I can't sleep.

I was hoping it would have gone away by now, but it hasn't. I can't close my eyes because every time I do I'm back. Back in the hole. Back in the basement of the Pentagon. Back in Union Station. Back in the crate. Sometimes it happens when I'm awake. When I'm at work. I think they see it too. Harrison, Abby, Quinn, Olivia, they see it, they see me. I see that look on Olivia's face, the one she gets when she knows something is wrong. I wish I could make it stop, for her, for them, for me. But I can't. I can't make it stop. I can't make it go away. It's never going to go away. Some days are worse than others. Some days I can't stop my hands from shaking, my heart pounds like it's trying to break free from my chest, cold sweats. I can't breathe, it feels like I'm drowning like I'm... being held just under the surface, so close I can almost get my head out. But every time I try to lift my head from the water to catch my breath, it feels like someone is pushing me back under.

Someone knocked on my office door.

"Huck, you in there?"

I got up to open the door for Olivia.

"Hey." she exhaled

"What's wrong, do you need my help with anything? I could-"

"No, no everything's fine." she cut me off. "I just, I don't know, I worry. That's all."

"You don't need to worry about me. I'm fine."

"No, no Huck you're not fine. Okay, I see you here, everyday. You come to work, you go through the motions but, you're not fine. You haven't been fine for a long time. I don't know what happened, or what is happening, but I want to help. I want to help, but you have to let me in."

I looked at her, I saw the concern in her brown eyes. Her lips were pursed, her arms crossed. I knew she was right. She knew me, she saw me, she was really the only person I could really open up to without judgment. Nothing I shared with her could destroy us.

"Okay." I said, barely audible.

"Okay." She repeated back. "Talk to me, Huck. Anything you need to say you say. No questions asked. No judgement. I'm not going anywhere, you got me."

I wanted to let her in, but I didn't know where to start. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. It was happening again, I was being pushed under the water. I exhaled, my breath sounded shaky even to me. I felt her place her hand on my cheek and I moved my hand over hers.

"I feel like… like I can't get away from all the horrible, all the fear. Like I can't even breathe. I always feel like something terrible is about to happen. And it's not just a feeling, it's-"

"Like you're drowning."

"Yeah."

"If you're drowning, and you're trying to keep your mouth closed until that very last second before you black out, what if you choose to not open your mouth? To not let the water in? If you choose to hold off until that reflex kicks in, you have more time right?"

"More time to feel like your head is exploding, more time to be in agonizing pain?"

"If it's about survival, isn't a little agony worth it?"

"But what if it just gets worse? I mean, what if it's agony now, and then it's just hell later on?"

"Huck, if you're going through hell… keep going."

I closed my eyes. Her words rang in my ears. Keep going. I thought about all of the terrible things that had happened the past few years.

Being taken from Union Station and being put in a hole.

Keep going.

Being tortured by the U.S. Government, beaten and water-boarded until I wanted them to just kill me because it would mean the pain was over.

Keep going.

Charlie locking me in that crate in the storage facility, and then not being able to come back to reality for days.

Keep going.

Losing my family because I disobeyed orders from Command.

Keep going.

Becky killing those innocent people just because of me.

Keep going.

Everyone in this office has been through hell and back. We all have a story. We are all damaged. We all needed saving. But we are all here now, we did it, we made it. And we can do it again. All we need to do is keep going.