This chapter is dedicated to reviewer xxmakesomenoisexx.
The next days, the morning started out quite well, but then things went downhill for Alexis. Kyra stopped her on the way to breakfast and told her that they needed to talk later. Alexis nodded and entered the Great Hall, where she bumped into Gary and his new friend. He turned and quickly introduced David Melling to her, then the two boys hurried over to the Hufflepuff table.
After breakfast was Herbology with the Hufflepuffs. Professor Sprout went over Mandrakes, and Alexis, Hermione, and Sophie each answered a question, earning thirty points for Gryffindor. Alexis, Eric, and Hermione were joined at their tray by a Hufflepuff boy named Justin Finch-Fletchley. He introduced himself cheerfully, said he knew them all, and then as they worked, talked about Lockhart. He was very impressed with all the things Lockhart had supposedly done and written about in his books. Then he revealed that he was Muggleborn, saying that his name had been put down for Eton. Eric had looked confused and Hermione explained in a whisper, "It's a prestigious Muggle boarding school for boys."
Then they had to put their earmuffs on, so all conversation ended. Alexis found repotting the Mandrakes difficult, and had to spend ten minutes trying to smash a particularly fat one into a pot. She couldn't help throwing an envious look at Neville, who was potting the Mandrakes with almost as much ease as Professor Sprout had done.
By the end of the class, Alexis, like everyone else, was sweaty, aching and covered in earth. They traipsed back to the castle for a quick wash and then the Gryffindors hurried off to Transfiguration.
Professor McGonagall's classes were always hard work, but today was especially difficult. Everything Alexis had learned last year seemed to have leaked out of her head during the summer. She was supposed to be turning a beetle into a button, but all she managed to do was give her beetle a lot of exercise as it scuttled over the desk top avoiding her wand for the first half of class. Finally she managed to make the legs and antenna disappear and give the beetle the shape of the button, but that was it.
Hermione and Sophie produced perfect buttons, and in fact, each transfigured several beetles to buttons, each one fancier than the last, Professor McGonagall looked very impressed and awarded them ten points each.
By the end of class, Alexis finally was able to transfigure the beetle completely into a button, but it was a very plain black one. She was not awarded any points for her efforts, though McGonagall did nod approvingly.
During lunch, Neville asked what class they had next. "Defence Against Dark Arts," replied Sophie, sounding unhappy. "Aunt Kat and Uncle Caleb told me everything they could remember about Lockhart from their school days, and I just know he's going to be an incompetent teacher. He'll be worse than Quirrell. It looks as if we're going to have to study proper Defence on our own like last year."
They finished lunch and went outside to the overcast courtyard. Ginny, Luna, Beth, Gary, and David turned up. Gary introduced his new friend to the others and David began a conversation with Gary and Beth. Alexis asked Ginny and Luna about their day.
"It was quite nice," said Luna in her usual dreamy tone. "Professor Flitwick is a really good teacher."
"I successfully transfigured my match into a needle!" exclaimed Ginny happily. "Professor McGonagall smiled, showed the class how well I did, and awarded me five points."
"Good for you, Ginny," said Sophie, smiling. "You're turning out to be a very good witch." Ginny blushed at the praise.
Just then, Alexis turned, suddenly aware that she was being watched. It was the mousy-haired, excitable boy that had been Sorted into Gryffindor last night. He was clutching a camera, and the moment Alexis looked at him, he went bright red.
"All right, Alexis? I'm - I'm Colin Creevey," he said breathlessly, taking a tentative step forward. "I'm in Gryffindor, too. D'you think - would it be all right if - can I have a picture?" he said, raising the camera hopefully.
"A picture?" Alexis repeated blankly.
"So I can prove I've met you," said Colin Creevey eagerly, edging further forwards. "I know all about you. Everyone's told me. About how you survived when You-Know-Who tried to kill you and how he disappeared and everything and how you've still got a lightning scar on your forehead" (his eyes raked Alexis's hairline), "and a boy in my dormitory said if I develop the film in the right potion, the pictures'll move."
Colin drew a great shuddering breath of excitement and said, "It's brilliant here, isn't it? I never knew all the odd stuff I could do was magic till I got the letter from Hogwarts. My Dad's a milkman, he couldn't believe it either. So I'm taking loads of pictures to send home to him. And it'd be really good if I had one of you -" he looked imploringly at Alexis, "- maybe one of your friends could take it and I could stand next to you? And then, could you sign it?"
"Signed photos? You're giving out signed photos, Potter?" Loud and scathing, Draco Malfoy's voice echoed around the courtyard.
He had stopped right behind Colin, flanked, as he always was at Hogwarts, by his large and thuggish cronies, Crabbe and Goyle.
"Everyone queue up!" Malfoy roared to the crowd. "Alexis Potter's giving out signed photos!"
"No, I'm not!" snapped Alexis angrily, standing up and glaring at him. "Shut up, Malfoy."
"You're just jealous," piped Colin, whose entire body was about as thick as Crabbe's neck.
"Jealous?" said Malfoy, who didn't need to shout anymore; half the courtyard was listening in. "Of what? I don't want a foul scar right across my head, thanks. I don't think getting your head cut open makes you that special, myself."
Crabbe and Goyle were sniggering stupidly.
"Eat slugs, Malfoy," said Ron angrily. Crabbe stopped laughing and started rubbing his conker-like knuckles in a menacing way.
"Weasley would like a signed photo, Potter," smirked Malfoy. "It'd be worth more than his family's whole house."
Ron whipped out his wand, but Hermione, who'd been reading, shut Voyages with Vampires with a snap and whispered, "Look out!"
"What's all this?" Gilderoy Lockhart was striding towards them, his turquoise robes swirling behind him. "Who's giving out signed photos?"
Alexis started to speak but she was cut short as Lockhart flung an arm around her shoulders and thundered jovially, "Shouldn't have asked! We meet again, Alexis Potter!"
Pinned to Lockhart's side and burning with humiliation, Alexis saw Malfoy slide smirking back into the crowd.
"Come on then, Mr. Creevey," said Lockhart beaming at Colin. "A double portrait, can't say fairer than that, and we'll both sign it for you."
Colin fumbled for his camera and took the picture as the bell rang behind them, signaling the start of afternoon classes.
"Off you go, move along there," Lockhart called to the crowd, and he set off back to the castle with Alexis, who was wishing she knew a good vanishing spell, still clasped to his side.
"A word to the wise, Alexis," said Lockhart paternally as they entered the building through a side door. "I covered up for you back there with young Creevy - if he was photographing me, too, your schoolfellows won't think you're setting yourself up so much ..."
Deaf to her stammers, Lockhart swept her down a corridor lined with staring students and up a staircase.
"Let me just say that handing out signed pictures at this stage of your career isn't sensible - looks a tad bigheaded, Alexis, to be frank. There may well come a time when, like me, you'll need to keep a stack handy wherever you go, but -" he gave a little chortle, "I don't think you're quite there yet."
They had reached Lockhart's classroom and he let Alexis go at last. She yanked her robes straight and headed for a set at the very back of the class, where she busied himself with piling all seven of Lockhart's books in front of her, so that she could avoid looking at the real thing. Inside, she was fuming, and was very tempted to hex Lockhart.
The rest of the class came clattering in and Ron and Neville sat down on either side of Alexis. "You could've fried an egg on your face," said Ron. "I wouldn't be surprised if Colin tried to set up an Alexis Potter fan club."
"Shut up," snapped Alexis. The last thing she needed was for Lockhart to hear the phrase "Alexis Potter fan club".
When the whole class was seated, Lockhart cleared his throat loudly and silence fell. He reached forward, picked up Neville's copy of Travels with Trolls and held it up to show his own, winking portrait on the front. "Me," he said, pointing at it and winking as well, "Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League and five times winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming Smile Award - but I don't talk about that. I didn't get rid of the Bandon Banshee by smiling at her!"
He waited for them to laugh; a few people smiled weakly. "I see you've all bought a complete set of my books - well done. I thought we'd start today with a little quiz. Nothing to worry about - just to check how well you've read them, how much you've taken in ..."
When he had handed out the test papers he returned to the front of the class and said, "You have thirty minutes. Start - now!"
Alexis looked down at her paper and read:
1. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favorite color?
2. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's secret ambition?
3. What, in your opinion, is Gilderoy Lockhart's greatest achievement to date?
On and on it went, over three sides of paper, right down to: 54. When is Gilderoy Lockhart's birthday, and what would his ideal gift be?
Since Alexis had read the books thoroughly and had an excellent memory, she was able to answer all the questions. However, she found them stupid, as none of them had anything to do with Defence. Deciding to have a little fun, she decided to make up silly answers. For the first one, she wrote "His favorite color is all the colors in the world." The second, she wrote, "To become really, really smart and actually do all the stuff he says he's done." For the third, she put down, "Being able to get out of bed in the morning and dressing himself." She put down similar answers for the rest of the questions.
Half an hour later, Lockhart collected in the papers and rifled through them in front of the class. "Tut, tut - hardly any of you remembered that my favorite color is lilac. I say so in Year with a Yeti. And a few of you need to read Wanderings with Werewolves more carefully - I clearly state in chapter twelve that my ideal birthday gift would be harmony between all magic and non-magic peoples - though I wouldn't say no to a large bottle of Ogden's Old Firewhiskey!"
He gave them another roguish wink. Ron was now staring at Lockhart with an expression of disbelief on his face; Seamus Finnigan and Dean Thomas, who were sitting in front, were shaking with silent laughter.
Hermione, on the other hand, was listening to Lockhart attentively, but with a frown on her face, and gave a start when he mentioned her name.
" ... but Miss Hermione Granger knew my secret ambition is to rid the world of evil and market my own range of hair-care potions - good girl! In fact -" he flipped her paper over, "full marks! Where is Miss Hermione Granger?"
Hermione raised a hand.
"Excellent!" beamed Lockhart. "Quite excellent! Take ten points for Gryffindor! And so, to business ..."
He bent down behind his desk and lifted a large, covered cage onto it.
"Now - be warned! It is my job to arm you against the foulest creatures known to wizard kind! You may find yourselves facing your worst fears in this room. Know only that no harm can befall you whilst I am here. All I ask is that you remain calm."
In spite of herself, Alexis leaned around her pile of books for a better look at the cage.
Lockhart placed a hand on the cover. Dean and Seamus had stopped laughing now. Neville was cowering in his front-row seat.
"I must ask you not to scream," said Lockhart in a low voice. "It might provoke them."
As the whole class held their breath, Lockhart whipped off the cover. "Yes," he said dramatically. "Freshly caught Cornish pixies."
Seamus Finnigan couldn't control himself. He let out a snort of laughter which even Lockhart couldn't mistake for a scream of terror.
"Yes?" he smiled at Seamus.
"Well, they're not, they're not very - dangerous, are they?" Seamus choked.
"Don't be so sure!" said Lockhart, waggling a finger annoyingly at Seamus. "Devilish tricky little blighters they can be!"
The pixies were electric blue and about eight inches high, with pointed faces and voices so shrill it was like listening to a lot of budgies arguing. The moment the cover had been removed, they had started jabbering and rocketing around, rattling the bars and pulling bizarre faces at the people nearest them.
"Right then," said Lockhart loudly. "Let's see what you make of them!" And he opened the cage.
It was pandemonium. The pixies shot in every direction like rockets. Two of them seized Neville by the ears and lifted him into the air. Several shot straight through the window, showering the back row with broken glass. The rest proceeded to wreck the classroom more effectively than a rampaging rhino. They grabbed ink bottles and sprayed the class with them, shredded books and papers, tore pictures from the walls, upended the waste bin, grabbed bags and books and threw them out the smashed window; within minutes, half the class were sheltering under desks and Neville was swinging from the candelabra in the ceiling.
"Come on now, round them up, round them up, they're only pixies ..." Lockhart shouted.
He rolled up his sleeves, brandished his wand and bellowed, "Peskipiksi Pesternomi!"
It has absolutely no effect; one of the pixies seized Lockhart's wand and threw it out of the window, too. Lockhart gulped and dived under his own desk, narrowly avoiding being squashed by Neville, who fell a second later as the candelabra gave way.
The bell rang and there was a mad rush towards the exit. In the relative calm that followed, Lockhart straightened up, caught sight of Alexis and her friends, who were helping Neville up, and said, "Well, I'll ask you six to just nip the rest of them back into their cage."
He swept past them and shut the door quickly behind him.
"Can you believe him?" roared Ron, as one of the remaining pixies bit him painfully on the ear.
"Maybe just wants to give us some hands-on experience?" suggested Hermione, though she looked doubtful. She immobilized two pixies at once with a clever Freezing Charm and stuffed them back into their cage.
"Yeah right," said Eric, who was trying to grab a pixie dancing out of reach with its tongue out. "He obviously didn't have a clue as to what he was doing."
"But his books," protested Hermione weakly. "You've read them. Look at all those amazing things he's done ..."
"He says he's done," Ron muttered. Hermione gave up, knowing that Ron had a point.
That afternoon, Kyra took Alexis to her dorm room and sat down. "Mum forgot to have this talk with you during the summer, so she asked me to give it to you. So I have to tell you all about the birds and the bees and stuff."
Alexis turned scarlet. "Uh, that's not necessary," she said hastily, realizing what Kyra was getting at. "I know where babies come from and about 'the time of the month' and everything else. I read."
"Just because you know that babies aren't brought by the stork or found in cabbage patches and that women will get their monthlies doesn't mean you know everything," said Kyra bluntly. "What about how babies are made? And practicing safe -"
"You don't have to worry!" interrupted Alexis, feeling her face turn even more crimson. "I know how babies are made. I know about not, um, sleeping with boys and stuff. I know the real world isn't like in Tortall, where women have pregnancy charms to keep from having babies. Or like in Valdemar, where women can take a powder of sorts to adjust their 'time of the month'. So you can be sure that I'm not going to have, er, s-e-x, until I'm much older. Like after I get married."
"Fine then," said Kyra, looking a trifle amused. "You know everything. I won't embarrass you further, Alexis. You can go."
Alexis fled the room. She had been very uncomfortable with Kyra attempting to give her 'The Talk.' Sophie, of course, noticed her red face. "What's the matter, Alexis?"
"Kyra just tried to give me 'The Talk'," explained Alexis. "Not that I really needed it, because I know what she tried to tell me."
Sophie turned crimson as well. "I understand. Aunt Kat and Grandmother gave 'The Talk' as well two weeks ago, and it was very embarrassing. Mostly with Grandmother, though. Aunt Kat tried not to make it so uncomfortable."
Neville and Eric turned up then, so they subject was quickly changed.
The next morning, Beth, dragging Luna, marched to the Gryffindor table and sat down, an outraged look on her face. "What are you doing here?" asked Ron, startled. "You're supposed to be at the Ravenclaw table, Beth."
"There's nothing in the rules that says I have to sit at my house table, Ron," snapped Beth. "And according to Hogwarts, a History, the Founders encouraged students to mix together and sit at other tables, not just their house table."
"What is the matter?" asked Ginny, looking concerned. "Why are you so upset, Beth?"
"It's my stupid dormmates!" responded Beth. "Once they found out that Luna is the daughter of the editor of The Quibbler, they insulted her, her father, and the magazine. Then they started calling her 'Loony', and said I was just as crazy as her for standing up for her. Now they've told the rest of the Ravenclaws about how crazy Luna is, and several of them have joined in the teasing. I reported it to Penelope Clearwater, one of the prefects, who repreminded my dormmates, but it just made things worse. Luna found her necklace made of corks missing this morning, and I'm positive one of them has something to do with its disappearance."
Alexis was angry, and saw that her friends looked angry as well. Luna was admittedly odd and had strange beliefs, but it didn't mean she deserved to be made fun of or have her belongings taken. Luna, however, appeared unconcerned, and ate her toast quite calmly. "Doesn't this bother you, Luna?" asked Sophie. "You don't deserve to be treated like this! Everyone's entitled to their own beliefs."
Luna looked up. "Be who you are and say what you wish, for those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
Alexis opened her mouth to argue, then shut it. What Luna had said made sense. She continued, "Those who make fun of me do not matter. The rest of you do matter, for you are nice and it's like having friends -"
"We are your friends!" interrupted Neville. "Didn't you realize that? Sophie and I have considered you a friend ever since we've met you, and the rest have thought you as a friend after they met you as well, Luna."
Luna's normal expression disappeared, and a different one crossed her face. "I wasn't completely sure if I did have friends."
"Well, you do, Luna," said Beth firmly. "Other than Gary, you're my first and best friend. Yes, you might be a little odd and have weird beliefs, but I don't care. Underneath, you're a nice girl and a good friend. And once I get the hang of the Summoning Charm, I'm going to get your necklace back. Also, I'm going to learn a locking spell so that nobody can unlock your trunk without your key."
"Thank you, Beth," said Luna, her normal manner back. She poured herself a goblet of juice, and continued, "Did you read the article on Heliopaths that Daddy printed in The Quibbler?" Alexis and Eric exchanged looks at this change of subject, but kept quiet.
Beth looked exasperated, but answered Luna, and the conversation turned to The Quibbler and the classes they had that day.