"Explain"

is the only thing that Tsugaru said as he sat on his office chair, tilting his head on the side and waited for my explanation. Really? Why should i?

"Hachimen Roppi?"

"he started it, I was being silent, he pushed my limit even though I did not do anything to him" I said looking at my feet. I don't want to meet Tsugaru's cold stern.

"so.. he started it? And he deserved a surgery on his face via scissor?" he raised a brow and tapped his finger on the table.

"look, i don't care if you suspend me or what, can we just get over with it. I don't to explain my self-further because I don't." I met his gaze finally, I earned the courage to face him, knowing Tsugaru he's patience is long so I might able to put out myself here.

"Roppi, you are a special case, your guardian Izaya, told me about you, so I considered you, now you know you could always talk to me. "

"I don't need your help , I don't need Izaya's help either. I just… I just want to live without anyone bothering me, talking and come near me"
I heard him sigh before slowly rubbing his temples.

"I won't suspend you but… I need you to attend the field trip knowing you, I know you won't come, but this, this thing you did… I'll let you slide by being present at the trip I know that is enough punishment for you" he gave a warm smile while I was on the verge of shock and anger. I stood up and looked at him. "WHAT! No! I won't!"

"yes you will"

"NO! YOU DON'T DECIDE WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE IT AND YOU H—"

"Roro-chan!" Psyche's voiced beamed and went on to hug me but before he could land his hands on my I pushed him away and glared as he ended up in the ground.

"FUCK OFF PSYCHE!" I yelled and I heard Tsugaru's chair screech and I looked at him, I swear I saw an angry look in his face for a couple of minutes. "I don't tolerate such language in my office Hachimen Roppi!" his voice raised at that and was a bit off guarded at that as he made his way to Pysche and helped him up the worry in his face was written, they made an eye contact as if they were communicating. I stood there and observed. Something was up in this two..

"it's alright Tsu-sensie " Psyche said and stood up with the help of the blond. "Roro-chan, are you okay now? I bumped into Tsuki-chan he was worried about you " he started, I gritted my teeth at hearing the name. Tsukishima, Tsukishima, Tsukishima! I had enough!

"sorry I had to leave , I need to calm down" I said and left the placewalking to the hallways, I focused my stare at the ground , as I walked I noticed the stares that the students were giving me and I could hear their murmurs.

"yes, he really is scary right?" one girl said and turned to the other.

"hmm.. maybe crack in the head.." the other said.

"I guess, he's really something.. he looks like a demon.."

"have you heard he stabbed Nasugima.."

"tch!" I turned to them and glared what stab? It didn't even reached his face. I was them scramble away like rats afraid at my glare, and it's just the usual for me honestly I got used to it. The glares and disgusted look as they stare and talk to me is starting to get in my nerves now. I clench my fist and continued to walk at the corridor, looking at the floor. Im fine its nothing new to me , it was like part of my life the curses I get, them calling me names. When I escaped that hell of a family I thought my life would be wonderful, would be normal like other people but no. after I escaped from that place I was sent in an orphanage. I was fourteen and was curious about things in the world, you see when I was on that family, I was so ignorant, do I have to tell you the rest of it? Tsk. I don't want to start and I don't want to the end either so lets go to the middle. They keep under the stair for the rest of the day if they don't want to see my face, they lock it nothing was there it was dark and I sleep in a cold floor , and I was forbidden to make any sound because the stair was near the living room and they could hear my sobs. When they let me out it was either they make me work at the house or beat me to let their anger out. Especially that damn old man, whenever he had the chance he beat me and…and.. It's hard to say this but he at the same time molested me, when his wife learned about this she as well started getting her anger issues out of me. But then she made no complains on what his husband was doing. It went like that for six years. They don't teach me things never went to school, but when my real mom was still alive I used to go there, but when she died I died as well. I don't know what outside world looks like anymore aside from that darkness, but even though they didn't get me to go to school I learned on my all. They had a son who had a home schooling, I listen to him and his teacher in the living room as they discuss, it was like I was part of that class as well, I find it funny how stupid their son was, I can even get the right answers, when they are gone I learned how to unlock the room under the stair using a string and wire, I saw that on tv once when I was scrubbing the floor and I studied it whenever I had the chance and I mastered it perfectly. Once I got out I would read their son's textbooks and study and when I hear the car outside I go back to my place. I was 11 when the molestation started and what a trauma that was, I wasn't able to eat but hey, I rarely eat I wonder how I survived, that's where I started to cut but whenever I cut they treated it the old man was doctor, I cursed him for treating it. They wanted me so there is someone they could toy on as long as I live butt I cut and cut and cut and cut until I went depressed and the depression went to self-inflicted pain to self-starving something that could kill me , but little did I know it already affected my mental state. I so disgusted at myself thinking about that old man touching me , when he does I just pretend I was in the park but then I can't because I don't know what park looks like anymore so I just lay there like a rag doll a piece of used meat… as how that ended?

I don't want to remember how it ended.

I felt my tears starting to escape in my eyes as I hugged my knees close to my chest in a protective curl, I was in the rooftop I need to escape from the gaze and attention. Quite sobs escaped from me as I buried my face on my folded arms , I need to let it out I haven't cried for almost three years and I need to pour it out now. My sobs was still there but my body stiffen when I sense a presence , I slowly peeked at my arms and saw pair of legs I didn't look up I don't want anyone seeing me in this weak state.
go away! Leave me!
I was stunned to hear a familiar voice.

"Roppi-s-san?"
no! why does it have to be him? Of all people!

"GO AWAY!" I snarled not looking up at him I don't want him to see my face. "DON'T LOOK AT ME! GO! GO AWAY!" I continued to snarled but he didn't move an inch.

"if R-Roppi-san is worried about me s-seeing his face this should work then." He said and I saw his bag dropped on the floor and some shuffling noises he slowly kneel down and placed his glasses on the side of his bag.

"I guess t-this will work I don't have to see Roppi-san's f-face."
I slowly lifted my head to see the blond on his knees his scarf was neatly folded and was covered on his eyes. He blinked in confusion and tilted my head though my tears was still there.

"it's okay to c-cry now, I can't see you s-so…..im not good in comforting people b-but it's the least I could do.." he stretched his arms awkwardly waiting for me … I was having second thoughts but I need to let it out right NOW and he can't see me so he can't really mock me about it. Without second thoughts I dove at him wrapping my arms on his frame in a embrace and buried my face on his chest as I started to sob, he almost fell at the impact but managed to stay. I gripped his shirt tighter and felt his hand rubbed circles on my back his other hand running through my hair and I couldn't help but feel accompany, to feel so relaxed, to feel that someone was there. And his warmth was so relaxing and I think I have experience the same warmth before but I didn't mind at that, that afternoon I poured my cries at his shirt and to him.
-

It went like that for the rest of the afternoon Roppi cried and apparently wet my shirt but I didn't mind, I was happy that he didn't walked away from me, because I figured he would, I saw him walking in the corridor earlier he looked so spaced out and …sad it made pang on my chest I tried to call him but he ignored me, I walked and walked and followed him but I lost sight of him. At that time I know I need to find him something was terribly wrong and I could sense it . thinking of other place he could go the only thing came to me is the rooftop that's why I followed him. And as I came there I heard sobs and whimpers and it made me worry, rushing to the other side of the place I saw Roppi, curling like a ball and sobbing. He trashed at me at first but then I had an idea and apparently he agreed on it.

I look at the darkness that devoured my sight for the rest of the afternoon, I don't know if I should take my blinds already I might upset him, staying there and listening I noticed that it had been quite and the raven's shoulder had stopped shaking and his sobs was gone, thinking thrice I decided to take untie my scarf and adjusted at the sudden piercing light, blinking a couple of times I stared at the blurry place presented to me. Reaching around looking for my forgotten glasses, feeling them in my fingers I grabbed them and placed it in my eyes quickly my eyesight became much more clearer and I looked at the lithe form that was resting on my chest, moving the raven slowly I saw that he was asleep, maybe he [assed out. I just stayed there and brushed off some his raven locks and wiped away the small beads of tears in the corner of his closed eyes. It's good that haven't seen him cry and my idea was good one.
But little did he know that I myself don't want to him sad…
It pained me to see him like that…
Because I…
love..
him.