Hello everybody! I hope you are all fantastic. As usual thank you so much for all the reviews for the last chapter. I'm extremely interested to see what you all think of this (long) chapter. It's a bit different and there is a lot going on. To Growinghope - yeeeeeessssss ; ) Louise - can you please just make an account! Your reviews are longer than the chapters! They make my day. Mary is not a seer, she can just tell these sort of things. The Remus and Georgia issue is solved in this chapter and I tried to get a little more Evelyn in this chapter, too. Wowzers - don't worry about your review it was fine and I know you are going to love and hate this chapter. Immensly.
Whilst writing this I also updated my profile so if you like you can check it out, it's mainly just explaining this story. I urge you all to listen Hallelujah by Imogen Heap (or Jeff Buckly if you must) during the last scene with Lily. It makes the scene, I believe.
Hope you all enjoy!
(I'm a little nervous)
"But love is not a victory march it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah."
-Leonard Cohen
Peter woke up the next morning feeling horrible. His head hurt but the pain had not erased a single memory of the night before. He had said it. As he laid in bed alone in the dorm he thought about what would happen. Would he get another attack from Sirius? Did they even believe him? Then there was Lily herself. Poor exhausted Lily. Her tired eyes haunted him. How would he make up for this?
Lily stared out her window at the blue morning sky. Evelyn had left a short while ago so Lily could have some time to herself. She was perfectly still as she contemplated going out. The thing was, Lily hated confrontation. She couldn't stand the build-up and then the event of someone standing there and asking you hard questions. The answers were in your head but you didn't want to say them so while the other person talked you were busy trying to make up another answer. Today Lily would have to talk to James and to Peter. She didn't know what she was going to say yet but it had to be done.
Her door opened without a knock and Lily's stomach tightened. Was it already confrontation time? She didn't turn around to see who it was as they sat on her bed. The person didn't move or speak and finally Lily gave in and turned to faced them.
"I'm sorry I'm not James," Remus started as he saw the disappointment on Lily's face.
"But he sent you, no doubt," Lily mumbled.
"I actually decided to come in here by myself. James has decided to hold an all-day boot camp style Quidditch practice. The first game is in a week." Remus stated making it sound like nothing had ever happened.
"What Peter said isn't entirely true." He nodded as Lily spoke in a husky morning voice. "Severus forced himself onto me." She moved to sit up next to Remus.
"Because he is jealous of you and James?"
"I suppose. He gave me all these warnings, as he usually does. Maybe if I just accept who I am, one of them, then maybe... all these fights would stop. Maybe things would really be easier."
"But you're not really one of them are you?" Remus looked down at Lily who now rested her head against his arm.
"I guess not but I hate who am either way. One of them fully or someone related to them who," Lily laughed in spite of herself, "who fancies the enemy! Why can't I be someone else?"
"To wish you were someone else is to waste the person you are, Lily," Remus caught her emerald eyes.
"What is wrong with wasting the person I am? I'm nothing."
"Ask James if you are nothing."
"I will be to him after last night," Lily looked forward again.
"You think James hates you after last night?" Lily said nothing, "Oh, Lily."
"He will have believed Peter. James will always believe his friends." Lily felt her cheeks go red, "I thought…"
"You thought you had something. You thought you had broken through to James. Worked through the exterior and finally found who James really is. And soon a relationship would start and you would finally have him. You would be part of his personal world and might one day be able to see things the way he does. But then Peter blew it last night."
"I'm so stupid but yes. That is somewhere along the lines of what I was thinking."
"But you have nothing on James' side."
"I have him!" Remus smiled at Lily's retaliation.
"Maybe you should tell him that." Remus gave Lily a little nudge of encouragement and moved off the bed. Lily watched as he said nothing more and left. She listened to the door close then curled back into the sheets with just her head poking out. No way was she ready to face the world yet.
...
Evelyn tried to focus on her homework but it was impossible. The conversation she had had with Lily the night before played on and on in her head.
"Snape is convinced that there is something between me and James." Lily had lit a candle and they sat on her bed as she talked. "So he forced himself onto me and kissed me." The expression on Evelyn's face was one of deep concern and Lily was beginning to feel a little better as she talked. "I had no idea Peter was there. I pushed Severus away but I didn't leave."
"Lil's…"
"I couldn't, I had to stay. I just couldn't leave." Lily was still confused at this, "Then he continued to tell me about how embarrassing it is that I'm falling in love with Potter." She threw her head back and wiped under her eyes, removing the tears.
"Are you falling in love with him?" Evelyn's voice was even.
Lily waited awhile before answering. She had never said it to anyone. All of this had been in her head so far. Mary knew it but Lily had never voiced it. "I don't know if it's love or lust. I want him," there was urgency in Lily's voice, "I really want him to notice me. I want him to love me."
Evelyn smiled softly, "He does notice you, Lily."
"But it never feels like enough! I want all his attention and I don't know if it's just because we're not supposed to be together or that there is really something."
"Well, do you also need these things? Do you need him around?"
"I feel better when he is around. I do, I need him around me." Lily sniffed and wiped away more tears, "And I don't know what I'm going to do when we finish school." There was a moment of silence then Lily dropped her voice back down to a whisper, "I'm scared."
"Of Snape?"
"No, I'm not scared of him." Lily knew that he would never do it again and she had meant what she said to him. If he came anywhere near her there would be serious trouble and she knew that he understood that. "I'm scared of James. What is he going to do tomorrow?"
"You have to talk to him, Lily. He won't hate you and he won't hurt you in any way but you have to tell him what happened."
"But then what will he do?" Lily remained unconvinced.
"I don't know, Lily. I don't know and I wish I did so I could bring you some comfort. I think we should just get some sleep and you'll have a clearer mind in the morning."
She thought about whether she had said the right things. With Lily it was normally just best to let her talk and get it off her chest so you never had many opportunities to speak. Lily had also told Evelyn about how James and her wound up in the same room and how her dress had been left in the common room. It made perfect sense and Evelyn believed every word. She wondered if Lily and seen James before he called on the practice. She had met Mary down at breakfast and was informed about the surprise boot camp. Mary, needless to say, was unimpressed. Actually, Evelyn doubted that James and Lily had talked to each other yet. Once she thought about it all, it made sense for James to hold an all-day Quidditch session to avoid Lily and maybe this was a good thing. It would at least give him the day to think. The door opened and Mary walked in while Evelyn was mid-thought.
"Hey, have you seen Lil's?" Mary collapsed onto her bed.
"She's probably running around doing damage control." Evelyn shut her book. The work would have to be left until Sunday, as usual.
"Ugh, I wish I had been there, Peter wouldn't know what had hit him. I still need to talk to Lily about her and James in bed together. Has she told you anything?"
"Yeah, she explained it all last night. Nothing happened but I'll let her tell you. Do really think that something will happen between them? I mean, it's a lot to risk."
"I think they've risked a lot already. I've noticed it all since about second week back."
Evelyn was surprised, "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I thought maybe I was just seeing things. You know, making up some non-existent story in my head but apparently not."
"Have they just forgotten about how dangerous it is for them to have a relationship?"
Mary shrugged, "I don't know what's going on. Or what will happen now after Peter's little spill and Snape's… oh my God, Snape. What a… I don't even know where to start about that."
...
Remus was proving to be a great friend that day. Lily had been making her way to her old dormitory to talk to the girls when Remus had stopped her in the common room. He told her that now would be her chance to catch Peter alone as he had just left and was heading towards to library. Without thinking twice she began to walk briskly towards the library in the hope of catching Peter. Her stomach lurched at the sight of him about to enter the double wooden doors but this had to be done.
"Peter," her voice made his heart jump. It was in that calm tone that began to unnerve him. "Can I talk to you?"
"Of course," he nodded and they walked in to the library taking a seat at a vacant table.
Lily smiled at him kindly. He sort of wished she would just be angry and yell. This calmness was a little scary, "About last night."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean… I was…"
"Drunk, I know but you still said it. Have you seen James today?" She asked casually.
"No, he's out at the Quidditch pitch."
Lily already knew this of course, "Right." She was glad that she would be the first one to talk to Peter. "What was the first thing you saw between Severus and me?" The replays in her mind were haunting but this had to be done.
"I just walked out and you two were kissing. Well, he was kissing you. I should have left but then I saw you two fighting and you ran past me." Peter contemplated about telling Lily that other Slytherins were watching.
"He thinks there is something going on between James and I. I'm assuming it was all out of jealousy."
"Is there something between you and James?" Peter dared to ask.
Lily looked Peter straight in the eyes, "No. Maybe there was a little flirting every now and then. You know how James can be." Peter nodded, "But there is nothing. What is the point of lying to ourselves? Giving ourselves something that could only last a few months, if that. It would be useless."
"I think you're right."
"So, if James comes to you tell him to talk to me. Don't tell him anything about last night. Okay?"
"Okay." Peter finally decided that he would tell her. It could make up for last night's mistake and maybe gain a little of Lily's trust back. She stood to leave, "Lily?"
"Yes?"
"I wasn't the only one who saw last night."
"What do you mean?" She grew confused.
"When you left, Snape turned around and looked up to the clock tower. Mulciber, Avery and Bulstrode were up there and Mulciber nodded at Snape." Peter recounted the situation, pleased with Lily's interest.
"You think it was a dare?"
"Either that or he was trying to prove something." Peter shrugged.
"Thank you, Peter." Lily smiled and exited the library thankful that that was over with. Once in the corridors she found the first classroom and just sat in a desk near a window. She buried her head in her hands and tried not to cry. She was embarrassed that those Slytherin's had seen what had happened. They had seen her become so weak and they had seen her being taken advantage of. The thought of them watching it all made her sick. At first it had just been between her and Snape, something she could just forget but slowly it was becoming larger and larger. Lily didn't know if she would be able to stand it if one more person found out. Not having control over the situation unnerved her. She removed her hands and looked out the window. She could see the Quidditch grounds but no one flying. Part of her was slightly annoyed that James had avoided her so easily like this but then another part was thankful. She wasn't sure if she was ready to see him yet.
After a nerve-wreaking day of Lily planning her lines for what she would say to James it came to dinner time. Nervously, she made her way down to the Hall and met up with her friends. The Gryffindor Quidditch players were nowhere to be seen. She caught Remus' eye and he just shrugged. The clock ticked away and Lily could barely eat anything, her stomach felt so sick with nerves. She delayed going up to the Head rooms and spent time with the girls instead. Every time the Gryffindor common room door opened her heart would jump in the thought that the Quidditch team would walk in. Hours kept slipping by and not one player had returned.
Finally, she gave up and said goodbye to the girls and Remus and made her way up to her own room. She entered and it was all dark. James still hadn't been there. Tired, she changed and curled up on her bed to read her book. Though her body was completely exhausted she knew she wouldn't be able to sleep. It would be impossible until things were settled with James and what if she did fall asleep and he disappeared for another day? In hope to erase everything from her mind for the time being she lit a candle and fully immersed herself in one of her Muggle books. She could only read them at Hogwarts as they were forbidden in her house. She had successfully lost herself in the story of the two lovers separated by war, a common theme that Lily was beginning to grow tired of. In this chapter the girl reflected on how she needed the boy. And Lily began to realise every time she said 'want' last night to Evelyn she should have said 'need'. Evelyn had even picked her up on this and it was absolutely true. She needed James' presence like she needed him to touch her again. Lily eagerly read more of the description of the girls' desire and need and compared it to her own situation.
"I actually loved you, you know," Lily jumped at the voice. James stood in her doorway. His features faintly lit from her candle.
"You loved me?" Lily was quick to pick up on the past tense.
"Yeah," James walked slowly into her room, "back in fifth year. That night… I loved you."
It flashed through Lily's mind again. The dance, the suggestion, the first kiss, him taking control, her mistake and then their undoing. He loved her throughout all of that… "Okay."
"And then it was really shit when we came back to school and you hated me."
"Clearly I don't hate you anymore," Lily said in a small voice. All the words she had prepared were lost. James didn't even seem to be going down that path anyway.
"Clearly because then, after two years, you wanted to be friends." James walked around with his hands in his pockets as Lily still sat on the bed. "And last night I told you I didn't want to be friends anymore." There was a short silence as James found a crystal star ornament and picked it up. Lily stood up to take it off him. The star once belonged to her grandmother and she would not have it broken. She almost reached him but he put it back down gently then turned to her. "I know you don't want to be friends either, do you?" He said in a low voice.
Here was that question. The confrontation question and Lily, true to herself, said nothing before James continued.
"You wear this," he ran his hand down the side of her silk nightie, "around me constantly." His voice was so low and Lily's heart had increased its rate twofold at his touch. "You parade around trying to get my attention."
"You do the same," Lily's voice broke. She felt her body start to develop a slight shake and she worked hard to keep her eyes on James.
He smiled, "Not like you, Lily. Then, last night at the ball, you were going to kiss me." James began to close the last few spaces between them, "And you were going to again when we were in here." Now Lily's heart was seriously about to explode. "You really don't want to be friends anymore, do you?" James repeated the question.
Lily slowly shook her head, feeling like a little girl.
"Good." James didn't waste any time, he had wanted this for too long. He pulled Lily in with his hand on the small of her back and put his warm lips on hers.
Lily surrendered everything to James. Finally they had skipped two years and found themselves like this again. It was different, it was nothing like Severus' kiss last night and it was nothing like their kisses last time. She felt the release within her and focused on what was really happening right here and right now. She ran her hands through his hair and she felt his begin to find the bottom of her dress. Clutching his shirt, she pulled him onto her bed and threw off the book.
James moved his kisses down her neck finding that same spot like last time that made her sigh. He moved his hands up her thighs and could barely stand her heavy breathing. He found her lips again and kissed more passionately than he ever had. Her hips moved up to meet his and he pushed them down with his own. With all her force Lily pushed him over so she lay on top of him. She entwined her fingers in his hair and felt his hands run under either side of her underwear. Lily felt the slightest wave of annoyance run through her. She was wearing the plainest pair of briefs, contrasting greatly with last night's underwear. She thought he would take them off but he didn't. He removed his hands then ran them so incredibly softly down her back making her collapse onto him.
James took this chance to gain his position on top again. He moved down to kiss Lily's thighs and both felt a relief when she didn't jump. His hands went back under her underwear and this time he took them off. Lily pulled him back up to her so she could remove his pants. Everything began to happen very quickly after this. They continued kissing each other everywhere they could and taking off as many pieces of clothing they could. Once again, Lily revelled in the amount of skin contact. Someone who was so far away for so long was now suddenly incredibly close. Everything felt so right with having him this near and touching and she knew she would never be able to get enough of this. Then he paused, looking directly into Lily's eyes.
Lily gave a small smile and James took care of the rest. It hurt at first but he was clearly aware that Lily had never done this. He was gentle and everything that no one else could ever be. Because this was James and she was Lily and she had never felt so alive.
Monday morning presented itself with a storm. Lily was one of the first down at the Gryffindor table. She hadn't slept much the night before due to the thought of having to see Severus today looming in her mind. Slowly but steadily more and more students wandered in. Mary and Evelyn joined Lily not much later.
"You're here early." Evelyn greeted and tightened her Gryffindor scarf against the chill.
"Couldn't sleep."
"I suppose you missed the rumour milling in the stairwell then?" Mary picked out some toast and fruit.
Lily felt a horrid drop in her stomach, "No, what is it?"
"Georgia. They say that she's pregnant." Mary informed Lily who was slightly relieved that it wasn't what she expected.
"Not true." Lily said immediately.
"How do you know?"
"Please, it's Georgia. Sure she's… all that but no, definitely not and who would it be too? Remus? No." Lily shrugged off the rumour.
"Is she down here yet?" Evelyn looked over to the Ravenclaw table which seemed to be abuzz.
"I don't think so."
James woke up to a loud crack of thunder. He pulled the blankets up to cover his head and groaned. Monday. Within seconds though he's mind clicked to yesterday. Lily had told him about what happened at the ball and had begged him not to do anything about it. He didn't like her request but she seemed desperate. James had promised even though it would be difficult. When she recounted the story he felt an anger he hadn't felt in a long time. Thinking about it he showered and dressed then went to Lily's room. The bed was empty and unmade so he made his way down to the Hall without another thought.
"James!" He heard Georgia call from the portrait of the Fat Lady.
"Georgie, what are you doing up here?" James was genuinely confused as to why the Ravenclaw was at the Gryffindor tower.
"I need to see Remus."
"He's probably down in the Hall."
"Someone told me he wasn't there yet and I can't go down there." James noticed Georgia entwining her finger's nervously and furrowed his brow.
"Why?"
"Just let me in the freakin' room, Potter!" Her voice was strained and James didn't need telling twice. He led her into the common room and up the stairs to his old room.
"I'll make sure they're decent first," James opened the door then shut it in Georgia's face.
"Moony?" Remus walked out of the bathroom ready for the day.
"James, is something wrong?" Remus asked.
"Not really," James jumped on Sirius who was still in bed. Whilst being attacked, James continued, "Brown is outside, she wants to see you."
"Oh, well, I'll be out in a second and we can go to breakfast together." Remus began to pack his bag for the day and ignored Sirius trying to kill James.
"No – not the glasses, Black!" With a thud James was pushed to the floor and Sirius mumbled his way into the bathroom and slammed the door. "No, she's outside the door." James stood up and walked to the door letting the Ravenclaw in. She now had tears in her eyes and James suddenly felt guilty for leaving her out there.
"Georgia?" Remus' concern was clear.
"I really need to talk to you alone." Her voice was shaky and James got the hint. He banged on the bathroom door and a dishevelled yet dressed Sirius emerged.
"What the fuck is wrong with you today!" Georgia made a small noise, "Oh, sorry."
"We should go to breakfast," James said clearly, picking up Sirius' Gryffindor tie and leading him out of the room.
"What happened?" Remus put his bag down and Georgia sat on his bed.
"Betty and I had a fight and now, coincidently, there is a rumour going around saying that I am pregnant!" Remus' eyes widened. Was she not pregnant? "Just because I vomited in the morning twice does not mean that I'm pregnant!" The tears began to fall and Remus wasn't sure about what he was supposed to do. "Say something."
He sat down next to her on the bed and carefully picked out his words. "So, to make things clear, you're not pregnant?"
"Do I look pregnant!" Remus noticed Georgia's hands were shaking fiercely.
"Georgia, when we were both in the hospital wing that day I thought the potion you asked for was for pregnancy. I did not start that rumour though." Remus was quick to add.
Georgia looked as if she had been slapped. "So, I've just been a pity case for you? You felt sorry for me and so you've been extra nice to me and decided it would be charitable to take the pregnant girl to the ball!"
"I'm sorry, I just thought that was what the potion was for."
"Well, it wasn't. Thanks for everything, Remus." Georgia stood up and straightened out her skirt.
"Where are you going to go now?" Remus stood as well starting to feel annoyed.
"I don't know. I have nowhere to go. I can't show my face in public and I guess you wouldn't want to be around me anymore since I'm not… whatever. Goodbye." Remus didn't follow her out. Instead he stared at the bed where she just sat in disbelief.
James and Sirius entered the full hall. James quickly spotted Lily and made sure they walked down that side of the table to their usual spot. Sirius simply tagged along, still not fully awake.
"So can we do some work on it tonight then?" Evelyn asked Lily.
"Sure, you know, we should be able to finish majority of it. Then you and Burke would only have to do a small bit later on."
"Perfect, see being in a Noble family isn't a complete waste." Lily smiled at Evelyn.
"Helping friends out with homework would be the only positive." Lily felt a hand run across her back. She flicked her head to see who it was. Two black haired boys continued to walk down the side of the table and soon took their seats. She smiled to herself and turned back to the girls.
...
Georgia wandered aimlessly through the corridors heading vaguely towards her first class. She could not believe what was happening, it was the last thing she needed. Her stomach felt sick and she could almost vomit again. Two Slytherin third years walked past her and stared at her stomach while whispering to each other. Georgia walked faster and found herself in a small corridor that she didn't recognise. Feeling that no one would be coming down there soon she leaned against the wall and burst into tears. She hated Betty, she hated James for leaving her out in the Gryffindor common room for show, she hated Remus and she hated herself. Her breathing became short and she carefully sat on the cold floor to calm herself. What would her parents do if this rumour reached them? They would be eternally disappointed. The sick feeling worsened as did her shaking and breathing. She recognised all of these symptoms but that didn't help. It would pass, it always did. But what about her reputation? It was ruined. Feeling constricted, Georgia ripped off her scarf and threw it away. She kicked off her shoes and brought a shaking sweaty hand to cover her mouth. Before she had time to react a person ran down to her and wrapped their arms right around her trembling body. Her face was pressed against their scarf and she could make out the scarlet and gold knit.
"Calm down." It was Remus. "Calm down, Georgia." He whispered but she couldn't control what was happening. He moved away and knelt in front of her, holding onto her shoulders. "What… what's wrong?"
Georgia was able to control her breathing for five seconds and she didn't waste it, "I have anxiety!" She screamed. "I can't breathe." She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to control herself.
"Georgia, look at me. Focus on me." Remus breathed heavily trying to get Georgia in sync with him. It wasn't until a few more minutes that she was somewhat calm. Remus moved closer to hold her and she held him tightly, crying into his scarf.
"It's so embarrassing. No one knows." Remus closed his eyes for a short moment thinking about his own condition. "This is what the potion was for." She broke the hug and fell back against the wall and Remus moved to sit next to her. "It helps keep me calm."
"But why haven't you told anyone? Maybe having someone to talk to could help you."
"I told you, it's embarrassing. I don't want to be known as Georgia the girl who's scared to get anything less than an A or an Outstanding. Or the girl who is so scared of her parents' opinion. They've built this fear into me that if I don't get top marks my life will be worthless and I won't have a future."
It was all coming together in Remus' mind now and he wished that Georgia had told him at the start. "So, now that Betty has spread this rumour you think that your reputation is ruined?"
"It sounds pathetic but yes. What you just saw was one of my lovely performances, a panic attack." Georgia mocked herself feeling so ashamed that Remus had caught her.
Remus nodded deciding that he would do all he could to prevent another. It was actually frightening to see Georgia like that. "You know what?"
"What?"
"I think you should just forget about what happened, if you can. Don't worry about me knowing, I happen to be very good at keeping secrets." Remus pulled his bag over and started digging through it. "And I also think we should finish this chocolate bar together." He offered a full block of chocolate to Georgia.
"It's not even ten yet."
"So, is anyone here to see? And I bet you have a bit of a head ache right now."
Georgia looked at him curious as to how he knew and broke off a part of chocolate. Smiling, she handed the bar back to Remus who broke off his own part. "I've never skipped class before."
Remus almost laughed, "Do you think old Flitwick will notice? I'll get a copy of Lily's notes and you'll be fine." To this, Georgia simply smiled. She seemed to be completely calm now but Remus was making up plans and ways to get through to her and to help her.
...
It wasn't until the period after lunch that she spotted him. Her stomach dropped and Friday night ran through her mind, feeling cold, being yelled at and then kissed. Slughorn requested for all of his students to gather around the tables with two people per cauldron. Evelyn and Lily began to follow the instructions for some useless potion that Slughorn had requested of them. Lily busied herself by cutting mixed herbs into very fine pieces.
"Lily, I think that's enough." Evelyn slowly removed the knife from the redhead's hand and threw in the herbs. Immediately Lily moved onto the next thing and Evelyn just watched her, handing over ingredients when asked. "He keeps looking over."
Lily looked up for the first time and saw Evelyn's narrowed eyes looking in the direction of Snape. "Yeah, well, what can I do about it?"
"Maybe you should talk to him."
"And say what, Ev'? There is nothing to say to that person and so nothing shall be said." Lily followed the instructions in the book with her finger.
"What?"
Lily sighed and faced Evelyn again, "I will not talk to him."
"If I were you he'd be in the hospital wing with a nasty curse right now. We all know you've got some good ones up your sleeve."
"What would that prove though? If I used Dark Magic a lot of wrong signs would be sent. People would interpret that I've decided to join my family and that is one thing I do not want. Now, if you want me to help you with your essay tonight you should stop asking questions." Lily turned back to the recipe as Evelyn put her hands in the air in mock surrender.
It was incredibly hard to concentrate thereafter. Lily could not stop wondering as to why Severus would be looking at her. She wondered if he felt remorse but at the same time had no intentions of finding out. Also, the embarrassment she had felt when she first saw the other Slytherin's was only just starting to die off. They looked at her differently now and she hated it. Lily also wondered what James was thinking. At a quick glance he seemed to be perfectly normal as he focused on his potion with Sirius. Lily still hadn't talked to James all day and it was killing her inside. She wished that she could be his potions partner and that they could talk and joke around in public. His simple touch at breakfast had her craving him and she knew it was his way of torturing her. He had said that she was the worst of the two when it came to teasing but now Lily was sure that it would be his turn. James was brave enough to do that sort of stuff in public whereas she would now play it safe. The game was over but what they had now was even better.
The first day after the incident was over and now Severus sat in the cold Slytherin common room. They all seemed impressed with what they had seen and had now moved on. He wasn't going to have any part in their next activity. Lily would really never forgive him then even though she would automatically assume he had taken part in it anyway.
"C'mon Severus, it'll be fun. There's always one lagging behind by themselves." Avery ran his hand up and down Clarissa's arm as she sat on his lap again. He wished he could do that to Lily and once upon a time he could have.
"No, you're on your own for this one. I don't need to waste my time on petty curses against Gryffindor's."
"You use to never skip a chance to curse a Gryffindor." Mulciber mused, staring straight at Severus.
"Well, now it's become a little boring, especially when you're going for such an easy target like a stray running late for a Quidditch match." He wasn't interested in continuing the conversation so he moved to his dormitory. He shut door behind him and was happy to be the only one in the room. Pulling his heavy book bag onto his bed, Severus searched for the letter he received that morning from his father. The Snape family crest was inked onto the page as a header and his father's slanted handwriting dominated the rest of the space.
Severus,
I understand your concern about Lily. As you have requested I have spoken with Lord Evans about setting a date on which we can have a conjoined family meeting. I did not enclose with him your theories about Lily and young Potter. I felt it was unnecessary as it seems more like a school boy issue than a real world problem. I can confirm that you, your mother and I will be having lunch at the Evans' with Lily on Saturday week, November 8. Until then I wish you a pleasant Halloween and your mother and I look forward to seeing you soon.
As usual, Lord Snape signed the bottom as if it were a business deal. Severus found relief in the letter. Finally there was movement and soon everything would be different. Lily would be safe and out of Potter's arms. Eventually she will see that this way is the right way. Potter surely won't last too long out of school anyway. Severus grudgingly agreed that the boy was good at a duel but was still prone to foolish actions. It would only take one 'heroic' move and he would be hit, along with Sirius Black in a perfect world. Both boys were targets and Severus hoped that he would be the one to take at least one of them down. The glory that would come with the murder would be spectacular and never-ending. Voldemort would respect him forever and he would perhaps be made leader.
Severus checked the time, eleven-thirty. It was time to meet Pettigrew in the Astronomy Tower. He rolled his eyes at the idea. Pettigrew had suggested the meeting place and it sounded more like they were going to snog rather than discuss issues. Severus had realised that it was close to the Gryffindor Dormitory so Pettigrew wouldn't have to walk far. Lazy arse, thought Severus. Nevertheless, he started his long walk to the other side of the castle.
"We have to have a meeting this week about Halloween and the Quidditch match, too." Lily said aimlessly as her and James made their way back to the Head Dormitory after completing rounds. James said nothing to her words. "Thank you for not doing anything today about Severus. I know it would have been hard for you."
James smirked, "You know what was harder?"
"What?"
"Not being able to do this." James wrapped his hand around Lily's waist and gently kissed her lips. She moved so she leaned against the wall. He lifted her up so her legs wrapped around his waist and so she was trapped between him and the wall. He moved his hands under her thighs making her arch her back. "And not being able to touch you." Lily smiled into his kiss.
Severus watched Lily react to Potter from around a corner. He thought about her pleas for him to stop last Friday. Once upon a time she didn't do that and he hoped that one day in the future she wouldn't either. Severus turned around, he couldn't stand anymore. He was late anyway and Pettigrew had probably finished waiting so he turned back towards the dungeons. He wished he could obliviate the memory from his mind but he couldn't. It gave him no new interest to participate in what the others were planning but he would save this memory for another day. He could use it for proof or simply as a reminder for when he's duelling Potter on the battlefield. Victory would be sweet.
At the same time Peter was walking down from the Astronomy Tower. He was still in the dark when he spotted the pair. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. Lily had lied to him and he couldn't believe that he had been so trusting. Peter realised that he was between the two and the Head Dormitory. Acting quickly he headed back in the direction he came from. With a quick look over his shoulder he saw James let Lily down and have one more kiss before they started walking towards him. Now Peter ran up a staircase and passed the Heads room with relief that he had not been seen.
James opened the portrait with the new password and Lily didn't wait another second once they were inside to resume. Again, they were on Lily's bed and James was pulling down her stockings. Again, she was lost with him. Once they were alone they were no longer a Potter and an Evans. They were just James and Lily with no commitments to other people and societies. There was no nobility and no rules in their own world.
"Have you been thinking about me all day?" Lily asked in a whisper as she unbuttoned James' shirt.
James smirked, "Is that a trick question? Have you been thinking about this all day?" He asked revelling in the feel of Lily running her hands down his chest.
"Is that a trick question?"
"My, my, little Lily thinking about sex, I feel I have corrupted you."
Lily pushed James over with all her power, "Shut up, you were too."
"I don't deny it." Lily smirked at James' response and returned to kissing him. Her kisses ran down his chest and back up again along his collarbone, cheek then mouth. She could feel he was growing restless with her slow movements. She smiled to herself at how she was driving him crazy by prolonging the event.
"Don't you like a bit of foreplay?" She whispered into his ear.
"No." James easily rolled Lily back over and gained control. He ran his hand over her underwear then pulled them down. Lily arched her back at the sensation as he entered her. She had been thinking about this all day. The feelings she felt hadn't left her since the first time. His body touching hers and the feeling of being wanted even craved was intoxicating. James' hands running lightly up her sides and through her hair, his kisses, his everything, how could she not think about this all day? Then she felt something new. Something different. This hadn't happened the first time. A deep tightening feeling overwhelmed her and she gave in to her desperate urge to move faster. James had found her hands and she squeezed his as her back arched. She wanted to scream with pleasure but he kissed her instead so she put all this new energy into this kiss as if it would be their last. Now she had been corrupted, as James would say.
Lily knew she was glowing when she woke up to the sun in her eyes. James' arms were wrapped tightly around her and she hoped it wasn't time to get up soon.
"James?"
"Hmm?"
"It's Halloween."
"Yay." Lily smiled at James' sarcasm.
"But its Friday, tomorrow is Quidditch." Lily tried to put a positive spin on the day.
"You don't care about Quidditch." James mumbled, wondering why Lily found it necessary to keep on talking when they could just keep on sleeping. She tried to move but he tightened his grip around her.
"We have to go to class, James."
"Ha-ha, I know there is no class today, it's Halloween." James released his grip on Lily and pushed back the sheets. "There is, however, a morning Quidditch practice." He got up and stretched out his arms.
"So you'll get up for Quidditch practice out in the freezing cold but not for class?" Lily rolled to face him with her eyebrows raised.
James pretended to think, "Yes." With that he left her and went into his own room. He emerged half an hour later with his Quidditch practice gear on holding his broomstick. Lily was still in bed and watched him stand at her door. "Are you going to stay there all day?"
"No, I'm going to spend the day with the girls, eventually."
"Okay, have fun." James left her and started towards the Gryffindor common room to meet Sirius and some other team member if they were still there. To his surprise the whole team stood outside the Fat Lady portrait. They all stared him grimly then Sirius stepped out to meet him.
"Watkins won't be playing tomorrow." He spoke gravely.
"Why not?"
"His parents were killed last night. His mother was a Muggle and his father was a wizard. Doesn't take much to put the pieces together." Sirius looked James in the eyes. The news brought up old wounds for James but he tried to push them away. This wasn't about him.
"Is he still here?" James asked his team.
"Dumbledore is just taking him down to Hogesmeade now." Ben answered.
"Okay, whoever wants to practice can. The pitch is ours until one o'clock. Sirius, find me a Seeker." James spoke desperately then ran to catch up to Watkins and Dumbledore.
The cold air stung his lungs and made it harder to run but he made it. Dumbledore agreed to walk ahead so James could talk to Fabius. The first year was pale and clearly terrified.
"I don't know what to do." He spoke with no emotion the words just fell from his slightly blue lips.
"Fabius, you don't have to be strong. You don't have to pretend anything, okay?"
"I just don't understand why? Why my parents? What did they do?" Fabius looked up to James, as he always did, for the answer.
"There is going to be a war, Fabius. Unfortunately the loss of your parents and my father are already a result of it." James wasn't going to lie. He hated it when people lied to him when his father died.
"I know and I know who you are in this war. Will you fight for me and for my parents? I would if I could but I'm too young. I just want to know that there is someone fighting for them."
James nodded sadly and hugged the young boy patting him on the back. Quickly he wiped a tear away and let go. "Oh, hey," James put a hand in his pocket and pulled out a golden Snitch, "next year?" He handed the Snitch to Fabius who sighed heavily.
"Next year." He pocketed James' Snitch, said goodbye and ran to catch up to Dumbledore. James watched as Dumbledore led the new orphan through the gates. Fabius turned and waved to James who waved back in return then turned his back. Somehow he wasn't surprised to see the rest of the Quidditch team standing a hundred metres back also watching Fabius Watkins leave. James bowed his head and walked towards them.
As he reached them James noticed a lanky brown haired boy standing next to Sirius. The team watched him as he stood in front of the boy.
"What are your parents?" James had never asked such a question and he knew Sirius was sending him a look.
"I don't understand." The boy seemed afraid of James.
"What blood stature are your parents?"
"James!" Ben was outraged by the question.
"My dad's half blood and my mum's a pureblood."
"Let's go practice then." James walked in front of the rest towards the Quidditch pitch.
"He didn't even ask my name." Sirius looked down at the boy and sighed. He wasn't impressed with James' question, no one in the team was, but Sirius knew it was out of anger. Lord Potter would be haunting James' mind right now.
"Catch up to him and introduce yourself. I told you today would possibly be the worst day of your life but you need to prove yourself to him." Sirius gave the boy a little push and stayed back with the rest of the team.
"Potter, I'm Benjy Williams, third year." Benjy held out his hand but James didn't shake it. "I'm sorry that you lost Watkins, I know you worked hard to get him on the team. That's why I didn't even try out." Now he had James' attention. "But I will work really hard, all day if I have to, to get up to your standard. We should win tomorrow for Watkins."
"Winning a Quidditch game won't help Watkins."
A gruelling practice finished as the Hufflepuff's entered the Pitch. James had only let a Snitch out once for Benjy to find. He was more interested in getting the boy's flying up to scratch.
"Sorry to hear about Watkins." The Hufflepuff Captain, Smith, said with the least amount of sympathy possible.
"Sure." Sirius smirked at him. "You know, if anything it's given this team a bit of a boost to perform tomorrow. Hope you didn't think you were going to get an easy win."
Smith said nothing and turned back to his own team as the Gryffindor's filed out of the pitch. Rain started to fall on the grounds and an eerie fog developed over the lake. Sirius was happy that James started to give Benjy some attention. He desperately had to see Lily and it seemed that James would be busy for the rest of the day.
"Do you have any plans until the feast?" James asked Benjy.
"No."
"Alright, follow me." James led Benjy to the seventh floor and opened the Room of Requirements. Benjy followed James in and felt his mouth drop open. A huge hall presented itself. Benjy would go as far to say that it was larger than the Great Hall. "Now we'll practice catching the Snitches." James let a Snitch go and Benjy started looking for it immediately while James sat on the ground against a wall and watched. Benjy was determined to wipe the bored and depressed look off the Head Boy's face. After a short while a found the Snitch caught it and presented it to James. To Benjy's displeasure James simply let the Snitch go without praise, "Again."
This routine was repeated over and over. Each time the Snitch was getting harder to catch and James seemed to be creating obstacles silently from the floor. After the seventh round Benjy grew really irritated at being at the receiving end of James' frustration.
"Alright, Potter. I think you should have a go." Benjy didn't hand over the snitch this time.
"Excuse me? I don't need to practice." James looked at the third year incredulously from the floor.
"No, I think you should practice against me. Best out of three catches wins."
James smirked, "Fine."
Benjy released the Snitch and signalled when they could go. The tension in the room was high but Benjy was determined. James was still for a long time and it unnerved him. Then, within seconds he moved a lightning speed and held the Snitch in his hand. Benjy cursed himself as James let go of the Snitch again. This time he focused harder, he had to catch it at least once.
"Why did you volunteer to be on the team anyway?" Benjy tried not to let James' question distract him.
"Sirius just asked and I said yes. It was something I wanted but as I said, I didn't try out because I knew you wanted Watkins. So here I am. Sirius said it would be like this." Benjy shrugged.
"Like what?" James lost his focus and Benjy flew straight past him. He spotted the gold right before Benjy covered it in his hand. "Nice one." Benjy let go of the Snitch and they started again. "What did Sirius say it would be like?" He repeated.
"He said you would put your anger on me because I'm the new Seeker. I'm not what you wanted and I understand that but I'm what you've got." Benjy was gaining confidence after his last catch. Now he had to catch this last one. It would be the fastest way to gain Potter's respect. Time began to drag itself out and Benjy was growing tired. Then he saw it but so did James. Both the boys flew towards a corner of the room. Benjy outstretched his hand, he almost had it. James pulled back and Benjy caught it easily and pulled up without a problem before hitting the ground.
"Why did you let me catch it?" He felt cheated.
"I wanted to see if you could stop quickly enough before hitting the ground. You're alright, Williams. Welcome to the team." James held out his hand now and Benjy shook it. "See you at the feast and don't stay up too late." James gave his first smile and left Benjy alone in the room, ready to collapse on the floor.
...
Lily looked at Sirius from her usual armchair in the Heads common room. She couldn't tell whether he knew or not. Sometimes he would say things that made her think yes, he knows about her and James. Other times he would say things that were right off track.
"So, Fabius Watkins' parents were murdered overnight." She tried to understand what he was getting at.
"Yes and I think we both know the type of people who did it."
"Obviously, unfortunately it's something I'm becoming use to."
"What, keeping the list of people that your family has murdered a secret?" Sirius looked at her knowingly.
"Something like that." Lily inspected the ends of hair, breaking off split ends.
"Anyway, I came here to warn you about James." Sirius sat up from his lounging position.
"What about him?" Once again Lily felt like there was something she didn't know.
"You know, obviously, about his dad. When something like this happens James seems to act strangely. He doesn't think about what he's saying. Like today it appeared as though he only let Benjy Williams on the team because neither of his parents are Muggle-born. I know this wasn't the case but he did ask what they're blood status was. Upset Wood a bit." Sirius thought back.
"That doesn't seem like James."
"Exactly, so, if he acts out or accuses you of something just don't take it personally." Sirius realised that Lily didn't believe him so he decided to leave it. Lily would find out for herself. "How's your parents?"
Lily was surprised by the question, "They're fine, I guess. I don't really talk to them."
"You're really trying to break away, aren't you?" Sirius almost looked sad.
"You did, why can't I?"
He almost laughed but then became very serious. "Lily, it was horrible. It is horrible. I can never go back. Things between Reg' and I will never be the same." Sirius studied the carpet between his feet as he spoke. "I wish, more than anything, that things were different, that my family were different. It's become easier to hate them and curse their name now. It's almost become a habit."
"Are you trying to tell me that I should follow my family?" Lily was starting to appreciate Sirius' company. They rarely had proper conversations. Which was disappointing because, when you thought about it, they actually had quite a bit in common.
"Not at all. I'm just saying that if breaking away is really what you want to do just be aware of the price." Sirius caught her eye, "James is great but he can't compensate a family."
"What if I made a family with James?" Lily covered her mouth as soon as she said it. She knew her face was turning red and her heart raced as Sirius looked at her sympathetically. He smiled sadly again and Lily fell back in her chair, she didn't even realise she had been sitting on the edge. "I didn't mean that."
"Of course not." Sirius decided this would be the best time to leave. He stood to leave at the same time James presented himself through the portrait. "Prongs!"
James looked between Lily, who was blushing and Sirius who looked too happy. He decided to ignore it, today had been too much already. "Williams will be a good Seeker."
"Perfect. Are you about to head down to the feast?"
"Just let me change." James threw his broom on the ground then walked into his bedroom shutting the door behind him.
Lily moaned and made a point of picking up the broom and leaning against the wall as Sirius chuckled. "Do not say anything."
"Promise."
James woke up alone on Saturday morning. The events of the day before ran through his mind. He wondered how Fabius was going. Did he have somewhere to live? Someone to look after him? The thoughts almost made him sick, the boy was only a first year. Then James had been so tired by the time of the Halloween feast that he could barely keep his eyes open. As a result he had come to bed early and hadn't seen anyone since. He rolled himself out of bed to see that there was a slight drizzle of rain outside. Sighing, he found his Quidditch uniform, changed and made his way down to have pancakes with Sirius.
"Oh c'mon, sitting with the Gryffindor's will do you good." Remus held an umbrella over Georgia's head as they walked to the Quidditch pitch.
"But I'm not in Gryffindor colours, Remus." She tried to fight against him. Remus found his wand and tapped Georgia's blue and black scarf. The colours instantly changed to the Gryffindor colours which incidentally matched her red patterned wellingtons.
"Now you are. Please, sit with me. It'll be fun!" Remus pouted for her sympathy.
"Fine, fine! I'll sit in the Gryffindor stand." Remus smiled and wrapped his arm around her giving something of a sidewards hug then let go. "At least I won't be anywhere near Betty." Georgia mumbled.
It amazed Remus at how two roommates had managed to say completely nothing to each other for a whole week. He had found out that the fight was due to Georgia accusing Betty of only going to the ball with Peter to cause trouble. This then led to Betty believing that Georgia thought of her as a 'gossiping bitch'. Which was somewhat true. So, in spite of Georgia, Betty spread the rumour. Not much damage had been caused and now Remus focused on a more major issue.
"Mary, we're going to be late!" Evelyn returned from breakfast and Mary still wasn't out of bed.
"Hmm, I'm coming." Mary rolled over again, regretting having a late night with the girls before. Lily had slept back in her old bed and they had a little Halloween party.
Lily walked in with Ben all dressed up for the game. "Mary! I have to go now or James will kill me."
"It's fine, darling. Just go, I'll see you after the match." Mary mumbled and Ben hesitated. Hastily he kissed her goodbye and ran off. Lily then ripped then sheets from Mary.
"Get out of bed now!" Lily was growing impatient. She hadn't seen James since the feast and was, shamefully, beginning to miss him.
Mary stood up and finally realised how annoyed the girls were. "I'm sorry, I'll meet you girls down there, save me a seat." They agreed and soon they were gone. Mary showered and dug through her trunk for her cape and scarf, it would be freezing out there. By the time she left her room the Gryffindor common room was empty. The corridors were the same way. Quickly she ran down to the Entrance Hall. Mary stopped only to put up her umbrella against the slight rain. Perhaps if she hadn't stopped, it wouldn't have happened.
A first year Gryffindor was trying to pull Evelyn and Lily away from the game. Lily couldn't keep her eyes off James. She had spotted Severus staring at her, staring at James at one point and it made her uneasy. She wished he would stop looking at her and judging every move she made. Lily sat between Georgia, who seemed to be having a great time with Remus, and Evelyn who seemed to be continually wondering about Mary. Again the first year called out to them. Giving in, they both left their seats and followed her down the old wooden stairs. Once they reached the bottom the first year told them what was wrong and Lily felt the colour leave her face.
Sirius saw it and would never forget it, the look of sheer relief on James' face. Now everything would be okay. It was like a weight had been lifted and he knew the whole team felt it. The Gryffindor stands cheered as Benjy Williams held up the tiny golden Snitch from the ground. It was a race between him and the Hufflepuff Seeker. Both were flying towards the ground with incredibly speed but Benjy was able to pull up and catch the Snitch while the Hufflepuff crashed into the sand under the hoops. The Gryffindor team surrounded Benjy, cheering and patting him on the back.
"This is for Watkins." Benjy said to the team, looking at James for approval.
"For Watkins." He nodded. The team left the pitch and headed for the change rooms while the other Gryffindor's continued to chant and cheer in the stands.
Something was wrong. He hadn't been able to spot her during the game but then again it had been a very quick paced one. They had been down in the changing rooms for at least ten minutes now and she still wasn't here. The team made their way back to the castle after quick showers and still he could not find her. They reached the large entrance doors and Evelyn came out of nowhere as if she had apparated right into the crowd.
"Ben! Ben!" Without saying anything she violently grabbed his arm and pulled him through the crowd. His heart began to beat faster as it was clear now that something was terribly wrong. Ben turned his head around and saw that James and Sirius were keeping close. Soon they were out of the crowd and Ben knew where they were headed. The hospital wing. It was all a blur as the sickly white double doors were pushed open. A group of people stood around one bed. The euphoria of winning their first Quidditch match of the season had died instantly within the three boys.
Lily turned around and Ben's heart skipped at her pale frightened face. He replaced her spot as she stepped away. Mary lay silently and still and the bed. Her eyes were closed and she, like Lily, was extremely pale. Ben heard the faint sound of Professor McGonagall ushering everybody else out of the room. A tear, which no one could ever see, fell from Ben's cheek. The soft rise and fall of Mary's chest was the only positive about this situation. He bent over and buried his head into her neck and cried more silent tears.
"Wood." He heard McGonagall's voice, kissed Mary on the forehead then composed himself. "It was the Cruciatus Curse." Ben's eyes widened with anger, "She will be fine. The caster was nowhere near talented enough to cause any severe damage."
"She doesn't look fine!"
"Pomfrey has given her some draught to help her sleep. Wood, you must understand, Mary would have been in severe pain for possibly less than ten seconds." To Ben, this was ten seconds too long. "The main problem for Mary is how she will psychologically recover." Ben nodded.
"It was them wasn't it?" Ben searched McGonagall's pained face for an answer.
"We don't know who it was. You mustn't retaliate and just attack every Slytherin or Voldemort supporter." McGonagall stressed her words but knew that they had no real effect on Ben.
"But you're not denying it was the exact people that we both know very well who would have done this." Ben challenged.
"No."
"Right." Ben kissed Mary's cheek and jumped up onto the bed next to her. McGonagall had left and they were the only two in the room. Hours must have passed as Ben drifted in and out of sleep. He watched Mary as she started to move around. At first he thought she was going to wake up but then she stopped completely and a tear rolled down her cheek. This was the last straw for Ben. Furiously he ran up to the Gryffindor dormitory. He wasn't sure what he would achieve there but that's just where his feet led him. Everyone was celebrating in the common room, still completely oblivious to what was happening. Ben pushed his way through the crowds, ignoring the pats on his back and ran up the steps skipping every second one. With more frustration he pushed open the door to his dormitory and was happy with what he saw. Once he caught the eye contact of the other Gryffindor he knew that this was actually what he wanted to the whole time.
James had been waiting. He knew Ben and he knew that he would soon come back to their room after a few hours. James was alone as he stood in the dormitory with his arms crossed and he could tell as soon as Ben saw him that he was relieved.
"I should be able to prevent these things. Keep her safe… Isn't that what all this is for!" Ben gestured around the room, "All this so-called power and nobility!" James watched as Ben walked back and forth. They were no longer the two little rascals that would play up at piano lessons. "All I wanted was to be able to protect her! To keep her safe."
James bowed his head, "You didn't know."
"But I should have! I should know everything that is going on. I should be looking out for these things. It's a fucking war and I should be taking extra care of her. She's Muggle-born, I shouldn't even be letting her walk around alone." Ben ran his sweaty hands through his hair in anger. "What if she died? Or what if one day I'm not there and… and."
"Ben, it's not your fault."
"But we would always walk to Quidditch together! It's my fault I didn't wait for her." He stopped his pacing and looked at James gravely, "Once we're out of here, out of this bloody castle, I'll get them back. They'll be sorry they ever even thought about cursing her." James simply nodded at his friend whose eyes were full of rage. Ben was satisfied with James' agreement for revenge. This was what he needed. He needed James to say that they will fight against this and with James' nod he felt calmer. "Right, I need to see if she's okay for the night."
"I'll come too."
They were almost at the hospital wing when they meet Lily. Her face was red and tear stained as she stopped at the boys. Ben looked at her once then continued onto the hospital wing. Lily watched him go then turned to James, his expression was unreadable again and Lily hated it.
"I can't believe this has happened." Her voice was hoarse from crying and she wanted nothing more than for James to just hold her. He didn't say anything to her so she continued, "I mean, this is Hogwarts and it was Mary. Who would..?"
"Why are you surprised by all of this?" James' hazel eyes narrowed behind his glasses and Lily was taken aback. She had not expected his harsh tone.
"Because James! I didn't expect it to happen to someone so close to me," James smirked cruelly at this and Lily knew that he had once thought the same thing before his father died, "nor did I believe it would ever happen in Hogwarts." She crossed her arms in defence and leaned against the wall of the cold dimly lit stone corridor. The sun had set on the day and now they had to face the night. No one was around it was just them, Lily and James.
"Are you serious? These are your people. Your side! Didn't you ever imagine that they would eventually act?" James gaped at Lily. He began to realise where this argument would end and it was inevitable. He wouldn't back down until it was through though, no matter how the ending would be he wanted Lily to know, to realise and most importantly to wake up. She was silent for a moment, feeling slightly irresponsible for not foreseeing this then his words ran through her mind one more time and she looked into his eyes with anything but remorse.
"My people? You think this is my fault!" Lily completely forgot about Sirius' warning. How could she not take this personally? James was attacking the most sensitive part of her.
"I think you could have prevented it, yes."
"And how on earth could have I done that! I have nothing to do with them and you know that, damn it!"
"Well perhaps considering they're on the same side as your whole family you should be more in tune with what they are planning." James suggested.
"Are you giving Sirius this same speech?" She tilted her head cockily.
"What does Sirius have to do with this?" James pulled up his sleeves halfway as he began to grow hot from the argument.
"His family is the same as mine. Why couldn't he have prevented what happened to Mary?"
"Sirius has nothing to do with his family. Not for a long time but you still see yours."
"James," Her voice lowered, "I am on your side of this war." It almost sounded like a plea for forgiveness, for his reconsideration. It was one last attempt to try and save the argument. They could finish it now, she thought, they could just drop it and try to get back to where they were before Friday.
"Oh, it's not my side it's just the right side." He heard the weakness in her voice now and soon everything would fall down around them. Lily's heart dropped at his words.
"You sound just like them." She stepped off the wall and moved closer to James. "Just like the people you hate. You're all the same." Her voice was light and she shook her head sadly holding James' stare as she looked up at him. "You all believe that you are the right side and you will all go too far to prove it. You are all as bad as each other, all the same." They could tell from the look in each other's eyes that it was over. As they stood steady everything they had built within a few days crashed around them, such a shame, such a waste.
"Good luck, Evans." James didn't move, he contemplated whether he should leave her alone or see her back to the head dorms to make sure she was safe.
"You too, Potter." There was a slight stare off, as if in a sick way they were savouring this moment where they were so physically close to one another. James made his decision.
"I'll be with the boys tonight." He took one last look and turned to walk into the darkness at the end of the corridor, she would be safe. Lily watched him leave her again with his hands in his pockets and head bowed. Her heart hurt and everything suddenly grew cold. She held her breath as she recounted the conversation in her head. Why had she done that and why had he accused her so? Without waiting around any longer Lily headed for the Head Dorms alone.
Not a leaf moved on the Hogwarts grounds not a single movement could be seen in the trees. The lake was flat only slightly lapping at the sides, but only slightly. The corridors and empty classrooms within the castle were just that, empty and silent. The chairs and tables stood patiently in the usually loud Great Hall waiting for the sun to rise and students to pour in. All the candles were out and it was up to the moon to shine the slightest steric of light through the windows and onto the peacefully sleeping students. The owlery, too, was still as the owls rested for the night on high beams with their chins tucked into their thick feathery chests and small beady eyes shut tight. The portraits that hung proudly on the walls were sleeping as well, tired after a day of adventures and activity. Ben Wood watched silently as Mary slept with her head on his chest, he wouldn't sleep that night.
He walked quickly through the Gryffindor common room, up the stairs and into his old dormitory.
"James?" Sirius stood up and Remus looked at the new comer. James just stared at them. Remus nodded at Sirius who then followed James out through the castle and onto the grounds where they would run, as Prongs and Padfoot, until they could no longer breathe.
Lily Evans dragged her feet into the Head's dark common room and threw her wand carelessly onto the armchair. Her breathing was heavy and uneven and she kicked off her shoes as she let her feet take her to the small hallway where, instead of turning into her own room, she opened the door to James'. Without caring anymore she walked into the warm room she had so named Pandora's Box. It smelt like him, a woody smell and she instantly felt close to him again. She shut the door behind her, feeling James' school tie hanging on the knob. Her throat became tight in a way that it hurt. Her hands began to shake slightly and tears brimmed in her green eyes. School books lay strewn across the floor and she stepped over them carefully in her opaque stockings. A few items of clothing accompanied the books, 'Is he as much as a mess in here as he was back in the dorms?' Mary's words ran through Lily's mind. She couldn't believe it had only taken a week until their family issues got in the way. She found an old photo frame on the bedside table and James' family smiled at her from their front lawn with Avebury Manor, their summer house, standing brilliantly behind them. Lily picked out James' dad with the dimmest light from the moon and her heart broke.
The first salty tear rolled down her cheek, she wiped it away with frustration. The bed was unmade and all she wanted to do was lie in it with James. But he was gone. She gently picked up the mask he had worn to the party and breathed a shaky breath. More tears dared to fall and she sat the mask back down. Lily threw her head back in frustration, as if forcing the tears back, and wiped the stray hairs that were sticking to her face away. She walked on the books now no longer caring and opened the first half drawer on James' dresser. It was dark in the room but she saw it as clear as day. She picked it up running the silk through her fine fingers. Unable to support herself anymore Lily leant against the wall and clenched the deep red sash in her hot sweaty hands. She slid down the wall and landed on the ground with her knees pulled up to her chin.
Her face was wet now with tears and she didn't bother to hold it in. She let it out, let out the disappointment, the anger, the reality of her life. Lily cried into the sash, wetting it with her salty tears. She let her legs down, kicking a textbook that sat innocently in the way. Her eyes stung as the tears slowed down and her breathing lowered, shaking with every deep inhale. She sat there holding the sash for some time in the dark room. Staring at nothing, she thought only of the boy who owned the room. She had let him get to her. Get to her heart. She let herself fall for the charms she was warned of at high teas with her mother. She let herself only feel alive when he was around. She let herself, for tonight, crawl over to the bed, climb into it and pull up the covers. She let herself breath in James Potter and to pretend that he was lying behind her. She held onto the red sash and allowed herself to cry to sleep with only one small thing left, hope.
Now, don't kill me. And I hope you all got the link between James' room being Pandora's Box and the last word in the chapter, hope.