CHAPTER SEVEN

THREE DAYS LATER

CRAIG

The feeling of rejection was weighing heavily on my heart and i found it difficult to get up this morning. It was three days since i bit the bullet and sent John Paul the text and i had heard nothing. He hadn't replied with a text or a phone call and i was beginning to accept that maybe i wasn't going to get one.

I had spent most of Christmas day afternoon checking my phone for messages and getting people to ring it in case i didn't have a clear reception. By the end of the night i was dejected and drowning my sorrows in alcohol.

On boxing day i awoke with a raging hangover and the need for some answers. I tried ringing Steph again but she still wasn't picking up so i took a couple of paracetamol and went back to bed.

The next day i got a call from Carl asking if i could do an extra shift at work, Kelly had gone off sick and they were short staffed, so i picked myself up and went in. The extra money would come in handy and it kept me occupied and my mind off other things. Adam came in towards the end of the evening but even he couldn't cheer me up and to make matters worse i saw Sammi come in and spent the rest of the shift avoiding her. Carl noticed my evasive maneuvers, unfortunately he seemed to find my dilemma funny and kept giving me little jobs to do so that we would cross paths. He said later that i looked like i could do with something to keep my mind off things....funny guy!

Today was the third day in a row that i woke up and checked my phone before doing anything else. There were still no messages or missed calls from either John Paul or Steph so i went to take a shower before meeting Adam for a coffee at the diner style cafe on the corner of the high street. I plastered a smile on my face as i approached his table.

"Alright?" he asked, getting up and giving me a hug.

"Yes, not bad. Still haven't heard from John Paul though".

"Give it time Craig, if it's meant to be, he'll call you and if he doesn't...you've always got me as a back up" he said laughing. I had realised that Adam liked me...that way, but I didn't see him as anything but a friend. Even if i had, his offer wasn't genuine, he had too much self respect for that because he knew how much i love John Paul and i think our friendship meant a lot to him too.

"I just wish i knew, you know. I'm still waiting for Steph to ring. For all i know he might be on holiday or have got a new phone or something". I kept coming up with new suggestions, any excuse for why he hadn't called back yet. I was upset and angry and i admitted to him that i wasn't ready to move on yet.

"What if he is with someone else?" he asked. It was a scenario i had pictured often and the reality was that i had no idea what i might do if that was the case. All i knew was that i needed some answers before i could make up my mind where to go from here.

JOHN PAUL

So the last few days i had nothing on my mind except how i was going to respond to Craigs text. I was finding it difficult to interpret the true meaning of the message and it didn't help that i couldn't talk to any of my family about it. I was going to ask Tina but she seemed to have enough going on with her own problems, without me off loading mine onto her as well. I decided to go for a walk through the village to clear my head and get my thoughts together.

Everywhere i went there were reminders of Craig. There was the bus stop where i had rescued him from being beaten up by Sonny, the fountain which we used to sit under to talk about everything and nothing, The Loft and the SU bar. Every turn i took held memories both good and bad but they were my memories and i treasured them.

I walked into the park and made my way to the bench where me and Craig had sat talking the week before he went to Dublin. I was deep in thought when i felt a presence next to me. I looked up to see Hannah standing there, her long blond hair blowing in the breeze, wrapped up in a long, blue woolen overcoat. She smiled and asked if she could sit down, so i scooted over to make room.

"Hi, how have you been" i asked her tentatively.

She seemed shy and nervous and i hated that i had evoked that kind of reaction from her. "Okay, you?"

I thought about it, the mess my life is in at the moment. "Yeah, fine". I grinned as if to reassure her.

Hannah and i had been close once and she saw straight through my actions. She thought about what to say and then started to speak, her voice soft and angelic just like it always was.

" John Paul" she took a deep breath, "I know we haven't really talked much recently, but you do know i still care about you and i don't like to see you upset.... Talk to me!" she persuaded.

God, where to start. I took my phone out and showed her the message from Craig. She took it from me and read it, her thumb caressing the screen a tiny smile playing at her lips.

"Is it true that YOU left HIM at the airport?" she questioned.

"Yeah. It was stupid, i shouldn't have done it but...." my voice trailed off, at a loss for words.

She passed me the phone back, gesturing.

"This is the first time he contacted you?"

I nodded an affirmative.

"Have you replied to him yet?"

"No" i explained to her that i wasn't sure the message was anything but a casual Christmas greeting.

She snorted before responding. "John Paul, if there's anything i know about you and Craig it's that nothing is ever done casually". She hesitated before continuing, "What makes you think that he might not want you back? All the time you were friends you were inseparable, nothing ever came between you. Not the fact that you were gay, or that he had a girlfriend. I can't understand how you can think that he would just get over you" she finished.

I explained that i had shoved the doubts about him inviting me to Dublin to the back of my mind but that i couldn't get over the niggling feeling that if Sarah had forgiven him his choice would have been different and that, at the time, his actions at the airport had kind of confirmed this to me. I'd felt that he didn't want to accept who he was and that it was only because of the circumstances that he had been forced to.

Hannah turned to me an incredulous expression covering her face. "What are you talking about, he picked you".

"Yeah, but only because Sarah wouldn't forgive him". I said.

I remembered the conversation with Craig on this very bench. "She wouldn't have you back?" i had asked.

"I didn't ask" he'd replied then i had told him that Nancy let me know he had gone to see Sarah to straighten things out and beg for forgiveness. He simply replied that he hadn't done that. I had always assumed that he hadn't asked for fear of rejection and that despite him professing his love for me and saying he didn't want to waste any more of his life pretending, that if Sarah had taken him back, things would have gone differently.

She threw her head back and laughed. I asked her what was so funny.

"You! You finally get your chance at happiness and you throw it away" she took hold of my shoulders and looked me in the eyes. "John Paul, Sarah told me what happened. She begged him to give it another go, said they could still go to Dublin and forget everything that had happened, he had the perfect opportunity to go with her and start again, but he said No! He was honest with her and told her it was YOU that he loved, that he wanted to be with".

I couldn't believe what i was hearing, all this time i had continued to doubt Craig, had thought the worst of him and yet...,he had really come through for me in the end and i hadn't even realised it. I was kicking myself for having so little faith in the man i loved above all others on this earth. I swept Hannah up into a tight embrace, spinning her round, tears streaming down my face, hurt and confusion being washed away by an overwhelming feeling of happiness.

CRAIG

"Finally", i cheered as my mobile lit up and i saw the name on the screen.

"About time too" i said in lieu of a greeting "i've been trying to reach you for days" i said sarcastically.

Steph giggled "Merry Christmas to you too little brother" she said. I noted that she sounded happy and i listened for a couple of minutes as she told me what she had been up to the last few days. I was itching to get information so when she eventually took a breath, i was straight in there.

"Listen Steph, i wanted to ask you if you've seen John Paul recently?".

There was a heavy silence from the other end of the phone and i started to get nervous and fidgety.

"Why?" she eventually asked.

I didn't like the fact she was being evasive and uncertainty crept in but i forged ahead anyway.

"I sent him a text on Christmas day and he hasn't replied yet. Thought maybe he'd gone away or something".

She stayed quiet for a bit, then i heard a heavy sigh before she replied.

"Craig" I could hear the sympathetic tone to her voice. "I don't know if it means anything but....I heard he was snogging someone in a car outside The Loft a few weeks ago and Darren said he saw him at one of the pubs in town while he was out with his mates...." her voice trailed off as if she didn't know whether she should continue or not.

I let what she said process. My hand was shaking as i held the phone to my ear.

"Craig?"

"Was it Spike?" i asked, my voice catching as i said his name.

"No" she whispered back. "Craig, i'm sorry".

"Me too!" i replied. "Thanks Steph... listen, ... i'll see you soon yeah?" i said before ending the call. I didn't want my sister to hear me break down and cry.

I was too late! As much as i knew John Paul might move on i had secretly hoped he wouldn't. I wanted our relationship, our friendship to mean more to him than that. The fact that he had moved on already and found someone else tore at my heart. I stood there with tears streaming down my cheeks the phone clutched in my hand. I looked at the offending object and gripping it tightly, hurled it at the wall.

JOHN PAUL

I finally put Hannah down and couldn't wait for her to leave so that i could ring Craig and apologise. I was elated at the information she had given me. I couldn't believe i had spent so long doubting Craig and wasting months of our lives apart. I think she picked up on my euphoric state because she picked her bag up and turned to leave.

"Be happy, John Paul" she said before turning on her heal and walking away. It took mere seconds for me to wrench the phone from my pocket and ring his number....'Come on, pick up' i thought impatiently. It rang...and rang...and rang. I waited for it to go to his voicemail, anticipating the velvet, huskiness of his voice but it didn't come.

"Sh*t" i exclaimed aloud, looking round hoping no one had heard me. Stuffing the phone back in my pocket, i made my way to The Dog.