AN: I know you all probably solved the mystery of the Wizard a few chapters ago, but leave a review anyway.

Stave Seven

The Wizard's chamber was grander than the halls, the same black marble accented with a red carpet, red drapes and a regal throne upon which sat Chief Karen Vick.

"Come forward." She commanded. Naturally her visitors obeyed.

"Okay, I'm starting not to like this." Juliet shuddered as they approached, her suspension of disbelief faltering.

"You asked to see me, witch slayer. Have you come this far to waste my time?"

"Of course she hasn't." Gus patted Juliet's shoulder harder than necessary.

"Go ahead, she doesn't have all day." Lassiter whispered while Shawn gave her a firm nudge forward and a thumbs up. She managed to cast an icy glare at all three before addressing the Wizard.

"Yes actually. I was hoping you might be able to send me home to Santa Barbara." Juliet announced. Lassiter raised his fist to his lips. "Clear your throat at me I dare you." She warned. "My friend the scarecrow wants a sidearm to protect his crop from squirrels. The robot would like to be a human and he…" She nodded in Gus' direction while taking a breath. "…just really needs a shave."

"Seriously?" The Wizard Karen asked with a quirked eyebrow.

"Is that, like a no?" Shawn ventured carefully.

"For you, it's exactly like a no." She declared with finality.

"But just for him right I mean, you can still help us can't you?" Lassiter jumped in before the desperate robot could make his case.

"Absolutely not."

Juliet couldn't accept this after the journey they had endured. "So you're not going to help any of us?"

"I didn't say that. You two gentlemen don't even require magic." The Wizard gestured at Lassiter and Gus. "There's a barber shop and a gunsmith in town, you can bother them."

Gus beamed. "They carry lavender oil?"

"Sure. As for you Juliet, I can send you and your house back where you belong in a flash."

"And Ci Ci?" She was not going anywhere without her furriest friend.

"Of course Ci Ci." Karen assured her.

"Wait a second." Shawn persisted. "If you've got enough magic for the dog you've got enough for me and I'm not leaving until we square up."

"I'm sorry but turning machine into man is considered dark magic. The kind only wicked witches use." Karen explained.

"So you're saying I should get Ms. Triple W to do the job?" Shawn asked, his hope beginning to surge back.

"Listen, creating life where it doesn't exist, at least outside the typical biological method, was deemed unnatural and profane. Not to mention the hundreds of times that spell has been mangled in the past." She shivered in disgust at the very thought.

"Well I still want to do this and if I have to ask someone else…"

"Alright." Karen sighed "If you want to take such an insane risk at least let me tell you how to do it properly." Shawn made the please continue gesture. "Firstly, you'll probably need to steal the magic The Wicked Witch of the West gained from her late sister, since she isn't going to share. You'll find her in her castle in the Dead Thicket, on our western border. Second, any selfish intentions will spoil the spell, you could turn into something half human, half dead or some combination of the two. Trust me it is much worse than it sounds. My suggestion is to have someone else enact the magic who wants you to be happy weather you are human or not."

Shawn exhaled overwhelmed. "Wow, that's sweet but I just broke things off with the good fairy of selfless enchantment. C'mon! I don't have anyone in my life who'd do that for…"

"Actually, I could do it." Juliet offered gently.

"You wou… You would? I mean, you hardly know me, and you're about to go home." His gratitude was obvious through the common courtesy.

"It's nothing. Besides, you didn't think I'd let you take on a witch without me did you?" Juliet nudged his elbow with her own.

"That's what I wanted to hear." Karen nodded. "He's going to need you two as well." She addressed Lassiter and Gus who had already had one foot each directed at the door.

Gus screwed his face up in a wince. "I don't do witches."

"And I'm not armed yet." Lassiter argued.

Shawn coughed the word "Wuss." into his fist.

"Well I wish that mattered." Karen placed a hand on her hip. "But this is an all hands on deck kind of mission. And while firepower might scare your rodents it's not going to work on…"

"Triple W." Shawn interjected. "Trademark."

"Right. Her. Point is, if you want to be human you better motivate your team here."

"That's quite a loose definition of 'team'." Lassiter muttered.

"And afterwards this…" Karen produced a vile of golden liquid from her jacket pocket. "can send the witch slayer home." She offered it open palmed to Juliet who took it gingerly as if she expected a volatile reaction.

"I wish people would quit calling me that." Juliet shrugged sheepishly.

"Well if you want that potion to work you'll have to live up to the title. Steal the Wicked Witch's magic, turn your friend into a man, one sip will take you back where you came from. Good luck."

"Real inspiring marching orders." Gus remarked with a teacher's pet style grin.

"What are you all still doing here?" Karen sighed. At this the traveling party took their leave.