Zero rushed home on his lunch break to clear things up with Ruth and Bonnie, trying not to think about that morning.

He was surprised to find them chatting with Ciel in their living room, sipping tea and showing her photos of their grandkids. Bartholomew was curled up in Ciel's lap, purring quite loudly.

He knocked on the doorway to get their attention. "Hello, I came to check up with you." He walked over to them. "Why are you here, Ciel?"

"You sent me here," she replied, taking a sip of tea.

He gave her a small smile, scratching his cat's chin. "I know, but I didn't think you would steal my cat and my landladies."

Ciel giggled. "I'm just visiting!"

Bonnie smiled at him. "Ciel is such a dear, Zero. You should have brought her over sooner!" She gestured to the tea kettle. "Would you like some tea?"

Zero shook his head. "No, thank you. I just wanted to pop in real quick to make sure you weren't worried, but it looks like I didn't need to."

Ruth nodded. "Ciel told us what happened. Why don't you two take Bartholomew up to your apartment? He's looking sleepy."

"Sure," Ciel said, scooping the cat into her arms and offering him to Zero, who gently took him and petted him softly.

Zero's apartment was the top floor, and the living room Ciel was ushered into was tidy for the most part. There was nothing lying on the floor, but books cluttered the coffee table and bookshelf. There was a simple desk against a window overlooking the street, and it was cluttered, too. Glass bottles, glue, bits of wood, and other bits and bobs were strewn about it. In the center sat a half-completed ship in a bottle.

Ciel smiled and walked over to it. "Wow, you make these?"

Zero nodded. "Yeah, it's a hobby of mine."

Ciel turned to the rest of the room again, looking around some more. She noticed now that they were scattered around the whole apartment. Two were in the window, a bigger one sat on top of the bookshelf. There was one on the coffee table and a couple still on the desk, waiting to be displayed.

Ciel crouched down to look closer at the partially completed one. "These are so cool! Can I touch it?"

Zero set down Bartholomew and the cat padded over to lie on the couch. Zero walked up to her. "You can touch one that's finished."

Ciel picked up the one on the desk that was about the size of her hand and inspected it. The bottle was oddly shaped, sort of cube-shaped with a narrow neck. The ship barely fit inside. "How did you make this?"

Zero chuckled. "A lot of time and a lot of patience."

"It's incredible."

"Thank you."

Ciel set it down and turned to Zero. "So is work going ok? You seem upset about something. Did you get in trouble for being late?"

Zero shook his head. "No, I'm not in trouble. It's just been a tough morning."

Ciel's eyebrows knit together with worry. "Really? What happened?" she asked.

"Well, Signas, the Commander, announced his retirement today, and he told me that he thinks I should replace him."

"Well, isn't promotion good?"

"Yes, but I don't know if I could handle being commander."

"Why not?"

Zero scratched the back of his head. "It's a bit of a long story."

Ciel shook her head. "Oh, I don't mean to pry, if you aren't comfortable telling me, that's totally fine!"

Zero shook his head. "No, it's not that I'm uncomfortable telling you, it's that you might not be comfortable hearing it."

"It's fine Zero. You can tell me."

Zero took a breath. "Well, it was almost 20 years ago…"

It was a peaceful morning. X and Alia were sitting on the porch together, enjoying each other's company and listening to the rain, biding time before they both had to go to work.

When X got the call, he felt sick with dread. Alia could tell what it was about just by watching the look on his face.

"Zero?" She questioned when the call ended.

X nodded.

Alia frowned. "This can't keep happening, X. If you won't go talk to him, I will."

"No," X said, his eyes closed as he rubbed his eyebrow as if to soothe a headache. "I'll do it. Today. I'll call my therapist, see if he has an opening tomorrow."

Alia nodded. "Good. I love you."

X took her hand and kissed it gently. "I love you too."

After a rough mission, during which he sustained a few not so minor injuries, Zero had left the infirmary against doctor's orders. X found him in the HQ's gym, fighting in a battle simulation. He didn't notice X come in, so X shut off the simulation himself.

Zero turned around, finally noticing he wasn't alone. "Why did you do that?"

X raised an eyebrow. "Not even a hello?"

Zero blinked. "Hello. Why did you turn off the simulation?"

"We need to talk, Zero. How many times have you been to the infirmary so far this week?"

Zero shrugged. "Once or twice."

"Don't lie to me."

"I'm not."

X frowned. "Yes, you are! The RM's have been notifying me of every visit you make for months now. So far this week, you have come in six times!"

"That's not absurd, X. Not even once a day."

"It's only Wednesday! This has to stop, Zero. You're killing yourself."

Zero crossed his arms. "It's ok X, I know my limits. I can handle myself."

X sighed and shook his head. "I thought that, too."

Zero furrowed his brow. "What?"

"I can't sit by anymore. You're going to fall apart! Everyone is worried about you. I've been talking to Alia, Axl, Signas, your unit. We're all scared for you."

Zero scowled at him. "Wow, nothing like your friends all conspiring behind your back to let you know how much of a bed wetter you are!"

"We don't think you're weak, Zero! You just need help. One of these days, they won't be able to repair you, and then what?"

"We have hundreds of maverick hunters here. They will be fine without me."

X looked at him in disbelief. "You are not expendable, Zero! No one is! And you aren't replaceable. How could you think that?!" Zero opened his mouth to speak, but X shook his head. "No, I don't want to hear it." He met Zero's eyes. " We all love you, Zero. We need you alive." X started to blink away tears. "I don't understand! Are...do you want to be decommissioned?"

Zero shook his head. "No! No, I…"

"Then why are you doing this?!"

Zero couldn't find an answer.

X sighed. "I've called my therapist. He's the best of the best. You have an appointment with him at 11 tomorrow. He'll come to your dorm, so make sure you're there. I've already spoken to Signas. You are not to report for any missions."

"For how long?"

"Depends on what the therapist says."

"But-"

"No. You need to worry about yourself for a change. Signas will handle everything. You need to go back to the infirmary for a thorough checkup. Then you need to rest."

Zero closed his eyes and nodded.

X walked him back to the infirmary in tense silence. Just before X left to get to his own work, he turned to Zero. "You're going to thank me for this," he told him.

Zero pursed his lips. "I know."

The next day, X got a call from his therapist, Dr. Graham, around noon.

"Hello, is this about Zero?" he answered.

"Yes, indeed. I have spoken to Zero. He seemed pretty compliant, so no worries there. He has agreed to see me every day this week. There are a few things I would like to go over with you if you have time."

"Yes, that's fine. I'm not busy."

"First of all, Zero will not be able to return to work until he's in a better mental state. This could take a long time. Perhaps years. But he shouldn't be sitting around doing nothing. That might make things worse. So, while he is off work, he should pick up some sort of hobby to pass his time. Something simple and productive. Maybe fishing?"

"Sounds good. I can help him with that."

"Yes. Now, it's important that he establishes some sort of home life, something to get him away from work. The first step of this is to move him out of his dorm at the HQ."

"Ok. He could come stay with me and Alia."

"That will work for the time being, but he needs to find his own place as soon as possible."

"Alright."

"He needs a clear distinction between work and home. If we don't establish that now, he could easily regress when he goes back to work."

"Yes, I understand."

"Lastly, X, this isn't going to be easy. It's very good that he wants to change, and that will certainly help, but we are trying to tear down a mindset that has been building for decades. This won't happen overnight, and it will not work if he gives up."

"Don't worry. I've known Zero longer than anyone. He'll pull through this."

Graham sighed. "I hope so too."

"Since then, I've been working to fix myself. I don't want to go back to who I was. I wasn't happy back then." Zero finished.

Ciel nodded in understanding. "Listen Zero, whatever decision you make, Signas will understand. It's entirely ok to turn him down. I'm sure he won't be disappointed in you. He knows you're trying hard, and he will respect whatever decision you make. You should do what will make you happy."

Ciel's words were kind, and they would have been comforting, too. But Zero wasn't concerned about what Signas would think. Zero nodded at her words anyway, looking off into space.

Ciel gave him a questioning look. "Do you want to be commander?" she asked him.

Zero pursed his lips. "I don't know," he lied. He did want to be commander, badly. He was truly honored that Signas had chosen him, and Zero knew he would be able to do a lot of good. And Signas was right; there was no one else alive who could hold a candle to Zero's expertise.

What Zero didn't know was whether it was worth risking the life he had made for himself. What if he regressed? Was it worth the risk? After all, it was peacetime. Was there really anything to worry about? Was it selfish of him to think that way? To put his mental health above the lives of others? Above what he wanted?

Ciel thought for a moment. "Decide what you want first, and if it's meant to be it will happen. Don't be hard on yourself. If you don't think you're up to it, then don't accept the position. If you want to be commander, go for it. And remember, you have six months to decide. You don't have to choose right now."

Zero looked up and met her eyes. "Thank you, Ciel."

Ciel smiled at him. "No problem."

Ciel left shortly after that, and Zero returned to work that afternoon more conflicted than ever. He had meant it when he thanked Ciel. He wanted to be commander so badly, and it meant a lot that he had her blessing to pursue it.

But he was so scared of relapsing, and he fucking hated it.