PRESENT

'She's pretty.'

I froze. Taking a deep breath I looked up from my plate. Shuuhei was staring at the picture on the mantelpiece. At Lisa. My Mona Lisa.

He continued eating, unaware of my stillness. 'Who is she?'

Oh, if only he knew. Who is she? She was the love of my life. My reason to live. The joy in my laugh. My dreams. My hopes. My nightmares.

I tried to play it off and shoved spaghetti down my throat, although I couldn't really taste anything anymore. 'She was my wife,' I grunted.

'Oh.' He was staring at his plate, silent. 'I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-'

'Doesn't matter. She's dead.' Oh God, Kensei, why did you have to say that so callously? Why did you even have to mention it? He doesn't have to know. If he knew…if he knew how it happened he'd-

'I-I'm sorry.'

'Like I said it doesn't matter.' I stood up suddenly and grabbed my half full plate. I wasn't hungry anymore.

He stood up too. 'Here,' he said, reaching out for my plate. 'Let me-'

'You don't have to do anything,' I bit out, heading to the garbage can to throw my leftovers. All the way I was chanting in my head.

shutupshutupshutupshutupshutup

It wasn't his fault. He was just making a statement. Why was it bothering me so fucking much? It had been a year. I was over it. I had therapy. I talked to friends. The doctors said I was fine. So then why-

'It's guilt, Kensei.'

Lisa leaned against the kitchen sink nonchalantly as I viciously washed my dish, avoiding looking in her direction. She grinned maliciously. 'You feel guilty for what you're doing to him. To me.'

'You're not supposed to be here,' I murmured. 'You're dead. Dead, you hear me?'

'So what? Doesn't mean you'll stop seeing me everywhere.'

'I'm not going mad. The doctor said I was fine. I didn't need treatment anymore. He said-'

'Oh! Speaking of doctors, ask the boy if someone called today.'

I suddenly felt lightheaded and dizzy. Lisa leaned in close. 'Go on. Ask him. I want to see his reaction when you lose it.'

I swallowed bitterly. 'Shuuhei, did someone…call today?'

He had been clearing the table. All of the sudden, the clinking of dishes had stopped. I could almost here him think: should I lie or tell the truth?

'Yes,' he said slowly. 'But I didn't pick up…'

I breathed. My heart began to settle.

'…so the person left a voice message.'

I froze. One more question loomed in my mind although I already knew the answer to that.

'Did you hear it?'

Again he hesitated, weighing the outcome of his answer. 'Well-'

I didn't wait for him to finish. I stumbled out of the kitchen towards the phone, pressing the voicemail button.

You have 1 new message

BEEP!

'Hello, Kensei, this is your therapist Dr. Urahara. I was just checking up on you to see if those new pills were working. You complained about headaches and hallucinations so those should take the edge off. Also, I wanted to-'

BEEP!

Message deleted

I knew he was behind me. I didn't have to turn around to see him. I was gripping the edge of the table so hard my knuckles were white.

'I'm not crazy,' I said hoarsely. I had to say it. I didn't care if he wasn't thinking it. He had to know. I just…

'Kensei, I never-'

'Don't…' I said through gritted teeth, my voice strained. 'lie to me.'

Everyone lied to me. Ever since…ever since Lisa was gone, everyone did nothing but lie to me.

'It'll be alright.'

'It'll get better. Trust me.'

'You just need to be around friends, Kensei.'

'You'll find someone again. You just got to have faith.'

Lies, lies, and even more lies. I was sick of it. Talking to my family did nothing. My friends were hollow. My therapy was nothing but an emotional drain for me. I wanted out.

'What do you think he'll look like, Kensei? I want him to look like you. And have your sharp jawline. And he can have my eyes, like you want him to. It's so crazy, isn't it? In just a few months, we're going to be parents to a baby boy…'

She had been my world. She had been my everything. I wanted to be with her forever and more. And when she got pregnant, I thought we were meant to be. She was perfect.And then everything went so wrong.

'Where's my Lisa? Is she okay!? Doctor, what's wrong with my Lisa?'

'Everything is fine, Mr. Muguruma. It's just a difficult birth. It's taking it's toll on her.'

'Doctor, will she live? Will she be alright? What about the baby? Listen, I told her I'd be there for her. I told her I'd stay by her side until it was all over. Please, just let me in. She needs me. My Lisa needs me. Just. Let. Me. THROUGH! LISA!'

I stopped answering my phone. I stopped going to my sessions. Everyone was worried. But I didn't care. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered. I was slowly slipping into darkness and I couldn't be bothered to save myself.

And then he came along.

I slowly turned around to face Shuhhei. The boy was staring at me, wide-eyed and concerned. His hands were clenched into fists at his side.

'Kensei?' he said tentatively.

I had been standing at the bus stop, a year since Lisa had gone (left me), and there he was. He was waiting for the bus like me.

My entire body had frozen. My heart had stopped. I couldn't believe my eyes. I thought the world was torturing me. How was it possible for someone to look that similar to her? I didn't believe in reincarnation but at that moment, if someone told me that the sky was red instead of blue, I would've believed them.

For the first time in a year, I had wanted to cry, scream and laugh all at the same time. I had given up on life. And then there it was at the bus stop, calling out to me to live, giving me a second chance to be a better man, lover, father.

Call me a sick man. I didn't care. I couldn't forget him. So I followed him. I found out who he was, where he lived, worked, studied. I wanted to know everything about him. I knew it was no coincidence that I had met the boy who was the spitting image of my wife. And that was how I found out his life was worse than mine, living with a monster who called himself a father, and being bullied just for existing.

At that moment, I wanted to save him. Take him away from that horrible life but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I was already being a pervert, stalking him everywhere. Kidnapping him would not only put my life at risk but his as well. It was unthinkable. I was content with just watching him. Having him would be too painful, too…good for a man like me.

But then that day at the Greek place he said something to me that I couldn't walk away from. My mind had been made up. I was going to take him home with me. And there was no going back after that.

I slowly walked up to him and gently cupped his face. He let me. He was strangely calm. It almost made me nervous. Damn it, I wish I hadn't thrown those pills away.

Licking my lips, I leaned down and pressed my mouth against his. He didn't pull away, letting me deepen the kiss. I kissed him long and hard, and when I pulled away, he gasped for air. I leaned my forehead against his.

'I promised,' I murmured. 'I made a promise to save you.' I now framed his face with my hands. 'And I won't go back on my promise.'

Shuuhei looked me in the eyes, those lovely green eyes. And nodded. I kissed him again.

Sometimes I wondered if he was my savior instead of me being his.

Lisa perched on the arm of the sofa. She crossed her arms and studied the boy. Her eyes narrowed. 'There's something off about him,' she murmured.