Chapter 7: In the Meadow…

I let my eyes flutter open slowly…and caught my breath. My hands flew to my mouth as I looked at the beauty of it all. I couldn't remember how to breathe. For a moment I thought I might collapse, which didn't really scare me since I knew Edward was right there with me, holding me. I felt like I could die there, in his arms, and be okay with it.

I immediately whipped around to face him, my arms flying around his neck so quickly that even I wasn't entirely certain what had happened. For a moment I was afraid I might cut off his air supply with the constriction in which I was embracing him. Then, of course, I remembered who I was embracing, and hugged him tighter still. I felt his arms encircle the small of my back and wondered if he would be angry with me if I cried right now. Too late. The lump in my throat exploded before I'd even felt it rise and tears grew hot in my eyes almost instantaneously.

I pulled back just enough to be able to look into his eyes. His beautiful, perfect, loving eyes… "Did you do all of this?" I wondered aloud, blinking back a fresh set of tears as his glorious smile sent my head spinning. He nodded. "Yes." He confirmed softly, leaning forward and kissing my hair ever so gently. "I had to do it. For you."

Now I was really crying. Tears spilled over my bottom eyelids at a moment's notice and stained my features almost effortlessly. I was certainly glad Alice owned waterproof make-up. Then again, I supposed she'd already known this was going to happen. Although I doubted she had anything to do with it. This seemed like an entirely pure Edward stunt.

I turned around to admire it all one more time. We were in the meadow. Our meadow. The meadow where he'd taken me not long after we met. The meadow in which we had just come out of when we had our first kiss. The meadow where he'd told me…everything. Everything and anything. The meadow where I truly realized how much I loved him.

And before us was spread a large, navy-blue blanket in the grass, on top of which rested a beautifully-finished square of wood. It was deep mahogany in color and looked like it could be the top to a table without legs. On top of this slab of gorgeous wood were two place settings which looked as though they belonged in a very expensive, fancy restaurant. The napkins were folded in the shape of swans, the china decorated with a delicate golden outline and a rose pattern that I adored. There were also two tall, red candles in dove-shaped holders on the little seating area. I noted that they were already burning brilliantly in the darkness. Then there was the picnic basket, which I was sure, held all of the food that we – or…I rather – would consume for dinner. There was a boom box of sorts on the ground next to the basket and I smiled at the prospect of what might be inside. This was all so…magnificent.

Slowly this time, I turned to face Edward again, the tears streaming over my features as I smiled up at him through the trembling of my lips. But his expression became grave suddenly, when he saw my face again. His smile vanished and his eyes grew sad, hurt. "Don't you like it?" He clearly couldn't keep himself from asking as his eyebrows knitted together in a concerned and perplexed manner.

I opened my mouth to talk, but no words came out, just barely-audible squeaks. My throat seemed to be getting tighter the more I tried to speak. It didn't matter of course. There was no way I could possibly find words to tell him what I was truly feeling at the moment, even if I had found my voice. But before I could so much as try one more time, I was in Edward's arms, my face cradled onto his cold, hard chest as his hand pressed the back of my head gently into it with the softest of pressures. His other hand was on my back, running the length of my spine over and over again. Up and down. Up and down. His hand felt so smooth, so gentle…

He kissed the top of my head. "Oh, Bella," whispered into my ear when his lips left my hair, "Bella, I'm sorry." Clearly though, he had absolutely no idea what he was apologizing for. He just felt that he should. "I didn't mean to…we can go back to your house. We could eat there. We don't have to do this."

But I pulled away abruptly then, my eyes being the stronger ones of our unbroken gaze for the first time. I stared back at him meaningfully, my tongue suddenly seeming to leap to life as I studied his perfectly handsome features. "No, Edward." I corrected quickly, although my voice was still painfully strained through the tears. "I love it. I love it so much. I love you…I…I just…" the tears were threatening to build up that communication wall between us again. I decided I wouldn't let them. Not just yet. I thought of something simple that I could get over my lips quickly. "Thank you so much." My voice became muffled again as I buried my face in his sport coat. "It's beautiful."

Now Edward was smiling again. I was certain I could literally feel the warmth radiating from it as he looked down at me. "No." He corrected as he pulled me away again just enough to look into my face. "You're beautiful."

This brought an entirely new set of tears to my eyes and I shook my head almost violently. "Don't say that." I ordered him for the third time tonight. For some reason I didn't like the feeling that coursed through me when he said things like that. It didn't seem right. It didn't seem fair. "I don't deserve it." I spoke my thoughts now as the tears quieted enough for me to speak coherently. "I don't deserve any of it. I don't deserve you, Edward." All that he had done tonight had proved that, but now he looked down on me again, his face looking almost angry with the statement.

"That's not true." He told me firmly as he placed both hands strongly on my shoulders, shaking me ever so slightly; just enough to get my attention. "And don't you ever believe it." But then an entirely new expression came over his perfect face as he seemed to think the whole thing over one more time. "Actually, you know, on second thought, maybe you're right."

I looked up at him, bewildered.

He nodded in confirmation. "Yes, you are right." He said affirmatively. "You don't deserve me." He paused momentarily, searching my face with a far-away expression. "You deserve better."

My eyes widened abruptly and I shook my head. "No, Edward." My voice was almost panicked now. I couldn't believe he actually thought this. "No, it's not true."

"It is true." He assured me, his voice softening again just before his lips brushed delicately across my forehead. Then he pulled back after a long moment, his ochre eyes catching mine and holding them, making me tremble again. "You will never know how much I love you." His voice held the seal of a promise, as though he knew this for certain. "You'll never know how…precious and…special you are to me. You'll never know how much I need you."

I wanted to tell him something…anything that would prove that he had it backwards. I wanted to ask him so many questions. Why he thought such things. Why he needed me. But I didn't. As his lips moved down my face I lost all ability to form coherent syllables again. Placing his strong, cold hands on either side of my face, he pulled me up to him, caressing my lips ever so softly with his own. When he finally broke away, I was shaking. Not from the cold or the darkness around us…just shaking. Shaking because I was remembering what I'd told Charlie last night, about Edward caring about me too much. It almost hurt to be loved so…completely. It hurt because I was afraid. Afraid that someday I would lose him again…I couldn't survive it a second time. I knew that now. I loved him way, way too much. And that could be a bad thing.

Sighing softly, Edward pulled me into another tight embrace, laying my head on his shoulder for the longest moment. I never wanted to let go. The tears seemed to be subsiding for the moment. Not surrendering, just retreating enough to let me enjoy the evening. When he released me, Edward reached into one of the pockets in his sport coat and drew forth a darkly-colored handkerchief. Tenderly, he dabbed at my wet features ever so carefully, being cautious not to disturb my still-intact make-up.

I smiled and leaned up to kiss him one more, quick time before we sat down for dinner.

Edward sat in silence while I ate, watching, it seemed, fascinated. I pretended not to notice, for, I knew that if I did, the distraction might be enough for me to want to run away with him tonight and never come back. All he had done for me tonight was indescribable. I couldn't possibly fathom the reason he had done it. I simply wouldn't stand to believe that he'd done it for no reason in particular. There had to be something. But I didn't press the matter as I ate.

The food was delectable, and tasted as though it too belonged in the most expensive of fancy restaurants. It was steak with a garden salad and potatoes. I ate slowly, savoring not only the taste of it all, but also the time we had out here together.

When we'd first sat down, Edward had reached over and pressed the 'play' button on the boom box, causing my heart to seemingly melt inside my chest as the sweet, calming melody of my lullaby drifted from the speakers, filling the meadow around us. While I listened I envisioned Edward seated gracefully at the piano that day, playing it for me for the first time. I swallowed more tears along with my steak.

When I was finished, Edward reached into the picnic basket again and this time drew forth two delicate, crystal glasses that had the same gold outline to match the dishes, and a bottle of what had to be the most expensive Champaign I'd ever seen.

I raised one eyebrow quizzically. "Champaign?" I inquired, the hint of interrogation in my tone. "What are we celebrating?"

Edward chuckled softly, making my heart flutter and proceeded to fill both glasses with the golden, bubbly liquid. "That depends." He replied, his voice quiet as he recorked the bottle and placed it aside. I wanted to ask him what it depended on, but my mind quickly shifted to other matters as I watched him. "You're having some too?" I questioned loudly, astonished. He'd proved to me once before that he was physically able to ingest substances edible to humans, but he preferred not to.

He tilted his beautiful, auburn head to one side and his eyes smiled over at me from under his lashes. "It's a special night." He explained, a little too vague for my liking. "Is it now?" My voice was light, casual, but my heart was going on a wild rampage inside my chest, ricocheting off of my rib cage over and over again.

Edward's fingers were tracing the brim of his Champaign glass over and over again, as though he were deep in thought, debating. "Edward…" I said slowly, carefully, "…is something wrong?"

He looked up at me abruptly, his golden eyes studying my features as though they might disappear suddenly if he didn't get a good look at them now. "No." He assured me quickly. He reached across the little 'table' of sorts and took both of my hands in his. "No, everything's just…perfect." He paused momentarily and I wondering what exactly it was he was trying to say. Then he continued. "In fact, things have been perfect for me for a long time now and I think…the reason is you."

I smiled, but I didn't let it touch my eyes. Something was about to happen. I could sense it…and unless he hurried up and told me what it was, I was going to start panicking. My mind was reeling with possibilities. I felt my breathing quicken as Edward drew in one, deep breath and started getting to his feet, pulling me up by the hands as well. "Stand up." He ordered me softly.

Confused, but, clearly intrigued, I obeyed, my brow furrowing in obvious concern as we both stood in the grass now, just inches from each other, my hands entwined in his. He led me over to one side so we were off of the blanket and the 'table' wasn't in our way. He took another deep breath and then, for the briefest moment, I recognized in him something I had never seen before. Something that made my heart want to leap out of my chest. He was nervous. I had never seen Edward nervous before. It was the strangest feeling…

I tried to focus on the gentle, melodic piano tones playing in the background accompanied by the crickets, but my attention shifted abruptly at Edward's next words. "Bella, I need to ask you something." He whispered, his eyes still on mine.

I was careful. "Okay…"

"I've asked you this before, but…I think…I need to do it formally."

And then I knew. My mind began to reel. I felt my breath freeze in my chest. "Edward…?" My voice was alarmed now, urgent, almost panicked. "Edward, what are you doing? Edward!?"

He didn't answer. Smiling ever so slightly, he got down on one knee.