5 Years Later

"No Alex!"

Pam knelt down and wrapped her arms around the middle of the squirming child in a desperate attempt to hold him back from running head-on into the kitchen table. Pam was absolutely exhausted after watching her three-year-old son for more than 14 hours; dark circles were under her eyes and her hair was falling out of its ponytail. Her t-shirt and sweatpants were hanging loosely off her small frame, and she felt as if she was about to pass out, she was so tired. Toys and books and splattered food was littered across the entire house, making it look like a tornado had hit it. Unfortunately, it seemed that Alex was still chalk-full of energy.

"Mommy! Play!" Alex insisted, turning to look at his mother with wide blue eyes. He was the spitting image of his father: blue eyes, dark hair, and a small skinny body. He was wearing onesy pajamas with racecars on it; his teeth were brushed and his bath was taken (not forgetting to splash until his mother was soaked head to foot) But now, he was finally ready for bed. At least, Pam was ready: Alex wasn't.

"No, Alex. Bedtime." Pam sighed, awkwardly pushing the bangs out of her sleepy face with her elbow. Alex still whined annoyingly, trying to run toward the kitchen where he had left his favorite Hot Wheels, but Pam managed to scoop him up off the ground. With what felt like a tremendous amount of effort, Pam threw him over her shoulder like a fireman. She turned toward the kitchen stove clock, checking the time as Alex squealed with delight at being carried around.

"When is your father coming home?" Pam asked her son wearily.

"Play!" Alex just happily giggled. Pam closed her eyes, breathing hard through her nose.

She heard the front door open, and thought an angel had just come from heaven.

"Pam?" Ryan called from the doorway. She heard him set his suitcase and keys on the coffee table, then heard a plastic bag being plunked down on the ground. Pam smiled as she walked around the corner, the little boy still hanging over her shoulder.

"Hey," Pam said wearily to her husband. She pulled her son off of her neck and held him out for Ryan to take. "You're putting him to bed tonight."

Ryan didn't even argue. "Hey buddy," he said happily to his son, taking him from Pam's hands. He discreetly pushed something with his foot behind a potted plant, and Pam didn't notice. "Were you good for mommy today?"

"Oh, he was a little angel," Pam said wearily, a hint of sarcasm in her tired voice. Ryan chuckled before leaning over and kissing his wife on the cheek.

"Not a good day, huh?" Ryan tickled his son on the tummy, and Alex snickered giddily.

"Can't say it was," Pam muttered before turning and walking towards the couch. She sunk into it, lying down face-first. Ryan chuckled again before walking up the stairs, toward Alex's bedroom.

"Time for bed, little buddy," she heard Ryan mutter as he carried him to his room. His voice faded as he made it to the top.

Pam sighed as she flipped over, staring at the staircase her son and husband had just gone up. She could always count on Ryan to help her out after Alex was born. He seemed more than happy to get up in the middle of the night in place of her when their son was being fussy, or change him when Pam was too tired. Pam always thought it was easy for him to enjoy fatherhood, because he didn't have to spend twenty hours a day making sure Alex didn't break a window or throw his food around too much.

Pam rubbed her itching, burning eyes with her hand and sighed drowsily. As much as she wanted to be annoyed with Ryan for getting to spend all his time at the office, she couldn't be angry at him. She loved Ryan with all her heart, and nothing could ever change that.

They had gotten married a mere four years ago, just a small wedding held at Lake Scranton. Pam remembered that day as if it were yesterday; the dress, Ryan in his tux, their familes, and her not being able to stop smiling the whole time through. She thought back to his proposal a few months before the wedding, and smiled. It was a mere month after Jim had left Dunder-Mifflin the second time. Ryan had taken her to the parking lot after work, told her how much he loved her and how he never doubted for a second she was the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, and went down on one knee. Pam had practically screamed 'yes' before the question was even asked. They both were crying with happiness as he stood up and kissed her deeply. Everyone from the office then walked through the double glass doors, applauding and wolf-whistling at them. Michael all but tackled them when he came out, but neither of them cared. They just laughed, because both were so deliriously happy at the fact they were engaged.

After the wedding, both had left Dunder-Mifflin to pursue their real careers. Ryan had gotten a mangaging job in Allentown at a company that made routers for computers, and Pam had wrangled an illustrating job at a publishing company at a nearby town. They moved to an apartment that was about halfway between the two workplaces, with Ryan promising it was going to be great. Although, with the one car, things got to be a little difficult. The bus only went by Pam's building, so she got the short end of the stick, getting to ride the bus to work everyday. Ryan felt so terrible about this, he saved up enough money to buy them a second car. Pam remembered being furious at him at first when he surprised her with it, but then she started realizing they really needed this, then before she knew it she was kissing him all over, saying 'thank you' over and over again. Ryan just laughed, saying how cute it was when she changed her mind.

About six months into their marriage and new life, they got pregnant with Alex... and the rest is history.

Pam heard Ryan come down the stairs and she closed her eyes sleepily. She felt him sit down at the foot of the sofa and take one of her sore feet in his hands, rubbing it gently. Pam sighed contentedly.

"That feels good," she muttered, opening her eyes again. Ryan just smiled. "Did you have any problems putting him to bed?"

"Nope. He went down like a ton a bricks. His busy day was more exhausting on him than you thought."

"It couldn't have been worse on him than it was on me! I can't believe it's only 7:30 and I'm ready to go to bed." Pam sat up and scooched closer to Ryan, laying her legs on his lap and wrapping her arms around his waist. "That child will be the death of me someday, I swear."

Ryan just smiled and snuggled closer to her. He told her about his day, about something funny that had happened in the shipping department, and Pam just listened, feeling relaxed. She always wanted to hear about her husband's day, even when she was completely exhausted.

"Hey, did you get the mail today?" she heard Ryan ask from her drowsy state. Pam's eyes snapped open, feeling a twinge of panic.

"Shoot! No, I didn't," Pam brought her hand back from Ryan's side, rubbing her eyes then running a hand through her hair. "I was too busy with Alex. Don't worry, I'll get it." she made a move to get up, but Ryan stopped her.

"Don't worry about it, I'll get it." he lifted her legs off his lap, and stood up, stretching.

"You know what, how 'bout this:" Pam stood up and wrapped her arms around her husband's middle. Ryan wrapped his arms around her too, pulling her closer and smiling. "I'll get the mail, and you can get dinner started. I haven't had anything to eat all day."

Ryan smiled again and kissed her on the forehead, "You got it." he said before turning around and heading toward the kitchen. Pam smiled at her husband's retreating back, and started to look around for her flip-flops so she could go down to the lobby and retreve their mail.

A minute later she was standing in the lobby, unlocking the mailbox marked 'Howard'. She pulled out a thick stack of envelopes and began flipping through them all.

"Bill. Bill. Junk. Junk. Bill..." Pam mumbled to herself as she flipped through them. She got to the last one and nearly dropped the rest of the letters in her hand

There, in the returning address, clear as day, was "Jim Halpert".

Pam stared at it, not believing what she was seeing. Jim sent them a letter? She hadn't had any contact with him for five years! This couldn't be right. Pam's eyes grazed over the whole thing, trying to find if this was a joke, but came up blank. It looked as if Jim really did send her a letter.

Pam tucked the rest of the mail under her arm and tore open Jim's letter. She pulled it out, her fingers shaking slightly, and unfolded it. She began to read:

Dear Pam,

You're probably wondering why I'm writing to you now of all times. Well, I'm just writing to tell you, if you haven't already heard, that I recently got married. Yeah, her name is Alonna, and she's great. She's a professor at Scranton Tech, and we were dating for a good seven months before I proposed. We got married a few months after at her church, and we've been happily married for a month now. We just bought a house in Scranton (I know, big change, right?) and we actually just bought a dog yesterday. His name's Spooks, because the owner said he was the weirdest, most outgoing puppy he had ever seen (remind you of anyone we used to know?). Anyway, yeah. I'm doing well.

But I'm also writing to apologize. I know, me contacting you for the first time in five years has got to be weird for you to process, but just hear me out. I didn't have everything figured out when I came back to Dunder-Mifflin in the merger, and I thought maybe we could give our relationship another shot. Imagine how embarressed I was when I found out about you and Ryan, and how Michael just announced it to the whole office! It probably wasn't that much more fun for you either. Anyway, I felt like I had lost my chance, and I was jealous. It felt like you were with Roy all over again. I knew you were trying to be my friend again, and I'm sorry I was acting like such an ass. I guess I was just angry at myself for thinking we were going to end up together someday. It was stupid to think, I know. When you moved in with Ryan, I guess I just kind've snapped, and that's why I confronted you in the parking lot that day. But that didn't help anything; in fact I think I just made things worse. And Pam, I can't tell you how sorry I am for that. I honestly didn't mean to put such a strain on your relationship with him. I take full credit on being the biggest ass alive...

Anyway, I heard about your wedding in the paper a few years ago. Congratulations! You must be so happy, Mrs. Pam Howard. Ryan is a very lucky man. I wish you guys the best in your marriage and your lives, truly.

Again, if you haven't already heard, I am now a product salesman at Staples. I know, I just can't get enough of the paper business! It's seriously addicting. Anywho, Alonna and I would love it if you and Ryan would come over for dinner sometime. If you think it's too soon, or if Ryan's uncomfortable or something, I totally understand. If not, write me back and let me know if it's okay. We have lots of lost time we have to catch each other up on.

Sincerely,

Jim Halpert

Pam didn't realize she had tears in her eyes when she had finished Jim's letter. She leaned her back against the wall of the apartment lobby, and let the tears flow. She clutched the letter in her hand, and stared at it. She hadn't thought about Jim in more than four years, and now here he was, extending an olive branch. He was asking for forgiveness when the last things they had said to each other were screamed angrily at the tops of their voices during a thunderstorm. Pam didn't know what to think.

She thought back, to all those years ago, when she only had eyes for Jim. When they played pranks on Dwight together, had their own inside jokes, or made up games. When she was secretly pined over him when she was stuck in her relationship with Roy. She hadn't thought about these moments since she had gotten together with Ryan. She found no need to, because Ryan was more than enough of a good husband to her. But now...

Pam couldn't help but wonder. Wonder what it would have been like if she got together with Jim. That it was him she still pined over when he came back. That it was him who asked her out, and it was him she said yes to. Maybe they would have been a good couple. Maybe he would have been the one to go down on one knee. Maybe it would have been him she would love endlessly; the one she would spend the rest of her life with.

Pam pushed all these thought away as she wiped the tears out of her eyes. She couldn't wonder right now. She had a family to take care of and to love. She walked back upstairs to her apartment, her legs feeling like jello.

"Hey, babe. What took you so long?" Ryan asked when she came through the front door. The entire house smelled of cooking noodles and tomato sauce. He was making spaghetti just the way she liked it.

Pam walked up to the kitchen doorway, and leaned against the frame, not saying a word. She just watched her husband make dinner with a small smile, distant smile etched on her face. She held the mail in her right hand, but Jim's letter was still clutched in her left hand, behind her back. She wasn't ready to tell him that Jim had written them. She didn't know if she would ever till him.

"Trade you," she heard Ryan's quiet voice from far away, and she blinked. Ryan was holding out his hand to take the mail in her right hand, and a bouquet of flowers was held out in his other. A large smile spread across Pam's face as she handed him the junk mail and happily took the flowers from him. She smelled them, falling in love with her husband all over again.

"Thank you," she said, still smiling.

"I managed to hide them behind the plant after I came in so you wouldn't see." Ryan looked proud of himself, and Pam gave a small burst of laughter. A tear sliding down her cheek, she leaned over and kissed him deeply on the mouth.

She didn't need to wonder. She didn't need to think about 'maybes' and 'what ifs' and 'what could have beens'. Ryan was her future, and he would always be there to love her and take care of her. Jim was happy with his life, and so was she.

"I love you," Pam whispered against his lips. Ryan smiled.

She was going to tell him about the letter tomorrow. Right now, she was just going to enjoy her evening with her husband.