buffet in their backyard.
Through the entire morning, Owen kept quiet too and Amelia didn't blame him. She hated being at odds with her husband but at the moment, she really didn't feel like talking yet. It took them long enough to dress up all the kids and get ready to leave with the big group and she felt lucky to have the busy routine to distract her.
Soon enough, Amelia found Addison there. Her friend look tired and Amelia knew she'd probably taken a night flight from Los Angeles. Somehow Amelia felt that no matter how much time she spent with Addison, it would never be enough to properly catch up.
"Is that William Hartley?" Addison asked while she and Amelia kicked back on a table at the far end of the backyard. The neurosurgeon noticed as her friend squinted to get a better view of the man under the strong summer sun.
"The one and only," Amelia replied with lack of enthusiasm, bending over the table to get an appetizer.
"He looks hot," Addison decided with a dirty smile.
"You can have him," Amelia added with a sigh of indifference.
Addison glanced sideways at the woman she considered a little sister and studied her conspicuously. Amelia seemed a bit off, almost irritable and her short, impatient answers hadn't gone unnoticed.
"Alright, spill it," Addison demanded with an authoritative but warm voice.
"What?" Amelia stared back at her with impatience.
"What's going on?" Addison kindly asked.
Amelia let out a heavy sigh. Her eyes focused on Thomas and Lucas, who were running around the table chasing after a dog before she confessed.
"Owen and I got into a huge fight last night."
"Yeah?" Addison slightly turned her chair right beside Amelia while they both observed the guests and the buffet waiters passing around. "Why?"
Amelia let out a heavy sigh while she finally gathered the strength to talk.
"Owen has been on my back asking me why we don't see my family more often, firing questions as if accusing me of not doing right by them," Amelia shook her head in distress, too overwhelmed to believe it. "I mean, it's like he is on their side," She spoke, infuriated and hurt. "It's that same old implication that it's my fault that we don't see them."
"That you don't see them," Addison inquired with humbleness, "Or that you don't want to see them?"
Amelia turned her head to the side, looking for an explanation in Addison's eyes.
"Is there a difference?"
"Of course there is," Addison spoke like it was obvious. "You're clearly uncomfortable being close to them. You have always been," The obstetrician said with certainty. "Amelia, ever since I married your brother you'd go to our house whenever you could. You'd spend every free weekend with us in Manhattan," She paused, waiting to see if there'd be a reaction from the youngest woman. "Even though you had three big sisters, you'd share everything with me," She concluded, looking at Amelia with something that resembled genuine concern and longing. "I never said anything because I loved it. I loved it that I felt needed and cherished like a big sister. And I loved you," Addison added, knowing she was walking into dangerous territory. "And even though we never really talked about it, not even after all these years, you know as well as I do why you did it."
"What?" Amelia asked, feeling an uncomfortable lump on her throat. Even though what Addison was saying was touching and very true, she wasn't sure she wished to carry on with that conversation.
"Amelia…" Addison struggled, thinking of the best way to phrase it. "You never felt comfortable around your sisters. You never felt like they supported you," The obstetrician added. "I know you felt all your life like you weren't one of them and it only got worse after you crashed Derek's car." Addison said with conviction. "I see how hard you've worked, especially after that, to prove you're one of them and now," She hesitated, hoping what she would say wouldn't come off as horrible as it sounded in her head. "Now, even though you are, even though you got it all, for some reason you still feel like you are a misfit."
Amelia felt a constriction on her throat and forced herself to hold back her tears. She looked away, too embarrassed to be read like a book. Addison was pointing out things that Amelia herself hadn't yet fully concluded and it hurt to realize all of those things.
"Don't be mad at Owen for not understanding," Addison finalized, determined to end the subject there because she didn't want to add more pain and frustration to the situation, and she especially didn't want to fight her adored friend. "Not when you don't understand it yourself."
Amelia stayed in silence, processing Addison's words and the truth they contained. All her friend had said was true. Growing up, especially after her father had died, Amelia had always felt like she didn't belong there.
One day, on an average morning, she'd woken up blissfully happy and then watched her father get killed right in front of her eyes. From that day forward, everything had been different. The once happy, loud family conversations had given room to quiet whispers; the so long awaited family dinners had turned into torturing minutes of utter silence. Back then, Amelia had had a lot of questions, but very few answers. Whenever she'd ask anyone about anything, or tried to understand what was going on and why her world had suddenly turned upside down when she'd been only five years old, her mother and siblings would shut her out, supposedly to protect her.
Slowly, Amelia's curiosity had evolved into anguish and then into insecurity. The vulnerability that had accompanied her ever since her father had died became increasingly stronger right around her adolescence, making Amelia search outside her home for all the things she'd never had. The cheerful, repressed child had evolved into a rebellious, willful teenager, who'd test anyone and anything around her just to get the limits she'd always needed but never been given.
Addison had been one of the few people Amelia had felt she could actually talk to without being judged, called inappropriate, or even being accused of trying to draw attention. Everything Amelia had done and tried while growing up had been severely frowned upon by her mother and siblings, who'd distinctively told her many times over just how wrong Amelia always was.
"I'm working on it," Amelia admitted after several minutes of silence.
"I know," Addison quietly added, reaching out a hand and holding her friend's on her lap.
Immersed in total silence, Amelia nodded in gratitude for Addison's always reliable support. They sat beside each for long minutes, watching the kids running. Amelia's eyes met Owen's figure and she felt her heart swelling inside her chest when she realized how much the traumas of her past still affected her present. The notion devastated her and wondering what she could do to make it all better, Amelia kept staring at her husband, watching as he politely exchanged words with her mother while holding Megan in his arms. Carolyn was obviously saying something nice because the little girl kept a smile on her face all along. At the sight of her smiling daughter, Amelia warmed up, for once realizing that life had a bigger purpose than all of that.
"I just can't get over how much I love that kid," Addison let out a chuckle. "I mean, just look at him."
Amelia turned her eyes at the direction her friend was pointing and she noticed Lucas charmingly talking to his aunt Kathleen just a few meters away from them. Addison had noticed how the twelve year old had lost his formal jacket and tie long before, rolling up the sleeves to his white button up shirt in a very casual and laidback manner.
"He is a real piece of work," Amelia smiled through her sadness. "I have no idea what he's saying to Kate but I am sure he is up to no good."
"He flirts like a natural," Addison added with good humor, making Amelia crack up.
"Well, you'd know about that, wouldn't you?" The neurosurgeon provoked. "Maybe that's the gift you passed onto Lucas when you baptized him."
"Maybe," Addison laughed, too well aware to contradict that.
The two women kept staring at the boy for the following seconds and only when Lucas finally convinced his aunt to apparently talk one of the waiters into getting some dessert samples from the kitchen, Amelia turned her eyes to look at Addison.
"You know, Addie, I don't think I've ever said this but," The neurosurgeon said emotionally, too caught up with what was on her mind to realize that her sister distractedly came in their direction after talking to Lucas. As Amelia had processed everything her friend had said just minutes before, it had become very clear that her brother's ex wife was one of the few people Amelia could count on throughout her whole life, from her childhood days to all the journey she'd gone through in Los Angeles. "You were always meant to be my firstborn's godmother. And you know I'm not talking about Luke."
"Amelia," Addison tilted her head as she looked back, deeply touched.
"No, I mean it," Amelia reinforced, feeling grateful for Addison's undying loyalty. "In my heart you were. Whenever in the world he is right now, I know he knows it too and I am so deeply grateful that my baby has you there to visit his grave site more often than I can."
"What baby?"
The words spoken by the familiar voice caught Amelia by surprised and she only had time to turn her head up to meet the gaze of her sister when Kathleen frowned heavily, obviously alarmed. Amelia could barely process anything else when her sister's voice resonated again, startling her.
"Amelia, if not Lucas, then what firstborn? What baby are you talking about?"