Taunting Elves

Disclaimer: Blood waste of time… I managed to REALLY screw up the posting of chapters… so my beaaaaautiful disclaimer is lost! You guys have probably noticed how I have to strange fascination with disclaimers right? RIGHT?!? IT WAS RUINED! RUINED!

Oh well. I don't own them, never well, and if I did, then… well… ::Sits back, images of basically every male Elf swimming through her head::

::Cackles evilly::

~~~~~~~~~

Merry and Pippin ran through the woods. "You've really done it this time, Pippin!" Merry exclaimed, exasperated.

"I'm sorry!" Pippin yelped, stumbling over a tree branch.

The two Hobbits raced on. Just then, an Elf landed on them.

"Ow!" Pippin cried out.

"Ow!" Merry cried out.

"He him her!" Legolas cried out.

"Huh?" Both Hobbits said in unison.

Legolas stood up, brushing himself off. "Never mind. Pronouns are a waste of time, anyway."

The two Hobbits traded glances once again. Quite truthfully, they had no idea what Legolas was talking about. But they were used to that. They were just a little worried- Was Aragorn chasing them? Would he catch up to them if they delayed here? Would Legolas try to kill them with a pine cone? Or perhaps a pinecone?

No. But it was much, much worse.

"The story is flawed." Legolas said, and bent down in front of the Hobbits, laying a thin hand on either of their shoulders. "I need your help to correct it."

"Uh…" Merry said intelligently.

"Uhm…" Pippin agreed with his friend.

"This is a mission of great importance!" Legolas exclaimed. "If we fail, the entire universe will be at stake!"

"What's 'universe'?" Pippin asked Merry.

"I think he means all of Middle Earth, Pip." Merry noted.

"Oh." Pippin said.

"Will you help me?" Legolas asked, ignoring most of what was going on in front of him.

The two Hobbits traded half a glance, because Pippin wasn't looking at Merry when he said, "Sure!"

"Pip!" Merry protested.

But it was too late.

"Come, my friends!" Legolas exclaimed, leaping to his feet. "We shall save the Universe!" He ran away down the path.

Merry and Pippin followed at a slower rate. "Do you figure he's all gooney again?" Pippin asked.

"That's not important. Just get out the thing…" Merry commanded.

"The thing?" Pippin repeated blankly.

"The thing from Boromir's pack, stupid!" Merry shouted.

"Come along, my little warriors!" Legolas called in a sing-song voice from in front of them.

The Hobbits traded glances and picked up their pace- just a little. Pippin pulled a bright neon orange disc about the size of a quarter from his pocket. "Here it is," He said, and handed it to Merry. "Though I really don't know what you want it for…"

Merry took it gingerly, and investigated it. Surprisingly enough, he did not immediately trip over something. Nor run into a tree. Pippin was so surprised that he tripped on a rock, lost his balance, and fell face-first in the dirt.

Meriadoc stopped to help him up. "Come on, Pippin! The savior of the Universe," That he said very sarcastically, "Is getting away from us!"

Pippin groaned something, rubbing his head.

The three companions, Hobbits and Elf, raced away.

~~~~~~

Gimli had stopped crying, thankfully. Boromir had woken up only after Aragorn had callously pulled out the pinecone. Sam and Frodo were pretending they had no clue what was going on.

"If we move quickly, we may be able to get to Lothlorien by nightfall." Aragorn said.

"We were going towards Lorien?" Sam wondered aloud.

"Did we already go through there?" Frodo asked.

"Maybe it was just Haldir who came from there…"

"Are we even out of the Shire?" Both Hobbits asked in unison.

Aragorn groaned. He then looked panic-stricken. "I have no clue where we are! THE MAP IS GONE! WE'RE ALL LOST!"

Gimli cleared his throat, and pointed to a sign next to the clearing. It read:

Lorien: North, five miles

Mordor: East, two hundred and seventy-some miles.

Rohan: Where you are right now, stoopid!

Shire: Like you'll ever get back THERE again…

The Fellowship of five traded glances.

Finally, Boromir ventured… "We're in Rohan?"

"How could Lorien be north when Haldir ventured hundreds of miles to find us before?" Sam asked, though everyone ignored him.

"You are far from Rohan, intruders!" A cheerfully ominous voice called from the nearby trees.

Aragorn turned, drawing his sword. "Who goes there?" He demanded.

"I am the guardian of this little woods! But only because they kicked me out of my earlier shot… damn them! Damn them all!" A soft sobbing floated out from the trees.

The Fellowship traded glances, and shrugged. They started to head off, but the voice, still racked with sobs, stopped them. "But I'd suggest staying there, as I have an arrow pointed at one of you…"

"Is it at that one?" Boromir asked, pointing at Sam.

There was a long pause, and then the unidentified voice said, in a surprised whisper, "Yes…"

"Then we don't care." Boromir and Gimli said at the same time, and walked away.

Sam hung his head. Frodo glared at the receding backs of Boromir and Gimli. Aragorn just shrugged.

Frodo started towards the trees, being uncharacteristically brave. "Now listen, you! You can't go threatening us here! This is a public road!"

There was a long silence from the trees as Frodo approached them. Finally, a tall Elf jumped down from the trees. He had hair colored hair, eye-colored eyes, and looked basically unremarkable… unusual for an Elf.

"Who the heck are you?" Aragorn demanded, as he usually knew every Elf they encountered on the journey.'

The Elf hung his head. "You don't know who I am?" He asked in an incredibly small voice. "I'm Glorfindel! Glorfindel!"

"Glorfindel?" Gimli repeated, pronouncing the poor Elf's name with a 'gorf' sound, only adding an 'l' in there. "Never heard of you."

This provoked another onslaught of tearless sobs. "NOBODY HAS!" Glorfindel cried in despair, waving a bow, with arrow still notched and held taunt, about. The Fellowship dove for the ground.

"Now… uh… Glorfindel…" Aragorn said, pronouncing the Elf's name correctly, "I'm sorry, but why would we know you?"

The distraught Elf bent down in front of Frodo. "I WAS GOING TO SAVE YOU!" He screamed. Frodo cringed and tried to edge away, but the Elf now had a hold of his shoulders. "I KNEW HOW TO MAKE THE WATERS TURN INTO HORSES! BUT ARWEN GOT IT! ARWEN!"


He stood up and shook his fist at the sky. "AAAAAAAARWEEENN!!!!"

Aragorn felt he had to say something then. But Boromir spoke up before he had the chance. "So… you didn't get to save Frodo. What's the big deal? Why would you want to save a green little Hobbit anyway?"

"Hey!" Frodo protested. Boromir shrugged.

"You don't understand…" Glorfindel said in a slightly more subdued voice. "It's the principle…"

"Well…" Aragorn said, after a long pause in which Glorfindel buried his face in his hands and continued pseudo sobbing. "We… don't have… an Elf… in the Fellowship anymore… since ours ran away."

"No! Don't invite him in! Please god no! Not another Elf!" Gimli screamed.

"So… do you want to travel with us for awhile?" Aragorn offered, tentatively, hoping he wouldn't regret this later.

Glorfindel's eyes became the size and shape of ostrich eggs. They became brighter than they already were. "I… I… can join the Fellowship of the Ring?" He asked, a note of awe in his voice.

"How'd you know this was the Fellowship of the Ring?" Sam asked. Once again, he was ignored.

"Uh… sure…" Aragorn said. Mentally, of course, he was saying, "Aragorn, you moron, what the hell's wrong with you! He's just going to cause trouble! Next thing you know Haldir is going to come back and kill somebody and it's going to end up being your fault!"

Aragorn blinked, and looked around. Everyone was staring at him, including Glorfindel, whose eyes had only gotten larger and brighter.

Finally, very quietly, he asked, "I didn't say that out loud just now, did I?"

Everyone very slowly nodded.

"Well…" Aragorn said, his voice full of resignation, "I'll just… go sit down over there for awhile. We'll leave in a few minutes…"

The small Fellowship nodded once again, very slowly.

Aragorn sat down and pulled out his sword, which began to sing a peppy tune.

~~~~~~~

Oboebyrd: There was a major spoiler in there… anybody catch it? ^_^