Kames all the way, omfg i didnt even realize i wrote them like that. i guess im used to writing james as being the dominant one.

thanks to everyone who reviewed, alerted and favourited! they make my day exceptionally better! :D

this chapter is pretty short and i'm sorry for that but i think it's pretty filling.

enjoyy!

James was at work and having second thoughts about everything. He took Carlos' advice and went for it but he couldn't help but think that this thing with Kendall would lead them both down a horrible path. He knew deep down in his core that whatever he and Kendall were was going to end badly. Everything in James' life ended badly and this was no exception. He needed to get out of it before he fell in too deep.

Oh, who was he kidding? He was already ocean deep. His crush on Kendall just intensified when the blond kissed him. It brought back all these feelings that he had shoved down because he never for a second thought they could ever be together. And the way Kendall's lips felt on his and the way the blond had held him was indescribable. It just felt so damn good James never wanted it to end. He wanted to keep kissing Kendall and holding him until the end of time.

He wanted Kendall more than anything.

He was doomed.

James was suddenly brought back to reality when he heard the door close. The kid from last week – Damian – walked in as he smiled brightly at James, and right behind the little boy was Jonah. She followed Damian toward James and she grinned as she waved at him. Damian stopped right in front of James' desk and looked up at him.

"H—Hi, J—a—a—mes." Damian smiled shyly.

"Hey, little guy." James grinned.

"Is the guy you told me about?" Jonah asked Damian.

The little boy nodded and Jonah smiled warmly. She bent down to his level and told him to go read in the big comfy chair he told her about before ruffling his hair and turning to James. The little boy walked away, waving at James as he went. James returned the gesture.

"Whatever you said to him; thanks."

"How do you two know each other?" James asked.

"He's my little brother and before last week he would barely speak to anyone. He used to get teased at daycare so he gave up speaking altogether but whatever you told him made him come out of his shell."

That made James smile. He never thought of himself as someone who was important or someone people listened to but hearing Jonah say that made him so emotional he felt like crying. Someone actually cared enough to listen to him, even if it was a 4 year old child it was better than nothing. And the fact that someone as useless as him made someone feel good about themselves sent a shiver down his spine.

Maybe James wasn't as worthless as he thought.

"It's nothing." James said. "I just know what it feels like and I wanted him to feel better about himself."

"You stutter?" Jonah asked in disbelief.

The brunet laughed as he nodded. "I do. But just when I'm nervous."

"I don't make you nervous?" Jonah teased.

"I'm gay." James blurted out.

The brunette let out a loud laugh. "Relax, James, I'm not hitting on you." She told him. "Friends tease each other."

"I wouldn't know." James said sadly.

"You mean Carlos never teased you?" She grinned.

"Sometimes."

"I should check up on Damian." She said. "Where's the comfy chair?"

"Here, I'll show you."

James led Jonah to the kid's section where Damian was curled up and reading a comic book. Jonah went to sit next to him and James started to leave, not wanting to intrude their time together when she grabbed onto his arm and pulled him down next to her.

"We are now basically best friends." She said and James opened his mouth but she didn't give him a chance to say anything. "I don't care if you're ready or not. Now, let's hear our little buddy read."

Damian looked up at them, his entire face lighting up. He looked at James and the brunet winked at him. Damian smiled widely and started to read. James grinned and scooted in closer so he could hear, forgetting all about his Kendall dilemma for the rest of the night.

James wasn't looking forward to school. He knew he had to face Kendall one day, what with being partners and all but he couldn't do it now. He needed time to think things over, not that he didn't have plenty of time last night, he just needed to figure out what to do. There was a part of him that wanted to dive into a relationship with Kendall but there was the other part of him that was telling him to stay far away from the hockey player as possible.

Maybe he should skip today and spend it thinking things over but he knew that wasn't going to happen. Even if he wanted to skip, he wouldn't. He sighed and gulped down what was left of his milk. But skipping one day wouldn't do him any harm, right? Yes, yes it would. He would miss the material and it would go on his record and he would probably never get accepted into university.

He was going to have to face Kendall one day or another so he put his glass in the sink and retrieved his car keys. He grabbed his backpack and got into Porsche. He will never understand how his mother let him keep the car. His dad had bought it for him for his 16th birthday to which he wasn't even present. It arrived first thing in the morning with a note attached to it. James ripped the note apart without even reading it and couldn't look at the car for the longest time. He didn't want to be reminded of his dad every second of every day. But he eventually got tired of taking the bus and he wanted to piss his mom off so he made it his.

He parked his car in front of the school, being the very first student like always, and walked inside. He took his books out and looked down at his schedule. He had study hall.

Shit. He was going to see Kendall first thing in the morning.

He felt like throwing up.

"Hi, James!" Alex smiled, opening up her locker.

James looked at her for a split second before quickly turning away and putting his books into his bag. He shut his locker and walked away from her, knowing that her eyes were boring into his back. He walked into the classroom and sat down at a table. He took out his books and started to work on his Chemistry homework until the bell rang.

When the bell did ring James felt the air getting sucked out of his body. Kendall was going to walk in any minute. Maybe there will be someone else and the blond wouldn't notice him here. James looked around and saw that the room was empty. He groaned. Why did no one ever show up to study hall except for him? He was hoping Kendall turned out to be one of those people who never showed up but unluckily for him, it didn't happen. He stared down at his textbook bus his eyes were just scanning the page. He wasn't reading, he was too focused on what he would say if Kendall walked in.

10 minutes passed and no one walked through the doors. James finally let out a breath of relief and started to actually read this time when someone slid into the seat in front of him. James didn't even need to look up to know that it was Kendall. He could smell the blond from anywhere. Kendall always wore this distinct cologne and even though James knew he only sprinkled himself with it, the smell was horrifyingly intense to James' nose. How did James not hear him walk in?

"Hi," Kendall said.

James finally looked up, putting his pen down in the process. The blond was smiling at him with his dimples prominent and his green eyes shining bright. James felt his heart skip a beat as he melted at the sight of him. He was beautiful. Even those atrocious eyebrows suited him well.

"H—H—Hi." James blandly responded

Kendall's smile immediately faltered. "What's wrong?"

James shook his head and muttered nothing as he packed up his books. He couldn't do this. He couldn't face Kendall and tell him that he wanted absolutely nothing to do with the blond. He didn't have the heart.

"I have to go." He told Kendall and shot out of his seat.

He was almost out the door when Kendall grabbed his arm and spun him around.

"What's wrong?" The blond asked softly this time.

"Nothing." James shrugged. "I have to get to class."

Kendall frowned. "That's a lie."

"Fine." James said more harshly than intended. "I just don't think we're going to work out."

"What do you mean?" Kendall asked, his frown deepening.

"I…mean the kiss was a mistake." James said quietly. "Both of them."

"Why are you doing this?"

James looked at him confusedly. "What?"

"Pretending like you don't want this, like you don't want me."

"What I want doesn't matter."

"Why not?"

James shrugged. "It doesn't matter, Kendall. I don't want to be with you."

Kendall opened his mouth to say something but immediately closed it. He looked at James for the longest time and James looked back. He didn't know what Kendall was going to do and he knows he shouldn't have stayed but he did. The blond finally muttered fuck it under his breath and grabbed the hem of James' flannel and brought the brunet into his body. He kissed James and the brunet was too surprised to respond.

He wasn't expecting Kendall to do this. The blond's arms found their way around James' waist and before he knew it, the James was furiously kissing the blond back, his fingers running through Kendall's hair. The blond's hands went from James' torso to underneath his shirt. The brunet gasped when Kendall dug his fingers into James' back and the blond used that opportunity to explore James' mouth. Kendall's tongue slipped into James' mouth and licked every inch that he could reach. The brunet moaned into Kendall's mouth as he let the blond taste him. The sound made Kendall's grip tighten on James and tried to get impossibly closer to him. James pushed Kendall up against a stack of books and Kendall kissed him even harder. James' hands went from Kendall's hair down to the small of his back. The blond arched himself into James and the brunet groaned into Kendall's mouth.

"Fuck." Kendall muttered.

And just like that James became very aware of the situation they were in. He pulled away, Kendall trying to lean back in and kiss him again but James gently pushed him back.

"We should stop before someone sees us." James whispered breathlessly.

Kendall just murmured incoherent words as he brought his lips back against James'. James couldn't help but smile as he gave in and continued kissing the blond.

"I don't want to stop this." Kendall said softly, pulling away this time and looking into James' eyes. "I want to kiss these lips until I die."

"Kendall…"

"No," The blond shook his head, putting a finger against James' lips, "don't say anything before you've given us a chance."

"If you can't even be seen waving at me then what part of this is okay?"

Kendall's hands dropped and so did his head. He didn't say anything and James took that as his cue to go. He slung his backpack over his shoulder and started to walk out.

"James, wait!" Kendall called out but James pretended not to hear him.

James was okay with a lot of things. He was okay with people bullying him because he was gay and because he stuttered. It didn't mean that he enjoyed it but he had become immune to it. He was okay with people give him dirty looks as he walked down the halls. He was okay with not having a social life and he was okay with being utterly alone but he was not okay with being kept a secret. It took him years to muster up the courage to tell someone, anyone, that he was gay. He kept it bottled up until he just burst. He couldn't do that to himself again.

He couldn't be kept in dark because it was never a pretty place. He wanted to be with Kendall, wanted to kiss him over and over again but being with Kendall wasn't worth the years of self-loathing he had once gone through and would go through again.

Nothing was.