Chapter 7 the haunted

As Bellamy began to wake, he glanced around and immediately knew where he was. His body ached, especially his shoulder and arm. He tried to sit up.

"Hey, not so fast," said Abby as she rushed over and stopped him from sitting up. She put her hand over his chest, and gently forced him back down. Bellamy winced in pain from his back.

"How long have I been here," he asked in a cracked ragged breath.

"Since yesterday, they drove all night and most of the morning, you had a pretty bad fever, but I think you're going to make it," smiled Abby. Bellamy didn't smile back; he just closed his eyes for a moment, a sign of fatigue setting in.

Abby got serious. "Bellamy, we had to reset your arm and we've put it in a cast, but your shoulder, there was some infection and I had to re-stitch what was already done and you lost a lot of blood, you're going to have to take it easy, you may feel dizzy and weak. We don't want you ripping out what I've already done," said Abby.

Bellamy just nodded. "When can I leave," he asked her without looking at her. He just stared ahead, without expression.

"I need you to stay here till morning, I'm still monitoring that infection," said Abby as she looked at him with concern. "Bellamy, are you alright?" she asked him.

"I'm fine," he mumbled as he looked away, closing his eyes again. Bellamy didn't want to talk. He didn't want to face anyone. He knew how they all felt, and what horrors he had done.

Abby knew he was anything but fine, but he had shut down and she knew he didn't want to talk. "Bellamy, let me know if you need anything. I'll bring you something to eat in a little bit, I'm sure your starving," she said as she got up, "but I need you to stay here tonight, that's an order," she said.

Bellamy heard her words. He tried to shut her out. He just wanted to sink into darkness and disappear. The images of what he had done overwhelmed him. He felt like there was a stain on his soul; that he was dirty and would never be clean again.

As Abby walked out of the room, she met Marcus. "How's he doing?" Marcus asked.

"His wounds will heal in time," she said. "But he's not good. He's shutting us out. He won't talk; he won't even look at me.

Marcus glanced in Bellamy's direction, his face drawn with concern. After Mt. Weather, He helped Bellamy as he struggled with his choices, and he slowly got better. Now it was all back to the beginning only much worse. Marcus looked at the delinquents like a father would, but he held a special bond with the reckless young Bellamy and although it was never spoken, he knew Bellamy looked at him like the father he never had. The past two months everyone struggled and Marcus didn't realize the extent that Bellamy was withdrawing because Marcus had his own demons.

"Clarke filled me in on everything that happened with the bear, but she also told me about the girl at the trading post. Apparently, they had had a run in with her in the past and her father was killed in the massacre," Marcus said.

"Yes, but that's something he's going to have to work out on his own," said Abby.

"Let me try to talk to him," said Marcus. He squeezed Abby's upper arms reassuringly.

"Go ahead, I need to go and get him some food," said Abby. She gave Marcus a quick smile, hoping he could get through to Bellamy.

Marcus walked into the dimly lit room and saw Bellamy lying in the bed. He reminded himself how young Bellamy still was, to have done all the things he had done. They had been thrust upon the earth and forced to fight to the death at such a young age and all in less than a year. Bellamy's head was turned away and facing the wall. "Wow! So you single handedly killed a bear. You're going to have quite a story to tell," said Marcus as he tried to lighten Bellamy's mood. Marcus got no reaction from Bellamy. Bellamy just closed his eyes slowly. Marcus sat there looking at him, he was unsure what was going on in Bellamy's mind, but he could see that Bellamy was hurting, and it had nothing to do with his injuries.

"Bellamy, you know you can talk to us. We've all done things… You're a big part of us here, we want to help you get through this," Marcus said to him.

Marcus put his hand on Bellamy's shoulder, trying to get him to look back, but Bellamy couldn't bring himself to face the man he had let down so badly, almost causing his execution, and knowing Marcus blamed him for Lincolns death just like Octavia did. He remembered how Marcus called him the enemy. How Marcus tried to tell him following Pike was a mistake, and he didn't listen. It had caused so many to die, then thoughts of Niylah's words of all the families who had lost loved ones because of his hatred came flooding back. Bellamy struggled with the tightness in his throat, but he wouldn't break in front of Marcus. Finally he glanced at Marcus. "You were right. Is that what you want to hear?" he asked. "I'm a killer, I didn't listen to you and now I have to live with it," he said with an edge to his voice. Bellamy exhaled heavily. "Just leave me alone," he finally said as he turned his head away and closed his eyes.

Marcus sat there a minute. Then he said, "Bellamy, I'm not here to judge you. I've made mistakes too, you just need to know, I'm here, were all here. Please don't shut us out." Finally Marcus stood up and left, just as the wetness filled Bellamy's eyes. Bellamy quickly wiped his face. He hated being here, hated people trying to act like he mattered. He wanted to be alone and in the middle of the medical bay, he knew he would be hounded constantly. He slowly sat up, he felt weak, but he didn't care. The floor was cold on his bare feet and he didn't know where his boots were, but he slowly walked out anyway. He was wearing only blue medical pants that were cinched at the waist and he wasn't wearing a shirt, but he didn't care. Most of his upper torso was covered in bandages from the bear attack.

Bellamy stepped out into the hallway and was met by Abby, carrying a tray of food for him. He immediately cursed under his breath and closed his eyes in anger at getting caught sneaking out. "What are you doing,' shouted Abby. "I ordered you to stay in bed, you can't leave."

Bellamy looked at Abby. "I'm going to my room, I won't stay here," he said as he brushed past her.

Abby grabbed his upper arm to stop him almost dropping her food tray. "Bellamy stop."

Bellamy stopped and closed his eyes, as he tried to keep his temper in check. "Look, I just can't rest here," he said then he looked at Abby. She could see the wetness in his eyes. "I'll stay in bed, I just need to be alone," he said. "Please let me go," he said finally in a whisper. He was near that breaking point and Abby could see it. She knew he needed to be alone. "Fine, go, I'll send someone with your food in a minute, and I'll check on you first thing in the morning. Oh and Bellamy," she added,"stay in bed, promise me for tonight."

"I will," he mumbled as he stared at the floor and slowly walked away.