I followed Santana into the auditorium. Everyone was sitting down for another performance. I remembered my conversation with Quinn and I choked on my spit. Did she move up her performance? I still wasn't ready. I didn't even know the song!

Santana raised an eyebrow at me from her seat. I didn't even see her sit down. I looked up on the stage. Finn was standing up there by himself. He was fiddling with the microphone and plugging in some wires. I was off the hook for now.

I sat in the same row as Santana but at the end of the aisle since Rachel told me to give her space. I knew Santana took it the wrong way when she looked over to me and I saw her face fall a little. I was so confused by everything that was happening this weekend. I didn't know what to do to help Santana anymore. It was such a horrible feeling. I used to always know what to do to make her laugh and smile when she was sad.

Finn finally got the microphone working and I loud squeal echoed through the speakers. The sound scratched my ears and I cringed.

He adjusted something on the microphone. The sound faded until it was gone.

"Sorry guys." Finn said.

"I didn't get to finish my song yesterday." Finn half-smiled. I saw Santana cross her arms and straighten up her shoulders.

"So I wanted to perform something a little different." Finn pressed a button on the control panel next to him and music started.

Tell me have you ever wanted
Someone so much it hurts
Your lips keep trying to speak
but you just can't find the words
Well i had this dream once
I held it in my head.

This song was already so much better. I liked it so much better.

She was the purest beauty but not the common kind

I heard Santana's voice. It wasn't very loud, I think I was the only one that heard. She knew the song and she was singing along. Well it was mostly a whisper since she was singing so low but I could her voice carry and fall just like when she was singing.

She had a way about her that made you feel alive

I watched her. She wasn't looking at Finn anymore. She had her head resting against the back of the seat and her eyes were closed. Her lips were moving so slow and careful as she sang the song. I knew Finn still had to be singing but it was only Santana's voice I listened to. Her voice was like a pillow to me. But one of those expensive heated ones because her voice made my ears feel soft and warm at the same. I was dragged like one of those cartoon animals. My feet moved me from seat to seat until I was sitting next to her. Santana didn't seem to notice because she didn't stop singing and she didn't open her eyes.

You had me dim the lights, you danced just like a child.
The wine spilled on your dress and all you did was smile

At that exact moment I wished I could read her mind. Her lips turned upward into a smile. I could even hear the smile in her voice. It was the most sincere smile I had seen from Santana in a long time. It made me smile without really even knowing why I was doing it.

I looked at her hands. They were folded in her lap. I wanted to grab that smile and keep it before it drifted away. Smiles were so rare with this Santana that I wanted to grab her face and make her hold it there until her cheeks were numb.

I thought about what Rachel said again about making things worse. If I was the cause of anything then grabbing Santana would make her feel worse. But it all seemed so bad already.

The song was coming to an end and Santana was going to stop singing. The smile was going away. I could already see her face shifting.

In the words of a young Santana Lopez, Fuck Rachel Berry.

Just as the last verse passed her lips I reached down and grabbed Santana's hand and pulled it into my lap. Her eyes shot open. The music faded away.

Santana's smile faded away too. She straightened up and looked at me and then back down at her hands. She was deciding what to do or maybe she was just waiting for me to let go. But I wasn't going to let go. I had given Santana three years of space. It didn't make anything better. Space made it all worse. Rachel was wrong. She had to be.

"I'm not going to let you go." I whispered.

She locked eyes on me. Her mouth opened and closed like a guppy.

"I was gone for boot camp for a while." Finn had been talking and I didn't even realize. I shot my attention up to him, but I squeezed Santana's hand a little bit harder. Santana's gulp was audible. "I wanted to come back and visit but it was so hard. I knew Rachel was lonely and frustrated but I just wasn't allowed to leave. Except one day we were given a short leave. She didn't know. I came to surprise her. My plane got in pretty late at night so I just took a cab to the house. I saw her on her doorstep. Kissing Jesse St. James. Then saw them duck into the house. I didn't have to watch anymore." Finn swallowed. He finally looked up at Rachel. Tears were streaming down her face.

"We didn't." Rachel gasped. Finn raised an eyebrow at her. "We didn't do anything. Well we kissed yes and he wanted to-" She paused to wipe her eyes. "But I couldn't-I wouldn't." Rachel shook her head and more tears dropped to the floor. "You were just gone for so long and I was lonely and stupid and made the biggest mistake of my life kissing him. But I just want you to forgive me. I want you to forgive me so bad."

I looked back up a Finn as he shifted uncomfortably. He looked around to the other members of the old glee club and his eyes widened when he saw everyone watching him.

He jumped down from the stage.

"I don't know if I can forgive you. I really don't." He took a few steps to Rachel. "But I want to try." Rachel ran to him and hugged him. He stood there frozen for a few seconds before he embraced her back.

I felt Santana's pinky loosen around mine and I knew she had fallen asleep. Even though Santana didn't say much I knew she felt a release in this little touch. Her lips had been curled upwards all night in her failed attempt to suppress a smile.

I turned my head to watch her face. She looked at ease. I didn't know what this all meant. She was my best friend and I had promised her nothing would ever change that. I already broke that promise and I was hell bent on fixing it.

I heard the choir room door squeak open. I looked up to see Rachel's short form tiptoeing out into the hallway. I took a few moments to watch Santana a little longer before I stood up gently and quietly, careful not to wake her.

I followed Rachel into the hallway and saw her slumped down on the floor, leaning against the wall. She was already staring off, deep in thought. It was like she had been there for hours. I took a few small steps forward.

"Santana?" She asked but she didn't look up.

"No it's me." I said

"Brittany?" She looked up at me now. Her eyes were glazed over. That look people got before they cried.

I nodded and eased down next to her. I wasn't always a huge fan of Rachel especially right now but no one deserved to be in a dark hallway alone and sad. And she was important to Santana. How important and why I didn't really know but anything that was important to her was important to me.

"What's up?" I asked her. Rachel looked away from me but I knew she was going to respond. I could see her thinking.

"Do you think there's only one person out there for you?" She asked. She turned to look at me.

"I don't know." I said. It wasn't because I hadn't thought about it. People talk about true love and soul mates but it was a scary thing to think about. I think that's why Rachel was so fragile right now because she was thinking about something so big and scary. "Maybe." I added it because I think I believed it. I thought of Santana and I think I believed it. I felt my eyes getting blurry. I was happy Rachel had looked away again.

"What if you mess up so bad with that one person-" Rachel's voice sounded so defeated. "-that you can't save it."

I wasn't sure what to do or say. "Maybe there's someone else out there? Like you and Santana." I added. "You guys are like Tom and Jerry but-"

"What?" Rachel said that a lot louder than the voice she'd been using and I jumped. She watched me for a while.

"Brittany do you-" Rachel said.

"Jeez can you guys be any louder?"

I looked up to see Santana closing the choir room door. She bumped my shoulder as she sat down next to me and linked her pink into mine. I turned back to Rachel. She was still staring at me her eyes were open wide.

"Brittany, do you think Santana and I are dating?" She said. Her eyes were wide.

I felt flustered. I didn't want the question answered. That's why I never asked it. "I um-" I looked straight ahead and away from the gaze of Rachel and Santana.

"Wait, what?" Santana said it just as loudly as Rachel had. I turned to look at Santana. I was so confused. So very confused.

"What made you think I would ever date Rachel?" Santana said.

I heard Rachel huff angrily behind me.

"Well Puck and-" I said.

Santana threw her hands in the air. Pulling my hand up with it. "Of course. I'm happy to see having a kid hasn't made him any less of a creep."

I felt a smile growing on my face.

Santana tightened her grip on my pinky. "Wait you really believed it?"

I nodded.

The laugh that started was small but it grew each time she looked at my flustered face.

The Santana laugh.

She threw her head back and slapped her knee with her free hand. She stopped to take a jagged breath and looked over my shoulder at Rachel who was huffing right over my ear. This made Santana cackle. It was so infectious and it made my insides bubble and my cheeks start to hurt from smiling so hard but I didn't want to laugh. Because one, if Rachel got any angrier I think she'd explode and two, I wanted to watch Santana laugh. I wanted to seal this laughter up in a jar and sell it on the street because I'd be like a bajillionaire.

The light in the choir room clicked on. Members of the old glee club slowly filtered into the hallway.

"What the hell is going?" Mercedes said. She glanced over at Santana who was now cradling her chest into her body and begging for breath.

"Brittany thought Santana and I were dating." Rachel said. "And this is Santana's reaction."

Mercedes smirked but raised an eyebrow. "So you two aren't dating?"

I think Santana heard that because she howled a little louder and leaned in to me for support.

Rachel shook her head.

Mercedes laughed lightly.

"Wait Wait." Puck stepped towards Rachel. "That doesn't make sense."

Santana stopped laughing. Instead she let out stifled suppressed giggles as she wiped the tears from her eyes. Puck waited with his arms crossed.

"You guys seem to be like-" Puck glanced over at Rachel. "A thing."

Rachel still had her arms folded across her body. She let out another frustrated huff and glared at Santana. She had stopped giggling out loud but I could still feel her body shaking and she let out heavy breaths.

"Your mind is in the gutter, Noah." Rachel said. She huffed at him. "Just because Santana's living with me doesn't mean we're a couple." She let out another huff.

Santana's laughter and shaking stopped. I felt her shoulders stiffen. I looked at Santana but she was too busy glaring at Rachel to notice me.

"Santana lives with you?" Mercedes said.

Mercedes looked back and forth between Rachel and Santana, who was still glaring.

She opened her mouth to say something else but she finally noticed Santana's Vulcan death stare, she swallowed her words instead.

"Santana?" Quinn said from behind the group. "Did something happen with your parents? Are they okay?"

Santana stood up quickly. Dropping her grip on my pinky. I thought she was going to run away again but she only took a few steps away, putting some distance between her and the prying eyes. She turned her back to us.

"My parents kicked me out. Then they jumped ship." Santana said.

"Why?" Quinn asked.

Santana was quiet for a while but we waited. Everyone watched her but we all waited.

"They weren't too happy with the decisions I'd been making." Santana said. She was using her plan A avoidance tactic. I was so used to it after years of being her friend and especially after this weekend. She'd answer the question with the biggest vagueness she could.

"The dealers and the drugs." Puck filled in the gaps.

"Santana." I felt Rachel rise to her feet. "You have to talk about it."

Rachel took a few steps towards Santana but stopped. Santana was shaking her head back and forth. I could only see her back but I knew she was crying. I could tell by sound of the breath leaving her mouth that she was trying to stop it. She was trying to hide her tears from the glee club and it hurt me so much to see her try to hard to hide herself. Especially since she had just been so open and happy just a few seconds ago.

Rachel put a hand on her shoulder but she brushed it off.

"Please." Her voice broke on that little word. "Just- I just need some space."

They stood around glancing at each other for a while. When Santana didn't say or so anything else they slowly filed back into the choir room. I nodded to Rachel as she closed the door behind her.

As soon as the door clicked I watched Santana's body as she shook with low sobs. I stood up. I wasn't sure if she knew whether or not she was alone but I wasn't going to let her be. Not again.

I grabbed her shoulder and turned her body to face me. Her body fell into mine. After so many years it was still her instinctive reaction. I hugged her tight as her face fell into my chest.

"Britt-" She tried to push off me but I kept her tighter. I wasn't going to let her go. "Britt please."

"Do you want me to go?" I spoke into her hair.

"You'll want to go." Santana said. "If you knew-" Her sobs broke. My shirt was already soaked with her tears.

I hugged her tighter and tighter. "Let me decide." I pressed a kiss into her hair.

She shook her head. She was held so tight she could barely move her body but I could feel her head trying to shake.

I wasn't going to let her go. I did once but I wouldn't do it again.