Disclaimer: I have a disclaimer...... do you think I own it????? :)
This is the big thing... you all won't like it... but it's gonna be awesome what its gonna do to the family... I am just so excited... like this is the whole changing point of my story and... I have been waiting and waiting to right this chapter so.... I hope you enjoy it :) It's a little long that I may split it in two and if I do, it will be a complete Mer chapter or almost....
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Elizabeth Shepherd was very angry. She was angry at her son, her daughter-in-law, her granddaughter, but mostly herself. Maybe she left too early. Before they were ready to handle things on their own. Maybe if she hadn't left, things wouldn't be this bad, maybe they'd be angry, but working it out. Not getting a divorce.
This was the reason she was coming earlier then her children. A whole two hours earlier then them. Her plane should be landing around 11 o'clock.
As she sat in her seat on the plane, she was thinking of what she should say to them. How to give them a piece of her mind. How to bring up Lyss and what she would want in the least painful way.
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Meredith watched as her husband left the house for work. Today was the day she was going back to work. Derek had gone a week earlier, and Mer heard from Hayley and Paige what that has done to her family. Once he was gone, she walked inside.
"MOMMY!" Noah squealed as he saw her from the breakfast table.
"Hey bud," Meredith smiled and ruffled his hair. She watched as the rest of her kids just scoffed, and turned their heads She sighed and sat at the island.
"You know Mom," Paige said. "Daddy has coffee left over, and there are extra eggs, you can sit with us."
"Thanks Paige," Meredith murmured and poured herself and cup of coffee before sitting in her usual seat. She looked around and her gaze froze at the seat between Hayley and Jake. The empty seat. Derek's she didn't care about. Before Lyss's death, he usually took the early shift anyway.
"So Mom," Sophia started conversation, trying to bring up her mother's sour mood from looking at Lyss's seat. "When is your shift?"
"It's starts around 1:30," Meredith shrugged and looked down. All the kids looked up and smiled, except for Noah. They knew when it started, they knew when they were supposed to be at the intervention, and they knew that Izzie had written all of them an excuse note to go to the hospital for 2 o'clock.
"Momma, are you taking me to preschool then?" Noah asked.
"Is Izzie taking him?" she asked the girls.
"You can tell her she doesn't have to worry about it today, she won't mind," Hayley smiled, happy that for the first time in a month, her mother was getting out of the house, and not to go to the bar.
"I think I'll do that now," Meredith said, got up, and walked out of the room.
"Thank god," Paige murmured, and everyone sighed in relief. When she rang the Karev's doorbell, Ali answered. Her eyes immediately lit up.
"Aunt Meredith!" she squealed and hugged her tightly.
"Hey Al, where's your mom," Meredith smiled.
"Mer?" Izzie questioned.
"Hey Iz," Meredith said, as Ali left.
"What are you doing here?" Izzie asked.
"Just came to tell you you don't have to worry about Noah this morning," Mer said.
"Mer," Izzie broke out in a smile. "That's great."
"Yeah," Meredith muttered.
"Do you still need me to pick him up, I have the same shift as you today?" Izzie asked.
"It will be for the best," Mer sighed. "I'll need some time."
"Well... I'll see you Mer," Izzie said as Mer walked away. When she walked back into her house, Sophia, Hayley, and Paige were leaving, and soon Jake and Kels left too. That left her alone with Noah.
"Momma, can I watch TV?" he asked.
"No bud, you need to get ready for school," Mer told him.
"I don't wanna go to school, I wanna stay with you," Noah frowned.
"Your gonna come home at 11, and come to work with me buddy," Meredith said.
"YAY!" he squealed. "Will daddy be there too."
"Yes bud," Mer sighed and sat down on the couch as Noah ran upstairs. "Oh Lyss... what am I doing?" She looked around the room and frowned. Derek overturned all of the pictures left up from the funeral. He didn't even have the decency to put them away. She walked over to one, and flipped it over.
"Mommy!" Before she had the chance to see the picture, Noah came down the stairs. "I'm ready."
"Okay bud, let's go," she said, not giving the picture another glance. She grabbed her keys that were still in the house, and drove to drop off Noah. When they get there, instead of waiting in the car for the teachers to collect the student like she usually did, Mer decided to go outside and talk to other parents.
"Hi," one woman said, she recognized her as Denise, the mother of one of the girls in Noah's class. "Your Noah's mom Meredith, right?"
"Yes," Mer nodded, smiling slightly.
"I heard about your daughter," another mother said. Meredith's face fell. "I am so sorry for your loss, it's absolutely terrible."
"Yeah," Meredith choked out, trying to hold back her tears.
"How is your family holding on?" a man, a father of one of the children asked.
"One step at a time," Meredith murmured, feeling herself on the verge of a definite panic attack. "Excuse me." With that, she kissed Noah on the head, and walked calmly to the car. She gripped the steering wheel tightly, and stared forward, her lips quivering slightly. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched as the teacher came out, and led the children inside. As soon as she saw Noah's blond head disappear, she let her tears go and sped out of the parking lot. To distract herself, she turned on the radio.
"And what song would you like us to play for you today?" the man on the radio asked.
"I'd like you to play a song for my daughter and I, I Hope You Dance," a woman who called in said.
Meredith froze as she said those words. When her kids were growing up, Meredith and Derek always tried to have a special bond or connection with each of their children. Whether it was shopping, fishing, sports, picnics, food, or songs. Since Lyss loved music so much, hers was always a song. Everyone knew that Lyss and Derek had 'Return to Pooh Corner,' but not many people knew that, other then being a little version of Mer, Lyss and Mer's song was 'I Hope You Dance.'
"Momma," Lyss asked. "When we be there?" Mer was driving Lyss to her first dance class.
"Very soon baby," Meredith smiled, green eyes meeting green in the rear view mirror. Lyss had little ballet slippers on, a leotard, pink tights, and a pink tutu on. "So are you excited Lyss?"
"YEAH!" Lyss exclaimed loudly. Luckily it was only them in the car. The girls were at school and Jake was in the day care at the hospital.
"Are you gonna be a good ballerina?" Mer asked.
"Mhmm hmm," Lyss nodded her head vigorously. "I gonna be the bestest 'rina ever!"
"You sure?" Meredith teased.
"Yes Mommy," Lyss pouted and crossed her arm. "I am."
"Well T don't like that face... you should be happy, this is your first dance class," Meredith said. She wanted her daughter to be in a good mood, this was the first time she was ever leaving her somewhere where she didn't have any of her siblings. Mer watched as Lyss tried to keep her pout, but it quickly wavered and broke out into a smile again. That's when the song came on. Lyss wasn't listening until the chorus, that's when she liked it.
"Momma," she giggled. "I like dis song." Mer smiled, Lyss liked it because it said the word dance, but she didn't know what the real meaning of the song was , and why Meredith liked it so much.
And ever since, whenever either of them heard the song, they always thought of that day. At 10, Meredith even made Lyss vow that at her wedding, she would have the DJ play the song for them. Meredith never thought that Lyss and her wouldn't have the chance.
I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,
May you never take one single breath for granted,
GOD forbid love ever leave you empty handed,
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livin' might mean takin' chances, but they're worth takin',
Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth makin',
Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,
When you come close to sellin' out reconsider,
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone.)
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
Dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance..
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone)
Meredith's hands started shaking uncontrollably, barely hanging on to the wheel. Her eyes were blurred dramatically by the falling tears, she ran through a red light. Two lines from the song kept replaying in her head, making it impossible to hear the honking horns of other drivers she almost hit.
May you never take one single breath for granted
She did, she did and now her daughter was dead.
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance
Obviously Lyss did, if she didn't, would she have ever given up so easily?
But that still doesn't lessen the blow of her death. It doesn't make it hurt any less. Mer didn't even realize she was home the tears were still blurring her vision so much.
Stumbling into the house, Meredith leaned against the door and tried to breathe, tried to calm down, shutting her eyes tightly. It took her about 10 minutes to, but she did. Taking a deep breath, Mer opened her eyes. She shouldn't have though. The first thing that caught her eye was the picture she turned back over an hour before. The picture of Lyss. The picture of her and Lyss.
Lyss was probably 6 or 7, and they were running around the park. It had to be after dance class because Lyss was still in a leotard and tutu, her hair pulled back into a loose ponytail. Meredith had Lyss in her arms, clearly tickling her. Both of their mouths were open in a laugh, their heads thrown back as Lyss struggled to get away. Mer could swear she heard Lyss giggling, just by looking at it.
"Mommy! Mommy! Stop it please! Please Please it tickles!"
Meredith touches the picture before grasping it tightly at her stomach. She bends down in a loud sob that immobilizes her for a few minutes. When she can finally walk, Mer puts the picture back on the shelf and runs to the guest house. She hears the picture fall and shatter, but she doesn't really care.
Mer soon returns to the living room, a bottle of tequila already in her mouth. Sitting on the couch, she downs in the course of 20 minutes. Once she realizes it's finished, Mer gets off the couch in a fog.
"Lyss," she moans. "Oh Lyss.... Derek... it hurts." But he's no longer there to comfort her. For some reason, she sprints upstairs, or more like stumbles from her drunken haze. The whole room starts spinning, and thinking she is reaching for Jake's room, who has been keeping the ice pack in there because he wants to give his mother an excuse not to drink, she met the pink and purple walls of Lyss's room, that has other colors splattered on there.
"You sure you want to do this Lyss?" Mer asked, as they stood in Lyss empty room, the floor covered in tarp. Lyss was about 9 years old.
"Say yes Lyss," Sophia whispered, picking up a paintbrush. "You know you want to." Lyss giggled.
"Of course," Lyss smiled, nodding at Hayley, Paige, and Sophia who were eager to help paint.
"Okay then," Meredith smiled, and picked up her own brush. The five of them started to dip their brushes in a certain color, whether it was orange, red, yellow, blue, green, or white, and started splattering it on the walls. The day was filled with lots of giggles and paint wars, and in the end, Lyss's room looked awesome. Everyone could easily tell it was Lyss's room from then on.
"No," Mer choked out, and slammed the door shut. She turns around quickly, too quickly, and the house tips, and Mer doesn't know where she is walking. "Lyss...." Meredith walked forward, not realizing she hit the steps. In an instant, her foot slips out from under her, and with a yelp, Mer flies head first down the steps, landing at the bottom with a thud...
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Cliffhanger... of course, it's me your talking about haha! Ummm..... yeah.... this part is my favorite.... and the chapter coming up next :) And the chapter after that and... really the rest of the story will be so much fun to write. I know it sucks but HAPPY ENDING!
A/N: School starts Monday :(
PLEASE R&R!