Chapter VII

"How much do you know already?" Loki asked. "If anything."

"I know that you were sent here to retrieve the Tesseract and open the portal in New York, and that you were on the SHIELD helicarrier for a short while," Sigyn explained. "But that's all the detail I was allowed to know. I didn't find out about it until a few months afterwards, when I overheard your name in conversation at the SHIELD base. I don't think they ever intended for me to find out."

"Why did they want to keep it from you?"

"SHIELD like keeping secrets," Sigyn replied matter-of-factly. "I'm only a healer, so I guess they decided I didn't need to know. They probably wanted me focused on helping the Midgardians once the fighting was over."

Loki's expression became one of surprise. "You were in New York?"

"Only after the battle ended. I was sent in with the medics to heal the most badly injured."

"And they only told you that I was sent to open the portal?"

"Yes," Sigyn answered plainly. She could tell Loki was hesitating, dancing around the subject, and she braced herself for whatever might come to light. "I could ask SHIELD for the rest of the details, but I would rather hear it from you. I can't trust them to tell the truth."

Loki could remember everything, in far too much clarity, but putting it into words was a complex task. Especially when he didn't know how to begin – he had no desire to reveal his Jotun parentage to Sigyn, the one person who remained in the dark about it. He decided he would not lie to her, but nor would he tell her the whole truth.

"My orders were to retrieve the Tesseract, and in return, the Chitauri would be mine to lead once the portal was open."

"Your orders?"

"There was… an arrangement, with a being known as Thanos," Loki explained slowly, feeling his throat tighten. In his mind, he was back there, on the bare rock where it should have been impossible to breathe. And that creature was there, with its hissing voice and clammy grey skin, reminding him what was at stake-

"Loki?" Sigyn asked, concerned by her friend's sudden pallor. She reached across the table for his hand, and Loki drew away instinctively.

"Who is Thanos?"

"I do not know much about him," Loki admitted. "Only that he lives among worlds that even Asgardians had no knowledge of, and is capable of wielding great power."

"If he is from somewhere we did not know existed, then how did you come across him? How did you end up taking orders from him?"

"You're quite the interrogator," Loki joked drily, in response to Sigyn's rapid-fire questions.

"I'm sorry," Sigyn replied. "It's just that virtually nothing makes any sense at the moment. I'm trying to understand."

"I know."

There was a moment of silence as they met each other's eyes; both of them wishing things could be as simple as they once were.

"I fell from the bifrost," Loki confessed suddenly. "And on the other side of the void, I encountered Thanos. Well his servant, anyway."

"By the Aesir…" Sigyn muttered under her breath. Loki was speaking of something that filled every Asgardian with terror, but his voice hadn't even wavered. Falling into the void was considered to be a death sentence, but here was Loki talking about it as calmly as one would discuss the weather. Sigyn stared at her friend, unable to imagine what he had endured as he fell. No wonder he had changed…

"How did you survive?" Sigyn implored.

"It's not important," Loki dismissed her sharply, turning stony-faced.

Realising it would not be wise to press the matter, Sigyn thought carefully about her next question.

"Falling from the bifrost wasn't an accident, was it?" she guessed, and Loki shook his head.

"I was fighting Thor," he answered. "He had not long returned from his own banishment, and in his absence, I had learned that I had been fed a lie all my life. For all his words of encouragement, Odin had never intended for me to become king." Loki was grateful he could lie so easily, rather than admit that he was in fact heir to Laufey's throne on Jotunheim.

"I was only ever destined to live in Thor's shadow. I tried to keep Thor on Midgard, so I could take his place, but I was unsuccessful. When he found out, he was furious – we fought, and I fell."

"Thor was on Midgard too? When?" Sigyn demanded, but Loki did not answer. He pushed his chair out and stood up slowly.

"If you'll excuse me, I'd rather not discuss it any further," he explained, and abruptly left the kitchen. Sigyn called after him, but did not move from her seat. As much as she wanted answers from Loki, she understood that he also had a lot to absorb and adjust to.

Sigyn's mind span as she tried to process what she had already learnt, and her mood soured. She was growing ever more annoyed at the number of secrets that had been kept from her. The next time I see anyone from SHIELD, she thought to herself, I'm going to find out just how much they aren't telling me.

Loki slammed the door to the spare bedroom behind him and slumped onto the bed. Short as it had been, the conversation had exhausted him. With the absence of his pain, Loki's mind was clear and free to wander, and already it had begun to dredge up memories he would rather repress. They came to him fractured but vivid, like flashes of blinding light.

-he is falling, watching the edge of the bifrost grow farther and farther away. There is no rushing of air as he falls, only a crushing silence-

-a creature with greying skin has a weapon at his throat, but he is barely conscious for long enough to get a decent look at what it is-

-the Other is handing him a sceptre, and the power of the weapon is almost tangible-

-he falls down with an agonised yell as the Other sends a searing pain through his skull-

Loki cursed and punched the bedroom wall, hard enough to crack the plaster and bruise his knuckles. It hurt enough to distract him from his unwanted memories, but he knew they would soon return. He lay down on the bed, deciding it was wise to rest while he could. Slowly, Loki fell into a fitful sleep.

Sigyn had jumped at the sound of Loki hitting the wall, but didn't go to investigate. She was curled up in her armchair, still mulling over their conversation. Had anyone been watching her, they would have found it unnerving – Sigyn was completely still, staring blankly into space, hardly even blinking. The only sound was that of the dishwasher, and the quiet of the apartment seemed heavy and uncomfortable.

Suddenly coming to a decision, Sigyn stood and fetched her handbag, making sure she had her SHIELD agent ID card. She quickly scribbled a note to inform Loki she was going out, and slid it under the door of the guest room. Just as she was about to leave, the agent's words from yesterday came back to her. "You might not know him anymore". She glanced down the hall at the door Loki had slammed shut, and with a sense of guilt, retrieved the gun the SHIELD agent had given her.