A/N: Hope everyone had a wonderful Happy 4th!
For the most part things have been great. I must admit I suspected the long stares and sneers from Jessica and Lauren were kind of starting to bother me. But it didn't take long for Lauren to speak up and let me know exactly how she felt. When she did I felt pretty confident in givin' her the same amount of sass and attitude she was giving me. I'll be honest I've never argued or gotten in to any sort of physical fight before because I've always been the type to suffer in silence and just rearrange things to their liking so no one got into any confrontation. So the first comeback that came to my mind was enough to express I didn't feel like takin' any shit from no one but not enough to really get her furious. Turns out Lauren didn't fight her own battles, no, she had Jessica to do that for her. What she said really hurt and I won't lie and say I didn't get up and walk out the restaurant and break down, 'cause I did.
I completely lost it, I hadn't told anyone my fears or the pain and hurt I had forgone through other than myself. I kept it in because that was just who I was and quiet frankly I don't think I could have dealt with any thing else.
Next thing I know I'm in a cold, dirty alleyway having an emotional break down while this guy holds me. I stood there for what felt like forever while I cried and Edward whispered words of reassurance. At that moment I didn't know if he was doing because he felt obligated or because he truly cared about me.
After making our way backing it was decided we'd head home and snack on junk food while Jessica and Lauren ride home using the taxi. Alice apologized profusely, and I let her up until I had had enough. Edward had gone to his room upon arrival at the Cullen's and it gave me a few impressions on multiple things.
The girls and I ate caramel popcorn and candy from the moment we had our sleeping bags settled tell we were to tired to fight exhaustion.
An hour and half went by and I still hadn't fell into a deep sleep and neither had Alice because I found myself being tapped on the shoulder.
"Yea, Alice?," I whispered.
"I'd just like to thank you for coming, y'know, 'cause you didn't have to. Especially when you could have been home taking care of your kids in the comfort of you own home rather than them over here and you being watched by a number of other teenagers."
"Your welcome, Alice. Despite the restaurant fiasco everything else was a blast, although it is kinda weird having a sleep over when your sisters you hardly know are their to."
"Yeah, I guess that is a bit weird. Can I ask you something?"
"Sure," I drawled out extremely curious as to what she was fixing rot ask.
"When my brother went after you . . . outside . . . what exactly did you guys do . . . I mean talk about? Did you guys even talk?"
I let out a shaky breath, trying to find words to say that didn't offend her and yet gave her enough information to let her know that it was a trying conversation that I wasn't emotionally ready to go through and come to terms with," Alice, you're my friend, right? So, when I say that everyone has secrets, very dark ones, it takes time to heal and allow yourself to grieve before feeling comfortable in your own skin. Feeling like no matter what you say or do, your friends will be there to help guid you through the on coming hard times. The ones we'd like to pretend . . . . pretend will never happen."
I was met with silence so I figured her over hyper-active self fell asleep, and if she did I knew it wasn't her fault but it was hard to not feel a ting of rejection. I mentally scowled myself for wanting to turn over on my side and silently break down again.
Just when I felt calm enough to will myself to sleepAlicespoke softly into the stale air, "I have cancer . . . well not currently. . . .Actually, I don't know. I'm scared, Bella, but I don't want to fight it anymore. Just a few weeks ago I stopped treatment. The doctors had hopes and reminded me that there is a slight chance I could completely rid of it. Bella, slight means not even fifty fifty. Hell, they were talking about less than twenty-five percent chance but they said it was possible. The doctors give every one hope but they don't give false hope. They do make it a priority to tell you the chance in mathematical terms, because not everyone will make it. Does all that make since?" Alice blew out a breathe, discarding herself of it. As if it was even possible.
Possibilities.
Chances.
Hope.
I couldn't stomach even learning I had cancer. I couldn't deal with the reality if possibly not being there for my boys. They were my everything. I certainly wouldn't want to find out they had it. I'd fight tell the death to keep them breathing. The prospect was mind blowing.
"How? How could you give up?"
"Bella, I'm not giving up. When your five you want to be a princess, when your thirteen you want to be president and make a difference, and three years after that, you can't wait to get out of high school start your career get married and have kids, a boy and a girl. But ever since I was a little girl I only ever wanted a few things. For me those things aren't about having a career because I don't know what I want to be, it isn't getting married because all I want to do is fall passionately in love, I know it may sound selfish that I'll only worry about Edward when I'm gone, but he needs someone, I just want to know he'll have someone, and lastly I want to make . . . a mark on this world. God has a plan, Bella, listen for it, and never give up. I'm really not, no matter what anyone believes."
My heart broke at her words, I found myself huggingAlicewhile cold tears rolled down my heated cheeks, "I promise to listen for God's words. I promise."
*******Who I Am*******
When I got up in the morning it was well before any of the girls. I went across the hall to where the boys slept together in what was Alice's and Emmett's baby crib the let us borrow. They were up and crying, I did my best to contain them and try getting them both to eat. When I say eat, I mean aggressively attack at my over swollen nipples do to nursing both Caden andColton. Once I was finished I went down stairs to see if anyone was up yet. Once down stairs I saw Carlisle slipping out the front door, on his way to the hospital were he worked and Esme starting her first cup of coffee. Pour women, I mused, she has got her hands full.
She glanced up and nodded her head acknowledged me and motioned me to sit beside her at the breakfast nook.
"I'm sorry if we kept you and your husband awake last night, and I don't just mean us girls."
She shook her head and swallowed her next sip," Oh, It's fine, dear; I actually enjoyed it for the most part. Gosh, it's been so long since we had babies in the house," She half heartedly laughed.
I smiled, "I'm glad you think so. Sometimes I'd like to disagree. Although, I wouldn't trade them for the world."
Esme turned to me and gave me a good look up and down, steadying my face," Listen, Bella, I know she told you. It's her decision and I get that I've just come to terms, I yet, to grieve. Considering she isn't gone yet. I doubt she';; ever be gone. One thing I do know is having sympathy for someone is completely different for feeling sorry for someone, okay?' She gave me a brief shoulder hug, "As for anyone else concern on your boys, tell 'em their god given. Yes, there gods gift to you after such a tragic and horrifying event."
I nodded my head and agreed then let her know I was going to wake the other girls up if they weren't already stirring.
I opened the door to a pile of sleeping girls and their sleeping bags whileAlicepaced the floor.
"Ali, what's up with you? I was sent back up by Esme, she wanted me to let you know to stop pacin' a dang gon' hole in her floor," I said laughing at my own joke.
From the look onAlice's face she wasn't as amused, "I thought you had left! Gone. Poof! Was it me? Did I lay too much on you?"
Grabbing a hold ofAliceI said," No, Alice, You didn't run me off. Not even close. I just had to nurse my boys, okay?"
"Yeah, I guess so. Sorry for freaking out, its just only you and Rose know, besides my family."
Oh. "Oh, okay, cool. Anyway, Esme is startin' on breakfast. I figured you could help me, y'know, wake everyone up." I didn't mean to brush off that tid bit of information but what the hell was I supposed to say to that. I may not know a lot ofAlice's skeletons but I knew enough about her that she didn't want anyone hovering and thrown pity at her feet.
"Sure, I can do that."
*******Who I Am*******
After getting everyone up and boy presentable considering Edward and Emmett did live here, I grabbed Caden and Colton out their borrowed cribs and followed behind everyone else down the stairs. I saw Edward having a mama's boy chat so I didn't bother to interrupt. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to interrupt because that means we'd actually have to sit down and have conversation 'bout the night before.
Just a few hours up stairs and a half hour long rant from Alice saying things like, 'who does he think he is?', 'not everyone wants sex hair?', and my favorite 'he needs to get laid'. Me and him both!
I won't lie, before Phil I was sexually active. Hell, I was sexually active since around the age of fifteen. Most guys I was with weren't really all that great but then again we were only kids so none of us really knew what we were doing. Even though my sex life wasn't all that great that doesn't stop me from getting extremely horny and wanting to rip off Cullen's pants.
Unlike him I had stuff –correction people- to take of. I needed to start a few loads of laundry. Clean up the house and start on dinner. Heck, I needed an ID that represented the age I actually felt. At least then I could drink.
Alice and the girls drove me back to school so I could pick up my car and head back to my house and start on the inevitable. I had felt relieved that I no longer had to be cautious about Edward being around. 'Cause even though I wasn't anybody's definition of sexy or beautiful which probably meant no one would be looking my way didn't mean I couldn't look his way, right?
God, help me!
He's too good for his own good and what makes matters worse is according to Grandma Ellie, him and the rest of the Cullen's are practically family. In fact she went into great detail how somewhere down the line we're actually intertwined by marriage, that doesn't mean by blood just legally. So, does what I feel for him incest? I hope not, because that would squash any thoughts of us together doin' anything whether in reality or in my dreams. Ughh, life is so fucking complicated.
And things just got a little more complicated!
I pull up into the gravel driveway and there I see a sweaty Edward wiping his face off from the sun and sweat. So, fucking sexy!
I get out the car in some halfway stance and say something stupid like, "You look like you could use a shower."
He gave me one of his cocky grins, "Yeah, well you look like you could use a good night of sleep."
"Yeah, I wouldn't mind," and I thought I hid it well, " You could always help me out some time, ya know watch the boys for a day or something." I tried to laugh it off like it didn't hurt to have had that noticed, maybe making jokes helps, I thought.
"Why not?" He said, like he'd enjoy watching two newborns.
"Yeah, like you'd like to watch a two screaming boys for fun."
"How 'bout you drive me home instead of making me take the bus and I'll return the favor by watching your boys someday?"
Is he serious, "Really? Just like that?"
"Yes, just like that."
As I got back into the car I noticed Edward looking at the boys in the back seat. I wondered for the briefest second if he hated kids. If he did I know that we wouldn't stand a chance, my boys come first. Always.
Before I let Edward get out the car I had to make sure that he knew that what I said last night was going to stay between us.
"I'm sorry about last night I didn't have a right to lay that on you like that. I know that Jessica knows a lot about my past and she has most likely told a whole bunch of people but for my sanity do you think . . . do you think that you could not say anything?"
Edward promised he wouldn't as he did some little cute lock up with his lips and hands and made a weird sound.
"Please, for real, I could you a friend and it be a lot easier if you could be a good friend and give me your word." , I didn't mean for it to sound like a plead but I needed him to know how sincere I was
He turned to me with a sober, "I promise I won't say anything, "He stopped and took in a slow breathe, "Oh, and Bella?"
"Yea?"
"I don't consider you a friend. At least from what I know you're not supposed to have feelings that run deeper and still call them a friend."
Oh, fuck. It was way easier wanting to have something with him rather than actually being so close to it.
Three loads of laundry, an accidental bleached shirt, two very playful babies, sore nipples, and the quickest shower known to man later I was sitting in bed wide awake trying to fall asleep. Unsuccessful by the way. I tried rocking the boys while they slept but that just made my arms tingle from falling asleep. I tried rereading Wuthering Heights but the story between the characters was to conflicting and made me think to hard.
Eventually, I realized I had to fall asleep sooner or later, and those dreams were most definitely going to involve Edward Cullen, him and his sex hair.
*******Who I Am*******
I woke to a light tap on my door, when I opened it grandma Ellie was dressed in her night gown holding out the cordless phone.
"Telephone, sweet pea." I nodded my head and said thanks after learning it was 7 A.m. Ughh.
"Hello?"
Silence.
"Hello?"
More silence.
"Y'know, some of us have shit to do?"
"Isabella?"
I froze; I had only ever heard that soft. Calming voice a few times.
"Miz Diana?"
A/N: I'd say I'm sorry for the cliff hanger but I'm not. LOL! Don't freak though, I should be updating with in the next two or three days.
Review if you want me to update faster than three days:)