The caged butterfly ch. 7
by
Mastermindhunter
I was sitting at the table, while everyone watched me eat carefully. I stared at everyone else. B.O.B. was staring at me like he was waiting for something. Link had scooted back, as if I was going to tackle him in a minute. For some reason I really wanted to. Doc sat there smiling at me. I finally got sick of everyone staring at me. I picked up my book, and pretended to read a few paragraphs. I looked up at Susan, and she was staring at me all the same. Insecto got close to me, and nuzzled against me. I smiled and scratched his fur, carefully. I like Insecto. What a loving butterfly. I lowered the book, and saw that the room was still staring at me. I finally asked my question "What's everybody looking at?"
B.O.B. was the brave one. "Well, Doc said you were going to go crazy. I'm just waiting to see when it happens." My stare swapped from B.O.B. over to Doc. His face got a bit red, and he looked at me, his eyed turning wide. I stared at him confused.
Link interviened. "Umm what B.O.B. meant to say was that you might be getting emotional later."
Doc nodded. "They're correct, Lucy. The pill that you swallowed has been evening out your spurts. It keeps the wings growing with consistency, and excelleration. There is a catch though." I was quiet which signaled him to continue. "Well, to keep your hormonal triggers in check I had to administer a big level of estrogen into those pills. As a side effect this might cause you to get a bit emotional when you don't mean to. I had told them to be kind to you, and not over fluster you." I had thought about it, and that meant that at any time, I might just start getting angry, or just start crying. Sometimes hormones could also create great happiness, but mostly it caused misery. I didn't like crying infront of people, so I just stayed quiet. That's probably why I wanted to hit Link from nowhere.
Susan reached down and pulled my chin up, and looked in my eyes. "You know. You have yet to tell us anything about your life back home. Maybe you could tell us a bit about Ireland. I bet it was a great place." I guess there was no harm in telling them about home.
"Are you really wanting to hear about my home?" They all nodded, and leaned in. Insecto laid down close to me, and stayed still so he or she would be petted. I smiled, stroking the fur, and tried to think of where to begin. "Umm alright. Let's see. I grew up in a village called Limerick. I lived in a special spot called the golden vale."
"What's a golden vale?" Link asked.
"Well the golden Vale is a very beautiful place in Ireland. It's where most of the farmers go. It's got beautiful fields, and luscious forests. There are rolling pasture lands as far as the eyes can see. It's got excellent view of the Galtee mountains. Most say that it's Ireland Haven of beauty and Tranquility." I closed my eyes, remembering the beautiful world I had lived in before. I could smell the air. See the mountains, and remember the sound of the pan flutes. I opened my eyes to continue. "Anyway, my step parents had found me in a sheet on their front porch. I never knew my real parents, which I guess were . . . " I pointed behind my back. "Fairies I guess. As soon as I could be able to hold a staff, my step mother put me out in the field to watch the sheep. I don't think they ever knew I was a fairy."
B.O.B. smiled confidently. "Well I think that if they knew, they would still love you very much." I lightl laid my head on his side. I knew that if I laid to forcefully that I would be scooped up into his body, and I didn't want that. "Think about it. If they knew you had wings, they would probably love to have you around the house. You could fix things that were in high places." It made me briefly wonder what was going on back home. What were my parents thinking right now. Were they ashamed of me? Did they find me scary? Did they ever want to see me again? Were they worried at all? I tried to not think about it. They were the safe ones after all.
"I would like to think so. But anyway, I was home schooled my whole life. In the country in Ireland, barely anyone goes to public schools anymore. I was always plenty quiet child, and kept to myself. I never was one for wanting so much. I had everything I wanted." I thought I might as well tell them about how my wings grew out. "Of course until these." They leaned closer knowing that they were about to hear my monster story. "I was out watching the sheep one day and I leaned against a tree. There was pain in my back, and I went in the house to check it out. I saw these growing, and I was frightened. The pain was awful, and I was scared. I ran to the woods, until Monger got me." The whole room was quiet. "So, here I am." I laid my head down on the table. I felt miserable.
Doc looked over at Link. Nodding, which I guess meant that it was the pills doing this to me. I looked up at them. "I love my family so much. They deserve so much better than me. I hate myself for these stupid wings. I'm so ashamed of myself for being their daughter." I felt my numbed back being rubbed. It felt good, but didn't make me any happier.
"Lucy." Doc whispered. "You are a marvelous daughter." He said with sorrowed eyes.
"No, I'm not." I said looking at him. I then glanced at the table, in shame. "It feels so impossible. It makes me feel like such an utter failure, and dishonerable person. It's so embarrasing"
Link leaned across the table, and stared me in the eye. "No it's not." He sputtered. "Ye-So you grew wings instead of staying normal. Things like this just happen sometimes. It's not your fault at all."
"You have two sets of wings growing onto your back, and nobody around you is going through the same pain. That's alot of stress on anybody. You just need a little bit of help with them." B.O.B. explained to me with a smile. "The others know what I went I went through when I grew my wings." He breathed. They all looked at him, aggrivated. He looked at them, and leaned closer to me. "I think they're still mad at me about when I was having mood swings."
"That's what I hate about myself. Other teenage girls don't have to go through this or need any help. Other girls grow normally into their lives. All I do is grow weird and have to be taken away. It's a shame how I have to go through this." I said. I then looked up at Susan. "But you know what's even worse? My weakness. You all went through it so easily, and I can barely handle it. I wish I was strong like you all. You all are so much stronger than I ever hope to be."
Susan shook her head disagreeing with me. "That's totally untrue, Lucy. You have no idea. When I was first put into this facility I thought I was going to go totally insane in a few days, and I was almost out of my mind when the first month was over. Sometimes I'm afraid that Il'll go insane again." She said brushing my hair back.
Doc grabbed my face between his hands, so I would look at him. "When I was just starting out here, it was so uterly frightening being here in the facility, I was secretly using my time in my cell to cry." He said trying to make me understand. When I looked into his eyes, I felt tears leak from my eyes. I couldn't help it, so I let them fall. I knew they were from the medicine, but it was like I wanted to get this off my chest. He let go of my face, and I buried my face in my hands, being embarrased infront of the others. I hated crying, but nothing made me feel more at ease
"Why didn't you all ever tell that it was so tough? I thought I was the only one with the problem. Why couldn't you tell me?" I sobbed. I laid my head down on the table.
Link put a hand on my cheek, and frowned. "Aww Ginger. Nobody wants to admit how frightening it is being a monster. It feels like we are more scared of ourselves than the world is, huh? It's such a heavy pressure, but nobody want's to admit that."
B.O.B. sighed and looked down. "I guess that it's what we are always told to do. We never wanted to tell each other, so we just decided to just keep it all in."
I looked at him upset. "But we shouldn't." I said leaning into him. "We should tell each other this stuff." I said laying my head down. I could hardly believe that they wouldn't tell each other.
Susan picked me up, and smiled. "It help telling friends your problems huh?" I sniffed and nodded.
Later that night, I opened my candle, and sat in my room. It felt nice sitting in a room not having to worry about getting the sheep into the barn or the threat of foxes. I wondered who was taking care of the herd at the time. Most likely my brother. I had gotten out of the shower, after having to ask to go to it, and was all snug in a nightgown. My wings didn't agree with the warm water. They looked alot better though. They were nice and clean. They had reached five feet. That pill had really helped. Warmth surrounded my body. Hot water might not have been best, but it helped with relaxing. My long red hair was like a curtain of red down my back. It felt good to brush my hair like a normal person. Thinking about earlier when I broke down, it made me feel embarrased of myself. I wasn't one to cry over things.
There was a faint knocking at the back of my room. It was the side that opened up into the main large room. I reached for my robe, and hung it over my night gown. There was a button that Monger put into my cell to open it on my own, though I rarely needed to use it. I wondered who it would be. "Hello . . . Susan?" I figured it was Susan coming to talk to me, but it wasn't. I opened it up, and it was the last person I had expected.
"Not exactly." My gaze had risen up to look at Doc. "Hello, there. I'm just here to give you your pills." He chuckled as if he was nervous.
"Oh . . . " I replied taking the pills in my hand. I looked at the label. It said it was for me specifically. It looked like a normal pharmacudical bottle. "Thank you." I smiled up to him. He smiled back warmly, and I invited him in. He handed me a bottle of water, and I forcefully swallowed the giant pill. He rubbed my neck to help it go down. It was horrible, but I managed. I knew I would get a sore throat in the morning. I sat at my vanity, brushing my hair. "So what do you think? This is what my old room looked like when I lived back in Limerick." He stared around smiling. I told him he could sit on my bed if he wanted to. He took a spot at the edge
"It's very nice." He said with a faint smile. I shrugged. "I'm sorry you sort of broke down out there. It's my fault. The estrogen just-" I stopped him with a hushed sound.
I put the brush back in the vanities drawer. "It's alright. I was just a little bummed, and felt a bit homesick. I think it was because of . . . " His entennea perked up a bit, and his eyes focused on me in the mirror. I didn't think it would be wise to tell him about my fiance. It was a bit too embarrasing to bring up.
"Because of . . . " He rolled his hand signaling me to continue.
What the heck? "Well, when I was in Limerick, . . . I was engaged." His face lit up with surprise. His entennea perked up, and his jaw dropped. I smiled thinking about it. His face was utter disbelief.
I thought he was going to go into shock. "You? You were- let me get this straight. You are seventeen years of age right?" I smiled nodding. He looked to the side as if he didn't understand something. "And at that age you were engaged?" He asked as if I had somehow done something that was not meant to be. I walked over to the bed, and sat down next to him. Even sitting down, he was taller than I was. "That is unbelievable! You are seventeen, and barely had enough experiences. Wouldn't you want to go out and date more people before you chose?" I looked down rather embarrased. "What's the matter, dear?"
I bit my bottom lip, very embarrasingly. "Umm . . . It wasn't really my choice." He stared at me with a raised eyebrow. "We were in an . . . " I knew this was a big secret to keep, and my mother didn't like me telling people who weren't family. "arranged marriage." My face felt hot in an instant.
"Oh dear! So you were never allowed to go out with anybody else?" I shook my head still blushing. "You poor thing having to let someone make that decision before you can even walk." He wrapped his arms around me, and lacing them on my shoulder that wasn't facing him. I looked up at him, and smirked, showing it wasn't necesarily that bad. "I'm sorry. It's just that I don't believe anyone should be made to marry someone they don't think is right." I cleared my throat, and looked at his hands wrapped around me. "Sorry Lucy." He blushed darker than I did. "Wait. Now that you aren't in Limerick, you can marry whomever you want to." He said cheerfull.
I stared up into his eyes, knowing he was totally seeing a different picture of what I was seing. "Oh! You don't get it do you Doc?" He looked at me innocently. I stood up grabbing my water. "I like Leon. I really do. He was one of the only men around, this is true, but he really was meant for me." I shrugged a bit trying to tell the truth. "Yes it's true I have only met him a few times in my life, but I feel like whenever I go over, he really looks like the kind of man that can raise great fields, and take great care of himself." I said taking a sip. He thought I was just trying to sound optimistic. He gave me a look that seemed like he wanted to ask if I was kidding, which I wasn't. "You know, he is a wonderful young man. One that any young girl could hope to marry. I think it would have been great with him being a father."
" A FATHER?" He hollared. "Listen, Lucy. You are thinking things way too far! You're seventeen, and not ready to be raising children! That's something someone at your age shouldn't worry about" I looked over at my bed and sat next to him trying to shed some light on the place where I was from.
"Doc." I said trying to make things clear. " You have to see things from my perspective. Nobody in my family has ever been single for more than eighteen years. I don't want to be single at age nineteen. I really do want to have children as well. A wedding and a family aren't so much to ask for, are they?" I said taking a deep breath then letting it out. I plopped down on my bed horizontally. "That's the tradition of my family. Nobody has been single, and nobody has lived without children of their own." I drug my hand down my face. "But now it seems like that dream will never come true." I guess now I knew how Romeo and Juliet had felt.
Doc had pulled me up, and stared at me in my eyes. "You know, just because something is a long generation tradition, doesn't mean it's always the right thing to do. I don't honestly think that you would have to be married and have children to be happy." I looked down, thinking of what he just said. I smiled, and gave him a hug. He was a sweet cockroah man thing, I would have to admit.
"Well you don't have to worry, because it won't happen, now." I said as I reached for my water.
He looked around a bit flustered like. "You do realize there are men here in the facility who would be great men to fall in love with." He said. I couldn't imagine falling in love with any of the scientists here in the facility. It seemed a bit strange.
"Oh really? And how exactly do I support a child here? I have no job and now no money." I said shrugging a bit childlessly. He patted me on my eased of pain back.
"The facility would pay for everything. The wedding, the children, the essentials. True you would still have to live here, but it wouldn't be that bad would it?" I smiled at his smarts. Monger did say he was the most intelligent man in the world.
"You are so sweet to think of my happiness. I think you are a great guy." I looked down, and stared at the floor. "Umm it might seem a bit rude, but it is time for us to head to bed, and I did take my pill, so . . . umm." I was a bit tired, and didn't think that Monger would like me staying up longer than needed.
Doc suddenly looked surprised that he had stayed with me so long. "Oh you're right. My apoligies. I should head on out. Sorry to keep you up, Lucy. Good night." He smiled. He had ran into the wall by accident, and shook his head. He blushed a bit, and smiled chuckling to himself. I had closed the door, and jumped into bed. I thought about what he said. I know that it sounded weird, but it was tradition. I couldn't be the only person in the family to live at nineteen single. It was simply unheard of. But, technically they weren't my real family, and I no longer lived in Ireland. Why would I date someone here in the facility? Who would make a great lover? Leon was a fabulous choice. I was picked out by his parents specially for him. Could it have been a wrong choice? No I was perfect for him and he was going to be perfect for me . . . right? How could I marry him though? He was not allowed to see me now, and I was no longer able to see anybody. I had to think of somebody to marry. But what if Doc was right? What if I didn't have to marry to be happy?