-Okay, you all remember how ELECTION DAY and THE CANDIDATES ended, right? Well, if you don't remember, the story ended with Tsunade screaming, "YOU'RE ALL GOING TO PRISON! GUARDS, LOCK THEM UP!" And so, now . . . well, can you guess where Konoha 11 and Team Hebi are? Damn it, they're in jail! Now, the only question is: how will they break out? Or better yet, will they survive each other?

Yay! A new chapter! I'm sorry for making you all wait, but I couldn't come up with anything funny for this chapter, and so it's late. I'm sorry, again. I hope the wait is worth it and, without further ado, please enjoy! (Oh, and the question marks and exclamation marks are going haywire again for some reason—like, i can't put more than one exclamation in a row and I can't have an exclamation mark and a question mark next to each other—and I have no idea why, so don't flame me for grammer mistakes.)

Chapter Seven

TEAM JAILBIRDS

"NO! NO! LET ME OUT! I CAN'T BE HOKAGE IF I'M STUCK IN THIS PLACE! LET ME GO! LET ME GO!"

"Dobe—"

"SHUT UP!" Sakura finished the Uchiha's sentence before punching the living daylights out of their teammate. "It's bad enough that we're cramped up in this surprisingly large jail-cell with almost everyone we know! We don't need you to make it any worse!"

"Hey, if I remember correctly, Sa-ku-ra, it was you who got us into this mess!" Naruto accused, pointing his finger at the pink-haired kunoichi.

"Uh-un!" Ino snapped. "You did not just say that, you snot-nosed brat! No one—and I mean, no one—points their fingers at Forehead and gets away with it except me! Now you better back up and take back what you say!"

"H-hey! You . . . you can't be mean to . . . to him j-j-just because of Sakura-san's mis-mis-mistake!"

"Oh, you're siding with him, Hinata?" Sakura asked. "Wow, it's never a surprising day when someone's friend takes the side of the enemy, now is it?"

"Hey, don't you dare call Hinata a traitor!" Naruto yelled.

"Anoo, if you heard correctly, you idiotic twerp, Sakura never called your shy little mouse a traitor!" Ino screamed. "You're the one who actually brought the word up!"

"S-s-stop yelling at him!" Hinata cried.

"MAKE US!" the two friends/rivals yelled.

And so, as they fought, Sasuke just shook his head, wondering how in the world he got there. Oh, that's right… It was the pink-haired girl in need of anger management's fault. That was why he was stuck here…

He sighed. "I don't know why I even came here for…"

"Oh, you forgot?" Suigetsu asked. "Well, it's simple you see, we—"

"YOU IDIOT!" Karin yelled. "It was just a rhetorical statement."

"Oh…" Suigetsu nodded his head. "I get it… So it's rhetorical, huh?" He kept nodding his head.

"Anoo . . . Suigetsu, you don't have a clue as to what 'rhetorical' means, don't you?" Juugo asked.

"Not a single clue," the swordsman replied.

"THEN DON'T GO NODDING YOUR HEAD LIKE YOU DO KNOW!" Karin yelled.

"Hey! Aren't I entitled to a fair trial until proven guilty?"

"NO, YOU'RE NOT!"

"Well, why not?" Suigetsu asked ever-so-innocently.

"BECAUSE . . . anoo . . . oh, BECAUSE YOU'RE UGLY!"

"WELL, SPEAK FOR YOURSELF, BITCH!"

Karin gasped. "You take that back!"

"Make me, fatty faggot!"

"Why, I oughta—"

Okay, while that fight was going on, Team Gai just watched on. The green [and ugly] sensei just shook his head. "Look at all these people!" he said, "Clearly, they don't know the meaning of youth!"

"Should we break them up, Gai-sensei?" Lee asked.

"Nah," Gai replied. "This is too fun to watch. Go get a camcorder, Lee, and watch with me."

"Okay!" And Lee went running, running, running but then . . . BAM! He hit the wall, and this HUGE bump popped onto his head.

Gai gasped. "Lee!"

Tears flowed out of Lee's eyes. "Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

**insert sunset scene and waves as the ugly people hugged**

"Okay…" Tenten said, trying to find something else to do than watch these stupid scenes. "There has to be something better to do in jail…"

"Sorry to rain on your parade, Tenten, but destiny has already seen to it that we'd die of boredom and . . . err, weird-dom." (Guess who?)

"Well, Neji, I don't like listening to destiny, so tell destiny that she can kiss my ass cuz I ain't listening to her!"

The Hyuga prodigy gasped. "You take that back!"

"Oh? And what are you going to do if I don't?" Tenten asked. "Run back home and cry to destiny? FYI, destiny isn't always right!"

"Take that back, I say!"

"Well then, if you love this destiny person so much, YOU SHOULD GO MARRY HER!"

"Oh, yeah?"

"YEAH!"

✿｡.:*Meanwhile*:.｡✿

"SHINO! AKAMARU HAS FLEAS!"

"And how is that my problem?" the bug-boy asked.

"BECAUSE YOU OWN THEM!"

"Well, technically, I don't own the fleas."

"Oh, stop being all 'technical' about it, and FESS UP! YOU PUT THE FLEAS ON AKAMARU JUST TO SPITE ME, DIDN'T YOU?"

"Kiba, you're being irrational about this."

"NO! This is not irrational! This is irrational!"

"Now, Kiba, calm down. You don't want to—"

"Akamaru, go! DYNAMIC MARKING!"

And Akamaru jumped into the air and . . . peed on Shino who became very pissed-off.

"See?" Kiba asked. "Aren't you glad I didn't use that jutsu?"

Smoke was coming off of Shino's head but, when he spoke, he was fairly calm. "You know what? Yes, I am glad that all this irrational stuff is behind us because, if it wasn't . . . I'd be doing this!"

Suddenly, all these bugs (EW!) came out of nowhere and surrounded Kiba, but these bugs weren't just bug-bugs; they were…

"BEES!"

And after a few hundred stingings, Kiba looked a bit swollen and looked as if he had a bad case of acne.

"Oh, that's it!" he snarled. "Bring it on, Bug-boy!"

"Oh, it's already been brought, Dog-boy!"

And this deadly (and stupid) battle began while Akamaru just watched on along with Juugo.

"Hey! You're a dog, aren't you?"

"Arf!"

"Well, when you're gone, the cat comes out to play! But when the cat's gone—"

"Arf-bow-wowie-bow-wow-arf!"

"WHO FREAKIN' ASKED YOU[1]?"

✿｡.:*Elsewhere*:.｡✿

"Zzzzz… Zzzzz… Zzzz…"

"Munch-munch-munch…"

"Zzzzz… Zzzzz… Zzzz…"

"Munch-munch-munch…"

"Zzzzz… Zzzzz… Zzzz…"

"Munch-munch-munch…"

✿｡.:**:.｡✿

"Hey, Sai..?"

"Hai, Yamato-taichou?"

"Can you picture Sasuke with long hair?"

It was silence then… "A-HA-HA-HA! That's rich! Oh, god! Ha-ha!"

"Well?"

". . ." Sai stared at his team captain. "Oh, I'm sorry. You were serious?"

Yamato stared at him for a long moment. And then…

"AH! SCARY FACE!"

"YES! I WAS SERIOUS! NOW PICTURE IT!"

"Okay, okay…" And then after Sai imagined that, he started laughing again. "A-HA-HA-HA! He'd look like a porcupine! A-HA-HA!"

"Now picture him in a dress."

". . ."

"Well?"

"Seriously?"

Yamato stared at him for a long moment. And then…

"AH! SCARY FACE!"

"YES! I WAS SERIOUS! NOW PICTURE IT!"

"Okay, okay…" And then after Sai imagined that, he started laughing again. "A-HA-HA-HA! He'd look homo! A-HA-HA!"

"That's what Orochimaru did to him…" Yamato suddenly said.

And suddenly, it wasn't funny anymore.

And while all this was happening, Kakashi was just reading his book. He had just gotten to the good apart—you know, the part of the book where it all happens after the couple has reached home. And as he read, his face turned red. It was so much, in fact, that he . . . giggled—yes, he giggled which was his BIG mistake… His VERY BIG mistake…

Everyone—and I mean, everyone—stopped what they were doing, whether they were just arguing like crazy or fighting, and stared at the perverted silver-haired jonin.

"Anoo . . ." he could not think of anything to say to break the awkward silence. "Do you guys want to read it?"

Silence… And more silence… Until…

"I THOUGHT SAKURA BURNED ALL THOSE BOOKS!" Naruto screamed.

"YEAH! AND DIDN'T SHE KICK YOUR ASS THAT LAST TIME YOU HAD ONE OF THOSE PORN-BOOKS?" Ino yelled.

"I THOUGHT YOU LEARNED YOUR LESSON THAT LAST TIME!" Sakura yelled. "THAT'S IT! GIVE IT HERE, KAKASHI!"

"No! No! Please I'm begging you!" Kakashi cried. "Please don't!"

Sakura pounced at the book, but Kakashi quickly dodged. She pounced again, but Kakashi dodged again. She pounced once more but, this time, Kakashi dodged and became Spider-Man and stuck onto the ceiling.

"HA-HA! YOU'LL NEVER GET ME ALIVE, GIRLIE! A-HA-HA!"

"YOU GET DOWN FROM THERE, RIGHT NOW!"

"And who's gonna make me, my mother?" Kakashi asked.

"NO! IT'LL BE THE GIRL WHO'LL MAKE SURE YOU'LL BE FLYING INTO THE NEXT MILLENNIUM!"

"But you can't get me, so me gots nothing to worry about! Mwa-ha-ha!"

"Yeah, that's right, my cool-cat rival!" Gai cheered on. "Speak your mind and live with no regrets!"

"DON'T ENCOURAGE HIM!" all of Konoha 11 including Rock Lee and Team Hebi yelled.

Gai backed up against a wall. "Alright, alright! Sheesh, we can't take a joke around here, can we?"

"Now . . . where was I?" Sakura asked.

"At the part where Kakashi said, 'But you can't get me, so me gots nothing to worry about! Mwa-ha-ha!'"

"Oh, thank you Tenten." Sakura then turned and started screaming at the Spider-ninja. "NOW GET DOWN FROM THERE RIGHT THIS INSTANT, HATAKE KAKASHI, OR SO HELP ME I'LL MAKE SURE NO MORE OF THOSE BOOKS ARE PUBLISHED IN KONOHA OR ANYWHERE ELSE IN THE NINJA WORLD!"

Kakashi gasped. "You can't do that!"

"Watch me!"

"Ha! You're just calling my bluff! There's no way—"

Chirp-chirp-chirp!

Kakashi's face fell then. "Oh, crap. The Uchiha's behind me, isn't he?"

Everyone nodded, "Mh-hm."

Kakashi turned around slowly. "Oh, hey, Sasuke! Anoo . . . whatcha going to do with that Chidori?"

"Take a good guess, sensei." the Uchiha said.

"Oh shit…"

And then we hear all this screaming and cheering from Konoha 11 and Team Hebi, saying "Go, Chicken-ass-haired avenger! Go, go! Kick that pervert's ass, go! Go!"

✿｡.:*Everything else is censored*:.｡✿

In this next scene, Kakashi is being held back by Naruto and Sai with wooden reinforcements, courtesy of Yamato (of course); Sasuke handing the porn-book to Sakura. However, it was during this time that Kakashi had taken in his surroundings.

"Ha!" he said. "There's no fireplace here, and you can't use any fire jutsu, so that means you can't burn my book! Ha-ha! I win this time, Sakura! You can't hide it anywhere where I can't find it! Ha-ha-ha!"

"Oh, really?" the pink-haired kunoichi asked. "And what makes you think I'll burn the book this time around?"

"Huh? What . . . what do you mean?"

"This is what I mean." Sakura said, and then she tore the first 7 pages of the book, tore the 7 last pages, and tore chapter 7 itself from the book all in a single move. Then she threw those papers in the air, Neji and Hinata used Rotation and ripped those papers into eighths, Akamaru jumped in the air and peed on them, and then this huge spike of wood pierced through those ripped pieces of paper (which were now untouchable and unreadable). Then Sakura took what was left of the book and ripped it down its spine and, as Kakashi watched on, he started to whimper. Naruto then used Rasengan, and Sasuke used his Chidori, and together they completely turned the last two halves of the book into paper-mâché. Tenten then summoned her weapons and shot them all at the pieces of flying papers and stuck all of them onto the wall.

"NOOOOOOOO!" Kakashi cried. "YOU GUYS ARE THE WORST STUDENTS IN THE WHOLE NINJA WORLD! MY BOOK! MY PRECIOUS BOOK! HOW COULD YOU? OH, MY BOOK! MY DARLING SWEETHEART! HOW COULD YOU? WAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

"Anoo . . ." Hinata stuttered. "Should we . . . shouldn't we h-h-help him?"

"Nah, he'll stop in a couple of minutes." Sakura said.

"Then . . . what should we do now?" Shino asked. "There's no way we can ignore his crybaby screams."

"Hm…" Sakura thought about it for a minute but came to the same conclusion as Bug-boy. "You know . . . you have a point. What are we going to do?"

"I KNOW!" a voice from up high said.

Everyone looked up and saw this shadow come out of nowhere, and so they all except for Naruto took a GIANT step to the left as that person fell onto the dobe.

"JIRAIYA?" they all couldn't believe it. Was he dead!

"That's right, alive and in the flesh!" the old man smiled. "Now, first things first: where's my idiot of a god-son?"

"Mown mere (down here)!" Naruto yelled.

"Oh," Jiraiya said. "How have you been doing, ya brat?"

"Mreat, mut I mould me metter mand mot mat mon (Great, but I could be better and not sat on)!"

"Oh, right…" Jiraiya laughed in embarrassment as he got off of the ramen-loving fool.

"Hey, I thought you were dead." Naruto said. "How come you're here and where'd ya come from?"

"Well, God was nice enough to let me come down from . . . up there."

Everyone looked up. "You mean..?"

"Yep! Tsunade's new gambling room!"

Everyone fell down anime-style then.

"Hey, what's wrong with all of you?" the old man asked.

"Oh, nothing… We're all good."

"So anyway, what is this thing you have for us to do, Jiraiya-sama?" Lee asked.

"Oh, that's simple!" the old man chuckled. "All the girls shall take off their clothes and walk around naked! Come on, you guys, we'll look away as they change as to not embarrass them! Come—" But then Jiraiya saw the frightened looks of all the male shinobi. "Hey, what's wrong?"

All the guys pointed to . . . the really mad kunoichi.

"What's the matter with you all?"

✿｡.:*Minutes later*:.｡✿

"I was only kidding…" Jiraiya said through a swollen mouth, face, and place-where-it-hurts-the-most. He had about only a fraction of his teeth left. (All of this was curtsey of the kunoichi of Konoha 11 and Karin.)

Naruto crossed his arms. "Hmp, even if we haven't seen him in forever, he's still a pervert."

"Yep, and you better not learn from him, Uzumaki, or I'll see to it that you and Hinata-sama can never be!" Neji threatened.

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"Oh, come on! Isn't it obvious that Hinata-sama likes—"

Suddenly, Tenten jumped him, putting her hand over his mouth, and he fell to the ground.

"Hinata-chan likes what?" Naruto asked.

"She likes, anoo . . . ramen! Yeah, she likes ramen!" Sakura answered.

"Oh, really? That's great!"—he turned to the Hyuga heiress—"Then you and me should go out sometime, Hinata-chan!"

"R-r-really?" she asked.

"Sure, why not?"

"Oh, god… I think I'll—" But she didn't get a chance to finish because . . . Hinata fainted.

"Hinata? HEY, HINATA-CHAN!"

"YOU MADE HER FAINT AGAIN!" Neji screamed now on his feet, Tenten trying to hold him back.

"WHAT?" the knucklehead didn't even know what was going on.

"NOW TAKE YOUR PUNISHMENT LIKE A MAN!"

"WHAT? WHAT?"

"BYAKUGAN!"

"AHHH! SOMEONE, HELP ME! PLEASE!"

And so, as Naruto was being chased around the jail cell—did I ever mention this was a HUGE jail cell?—everyone just watched on.

"Anoo . . . should we help him?" Sakura asked Sasuke. But when the Uchiha opened his mouth to say something, the pink-haired kunoichi quickly added, "And don't say, 'Nah, the dobe can take care of himself' cuz he can't."

"SOMEONE, HELP ME!" Naruto continued to scream as he prayed to the Gods to have mercy. "I'M GOING TO DIE!"

"So should we help him?" Sakura asked again. But when Sasuke opened his mouth, the pink-haired kunoichi interrupted him, "And don't tell me that he's not going to die because, if he were, you'd be the one chasing him."

"SAKURA-CHAN! TEME!"

By this time, however, Neji aimed his Byakugan whatever-power/jutsu and kept hitting the dobe over and over and over again.

"Itai! Itai! Itai! Itai! Itai! Itai! Itai! Itai! Itai! Itai! Itai!" Naruto yelped in pain. "Itai! Itai! Itai! Itai! Itai! Itai! Itai!"

"Ano . . . should we help him now?" Sakura asked. The Uchiha opened his mouth, but then Sakura had another thing to say again. "And don't say, 'Just watch, Sakura. Sometimes life imitates movies' because that's not always true."

Sasuke groaned. "Then what do you want me to say?"

"It's not something I want you to say—it's something I want you to do."

The Uchiha was about ready to roll his eyes. "Fine! What is it that you want me to do?"

"Go save our idiot teammate."

"Then you could've said so in the first place instead of repeatedly asking whether or not we should."

"But then you wouldn't have listened, and I would wind up getting hit instead of Naruto." Sakura countered ever-so-innocently.

Sasuke was about to say something, but then… "You know, you've got a point."

The kunoichi giggled. "Yeah, I know."

"SAKURA-CHAN! TEME! WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING? FLIRTING WHILE I'M GETTING THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS BEATEN OUT OF ME?" Naruto asked, feeling awfully betrayed. "HOW COULD YOU?"

"Dobe, you were the one who did wrong, not us." Sasuke said.

"Yeah, don't try to bring down your teammates, Naruto." Kakashi said.

"NOT YOU, TOO, KAKASHI-SENSEI!" Naruto asked.

"Sorry, Naruto, but I'm already on a death list (specifically Sakura's), and I don't want to be on another's." the copy-cat jonin said.

"Yeah, don't get your sensei into anymore trouble." Jiraiya warned.

"OH, GOD! ISN'T THERE ANYONE WHO'LL HELP ME?"

"NOPE, THERE ISN'T!" Neji yelled. "PREPARE TO MEET YOUR DOOM!"

"MOMMY!"

✿｡.:*Minutes later*:.｡✿

"See the trouble you get into?" Sakura asked as she placed an ice pack on Naruto's swollen face.

"But, Sakura! It only happened because you and Teme wouldn't help me!"

"Oh, put a sock into it!"

"But—"

"I SAID SHUT UP!"

"Hai."

"Okay, peoples!" Gai said. "I have the perfect idea! Everyone, get into a circle!"

What are we? In kindergarten? everyone thought. "But we—"

"I SAID, 'GET INTO A CIRCLE'!"

And everyone raced to get into the so-called circle that Gai wanted them to be in. But for all you readers' information, the shinobi had gotten into . . . an oval.

"Good, now we—"

Everyone leaned closer—

"—play—"

—and cupped their ears.

"—TRUTH OR DARE!"

. . .

"Well? What do you say?"

. . .

"Well?"

"WHAT IS THIS? SOME SORT OF CRAZY MIDDLE-SCHOOL GET-TOGETHER?"

✿°. ·∴続ける∴· .°✿

°∴✿° ·°✿∴° .·°∴°·. °∴✿°· °✿∴°

[1] = well, if any of you watch or read Azumanga Daioh then you'd know what that whole conversation between Juugo and Akamaru was about.

Yay! Chapter's done! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! Please, in your review, include a question or dare for one of the Naruto characters, kay? Thank you and please review!

Also, please read my friend's fanfics! Her username is zerofangirl28. Please read her stories and review!