"So, what other bits of tradition should I know about?" asked the Doctor. "What's the next clue likely to be?"
"Some sort of mental puzzle. See, the first's supposed to be a test of adventure; find the spot on the map or whatever. The second is the test of the mind. Third's the test of courage."
"Well, what sort of things were they the last time you did this?"
Jerrud blushed. "I don't know. Like I said, I never get past the first clue. I bet it's something really hard, though. Sir Wavelen doesn't want anyone to actually succeed or anything. He's even more into the purity thing than my mother."
The Doctor shook his head. "What's wrong with you people? I mean, interspecies propagation is practically humanity's superpower. What's so bad about aliens, eh?"
"I don't know; it's just weird," said Jerrud. "You know… kind of creepy. I mean, think about it. Would you really want Rose if she was a completely different species from you?"
"Um," answered the Doctor.
"Exactly," said Jerrud, feeling he had made a point. "It's just too different. There's the different culture and the different expectations and don't forget, the different biology. Not that I really care about the third eyelid, per say," he added with a wave of his hand. "But it'd be…better if Jinna was purer. So," he continued before the Doctor could interrupt, "I've been meaning to ask. You said you traveled with Rose—what's she like?"
The Doctor was silent for a moment before answering. "She's very…human."
Jerrud nodded sagely. "Ah, see, there you go."
"All right," said the Doctor, "here we are. Three hundred and twenty-two meters up Banklin Tower." He parked the flybike on an outdoor platform next to a number of similar vehicles. "Ooh," he said, pointing. "Do you think these belong to our rivals? Maybe we've caught up with them."
Jerrud was already going into the building. "Doctor," he called from the doorway. "In here."
The Doctor hurried to join him. They entered into a large lecture hall filled with desks. Seated in the front rows were a number of young men, all working on small data screens. Two members of the Honor Guard stood at the front of the room, watching the challengers.
As the Doctor and Jerrud headed toward the front of the room, one of the Honor Guard gestured to two open desks. They sat down and looked at the information on the screen.
Problem one: Solve for X. Problem two: Solve for Y. These are the coordinates of the third challenge. This was followed by two extremely long and complex mathematical equations.
The Doctor and Jerrud both spoke at the same time. "Oh, but this is ridiculously…"
"Easy," finished the Doctor.
"Hard!" complained Jerrud.
They looked at each other. "You can't be serious," they both said at the same time.
"Hey, would you two shut it?" hissed a young man sitting to the Doctor's left. "I've been working on this first problem for nearly an hour, and I don't need you distracting me!"
"Really?" The Doctor leaned over, his good humor returning. "I can see why—you've got a mistake in your second line."
"Don't help him," hissed Jerrud.
"You know, I can't help but feel that there's something ironic about all this," said the Doctor cheerfully. "Because, see, I do immensely complicated maths in front of Rose all the time. In my head, no less. She's never impressed by it."
"Shouldn't we be getting to work?" asked Jerrud.
"Nah, no need," said the Doctor with a grin. "I've got it all worked out—I'm just that clever." He stood up. "Well, then, guess we'll be on our way. Good luck to you, gentlemen."
The young man who spoke before looked up at him speculatively. "I don't believe you," he said. "There's nothing wrong with my calculations."
"'Course there is," said the Doctor, leaning over his screen. "Look, just there. You're misapplying the logarithm."
"Stop it," said Jerrud, tugging on the Doctor's sleeve.
Another challenger spoke up. "You know, I think you're making it up. These problems are impossible. There's no way you could have actually worked them out." He sounded serious, but there was a suspicious twitch at one corner of his mouth. "We ought to lodge a complaint with the Abuse of Traditions Committee."
"It's child's play," said the Doctor with a wave of his hand.
"Oh, yeah?" said the young man to his left. "Prove it."
The Doctor chuckled, pleased with an opportunity to demonstrate his cleverness. "Look, half of the equations are just red herrings. Which would have been clever, if it hadn't been so obvious. You're supposed to waste time dealing with the homogeneous second-order linear constant coefficient. But once you realize it's all a bit of a wash, then you're left with just ordinary differential equations, which even you ridiculous apes should be able to…" He trailed off as, all around the room, the other challengers started working furiously on the problems.
"Would you just stop talking!" shouted Jerrud. "You might as well solve it for them!"
The Doctor frowned at him. "You know, Jerrud my lad, as a companion, you're a bit rubbish. Rose would have made me shut up a lot sooner. Well then," he said, hopping up. "We'd better make use of what lead time we have. Allons-y!"
On the other side of the city, Rose was crouched behind a large potted plant, trying to stay hidden. She had ducked behind it when two of the Honor Guard had appeared in the corridor across from her, but it wasn't the best hiding spot. The plant kept shifting from side to side of its own accord. Rose was hopeful that this was normal futuristic plant behavior and that it wasn't actually trying to reveal her position, but really, who could say? With her luck, it'd probably start singing show tunes.
She'd thought she'd done all right getting out of the transmat collar, at least. A few good hacks with the bread knife had cut through the cord, and Rose had stuffed the wretched thing in a pile of cold cuts on the food table. She'd nicked one of her other fingers in the process, though, which hadn't put her in the best of moods. She'd thought idly about actually wiping her bloody hands on the wedding dress, but the idea struck her as unnecessarily petty. After all, there was probably some girl out there who was dying to wear the thing.
She had snuck out of Wavelen's flat without too much trouble, but then she saw that the building was (of course) swarming with guards.
Since Rose seemed to find herself in this position at least once a week (dancing plant notwithstanding), she wasn't too worried. At least these guards weren't trying to kill her. She scrunched down tighter as they passed by her hiding place.
Ok, any minute now they're going to notice I'm gone, she thought to herself. I need to get out of sight. She glanced up and down the hallway. There were a number of doors, but they were probably for other apartments, and Rose didn't fancy bursting in on anyone at home. Then she spotted one door with a sign. Community Data Lab, she read. Sounds good. Maybe she'd even be able to meet someone who would help her find a way out of the building.
The lab was filled with semi-private booths rigged up the data screens and large, comfortable chairs. There were a few people using the terminals, but, as none of them seemed to recognize her, Rose figured they must be tenants.
She was searching the room for a friendly looking face when she heard someone speak behind her.
"Rose…?"
She turned around. It was Randolf.
"Oh, fudgesicles," she muttered, and then rolled her eyes at the TARDIS swear filter.
"What are you doing here?" he asked nervously. "We aren't supposed to see each other, you know, beforehand. It's tradition."
"Look," said Rose, going with her gut and reaching for one of his hands. "I'm going to be honest. I don't want to marry you. You seem really nice and all," she added in a hurry when Randolf started to look like a kicked puppy. "It's just that, I'm really young, and you're really young. We don't really know each other. I want to do some traveling before I settle down. I never marry on a first date. It's not you; it's me. Really, take your pick."
"But why'd you accept the invitation, then?" he asked sadly.
"Didn't know it was a marriage proposal, actually." She tried to give him a little smile. "Hey, you're a nice guy. Cute, too. I bet tons of girls would be happy to say yes."
"You think?"
"Absolutely," she said bracingly. "So, um, I don't suppose you could help me get out of here?"
He looked a little shocked at the suggestion. "My father would kill me."
"Yeah, but getting into trouble's what makes it fun! C'mon, Randolf," she added with a flirty grin, "all girls love a rebel."
He looked a little hesitant so she added, squeezing his hand, "Maybe we could go out later. Y'know, on a proper date or something."
She felt a little bad for lying. On the other hand, he'd drugged her and tried to force her into marriage, so she figured it all balanced out, karma-wise.
"All right," he said shyly. "That'd be nice."
"Right then, so how do we get out of here without getting caught?"
Randolf thought for a moment. "They've closed off the upper level exits, but the main entrance hall is still open, I think. There's a maintenance lift just off the eastern corridor that we could take. It might not be blocked off."
"Well, then, after you."
They managed to find the elevator without too much trouble, and Randolf was able to use his father's passcode to activate it. He pressed the button to take them to the main entrance hall.
All in all, it was one of Rose's easier escapes. Later, in hind sight, she would think that this probably should have been a warning sign.
"I really appreciate the help," she said, mostly to make conversation.
"No problem," mumbled Randolf. "I'm really sorry for all this. I wouldn't have, you know, kidnapped you if I'd thought you didn't want to… I mean, I'd have tried to stop my dad…"
"S'alright," said Rose. "Believe me, I know what it's like to have a parent try to run your life."
Randolf nodded but didn't say anything. They both watched as the floor numbers counted down on the lift panel.
"So why are there so many guards here?" she asked, trying to break the silence.
"It's for the Honor Challenge," he answered. "I think the challengers are supposed to fight their way up or something." At her shocked expression he hastened to add, "It's not a real fight, though. They'll get light wave swords – they just have to score touches to the Honor Guards to get past them."
"But," said Rose, staring at the rapidly descending numbers on the lift panel, "they have to enter through the main entrance hall, right?"
"Yes."
"So there'll be a whole lot of guards in there."
"I guess."
She glared at him. "And isn't that where the lift is taking us?"
Randolf paled slightly and then flew to the control panel. "Oh, crumbs," he muttered.
"Did you do that on purpose?" demanded Rose. "Are you trying to get me caught?"
"No, no, no!" he said. "I just didn't think. I've never had to smuggle anyone out of a building before. OK, we can't get out early, 'cause the lower levels are filled with guards. We can't just stop the lift—the maintenance alarms would go off. Umm," he pulled at his hair, reminding Rose painfully of the Doctor.
"What about up there?" she asked, pointing to a hatch in the top of the lift.
"I guess," said Randolf. "But it's sort of dangerous, don't you think? Who knows what's up there."
Rose just grinned at him. "Give us a boost, yeah?" She kicked off her heels. Randolf grasped his hands together to make a platform for her to step on, and she pushed up so that she could reach the hatch.
"Oof," said Randolf.
"Oi, no complaints," she ordered as she struggled to unlatch the mechanism.
"You'd better hurry," grunted Randolf. "We're nearly there."
"Just a second…got it!" She pulled the hatch door free and dropped it to the floor of the lift. She grabbed hold of the edge of the opening. "There's a bit of a metal rim around the hole. You're gonna have to lift me up a little higher."
"You know, Dame Rose," said Randolf as he struggled to push her up, "I think you just might be the craziest person I've ever met."
"Yeah, well, that's just 'cause you've never met my footman," gasped Rose as she tried to haul herself up. She wasn't quite able to get her torso over the edge. "C'mon, push!" Her legs flailed uselessly.
"I'm trying! Stop kicking so much!"
DING!
Rose winced as, below her, the door to the lift opened. Randolf jumped back from her, and her legs were left dangling in plain sight.
"…Young Master Wavelen?" inquired a voice from outside the lift. "What are you…doing?"
Rose bit her lip. "Oh, fudgesicles," she cursed.