CHAPTER SEVEN

When Wynne woke, she sensed turmoil in the house. She dressed for a day of preparation, tying her hair back in her usual bun, unable to shake the unusual feeling around her.

She had heard a cry in the middle of the night. Alistair had revealed in a letter that he had been suffering from nightmares, so she suspected that it was his shout that she had heard. She had almost gone to him, but his cries had stopped. She had not wanted to disturb his sleep more than his mind already had.

She had heard movement shortly before she had risen. Shale had knocked on her door to let her know of plans to go to the Shaperate for the day, and shortly after she had heard footsteps in the hall. As she walked down the hall, she was not surprised to find the door to Rokara and Alistair's rooms open.

When she entered the living room, Alistair was alone. The tension in the air was palpable. He was sitting on the edge of one of the lounges, his head in his hands. His shoulders appeared so tight that she feared the muscles in his back would snap if touched.

She approached quietly, sitting gently next to him on the lounge. He looked up, and she was surprised to see that his eyes were puffy.

She touched his arms, drawing his hands from his head. He had a tendency to pull on his hair when upset.

'Alistair, what's happened?'

'How…' he trailed off, rubbing his face. 'Wynne, how do you convince someone of their worth? How do you convince someone that they're beautiful when they've spent so much of their life being told otherwise?'

'Are you talking about Rokara?'

He nodded, and all her suspicions about them clicked into place.

'Oh, Alistair. I'm not sure I can answer that. She is a strong mage. I'm sure that she will find the courage within herself.'

He shook his head. 'I have to tell you something, but you must promise me that you will not say a word to anyone. She… she would never trust me again.'

'If she has trusted you with secrets, then you must keep them, Alistair,' she said, taking his hands, 'she may share them with me in time, but for now, she trusts you alone. Do not throw that away. I cannot tell you how to convince her of anything, but if anyone can, I have a feeling it will be you. You must give her time.'

Rokara kept herself busy during the day. She discussed the tactics of the upcoming battle with Bhelen, then assisted in packing the supply carts. They had no way to know which part of Ortan Thaig the broodmother was in yet. Bhelen wanted to be ready to dig in and camp in the Deep Roads. They would not leave until the broodmother was dead and the darkspawn and been cleared from the Thaig.

When she had done all she could to assist the preparations without simply getting in the way, she walked around the city. Although the dwarves were not quiet people by any stretch of the imagination, she found Orzammar peaceful. The towering ceilings and the magnificent architecture were unlike anything she had seen before. Despite the weight of the mountain above, it made her feel oddly safe.

Just like Alistair…

She shook the thought from her mind. For a moment, when he had drawn her into his arms and claimed her lips, she had allowed herself to imagine more. But despite all she had told him, there was still a secret he did not know, and she would never tell him.

If he ever knew…

He would never speak to her again.

Once they had killed the broodmother, she knew she would have to leave. Her chest ached at the thought, but she would not torment him any longer. It would take time, but he would forget her, she told herself. He would find a beautiful human woman to fall in love with.

She did not return to the guest house until she was sure that Alistair and Wynne would be asleep. She crept in as quietly as she could, closing her bedroom door behind her. A lantern was still lit on her bedside table.

She stripped her clothes, physically and emotionally spent, but as she approached the bed, she noticed something on the pillow. She sat on the edge of the bed, her fingers shaking as she reached to take the single rose. The rich petals were velvety, and as she brought the rose to her chest, its sweet scent filled her nose.

Another gift from Bhelen? she wondered. She thought she had made her intentions clear.

She searched for a note but did not find one. As she placed the rose on the bedside table, something fell from inside the petals. She picked up the small carved piece of wood, tracing her fingers over it. She brought it closer, her hand covering her mouth as she stared, her eyes glazing with tears. She clutched the griffon to her chest, wishing the bed would engulf her as she cried herself to sleep once more.

Ortan Thaig

The Deep Roads

They departed in the early hours of the next morning. Alistair tried to talk to Rokara, but she dodged his approaches, talking intently with the dwarven warriors that would join them in the battle. Wynne's words rang in his thoughts: you must give her time.

A mile back from the stable line in the Ortan Thaig they stopped the carts. The troops set about making their camp. Rokara, Alistair, Wynne, and Shale had been supplied with tents. A group of Bhelen's men assisted them to set up near Bhelen's own, providing them bedding and some basic furniture as needed.

It had taken a few hours to reach the Thaig and set up camp, but the dwarves were getting restless. They were raring to fight, to make the final push into the Thaig and locate the broodmother.

Bhelen dispersed the orders to each division leader. On the ready call, Alistair and Shale led the charge, Rokara and Wynne close behind. The dwarves flanked them, dispersing to reinforce the line. As they expected, the darkspawn were regrouping. As the line pushed forward, they destroyed all darkspawn they encountered.

Alistair split the divisions off, sending them to search the deepest parts of the Thaig. They were to report back to Bhelen by morning with accounts on their sections.

Alistair, Rokara, Wynne, and Shale took a section for themselves. The walkways were quiet, the only sound the echo of their footsteps and the clank of Alistair's armour.

'The silence unnerves it,' Shale said, walking beside Alistair.

Alistair glanced up at the golem. 'Sort of,' he said, 'if there's a broodmother down here, she's either unusually quiet or she knows we're coming.'

After more than an hour of walking, they reached the end of the tunnel they had followed.

'Hopefully one of the other divisions has found something,' Wynne said. She sat on a rock, taking a moment. 'I suggest we rest before we turn back.'

'That sounds a wonderful idea,' Rokara said. She pulled a pouch of water from her belt, offering it to Wynne.

'Thank you,' she said. She took a few sips.

'Shall we continue? I forgot how slow travelling with squishy humans can be.'

'And yet you coped with my pace quite well, Shale.'

'It is an exception to my general distaste of the weak nature of humans.'

'You're too kind,' Wynne laughed. She rose. 'We should get back.'

They set out once more, following the path back. Alistair and Shale had been bantering for a while ahead, and after half an hour of walking, Rokara found herself talking to Wynne once again.

'You seem reserved today.'

Despite her soft, even grandmotherly voice, Rokara knew that the older mage was probing.

'I have much to concentrate on. We are in darkspawn territory, after all, looking for a broodmother.'

'And yet, that is not where your mind is.'

Rokara glanced at her. 'No, it's not.'

'I won't ask where exactly your mind is. I'm sure you assume that I have already guessed. I will only give you some advice.'

'And what advice would that be?'

The older mage glanced to the leather cord around Rokara's neck. She had noticed the miniature carved griffon that hung close to her heart, the same one she had seen Alistair carving during the day after she had tried to comfort him. Rokara quickly tucked the crest back beneath her robes.

Wynne smiled knowingly. 'Follow your heart.'

Rokara pursed her lips. 'Wynne, there's something I need to tell you, but I'm worried you'll think very differently of me if I do.'

'I may be an old woman, but my mind is open.'

'I… I have lied to you. I'm not from the Janin Circle. You wouldn't remember me. I spent most of my time when I wasn't resisting the Templars in solitude.'

'What are you saying?'

'My name is not–' she glanced quickly to Alistair, making sure that he wasn't listening. 'I chose my name when I… when I fled the Circle Tower. You knew me as–'

'Sinistra.' Wynne's eyes widened. 'I knew there was something about you. My goodness child, you have changed so much. You were such a tiny thing, even as you reached womanhood.'

'I–' she bit her lip. 'I was never treated… well, in the Tower.'

'What does that mean?'

'The Templar Antonius, the one who brought me to the tower. Do you remember him?'

'Antonius Fenneric? I do. I heard that he died, quite recently. Darkspawn, I believe.'

'Yes. You know that I had served his household?'

'Yes.'

'Something changed in him when he became a Templar. He had been like a brother, but they warped his mind. When he discovered I had magic in me, he hurt his parents to take me to the Tower.'

'I had heard they had tried to protect you, but I had never been sure until now.'

'He did everything in his power to hurt me. The reason I was in trouble so often was because other mages would share their food with me, leading the Templars to believe that I was trading… favours, even at 12 years old, or I would be forced to steal food to get any. He made sure I spent as much time in isolation as possible.'

'But if you are Sinistra, that means that you've never–'

'Completed my Harrowing. No. If I stayed in the Tower, I never would have either. They were going to make me Tranquil.'

'But… you are such a fine mage. Your control is immense, especially considering you were only an apprentice when you escaped the Tower.'

'Antonius convinced them otherwise.'

Something flashed in Wynne's eyes. 'You're an apostate, then.'

She nodded.

'You stole your phylactery.'

'And destroyed it. You'll never find me if I run.'

'No, I would not, but neither would Alistair,' she said, 'I am not here to judge you Rokara. I feel that you spend a lot of time doing that yourself, but your past is exactly that: the past. I know the Circle of Magi is not perfect. I have seen its many faces. I respect that you made your choice, and that choice will always be your own from now on. I stand by my advice.'

Wynne left Rokara to her thoughts, walking a little further ahead. As she walked in silence, she pulled at the leather cord that hung from her neck. She turned the carved griffon in her fingers.

'I think we should stop for a moment,' Shale said at the front, 'I feel something, vibrations in the earth.'

They gathered together, listening intently.

Rokara could feel it now too. It was a faint but steady rhythm.

'Something's coming.'

The vibration became stronger. Rokara glanced to her feet, watching as small stones bounced in time until the rhythm became so strong that rocks trickled down from the ceiling like hailstones.

'Whatever it is, I'm going to guess it won't be small.'

'The broodmother?' Rokara asked as they backed together.

'They are not very mobile. Does it know anything about darkspawn?'

'This is not the time to bicker,' Alistair snapped.

'I simply asked if it knew about darkspawn. That is fair, is it not?'

'Shale!' Wynne cried.

A crash sounded in the tunnel, and a rush of dust pelted them. Alistair raised his shield, and the mages used their sleeves to cover their face. Shale stood amongst the cloud, staring intently forward.

'It is an ogre.'

'A what?' Rokara hissed.

'An ogre. It looks rather angry. Shall we crush its head?'

'Good plan!' Alistair called. He straightened, his sword at the ready as the dust settled. 'All right, let's go!'

The ogre shook its head. It had crashed through the wall with great force, but it was recovering, rising to its full towering height. Rokara had to shake herself. She had never seen an ogre outside of books, had never imaged in they could be so immense.

She followed Wynne forward, casting from a distance as Alistair and Shale attacked. Alistair slashed at its legs and lower torso while Shale pummelled it with heavy fists. Alistair darted behind it and the ogre turned to follow him.

'It's too powerful for me to control,' Rokara called above its roars.

'You are a powerful mage, Rokara. I will protect Alistair and Shale. Use your strongest spells.'

Alistair pulled back, blocking a punch from the ogre with his shield.

'But what if–'

'They will be safe, I promise, now go!'

Rokara grit her teeth. She raised her staff, drawing on her magic. She cried out as she brought forth an inferno.

A firestorm lashed the ogre, and it roared with fury. The wind whipped at Alistair, but he felt none of the flame that surrounded him. He stepped back, bashing his shield with his sword, trying to taunt it, but it could not hear him above the roar of the flames. It hefted a boulder into its massive arms. He watched as it turned to face Rokara.

'No!'

He slashed the back of its ankle, sprinting for her. He threw his sword to the ground, dropping low to charge.

With a final roar behind him, the ogre threw the boulder with all its might.

He slid to her, his arm wrapping around her waist, bundling her up as he threw himself sideways, tucking her underneath him as he fell.

The boulder crashed into the wall where she had been standing moments before, shattering. He raised his shield to his shoulder, supporting it as rocks rained down. When they had finally stopped, he dropped his shield from his arm with a harsh growl of pain, collapsing, barely stopping himself from landing on her. His breath was sharp. When he opened his eyes, dust scratched at them, but he felt no pain, not when he found gold staring back at him.

'Alistair.'

'I…' he brushed a thumb over her dirt covered cheek, 'I didn't think I was going to reach you.'

She felt her breath hitch as he leant closer, but she saw his eyes darken. He pulled himself to his feet, then offered his hands. He helped her stand, brushing pebbles from her hair, but as quickly as he had raised his hand, he retracted it as if he had been struck. The look in his eyes was unfathomable. He turned from her, retrieving his shield and sword.

'Ah, the cavalry has arrived,' Shale said.

The sound of armoured men approached. One of the divisions filed through the opening made by the ogre.

The dwarf at the head of the group glanced at the body of the ogre. 'Well, that answers that question. Clearly. he didn't want to face so many dwarves.'

'Apparently not,' Shale said.

'The ogre came from your tunnel?'

The dwarf nodded. 'We flushed him out. Expected we'd have a fight on our hands, but after he charged through us.' The dwarf shrugged. 'Just kept going.'

'Lucky us,' Alistair said sarcastically, 'our route was clear. We're returning to camp.'

'Ours too now, but we'll do a final check as we march back.'

The dwarves filed back whence they came.

'Well, now that excitement is over, we should get back,' Shale said, 'I didn't even get to crush its head, but I suppose its magic was effective.'

Shale turned, and Alistair followed.

'Are you alright, Rokara?'

'I'm fine Wynne, thank you. I think you best check on Alistair. Armour and shield aside, those rocks can't have been light.'

She nodded, catching up to him.

'Alistair, are you injured?'

'I seem to be in once piece, but I may get you to look at my shoulder when we get back to camp.'

'You should be more careful, young man.'

He glanced back, that same look still in his eyes. 'It was worth it.'

'Alright, I'll take a look when we get back.'

'Wynne?'

'Yes, Alistair?

'There is one thing… my shirt has a hole in it.'

'And?

'Would… would you mend it? When we get back to camp?'

'I am sure you are capable of mending your clothes, Alistair.'

'I know, it's just that, well, sometimes I pick up too much fabric and it ends up all puckered and the entire garment hangs wrong afterwards, and this is a new shirt from Bhelen. And you're, you know, grandmotherly. Grandmothers are good at that sort of thing, aren't they? You don't want me to have to fight the broodmother in a shirt with a hole, do you? It might get bigger.'

'Oh, alright. I'll mend it when we get to the camp.'

'Ooh! And while you're at it, I think the elbow might need patching too.'

'Careful, young man or puckered garments will be the least of your problems.'

Rokara barely stifled a laugh.

'What does it laugh at?' Shale asked, walking beside Rokara. As the tunnel narrowed, Shale had fallen back.

'Oh, it's just their banter. If I didn't know better, I would swear that she was his grandmother.'

Shale reached out a sturdy arm, slowing down. Rokara fell into step, the gap between the two pairs widening.

'I must ask it, what does it intend to do with Alistair?'

Rokara glanced up. 'What do you mean?'

'I mean, does it intend to harm Alistair like the last human?' Shale asked, 'I have seen the way he looks at it, and I know what it means, even if your squishy emotions bore me so.'

'I… no. No, I don't intend to hurt him Shale.'

'Then why does it not rub its body against Alistair? That is clearly what it wants to do.'

'I'm sorry?'

'It likes him, does it not?'

'I, well, yes. I do.'

'I suppose for a flesh creature, he is attractive, or so it would seem. I have seen other squishy people watch him when he walks around. Are you attracted to his soft shell?'

'Yes.'

'Then what is the problem?'

'I'm a mage, and a… an apostate.'

'That is obvious. But by all accounts, it is a good mage. Clearly then, that is not the real problem.'

This golem certainly was perceptive.

'Alistair is human,' Rokara said, 'I'm… not.'

'Also obvious. Elves are considered a servile race, or so I have seen. You fear humans then?'

'No, I don't. I– you're twisting my words. I don't fear Alistair; I just think that he would be better off with someone else. Someone human.'

'I don't understand. Even if it is an elf, it clearly is brave. It killed an ogre. It also looks the same as any other flesh creature. What is the difference?'

'I… I don't know.'

'Obviously,' Shale said, tone dripping with sarcasm, 'whatever it decides, I respect that it is honest with me. But, if it hurts Alistair, I will crush it.'

'I can respect that.'

They continued in silence. She was growing to appreciate the golem's bluntness. It had given her much to think about.