Once More, With Feeling
Chapter 6: It Has To Be Stopped
DISCLAIMER: I don't own digimon… never have, and sadly, never will. The same goes for Buffy, and the characters and songs used in this fic, and the odd line quoted from the show (see if you can spot it!) still, I hope you enjoy it! The title is taken from the Buffy episode Anya: It has to be stopped, Rupert! Oh, and if you want to know where Gatomon gets her cloak from, read 'After The War' if I put it up. If you're sharp, it's in there. And I'm going to put up the story of Black Velvet separately - I was going to put it in this fic, but that would have made it too long.
Demidevimon raised his hand cautiously to the door, then lowered it again. Myotismon had been in a terrible mood ever since he had returned early this morning. The little blue digimon didn't know what had happened. Myotismon usually went out on a night, but normally he came home in a much better mood, having been able to move around at will instead of keeping to the shadows, and had something to sustain him for another day… but tonight, and the night before, he had come back in a mood as black as thunder, attacking anyone who came near. It was understandable that Demidevimon was afraid to approach him, but troops without orders became restless troops, and he wasn't sure who would tear him apart first – Myotismon or them.
He forced his hand up again, then knocked before he had time to think about it. Panic shot through his veins. "Oh no! What did I do?"
He was about to turn and run, when a voice laden with menace and foreboding came clearly through the thick wood of the door. "What is it?"
"Oh, uh, gee, Lord Myotismon," Demidevimon began, poking his head round the door and grinning in what he hoped was an adorable fashion it wasn't. "You see, the troops are - "
"Why do you disturb me, considering the mood I am in? Do you even have any idea what I could do to you, you little fool?"
"Well, yes sir, of course sir, but the troops - "
"Get out."
Those final words were accompanied by a glass of red liquid hurtling towards him. Demidevimon shot out of the room, and the glass shattered harmlessly against the wall. The liquid looked like wine, but the slow way it slid down the wall, pooling thickly at the bottom, suggested otherwise.
Myotismon paid it no heed. He was furious, although not necessarily with Demidevimon, despite his annoying interruption. He was furious with… himself, and the digidestined, but mainly he was furious with whatever was causing these ridiculous songs. On rare occasions he enjoyed hearing singing – there had been one digimon whose beautiful voice he used to even go so far as to request, and he had heard her many times singing to herself as she worked around the castle… but only when she thought no-one was around. His face darkened. That was all well and good, but this… this was ludicrous! He had ended up singing instead of casually announcing his arrival, and his attempted attack the night before had been thwarted yet again by his life and the lives around him turning into something off Broadway. It had to be stopped.
He stood, and stalking to the edge of the room, leant on the window ledge. The light of day had not yet reached this side of his lair, and he was able to look out of the window without fear of the sun. He gazed outwards, his eyes on the Bakemon floating around below, but his mind elsewhere. He was thinking of Gatomon, and how she had reacted to his return. She had been scared, certainly. He remembered what he had sung, and groaned aloud. He had said things he severely regretted. But… always, she was on his mind. It plagued him incessantly. When he was alone, thinking of ways to defeat the digidestined, it was never them he thought of – only her. He was out for revenge against her, true – he wanted her to suffer for betraying him. But he could never kill her, and probably never would be able to. Something always stopped him. Perhaps it was a tiny vain hope he refused to acknowledge that she would… come back.
She was a good henchwomon, no-one could deny. But there were stronger, more obedient digimon than she who were more than willing to serve him. And yet… there was something special about Gatomon. Something… unforgettable. He tried to stop her, to get rid of her, to destroy her so that he need never be weighed down with these thoughts again… but he couldn't. Whenever he tried, something always screamed NO. Always he missed the chance he would have if it didn't. It was easy to hurt her. But to kill her would mean… she would be gone. That was something he didn't seem to be able to accept. And he didn't understand why.
He could feel something rising in his chest, something strange and powerful. He recognised it, and leaning out of the window he barked a sharp order at the Bakemon, who scattered. He certainly didn't want his henchmen to see this, but he'd be damned if he let it force him back into the deeper shadows of the room. He would at least have some control over it.
"I died
So many years ago
But you can make me feel
Like it isn't so
And why you come and be with me
I think I finally know."
There was something about Gatomon; something that he had known for years, but had never been able to bring himself to take advantage of – maybe because then, it would stop. She often returned to the town in the valley below his castle. She never came boldly within full view, of course, but often in a long velvet cloak. It hid her identity so well that he had seen the digimon the workers referred to as 'Black Velvet' on account of the cloak several times before discovered her real identity. But once, he had seen her without her hood, and then he knew.
He had never known why she went there. She was always alone – never brought any of her silly little digidestined digimon friends with her. Why did she go around with them? They were so… beneath her.
But suddenly, within the past couple of days, the days after that first song, it had all become clear why she couldn't leave the town alone. She missed it. Missed life at that speed, with that excitement, missed never having to feel accountable for her actions or anything or anyone else, and missed the freedom that it brought. She had never been truly free with Myotismon… but she had been more free than she was now. Now she was chained by responsibilities and duties, and Myotismon knew that she wanted more. She wanted to be able to choose to party all night, to hang out down at the bar, to hit someone who made her angry… she would never have these choices around the digidestined – she had to be responsible for her actions, because now she had to think of that Kari girl too. She had to be good and perfect, because otherwise they would be shocked. Myotismon knew that Gatomon had a good heart, but he also knew that that didn't stop her from wanting to let her hair down and be a little bit bad at times. He wasn't sure what she truly wanted – he didn't think it was necessarily what she had when she worked for him in the past, but it certainly wasn't what she had now. She could never completely be herself around the digidestined, because she would always be a little bit wild, a little bit dangerous… a little bad. She would never truly get the freedom she craved from visiting the town in disguise – but it would help her. But she could never tell her friends how she felt. He wasn't even sure she had admitted it to herself yet – that was Gatomon for you.
"You're scared
Ashamed of what you feel
And you can't tell the ones you love
You know they couldn't deal
A whisper in a dead man's ear
It doesn't make it real."
She had never told him any of this, but he knew it, as surely as if she'd stolen into his room in the dead of night and whispered in his ear. But just hanging round the town wasn't going to make anything happen. And that, Myotismon found himself thinking to his surprise, was rather sad.
"That's grave
But I don't wanna play
'Cause being with you touches me
More than I can say."
It hurt so much… Myotismon had never realised it was possible to feel this way. When she had left, he was livid, but not just because she had left his army… there were other reasons, but ones which he refused to accept. But they were the same reasons why he could never bring himself to attack her when she came to the town. Sometimes he cursed her presence, endlessly wishing she would just go. And other times, he awaited her visits like a desperate man – would have prayed for them, if he believed in God. But he knew she didn't come back because she wanted to se him… didn't care whether he was dead or alive.
Actually, that was a lie. He knew she cared whether he lived or died. She would just prefer the second option.
"But since I'm only dead to you
I'm saying stay away
And let me rest in peace
Let me rest in peace
Let me get some sleep
Let me take my love and bury it
In a hole six foot deep
I can lay my body down
But I can't find my sweet release
So let me rest in peace
You know
You got a willing slave
And you just love to play the thought
That you might misbehave."
He sometimes felt like a slave, always forced to follow his master. In his days as a younger digimon, he had served powerful digital overlords… but that was nothing compared to this. He wasn't stuck following Gatomon through fear of pain or retribution, but through emotions he couldn't control, could never control… emotions that doomed him to always seek her. Revenge was only part of it, the only part he would freely admit. And somewhere in him, in the part that had understood why Gatomon always came back to the town below the castle, he knew there was something about him coming back that she liked, in spite of her desire to see him dead and gone. She wanted the option to always be there, even if she would never take that chance – the option to return to her old way of life. Just as he could never kill her, she would never fully be able to wish him no more, for they were inextricably linked in the vicious circle created by that meeting so far back into the past, the meeting that neither of them could have known would lead to this. If he had known, would he have chosen her to work for him? Perhaps… he still wasn't entirely sure why he had picked up the little Salamon – it certainly wasn't pity, for he prided himself on possessing none. Maybe it was just Fate.
But she would never return, and that was what made him so angry about her coming back to the town.
"But till you do
I'm telling you
Stop visiting my grave
And let me rest in peace
I know
I should go
But I follow you
Like a man possessed."
His heart felt like it was beginning to beat wildly; but that was absurd, for his heart had stopped beating the day he became a vampire. Contrary to popular belief however, he did have one – it was just hardened. When you've been alone for a long time, your heart becomes very hard…
"There's a traitor here
Beneath my breast
And it hurts me more
Than you've ever guessed
If my heart could beat
It would break my chest
But I can see
You're unimpressed."
She would always hate him. Before, she had hated his reign of terror, the way he always whipped her, and his cruelty… now, she hated him for killing the wizard, the one who had always been faithfully by her side. She would never be impressed by what he did.
"So leave me be
And let me rest in peace
Let me get some sleep
Let me take my love and bury it
In a hole six foot deep
I can lay my body down
But I can't find my sweet release
Let me rest in peace
Why won't you let me rest in peace?"
Myotismon fell back into the room as the first rays of sunlight began to peep over the treetops surrounded the base. He was out of breath from the power of the emotions he had felt through the song. He found himself doing something he hadn't done since he was small – wrapping his arms around himself, as though to protect himself from anything that was trying to harm him. Abruptly he snapped his arms down by his sides, and stood tall and upright. This was nonsensical. All these songs…
They had to be stopped.
Still, he had to confess he had absolutely no idea how.
But only to himself, or course.
A/N: So, did you get it? The line quoted from digimon, I mean. If you're a Gatomon fan and didn't get it, you ought to be ashamed. Tell me what it is by reviewing! Thanks!