-Chapter Seven-

-Don't Leave…-

It's snowing… again.

Everybody is just ecstatic and with the holidays coming, the cheer is making me feel nauseous.

I glance outside the window I'm standing by it and I see little kids running in the snow with their mothers beside, running worryingly after them.

That's what serenity means… that what it means living without a heavy burned, an unwanted burden on your chest.

You haven't called me or looked for me until that day, almost a week ago now.

It's funny how I claimed of wanting nothing to do with you and I find myself here, longing desperately for your voice. Love is not as easy as everyone pictures it.

Love? Am I in love with you? What does love mean after all?

'Happy Christmas Eve Sweetheart.' Jason whispers in my ear as he hugs me from behind, swinging me tenderly, maybe trying to relax me but it's just upsetting me now.

'I hate holidays.' I pout looking at the street below me once again; I'm just thinking way too much about you at the rate of hoping to see you walking down the streets.

'Why not? What's so bad in holidays? Jason asks me curiously, deciding then to sit opposite me.

'Everything… the unnecessary cheer, all the money spent on futile things, all the pretending to be happy…' I count on my fingers as he watches at me, shaking his head resigned.

'You have some serious problems… first is the snow now it's holidays.' He sights looking at me gloomily. I'm letting him down lately; I've been acting grumpily and snappily all week, worried about nothing in particular… just angry with the world, angry because you haven't called me yet.

'What does love mean Jason?' I ask suddenly remembering of having that thought before.

'What? Are you seriously asking me what love means?' he giggles bitterly, searching for a joke in my eyes; but they are lacking of happiness at the moment. They are just full of that painful anxiousness and curiosity. I need to know if I'm in love with you Danny.

'What's so shocking in that? You don't know it too…' I reply watching him under my eyelashes… he's insecure now.

'I do now what it means! It means two people caring about each other and wanting to spend as much time together!' he mutters uneasily… it's such a random answer and he knows it isn't satisfying me.

'I'm looking it up then…' I mumbled stumbling out of the window sill and heading to take the dictionary in the library.

'God you're strange…' I hear Jason breath as he watches me dusting off the unused dictionary; if we bought it that means that it has some use.

'Love love love love…' I mutter running my finger on the page, searching for that little world scribbled on the page.

'Do we really have to go through this? I mean… c'mon love is LOVE! Everybody knows it!' Jason argues, trying to make me think reasonably… but I'm not reasonable Jason; I'm desperate of something I may never have again; just for my stupid pride.

'LOVE!' I screech pretending to have ignored Jason's comment before.

'Let's get an end to this then…' he whispers as he hugs me tenderly.

'It says love is a deep fondness for someone, a sentiment of deep tenderness or devotion.' I say as I read the words without any change in my monotonous tone…I'm still not sure of that.

'Ok… are you happy now?' he asks me pulling a light sight of relief. He thinks I'm just being foolish.

'Yes…' I lie pressing my lips on his… but I feel nothing once again. What the hell is happening to me?

Then, the phone starts ringing. Jason is just ignoring it but I throw myself on it and answering, my voice cracking with emotion.

'Hello?'

'Hello… Martha's speaking. I called about a great offer for you…' a way too cheery voice answers me. That's just another sign… Danny won't call me.

'Not interested… wait I have someone on the other line.' I reply wearily as she starts to explain me why I need to join the company she's promoting.

I cut her off answering randomly at the other caller, leaving the raving Martha speaking to nobody on the other line.

'Hello?'

'Rachel?? It's Danny…' you reply, waiting for me to say something, but I'm just hanging there with my mouth wide-open; a confused Jason looking at me inquisitively.

'Hold on a sec…' I mutter, my mouth getting dryer as I try to control all the feelings in my stomach… I feel like a schoolgirl excited because her crush just called her.

I was just a schoolgirl after all Danny… and you were my crush; only I didn't want to admit it; I didn't want to get back with you… having a story on the side is fine I guess.

'Martha… sorry I have a very important call I have to take. Call later.' I say shrugging her off and hanging up on her; mouthing 'My boss' at Jason.

Finally in the room alone I decide to answer you again… ok Rach, take a deep breath, you can do this!

'Hey!' I yelp on the phone, trying to cover that evident nervousness in my words.

'Happy Christmas Eve… I'm sorry I know you said you didn't wanna hear from me ever again but I just couldn't leave without wishing you a good Christmas… with Jason.' You add the last part with difficulty, I can almost see your fist twitching when you pronounce Jason's name.

'Leaving?!' I ask, my words gagging in my mouth at that sudden news, you can't leave now.

'Yeah… the gig ended so…' you whisper, surprised yourself of hearing me so interested in your matters. I must be a mystery in your eyes.

'But… I thought…' I mutter puzzled… the guys told me they would have been in town for a month or so… Dougie's girlfriend Jenny also lives here and… they thought about getting a holiday to write some new stuff for the album.

'Yeah… Dougie and the guys are staying here. I have no reason…' he adds, a little sight at the end of the sentence… I need to see him NOW; before he leaves… maybe forever this time.

'Where you at?' I ask, cutting him off and I can sense his amazement… even over the phone.

'The station… but why?' he replies, I can almost hear the announcement of the trains in the background.

'Stand still…' I say, hanging up the phone before Danny could mutter something.

Fortunately I know Bradford very well… and trains for London are nowhere to be seen before half past eight.

What time is now? 6 o clock… I have time.

I start heading to my room hurryingly when I see Jason looking at me more puzzled than ever.

'What's going on???' he asks me… a cup of coffee and a worried smile.

'Kate's got an emergency… have to run.' I breathe, picking up some clothes from the floor and my favourite pumps.

'Kate?? Is it really that important? This is Christmas Eve! I know the word doesn't make you ring any bells… but please, it's important for me!' he moans, following me while I grunt annoyed in front of the mirror, trying to put some decent make-up on me.

'I need to go Jason… promise I'll be back as soon as possible?' I say, putting on my coat and placing a small kiss on the cheek before start to go down the stairs.

I see Jason reflection looking at me while I head out… his smile is gone and he seems a little sad, standing there only with boxers and shirt… I don't need him to be angry at me too.

Tucked in my coat I try to hail a cab… but they seem to be all unavailable just when I need them… typical.

Resigned I look at the time once more… half past six. Time is running up.

I pull my cell from the purse and dial Katy's number… hopefully she could give her a ride.

'Katy here!' a cheery voice greets me on the other line.

'Hi Hun… it's Rachel. Listen… I need a HUUUGE favour!' I cry watching the snowy street in sign of just a little cab… no sign of it however.

'You do realise it's Christmas Eve right?' she asks me, I can sense the sarcasm in her voice… she knows I'm not a holiday kind of person.

'You do realise you're talking with me, right?' I giggle uncomfortably… I need to get to the point.

'Oh yeah… the GRINCH!' she jokes in a bubbly voice.

'I don't have time for this Katy! I need you to get me to the train station… can you do that?!' I lament, knowing jokes with Katy could be dragged for long. She is the sarcastic kind of girl… a thing you and Katy share.

'I have company Rach…' she whispers, but her voice sounds really apologetic; she's feeling bad for it.

'Bring them too, pleeeeeeeease Key Key!! I'll owe you big.' I plead her… knowing she is way too thoughtful to let me down. A card I'm playing.

'Hold on…' I hear her breathe as she tries to cover the device but I can still hear everything.

'Do you mind Jen? I really have to help her out… she seems desperate.'

Hey!!! I'm not desperate!!! Well… now that I think about I do sound a little desperate. Whatever.

'Sure! Let me call Doug…' I hear someone whisper in the back while a clutter of thing banging together helps me understand Katy is now trying to reply me back.

'Ok… so where should I pick you up??' she asks me, ignoring my constant thank you's.

'At the intersection between Silvan drive and Park Lane.' I reply, shutting my phone down and deciding to give you a call… just to be sure you're still in the station.

I wait for you to answer but after the fifth ring I'm losing my hopes. I'm on my way to end the call when I hear your thick accent answering the phone.

'Hello?' you asks on the phone… always suspicious. Well… when you're famous you're allowed to be it.

'Danny it's Rach… you're still in the station?!' I ask quickly.

'Yeah but can you tell me what the hell is going on??? I'm starting to freak out a little…' you cry fast, you know I would have been able to end the call without you saying a word.

'Don't' be…' I snap as I see Katy's car turning round the corner.

Waving her to stop I, once again, hang up on you… you must think I'm going crazy.

I climb into the backseat when I see Katy smiling at me and a strange face checking me out curiously.

'Oh… Jenny this is Rachel; Rach this is Jenny a good friend of mine.' She explains as me and Jenny smile customarily. I'm really not in the good to make friends now.

'Hi! Heard a lot of things about you…' she smiles, trying to start up a conversation and fill the silence gap that was creating.

'Yeah… me too.' I lie; Katy never talked about her but it just seems rude to say the contrary.

'You liar! You know I haven't even talked about her!' Katy interrupts sniggering as she looks at the street carefully.

'Then whose fault is it?!' I exhale in resign… sometimes I have a hard time understanding all of Katy's jokes; some aren't even that funny.

'Don't worry… she hasn't talked about me probably because I'm getting pretty serious with a famous guy and she don't want gossips around me.' She replies as I watch her carefully.

Her hair is long and wavy, a shade of deep brown. Her eyes are hazel and she has a piercing in the nose… I think I've seen her somewhere before.

'Oh… good for you.' I smile as I watch Katy smiling broadly at us and tapping her perfect fingernails which today are a shade of bright orange.

She was always the alternative one; unlike me she seemed stuck in eternal youth with her always bright clothes and her hairdo's… she looked so cheerful.

'Can't you drive faster??!!' I moan looking at her pleadingly… I want to be sure of arriving there on time.

'Chill out girl!! We're getting there…' she sniggers looking at Jenny amused. Great, now they think I'm a sort of psycho.

'What are you going to do at the station anyway?!' she asks me turning left and making me slide from side to side of the backseat.

'Need to see someone.' I snap briefly… I don't want her to know WHO I'm going to see; even if she doesn't know who Danny is.

'Jason?' she asks… god now what am I going to tell her.

'Just a friend…' I snap, climbing off the car as soon as we reach the station.

'Hey Hey! We're coming with you!' Katy says parking in a dangerous spot and reaching me with Jenny. She just seems embarrassed.

'What?' I snap irately, looking at Jenny dropping her gaze to the floor while Katy is watching me a little surprised.

'You call me on Christmas Eve and ask for a favour and you won't even let me see who you're going to see? What's going on Rach? Something I must know about.' She asks me… her brown with blonde highlights hair dancing on her shoulder while she bobs her head.

'If I tell you promise you won't be all judgmental and everything?' I reply, feeling cornered by now.

'Of course…' she replies, making me feel almost bad for thinking she would be it.

'I'm going to see my ex and I'm going to convince him to stay longer…' I retort feebly… trying to avoid the girl's shocked looks. Even Jenny is staring at me now with eyes wider than ever.

'Oh Boy…' Jenny whispers shaking her head while Katy looks at me oddly… she has a weird smirk on her face.

'Well done Rach… you're becoming bitchy! I like that…!' she exclaims patting me on the shoulder and dragging a more shocked than ever Jenny along with her.

Sure Katy knows how to be weird at times.

I just feel sorry for that Jenny girl… she must think I'm a freak.

As I hurry down the station, in search for Danny, I think about Jason… yes, strange, but I'm thinking about him for a change.

I'm thinking of how I'm letting him down for doing this but I need you to stay Danny… at every cost.

Finally I see you, you're sitting on a bench beside a little granny with a cat on her lap.

She's talking eagerly while stroking the cat that seems to be hissing at you.

You hate cats.

I ran to where you are and when you see me your jaw drop and you're able to mutter: 'What the hell?'

'Don't leave… don't leave because of me.' I whisper, stroking your jacket and kissing you passionately on the lips. This may do the job here.