Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns all recognizable characters, plots, etc. Only original content, characters, etc. belongs to author. No copyright infringement intended. Any errors contained herein, are expressly the fault of the authors idiocy, and not her betas.

Word Count: 8,897

A/N: I can't express enough my appreciation to V for betaing, and Char for helping me get it right an keeping me on track, but I will never stop trying; I couldn't do this without you.

Thanks to all of you for reading and reviewing. We're almost there. I've been mostly finished with this chapter for ages now, but I…don't know, felt 'blah' about it, and had to step back for a bit, which is why it took longer to get it out to you than I'd anticipated. It's done now, though, and that has to count for something. I'll shut-up and let you get to it… Enjoy.

Chapter 7 – It Ain't You

I'm walking on a wire
Twisting in the wind
And something here is dying
And I could use a friend…

…Tonight I'll walk on water
Tonight I'll leap through flame
And sing it to the corner
And still the blood in your veins
'Til something flickers in me
I feel the motion of light
And slip into the distance
And someone slips into my life

But it ain't you
It ain't you…

- Tom McRae

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~∞Ѿ∞~

Last Time In EPOV -

Awareness returned slowly – a hard surface pressing painfully into my hip…a stiff ache in my back…the feel of my skin sticking to a wood floor, and also…to skin not mine? My mouth was dry and my throat raspy, and somebody's sleep-heavy limbs were tangled with mine. I cracked one eyelid and, ever the Cowardly Lion, observed the room's destruction before facing my partner in the devastation. When I finally did risk a glance, it was as bad as I feared and worse.

I knew with certainty that I couldn't run – just disappear with dawn's first light as I was wont to do. No, this – she – was something I would have to face, and I didn't know how to own up to the mistake I'd made to myself, let alone her.

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~∞Ѿ∞~

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Waking, naked and entangled with Charlotte on the floor, was awkward…to say the least. When I finally managed to force down my panic, quelling my instinctive need for flight, and look at Charlotte, I nearly lost it. She gazed up me – biting her lip in a way that was much too similar to Bella for comfort – with trepidation, allowing me see our entire history, from classmates to casual acquaintances to friends, in an entirely new light.

The – I now knew to be – pained expression she'd had when I told her about sleeping with the not-Bella-screamer. Her sigh – of relief – when she'd saved me from taking that Gianna person home, and the strange way she'd behaved toward me the next morning in her apartment… Sign after overlooked sign came clear to me, and I could have killed myself for not seeing it sooner. Charlotte was in love with me and, selfish idiot that I was, I had never noticed.

"Morning," she said softly, fearfully, worried what my reaction was going to be.

What had I gotten myself into? I pondered, absently staring at her face. I didn't want to hurt her, but I was destined to; it's what I did. I thought she knew that, but she evidently hadn't taken anything I'd told her about myself at face value, or else she thought she was different, that she would be the girl to finally fix and keep me, but she was wrong. If Bella hadn't been able to do it, no one ever would, and I was going to have to clear up any delusions she had about that. The thought of what I was about to do turned my stomach…or it could have been all the tequila from the night before…but as reluctant as I was, it had to happen. I didn't know how exactly to go about saying what needed to be said, though.

When I was still silent after several seconds, she let her eyes drop from mine, and then sat up, reaching down by our feet to grab the blanket that we must have covered ourselves with at some point during the night only to later kick off as we slept. She pulled the afghan over herself, and although the loose weave didn't offer much in the way of coverage, it seemed to ease her discomfort some; it did nothing for the aura of vulnerability surrounding her, though.

Seeing her that way – huddled under a blanket, her shoulders hunched and her eyes downcast – caused my stomach to clench, but as troubling as the sight was, it was the disappointment and resignation in her eyes when she had looked away that made me even consider not doing what I knew I should. Well, that and cowardice.

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~∞Ѿ∞~

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…I'm not in love…

We never really talked about what happened that night. Instead, we were both content to act as if it never happened…or maybe I was content to act as if it never happened, and Charlotte followed my lead; I don't know. She was easy to please, just the fact that I didn't run away seemed to be enough for her.

…so don't forget it, it's just a silly phase I'm going through…

As much as I tried to forget the mistake of sleeping with her – even going so far as to tell myself that I didn't remember any it (which wasn't entirely true), so it therefore didn't count as it hadn't really happened – I couldn't ignore the fact that, little-by-little, things began to change between us. It was never my intention to enter into a relationship with her, it just…happened with no encouragement, but I suppose very little to no discouragement from me; I didn't even really consider us to be in a relationship and, in spite of how it looked, I still hadn't moved on from Bella. Appearances really were more deceptive than anyone gave them credit for being; the signs certainly slipped past me.

…and just because I call you up, don't get me wrong, don't think you've got it made…

First it was, 'You wanna catch a lecture/a movie/a meal?' Subtle touches – a touch on my shoulder as she leaned over me to reach something, a nudge with her elbow over an inside joke or as an 'I told you so' – became more intimate – brushing against me more than necessary when she had to squeeze by me, pressing her breasts against my arm when she leaned in to tell me something, 'There's something on your…got it.'

…I like to see you, but then again that doesn't mean you mean that much to me…

By the time I realized what it looked like to everyone – what it seemed like to Charlotte – I was in too deep, and it was too late. I had lost Bella – an accidentally overheard conversation between Alice and Rose had informed me of that – and I couldn't very well spend the rest of my life alone, not knowing as I now did that Bella had moved on; I had needs, too. While I might not have been in love with Charlotte, we got along and I figured I stood about as good a chance at being happy with her as I did with anyone that wasn't Bella.

By all rights, I should have wanted her – she was funny and witty, charming and intelligent, focused and driven, and it didn't hurt that she was gorgeous. Blonde with an All-American, girl-next-door vibe, an angelic face, and a body made for sin – great rack and a tight, trim body that my dick definitely noticed, even though my heart and most of my head had no interest. Despite her looks, she somehow maintained a slightly innocent air that contrasted enticingly with the gleam in her eyes, giving a hint at the sultry vixen hidden underneath; I should have wanted her, but I didn't…not like she wanted me.

…so if I call you, don't make a fuss, don't tell your friends about the two of us…

Had I met her prior to realizing I was in love with Bella, and then fucking everything up with her, I'm ashamed to say I would have probably tried to hook up with her. Okay, I definitely would have tried. I couldn't say that I didn't still find her attractive, because part of me, on a very base level that I couldn't control…mostly my poor, neglected dick…did, but my heart was immune to her. My mind…well, was another story.

…I'm not in love, no-no…

Half of it said I could do worse, and the other half said that entering into a relationship with anyone would forever kill any possibility, however minute, of one day getting her back. I kept hearing Alice and Rose's conversation though...

'How are things going with Bella and the dog?'

'Rose! Be nice. And they're good. He took her away to some bed and breakfast in Connecticut last weekend. They had a good time. She said it was really pretty.'

'Wow, a weekend away. Sounds like things are starting to get pretty serious.'

'Yeah, that's the impression I got from her.'

…and I would grow conflicted. I was aware that she was everything society…and my dick…said I should have wanted – she was my equal in nearly every way, and I knew that any guy would have been lucky to have her. While I didn't want to be that pathetic guy that couldn't move on, couldn't get over the one that got away…the one that he chased away…I couldn't, but for some reason, I didn't want Charlotte thinking that I didn't want her – no matter how mostly true it was. However, I couldn't have what I wanted – who I wanted – so I just…accepted what was in front of me.

In truth, I know it was a selfish thing to do, not to mention incredibly unfair to Charlotte, but I was weak. I allowed her to give so much of herself to me, and gave her nothing in return…unless the occasional orgasm counts, but I don't think it does. At times, I could see in her eyes the awareness that I wasn't really hers, but she seemed to accept the fact that I was still in love with another woman and take me for what I was: a lost and broken boy, trying to find his way as a man. After all, I was here, mostly with her, and Bella was on the other side of the country with him, whoever the fuck he was.

That seemed to be enough to let her ignore the truth of the matter, and my guilt over one night of lonely, drunken sex was enough for me to do the same, allowing her to re-imagine our friendship into what she wanted us to be: a couple. It seemed like we were both okay living with our lies.

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~∞Ѿ∞~

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I never did get the visit from Ϯϻ (The Artist Formerly Known As Malice) that I was expecting, but rather than put too much thought in it – or any at all, really – I brushed it off as an early Christmas present…one that Alice didn't even know she had gotten me. I couldn't have been more wrong. It wasn't a present, it was a warning, but my Alice-unami alarm was about as effective as…well, a real tsunami alarm. Rather than get shut the fuck down by me, the evil fey opted to bide her time and, when no one was expecting it – least of all me – go straight to the source.

Sometime in mid-October, Alice got her hands on Charlotte. She claimed she bumped into her while at the hospital looking for me, and asked her to lunch in order to apologize. Cough – bullshit – cough! It was my conjecture that chicken wasn't the only thing grilled during that lunch, but Char insisted that no interrogation occurred. They simply got to know each other, and they…

"…really hit it off. I actually like her. We have quite a bit in common – which I never would have guessed – and she asked me to a movie with her and Jasper later. Do you want to go with?"

"I don't…"

"I mean you don't have to. I was just thinking that…well, I know how frustrated it makes you when she conjectures on your relationship status, and maybe if she sees us interact in a more neutral, Rosalie-free, non-bar setting, she'll see that we're really little more than friends and lay off of you? It's just a thought."

I hated to say it, but she had a point; it could work. Stranger things had happened. "I was going to say, I don't think I'll be very good company, but I guess I could go…as long as Alice isn't choosing the movie." I couldn't make it too easy on her.

Char smirked. "She said you'd say that."

I frowned, and then accused, "Did she put you up to this – asking me to come?"

"What?" she asked, alarmed. "Not at all! I just didn't really feel comfortable going out with your sister alone, but I didn't know if it would be okay to ask anyone along, let alone you, so I asked. I would never do something like that. I'm your friend," she said the word distastefully, crinkling her nose, "not your sister's, whom I barely know and have only met in socially awkward, confrontational situations. I can't believe you would think that of me."

Her eyes looked disturbingly glassy, causing me to panic. Shit, shit, I made her cry! "I wasn't…that is, I didn't mean to be so accusatory. It's just, you don't know my sister, she can be sneaky and manipulative like that. I wasn't trying to imply that you would conspire with her. I understand you not wanting to have to hang out with my asshole family alone – can't really say I blame you after the way we've all behaved the couple times you've met them.

"I'm surprised you even agreed to go. You didn't have to do that for me, but…thanks. The least I can do is go with you, and make sure Alice is on her best behavior." I rubbed at the back of my neck, something I seemed to be doing more and more when I was uncomfortable. At least I wasn't trying to achieve premature baldness by tugging at my hair anymore.

"So, you'll really go then?" she questioned with restrained hopefulness, with skepticism, a crease forming between her eyebrows.

"Really, really," I replied, dread curling its icy fingers around the base of my spine.

She smirked, "Shrek? Really?"

"What? It was a funny movie! Don't knock that shit. It was barely appropriate for children."

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~∞Ѿ∞~

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As always with Alice, nothing could be simple and straight forward. 'Movie night' turned into dinner and a movie, making it feel like a double date – which I was not cool with, by the way – but on the bright side, there was no Rose or Emmett. For the most part – at least for the first half of the night – things went smoothly and without any real conflict. It bothered me, but I couldn't do anything about the way in which Alice and Char spent most of the night chatting like old friends. What was I supposed to say, you guys can't be friends or get along? Hardly. I wasn't begrudging Char a friend, I just would have preferred that it not be my sister, that it be anyone other than my sister. Besides, Alice already had two best friends; she didn't need to steal my friends, and wasn't befriending Char a little disloyal to Bella? Whatever.

The only real hitch to the first part of the evening was that I don't think it came close to accomplishing what Char had suggested it would. If anything, I think it further purported Alice's theory that we were a together together – which we weren't. We just hung out a little more than we used to, but except for the first time – which had been a drunken mistake – we hadn't slept together again, and we didn't kiss or hold hands or do any of that other couple-y shit. Not really. I mean, there weren't any outward signs that I could see to propagate the idea that we were involved. Sure, Char was a little too familiar with me…and maybe a bit too touchy feely, but there was no indication on my end. Alice being Alice, she was going to see whatever it was that she wanted to see, and I couldn't do a thing about it.

It was the second half of the evening, when Jazz-hands and Malice decided that the night was young, as were we, and it was 'too early to call it a night so let's go to go get our drink on', when things began to go awry. I didn't want to go, but was overruled three-to-one. Normally, I wouldn't have let that stop me – I would have just bailed and gone home – but Alice had this look on her face like she was seconds away from tears, and I couldn't stand the idea of disappointing her yet again; Christmas was right around the corner, so I sucked it up and went along with it. I wished I hadn't though, because 'Drunk Char' is also 'Gropy Char'. By the time Alice decided I could call it a night, and I poured Charlotte into the passenger's seat of my car, Alice and Jasper were giving each other these annoying little knowing glances as they looked from me to Char.

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~∞Ѿ∞~

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Thanksgiving came. Charlotte's family flew up to see her since she didn't have time to go see them, and I went to my parents' like every year. I left for Forks on Wednesday with plans to stay overnight, and then head back to Seattle after dinner on Thursday since I had a shift at the hospital on Friday. I had just pulled a double and really wasn't looking forward to the drive, but it was better than making it twice in one day. As it was, it was going to suck having to make the long-ass, boring drive back to the city after dinner with all that tryptophan in my system.

By the time I got to Forks, I was dead tired and wanted to crash for the night, but it just wasn't in the cards. My mother had forgotten something at the store and needed me to go get it while she finished whatever she was doing in the kitchen. I hated going anywhere in Forks, especially around the holidays. It seemed like I could never fly under the radar when I did, always getting spotted by someone and then forced to make small talk about the same old banal bullshit. It was either reliving the glory days of high school, or the obligatory questions whose answers no one cared to hear – What are you doing now? Married? Kids? Ad infinitum, ad nauseum…

So, it was with great reluctance that I acquiesced when my other asked. She's lucky it was jellied cranberry sauce she needed – which was crucial to every turkey dinner – and not something like celery, otherwise she would have had to go herself, or guilt someone else into doing it for her later when they showed up.

With a baseball hat slipped down low on my head, I snuck into the store, quickly grabbing a basket and locating the correct aisle. Sweeping several cans off the shelf and into the grey shopping basket, I turned towards the front of the store, attempting to bolt before I had the misfortune of being recognized, only to run into what felt like a wall, but wasn't. Unless the walls of the Thriftway were now decked out in flannel and denim, and could suddenly appear sideways in the middle of an aisle.

"Whoa! Sorry there, buddy. Didn't mean to run into ya," I said as I grabbed a shelf, steadying myself, and then looked up into the glaring, vaguely familiar face of some big motherfucker – and I was a tall, well-built guy, so that was saying something. Dude was seriously bigger than Emmett, the biggest guy I know, and that was saying a lot.

Noticing his expression hadn't changed, growing darker, if anything, I raised my hands as best as I could with a heavy basket in one of them – palms facing out – and said, "Hey, no harm intended. I didn't realize anyone was there."

He crossed his arms over his chest with a snort as he looked at me, shaking his head and spitting, "Whatever, buddy." He sneered, and then roughly brushed past me, still shaking his head and muttering to himself. I think I even heard the word 'dick,' but couldn't be sure, and wasn't really interested in pursuing it; I just wanted to get the fuck out.

"Huh!" I huffed in a puff of air that was half amusement, half astonished. Shrugging my shoulders…wonder what the fuck his problem is…I headed for the checkout stand where I had the misfortune of running into Jessica 'Can I suck your cock?' Stanley, who followed me out to my car, reminiscing about back in the day and offering to give me a hummer for, '…old times' sake.' I didn't take her up on her offer; it wasn't even remotely appealing. Well, that was a fun trip to the Forks Thriftway. Thank you, and come again soon? I think not, I thought as I drove away.

I wasn't in a pleasant mood when I returned home, dropping the two grocery bags of cranberry sauce on the kitchen counter…just wanted to make sure I got enough…before stomping down the hall and up the stairs to my old room, where I locked my door, peeled off my clothes and crawled into bed. By the time morning rolled around, I realized that I had acted like a total dick, but my mother just brushed me off. She knew better than almost anyone what a moody fucker I could be, but she still loved me. In fact, I think she may have loved me best, but I'd never tell Alice or Emmett that.

Carlisle had to run into the hospital to check on a couple patients and, after checking with mom to make sure she'd be all right and assuring her that he wouldn't be long, he asked me if I wanted to accompany him on his rounds. I agreed, of course; it was the first time in ages that he'd sought my company, and even longer since I'd joined him at the hospital. Surprisingly, it turned out to be a pleasant way to spend the afternoon, but all good things must come to an end, and eventually we had to go back to the house.

When we walked in, we found everyone gathered in the sitting room – Emmett already at least one sheet to the wind and living in Happy-Garrulous-Emmett-Town (read: overly-loud) – huddled around Alice.

"Hey, what's going on in here?" I asked loudly, feeling especially warm towards my siblings and friends after spending the day bonding with my father.

Alice blanched slightly, and Emmett snatched up the phone that I only just then noticed she had cradled to her ear, my arrival providing just enough distraction for his success.

"Hells-Bells! How the hell ya' doin' there in the big city, baby-girl?"

His words stopped me in my tracks, and I turned back around. "I'll just be in my room," I announced, rushing out of the room and up the main stairs, muttering something about taking a shower. I could have been talking in Klingon for all I know, I was too shocked from having Bella's continued relationship with my family – which I wanted, of course – thrust so unceremoniously in my face to know for sure. The world I'd conjured up, in which Bella was no more than a bittersweet dream, vanished as if her name was the incantation to needed to break the spell.

Being forced to face reality, stark and cold as it was, put me in a bad mood, so I stayed upstairs – playing morose, thunderous music on my old piano in the music room – until called down for dinner, which was a miserable, tense affair…at least for me. In the name of government and family-mandated thankfulness, I was forced to endure the concerned looks that passed between my mother and my father, and the nervous ones between Jasper and my sister. Emmett was too lost in his own happy little world of food and drink to notice much, and Rose chose to ignore it all. Or so I thought.

Just when I was certain that they'd finally given up with their attempts to draw me into conversation, Rose decided to give it a shot. I was beginning to think she wouldn't be happy until I was completely destroyed and unwelcome by my family, but that may be giving her too much credit. Maybe she just thrived on drama, and knew she could provoke me into providing it.

"So, where's your little girlfriend tonight? What's her name, Chantral?"

"Charlotte, and she's not my fucking girlfriend, Rose," I growled lowly in warning. Fucking cunt.

"Really? That's not what Al…"

"Childr…" my mother started, only to be cut-off.

"Rose!" Alice snapped. "Shut up, and for once in your fucking life stop trying to start shit with Edward. It's Thanks-fucking-giving, for crying out loud!"

"Children, language!" our mother admonished, silence falling over the table as Al and Rose had stare-off. "As Alice so eloquently pointed out, it's Thanks-fucking-giving." For everyone except Emmett, her attempt to lighten the mood fell flat.

"Ma! Right on! I never would have thought you had it in you," Emmett guffawed. For years, it had been his goal to get our mother to cuss at the dinner table, and he'd rarely succeeded. "Way to go, Alice!"

Our father shot Emmett an annoyed glare but, as with everything else, it went over his head. Everyone, including my parents, helped themselves to more wine and a tense silence settled over the table as we all began to eat again, or at least push our food around on our plate and pretend to do so. A surreptitious glance at Rose, silently fuming on the other side of the table, made me think that we hadn't heard the last of her and, sure enough, not even five minutes later, Rose spoke again, picking up right where they had left off.

"I wasn't trying to start anything, Alice," Rose informed her coldly. "I didn't know we weren't allowed to make conversation with Edward about his life. You told me that he was dating the blonde tart from the bar. I thought we were allowed to discuss the fact that he was trying to move on with his life. I mean, Bella has. She's with Ja…"

Alice's chair slammed against the wall as she shot out of her seat, fists clenched at her sides. Her frame vibrated from the fury radiating from her, and twisting her face into a macabre mask. Everyone at the table froze, halting in various stages of eating – except for Emmett, who continued to shovel food into his mouth, like if he didn't acknowledge the fray, it wouldn't actually be happening.

"Rosalie Lillian Hale! Shut up right now! I swear to fucking God, you are… Right now, I don't even know why we're friends!" Alice's voice echoed in the mostly silent room, even Emmett's humming over the food seemed muffled. In the face of Alice's rage, everything faded into the background.

The vitriol lacing her words even caused Rose's face to register shock, and possibly even a faint trace of fear. Hell, I was caught up a bit short by it; I had never seen my sister as angry as she was at that moment, and no one pissed Alice off more than me. To have her rage directed at someone else for once – especially Rose, whom Alice hardly ever got seriously angry at – was shocking, to say the least. Not that I didn't perversely enjoy it.

"Girls, really…" Esme attempted to diffuse the situation, but Alice just kept right on shouting at Rose until, finally, I'd had enough.

Standing, I dropped my napkin on top of my barely-touched plate of food. "It's nice to know that you all have nothing better to do than sit around judging me for everything I do, speculating about what I might be doing, and blaming me for everything that happened with Bella, but you know what? Enough is fucking enough. Bella was a willing participant in whatever it was that we had and yes, in the end, I fucked it up and your relationships with her were affected by it.

"I'm really fucking sorry for that – I am – and if I could go back and change things I would, but I can't. I've tried fixing things with Bella, but she won't give me a chance to; she wants no part of it and now…she's moved on.

"You guys got her back, though, and I have nothing – nothing. All I can do now is pick myself up and move on as best as I can. If that means trying to have a relationship with someone, then I'm gonna do that. Don't begrudge me whatever little bit of happiness I manage to find. You all seem so fucking happy that she's moved on, when the time comes that I manage to do the same, I can only hope – fruitlessly, I'm sure – that you'll extend me the same courtesy.

"However, if I were involved romantically with Charlotte –" I stressed her name, directing my glare pointedly at Rose, "– which I'm not, it would really be none of your fucking business. Maybe all the shit I get over being friends with her would be actually be worth it and bother me less, if I were getting some of the benefits that come with being in a relationship.

"Mom, I love you, and you outdid yourself with the food again this year. Dad, thanks for letting me tag along on your rounds; it's been too long. I'm gonna go. I've got an early shift tomorrow, and a long drive home. Everyone else, stay the fuck out of my business, and don't call me, I'll call you."

I left the table, grabbed my bag from my room and left without saying another word. When I walked downstairs to go out to my car, Rose and Alice were still going at it. I felt bad that my mother's dinner was ruined, but I didn't care to stop and listen to what was being said; I just didn't have it in me to deal with any more shit. It was about me, because of me, but in reality it had nothing to do with me…if that even makes sense.

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~∞Ѿ∞~

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Half-way to Seattle, Charlotte called to wish me a Happy Thanksgiving, and seemed to instantly pick up on my mood. "Why don't you stop by on your way home and have a piece of pie with me. At least that way your day won't have been a complete waste. It's not Thanksgiving without pumpkin pie!"

I was going to turn her down, I really didn't want to be around anyone just then, but I thought about it, and decided why the fuck not. It was better than going home and moping the entire night, so I told her yes, and when she asked me to stay over, I told her yes then, too.

If I had to pinpoint when things really took a turn toward being in a relationship, I would say that night, but if I were honest, I'd have to say it probably began before then – maybe even before we first slept together. At the time, though, I didn't see it that way. We were simply two lonely people, enjoying one another's company, and occasionally having sex.

I tried to keep things casual with Char, but somehow, through no attempt of mine, it seemed as if we were spending more and more of our time together, always at her place, never at mine. I just couldn't bring myself to cross that boundary, and she never pushed the issue.

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~∞Ѿ∞~

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Alice and Rose didn't speak for nearly a month, not until right before Christmas, and it was hard on my sister because she'd never had many friends; really just Rose and Bella…and it was partially my fault. You know, man-whore and all. She had acquaintances, of course – Alice's outgoing and bubbly personality tended to draw people in – but she never let anyone get too close, and didn't spend much time with anyone outside of our little group.

Of course, things had been shaky with the gang since Bella's departure and my subsequent sequestering, but now, with Rose and Alice on the outs, it had completely fallen apart, and Alice really wasn't handling it well. She was trying to hide it, but she wasn't fooling anyone least of all me. The vibrancy in her eyes was missing, leaving them flat and reminiscent of the way they had looked during the whole fucked up Alaska/Chicago thing. I wasn't about to let Alice turn back into the shell she had been back then, so I told myself to suck it up and I began to make an attempt. For Alice.

The holiday season wasn't exactly my favorite time of year, but Alice loved it, which meant that, having vowed to resume an active presence in Alice's life, I was condemned to a month of holiday hell. I was dragged all over the place, with a smile on my face – the kicking and screaming only took place in my head, because I was trying to make her happy, after all. We went to Leavenworth to enjoy the season Bavarian-style and shop; to Westlake Shopping Center for the tree lighting, parade and more shopping; to Point Defiance Zoo and Aquarium for Zoolights; and to every mall in King County, at least, once to shop. We also attended various Winterfest events at the Seattle Center, The Nutcracker…twice, and hosted a tree decorating night at Alice and Jazz's place.

She wanted to have one at my house as well, but that's where I put my foot down. Oh, hell to the na-nay-no! I did make it up to her, though. I didn't throw a shit fit when I came home to find that the North Pole had thrown up in my apartment. Not once did I bitch about the stupid holiday towels replacing the normal, plain ones in my kitchen and bathrooms, or the poinsettia throw pillows on my couch and loveseat. To top it all off, I managed to refrain from objecting when Alice insisted that Charlotte accompany us every time we got together.

I didn't like the way Alice had latched onto Char in the absence of Bella and Rose, but it's not as if I could tell them not to hang out. They seemed to genuinely like each other, and Alice needed a friend, but why my friend? Why couldn't she go find one of her own, and why did she seem so insistent upon bringing her into our inner circle…well, what was left of it? It seemed traitorous, Alice befriending the girl I occasionally slept with, and I could barely look at the two of them, laughing and chatting happily, without feeling a nearly incapacitating surge of anger. Alice still considered Bella her best friend, but proximity was…well, proximity, and Bella was all the way in New York while Char was right here. I could understand, but I didn't have to like it. At all.

Naturally, Alice was the one who suggested Charlotte accompany me home for Christmas…it sure as fuck wasn't my idea. It would have been nice, however, had she not suggested it in front of Charlotte, leaving me unable to say no without looking like a huge dick; Alice always was a brilliant manipulator. Although, to be honest, I don't think she did it to play games with me, I think she just didn't want to face Rose without an ally in the world. That or she simply wanted to rub it in Rose's face that she didn't need her. Regardless, it was probably the worst thing she could have done if she were trying to avoid a fight or another scene like we had at Thanksgiving, but Alice does what Alice wants.

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~∞Ѿ∞~

.

"I'm not trying to be a dick or anything, but what the fuck were you thinking inviting Char to come with us for Christmas? Honestly, Alice, have you lost your fucking mind?"

"Seriously? Her family isn't coming to see her, and she can't go see them due to her schedule at the hospital. I couldn't just let her spend Christmas alone," Alice argued. "Frankly, I'm disappointed that you didn't invite her."

"I don't even like the two of you hanging out, so why the hell would I invite her to spend the holiday with the whole family? I wouldn't be going if I didn't have to," I admitted.

"Why don't you want her to hang out with me?" Alice shrilled.

"Well, for one, she's my friend, not yours; two, I'm not comfortable with her cozying up to my family and friends; and three…isn't it awfully disloyal of you to befriend her?"

"We can have the same friends! We do have the same friends. I don't understand why you have a problem introducing your girlfriend to the family."

"She's not my girlfriend!" I denied adamantly.

"Um…you do everything together, you talk to her about your problems, you sleep over – and I assume you're not sleeping on the couch when you do – so, how is she not your girlfriend?"

"She's just not!"

"Are you sleeping with her?"

"Alice!"

"Are you?" she demanded, all focused and tenacious like a small terrier with a rope.

"Yes."

"Are you sleeping with anyone else?"

"I don't have to tell you that," I hedged; too ashamed of the truth to want to confess it.

"Are you?"

"Alice –"

"Are you?" she kept on, pugnaciously.

"No."

"And do you guys have meals together, and go to the movies? Do you make plans, and has she ever said, 'it's a date, then,' when confirming those plans?"

I thought about it, and then reluctantly answered, "Yeah?"

"And when you're doing those things, do you ever hold hands?"

"Yes?" But strictly in a non-relationship-y, 'we're together' way.

"Then, sorry to say, buddy, but she's your girlfriend."

"She's not my girlfriend," I insisted weakly. "I mean she is in the sense that she's a girl and she's my friend, whom I sometimes…on occasion do things with, and also – every now and then – sleep with, but we're not together-together, or anything. I mean, it's not exclusive. Neither of us has ever implied that it's something more, and she knows it."

Alice fixed me with a hard stare and then stated again, firmly, and in an annoyingly sing-songy voice, "She's your girl-friend!"

Stated like that – laid out all plain and obviously – I couldn't muster up enough denial to refute it again. I felt sick with a truth that I'd known for a while, but hadn't wanted to admit to myself.

"Now, why don't you want her to come with you for Christmas…and what in the hell do you mean by disloyal? Disloyal to whom?"

"Bella," I stated softly. "It feels disloyal to Bella. She's all the way on the other side of the country, all alone, and Charlotte's here celebrating the holidays with what should have been her boyfriend, her family, and her friends…she has everything that was Bella's, that is Bella's. She's going to feel so replaced…by all of us. I've hurt her enough as is, Alice, I don't want to take that from her as well."

"Being friends with Char doesn't mean that Bella and I are no longer friends; I can have other friends, y'know. Bella wouldn't expect us to not get along with your girlfriend, nor would she expect us to exclude her simply because of whatever happened between the two of you."

"Does she know your friends with her? Does she know about her?"

"She knows about Charlotte, but if you're asking if I told her about the two of you, the answer is no. I told you both that I wouldn't discuss either of you with the other, and I've kept my promise."

"Right, Alice, right. That's the only reason you haven't told her who Charlotte is. Keep telling yourself that."

"It is, Edward, and it wouldn't bother her!"

"You don't know that for sure, and you're an idiot if you think it won't."

"Maybe it will, I'll find out eventually, but, Edward, the world – Bella's world – doesn't revolve around you anymore. She's moved on…just like you have."

Hah! Moved on? I hadn't truly attempted to do anything of the sort; I'd simply resigned myself to my lot in life and, from there, allowed the chips to fall as they might. I couldn't tell Alice this, of course, so I kept my mouth shut…sort of.

"Still, it's not fair for Char to be sitting in Bella's seat at the dinner table while Bella's alone in New York." It was my last ditch effort to get Alice to rescind the invitation she'd extended to Char, and it was going to…fail.

"Bella's not spending Christmas alone. She'll be with her boyfriend…in New York." Alice's eyes narrowed, peering at me shrewdly, and I just stood there impassively, careful to maintain my façade of neutrality despite the turmoil below the surface.

How could I explain to her that the reason I didn't want my so-called girlfriend…I really didn't like that word…to get involved with my family was because that would make it real, and I didn't want it to be real? How did I tell her that any feelings I had for Char outside of friendship, were lukewarm at best? How did I tell her that I would never stop wanting Bella and that, even when I was with Char, I was wishing she were Bella? How could I express to her the devastation her tidbit of news was wreaking, or the irrational rage that was slowly starting to consume me?

I couldn't, so instead, I replied, "Still…"

.

~∞Ѿ∞~

.

"If I'm going to spend Christmas with your family, Edward, I really think I should meet them beforehand. It's going to be awkward enough with everyone else there," I knew she meant Emmett and Rosalie…mostly Rose, "I don't want things to be awkward between them and me. Don't you think they should know that you're involved with someone – maybe even have a chance to meet that someone – before you just show up with her?"

Charlotte was making a big deal of wanting to meet my parents prior to Christmas. She was all tense and nervous like meeting them was a big deal, some big step in whatever it was she thought was going on between us…God, I was such a dick…and she desperately wanted to make a good impression; she wanted them to like her. I probably should have been a bit more sensitive, but I really didn't give a shit whether they liked her or not. In fact, my preference was that they didn't, which probably should have told me something, but I chose to ignore it.

Christmas was two weeks away, and we both had the upcoming weekend off, something that rarely ever happened. We'd been bickering for over an hour when I finally said fuck it and gave her what she wanted. She was going to meet them soon enough anyway, and it wasn't like she didn't have a point – it would be easier to meet them without the pressure of family and the holiday to deal with, too, so that weekend we went to Forks and I introduced Charlotte to my parents. It wasn't the most fun I'd ever had. Of course, maybe it wouldn't have been so tense had I given them a heads up that I was coming, not to mention bringing someone.

"Mom, Dad…this is my friend Charlotte Lewis. Charlotte, these are my parents, Carlisle and Esme Cullen."

They exchanged greetings and expressed pleasure at meeting one another – Charlotte shyly, but with a slight edge of anger that only I detected, and my parents awkwardly and just a little uncomfortably. I supposed I really should have given them a heads up, but I hadn't wanted to have that conversation with them.

"Right then, I'll just take our bags up to our rooms then. Be right back."

My mother raised her eyebrow at the word 'rooms,' but I just shrugged subtly and grabbed our bags. As I disappeared upstairs, grateful for the reprieve, I heard my mother shifting into hostess mode. "Can I get you some tea or coffee, dear?"

"Tea would be lovely, Mrs. Cullen. Thank you."

"Follow me then. Carlisle, tea?"

"Hmm? Oh, uh…no, Es, but thank you."

"Well, it'll just be us then. So how do you know Edward?"

"We're in the same med program. We just hit it off, and we've been seeing each other for a while now, but we've been friends for longer…"

I didn't catch the rest of their conversation, as they wandered off to the kitchen then, but it sounded like she'd done enough damage. I should have never left them alone together. It's not as if what she'd said had been totally inaccurate, I just wasn't comfortable putting labels on it…especially not in front of my parents, but I suppose the truth was bound to come out sooner or later. Brushing it off with a sigh, I finished ascending the stairs, putting my bag in my room and Charlotte's in one of the rarely-used rooms down the hall from mine. I thought about putting her on the second floor, but the only available room aside from my sister's was Bella's room, and wasn't about to put the girl I was sleeping with in her room. It was bad enough that I brought her home.

.

~∞Ѿ∞~

.

Charlotte wasn't happy with me – for a lot of very obvious reasons – when we were finally alone as I was showing her upstairs to her room, and she let me know it. Of course, afterwards, being the way-too-understanding and forgiving girl she was, she apologized and wanted to make it up to me, but I told her I was tired and showed her to her room.

"I'm not staying in your room with you?"

"Charlotte, we're in my parents' house."

"Yeah, and you're an adult. It's not like they don't know you've had sex," she countered. That was a low blow. True, but low nonetheless.

"Not gonna happen, Charlotte." I was sticking to my guns. I couldn't do that there, not in that bed, in that room, not with that girl. I kind of felt as if my parents' house was sacred, it was Bella's and I didn't want to defile it the way I defiled everything else about us. It wasn't as if it was sacrosanct or I hadn't done it there before – The Whore Who Shall Not Be Named and Who I Blamed For Fucking Things Up With Bella came to mind (yes, I was entirely to blame, but it was nice to have a face to blame that wasn't the one looking back at me in the mirror) – but I wasn't that guy anymore.

"Goodnight, Charlotte. Sweet dreams." I left her at her door with a chaste kiss to her temple, and went to my room where I tossed and turned, remembering all the times Bella and I had shared during the middle of the night in the privacy of my room…and not the sex either. Well, not just the sex. All the philosophical discussions, the movie marathons, hashing out our problems, or even just the sprawling out across my couch or bed, each of us wrapped up in our own book. Eventually, I fell asleep, and managed to get through the remainder of the the weekend – awkward and uncomfortable as it was – in one piece.

.

~∞Ѿ∞~

.

"I don't think your mother likes me."

It was the day after Christmas and Charlotte and I had just returned to her place after having spent the most uncomfortable, but surprisingly altercation free Christmas in the history of Cullen Family Christmases ever. And I mean ever. Not even the year we caught Emmett and Rose doing…cringe…things that I've tried very hard to forget, had a holiday been more uncomfortable. Hell, the past Thanksgiving had been more pleasant a meal and there had been a full-on bitch fight during the main course. Everyone, including the Queen Bitch herself, had been on their best behavior. A bit icy and taciturn, but well-behaved. Anyway, I wasn't surprised by the conversation. I'd been waiting for it, so I'd had time to prepare and come up with a response.

I had nothing.

"Why would you say that?" I inquired, buying myself some time.

"I don't know, she just seemed so reluctant to include me in…well, anything, really. It felt as if she only included me as an afterthought, and she was so cheerful and nice talking to everyone else, but every time she talked to me she just seemed to…I don't know, deflate."

"It's not that she doesn't like you, you're just…new, that's all. She doesn't not like you, she doesn't know you yet. Just give her time; she'll warm up to you eventually."

"Really?" she asked skeptically, but obviously wanting to believe me.

No. I hope not. "Really, really. She's nice to Rosalie."

She chuckled halfheartedly as she curled up at my side, pressing against me, seeking out comfort, and I let her. I pretended to continue reading my book, but I was really mulling over the surreptitious standoff between my family, and Charlotte and myself. An invisible line had been drawn in the sand between us and them…well, mostly my mother and her; myself and the others were misaligned.

My mother was never rude to Charlotte, per se. Outwardly, she was the model of a gracious and hospitable hostess, but there was something…a reluctance in her eyes, and a certain, not exactly coldness, but lack of warmth in their interactions. I had known that Char had to have felt it, but that had been the first she said about it; to me, at least. Regardless of whether she complained about it or not, I should have cared, and should have said something to my mother about it, but I didn't.

The truth was, I didn't want my mother to like her too much, and I certainly didn't want her to love her. Bella was like a daughter to her – even if she would never get the opportunity to actually be one – and if my mother were to love Charlotte it would taint their bond. I wanted someone in my family to remain loyal to her – Lord knew the rest of us were turncoats – and I couldn't take away the closest thing to a mother that she had in her life.

The closer we drew to the end of February, the more obsessed I grew with proving wrong the adage that you can never go home again; I didn't want Bella to feel like an outsider, and I especially didn't want her to think that Char had taken her place.

.

~∞Ѿ∞~

.

New Years came and went.

Time was ticking down.

…you've got to pull yourself together; you got stuck in a moment and you can't get out of it…

I was stuck in a situation that I didn't know how to solve and, with the end of February drawing ever nearer, things were only becoming more complicated. I didn't know what to do about Charlotte. On the one hand, the idea of facing Bella with a girlfriend made me feel like a liar and a fraud, while on the other, knowing that Bella was involved with someone, and that it was serious, made the idea of facing her alone more than a little intimidating.

I kept wavering between wanting her to know my heart still belonged to her, and wanting to show her that if she could move on, then so could I…even if I really hadn't. I cared about Charlotte, I really did. I'd even go as far as saying that I loved her in some smallish, minute way, but I knew I wasn't in love with her. Things were comfortable between us, easy. She didn't pressure me – didn't ask much of me really. She was content letting me just drift along, and I was content to drift; I couldn't have Bella, and Char helped ward away the loneliness. I enjoyed her company, but I didn't long for her when she wasn't there. We were bland. Boring. And I was in too deep – she was too tangled up in my life – for me to get out.

The scales of my indecision were finally tipped by news from Alice.

"So, Mom's put together a little welcome back dinner this Friday for Bella, and before you can say no, I already know you don't have to work and Mom expects you to be there, so you can't bail."

"How do you know I don't have to work?"

"I…mayhaveaskedCharlotte," she blurted.

"Fucking great, Alice! Really fucking great! Now I'm going to have to ask her to come. Thanks a fucking lot!" I shouted at her throwing my hands up in exasperation. Really fucking great, indeed.

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry, but Mom said I had to make sure you came…and if I didn't then she was going to call Charlotte herself. So…better me than Mom. Besides, Bella was going to find out sooner or later and I'm sure you can find a way to dissuade her from coming if you really want. I'm sorry," she added again, actually looking somewhat contrite, but I didn't know whether to believe it or not. She turned to leave, leaving me in my kitchen with my bowl of cereal.

"Yeah, whatever," I snapped, needing to have the last word. However lame and childish it may have sounded. "Thanks for ruining my day. And I'm really changing the locks this time. I'm calling the locksmith right now, Alice!"

"Whatever, big brother," she replied right before I heard the door shut, allowing her to get the last word. Dammit!

The aftermath of her visit left me feeling sick to my stomach but, figuring there was no time like the present, I picked up my phone to call Charlotte, trying to get myself out of the mess Alice and my mother had gotten me into.

"Hello?"

"Charlotte…"

"Oh, hey, honey!"

I cringed at her greeting. "Uh, yeah…hi."

"Did your sister tell you the plans for the Friday night? Something about dinner at your parents'."

"Um, yeah…that's what I was calling about. It was actually cancelled, so…"

"Really? I just got off the phone with your mother and she didn't say anything to me about it being…"

"Wait. Why were you were on the phone with my mother? When?" What. The. Fuck?

"Um…" she let out a mirthless chuckle, "just now, and I called her to ask if she needed us to bring anything."

I was so fucked.

"Oh, well…Alice must have been wrong then."

And getting railroaded every direction I looked.

.

~∞Ѿ∞~

.

Songs Used:
(In Order of Appearance)
I'm Not In Love, 10cc
Stuck In a Moment, U2

A/N:
Badward and Belligerent reunion next chapter. That oughta be fun. This chapter, while not my least favorite nor my most favorite, was kind of a pain to write, so I'd like to hear your thoughts.

I was major fail at replying to reviews last chapter, and my apologies for that. I'm trying to get to them. Replying honestly stresses me out. I feel like I've got to bring it…what exactly 'it' is, I'm not sure, but 'it' I still must bring. (Insert lines from Bring It On – awful movie, by the way – or Not Another Teen Movie, which was pricelessly stupid and funny. 'This isn't a cheer-ocracy. I make the cheer-cisions, I will deal with the cheer-onsequences.')

Thanks for reading!

Fic Rec's:
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