seven
Duration in Trojan horse: Four years
The rain and the thunder keep me frozen in my mind. I know full well that what I am experiencing isn't real, it is only a dream. It is the thought that it is the only way to see her. I keep myself from waking up. The rain feels so real, and the thunder shakes the inner core of my inside.
Looking down all I see is the church with the small the metal gate. I never knew her, and well today, I guess I wish that I did. Both of them, gone. It is then that I feel it, a jolt of someone trying to wake me up.
I stumble backwards and see her there in front of me. It takes a couple of minutes for my eyes to focus but then when it does, I see her there.
"Hey, hey, Alex" she says softly. "It is me, Beatrice."
It is an odd thing seeing her here. There was only one other time when she was here. She caught me once a long time ago, when I ditched school to come to the Highlands. She yelled at me for drawing attention to myself by cutting class. It wasn't what I was supposed to do, it wasn't part of the plan. I still remember what she told me that day.
"What?" I say sternly.
"You simply cannot bring attention to yourself," she says. "It is dangerous, not just to you."
The implication that the regulators would care about a kid acting up, or ditching school is enough to make me laugh. I do however hold it in, out of respect for her.
"I really don't think that the regulators would red flag someone who ditches school," I say lightly. She looks at me with a stern face, and I know that she is insulted by it. It wasn't really my intention for her to find out. I just couldn't do it anymore. Stuck in class, listening to the manipulative drivel come out of Ms. Thompson's mouth, about the cure, and about how great life is now.
"You know you being here is a privilege," she says softly. "Although you might not believe it. Life out there, is not all that is cracked up to be."
Turning away from the window, I look at her, confused, and angry.
"Seriously?" I say. "A privilege? A privilege to have to pretend to be likes everyone else, walking around like there is nothing inside them anymore. The walking dead? You wouldn't understand."
Turning from her, how could she understand it, all she knows is living inside this hell.
"Everyday on the way home," she says. "I would stare at the sunsets over the harbor, dreaming of a life outside."
It is too much, to have to pretend like everything is okay, like nothing hurts, like we are all the same. At first when I had a goal, it was okay, I knew what I was signing up for. Now that everything has gone to crap, what is left? The plan? The rebellion?
"I just couldn't do it today, put on the mask, and pretend to be someone I am not. This house…is me," I say softly. "Like dying on the inside. Fighting the darkness, that is slowly winning."
I feel her hand on my shoulder. Holding my tears in, feeling the emptiness of this house, it is why I spend most of my time here. It reminds me of home; it reminds me of life outside the fence.
"How do you do it?" I say.
She grabs a nearby bowl, and crumples up a piece of paper.
"The lighter you stole?" she asks with her hand sticking out.
I stick my hand into my pocket and placing it in her hand; I tell her that I am sorry about taking the lighter which she just smiles and takes the lighter.
"Listen," she says placing the bowl on the ground. "A single spark from the lighter can cause this paper here to burn. However…"
She walks over and grabs a plate.
"If you were to take out the oxygen," she says placing the plate over the bowl. "It doesn't matter how intense the fire may start, it will be snuffed out."
Removing the plate she shows me that the fire has been put out and the paper had survived.
"You understand?" she says. "You have to find something that gives you the ability to breathe. For me it was the ability to see the sunsets on the way home."
It was always the simple things that I miss from my time living with Beatrice and Gabriel. We became a family, and understood each other, the necessities that we each had. That is why I guess that I see Beatrice now standing in front of me.
"What's wrong?" I say finally standing up. "Is Gabe okay?"
She smiles.
"Yes, yes, we are okay," she says. "We saw the stunt on the television with the cows, and wanted to make sure you were okay."
I nod, and she embraces me for a small moment. Just like a mother, she looks at me for a couple of minutes.
"Why wasn't I told?" I say. "A friend of mines was taken into custody."
She stands there unsure, of how to respond. I can tell from the way she looks at me, that she doesn't know. It is how it has been lately, no information, no instructions, always running on instincts. Could it be that the rebellion is not as organized as we had hoped? They had always told us that there are a lot more than of us here in the city that we thought. It was the whole idea of the Trojan horse.
It was a war back in the banned history books, where it looked they had surrendered. They offered a gift, a wooden horse, that unbeknown to them, was filled with soldiers just waiting inside. That is who we are, hidden inside the horse, waiting for the right time to come out.
"Don't know," she says. "But thank goodness, you weren't caught."
Looking down at my watch, I see that it is almost time for my shift.
"Almost time for me to go on shift," I say.
She looks around and then finally places her hand on my cheek.
"Be careful," she says.
I nod, and she walks outside the house, towards the nearest bus station. It was the weirdest feeling, the feeling of being worried about me. I grab the clean white t-shirt that I had stashed in the house and putting on my jeans, I make my way to the fireplace where the clothes from yesterday still hung.
Grabbing my sneakers, I test the soles of the shoes. They are almost dry, and well, guess that will have to do. Looking at them, I think back to what Beatrice told me. Find something that gives you breath that gives you oxygen. Walking over to the shirt, I grab the blue marker that we use to mark the many checklists that we have. Taking my time, I start to color in the white shoe laces, little by little. By removing all that reminds me of this prison, the whiteness purity of the shoe laces and replace it with something that reminds me of home, my true home.
"Blue will guide you home, and if you can see the sky, anything is possible."
Getting on my bike I look back to the house, 37 Brooks, creaking and crackling under the years of wear and tear. I wonder how it looked when people lived inside you, I wonder, must have been a sight. I pedal down to the labs again. This time around there are no trucks waiting for early deliveries, or people in front of the labs. There are no evaluations today, and there are no regulators running around trying to get the situation under control. You can tell that with the rainstorm last night, everything looks clean, everything looks brand new. You can barely hear the sea gulls in the distance. The sun light beams in through the clouds, which are a grayish white color.
At the guard hut, there is a new guard. A couple of feet away I un-mount the bike and begin to walk over to the bike rack. Looking at him from the distance, I place my hands in my pocket and walk whistling a tune.
"Hey," I say lifting my hands.
He looks up and with a clip board in hand walks over to me.
"You must be Alex Warren," he says.
"Must be," I say with a smile. I extend my hand and he looks at it for a second before he shakes it.
"I am Sal's replacement," he says with a stern voice. "Names Lucas."
"Tough to hear about Sal huh," I say. "But it is nice to have you here Lucas."
He nods and walks off to do his rounds. Getting over to the mailboxes I see an envelope labeled to me. Opening it I see it is an advertisement for a new grocery store opening near Monument Square.
"Vicky's new bakery; the cure for your sweet tooth need. You simply must come and check it out. Samples will be given to those who arrive the same day as opening. So drop everything and come check us out."
Taking a look at the envelope I see that it was forwarded here because of the incorrect address listed.
"Alex P. Warren
2510 S 1st street, Unit #110-2
Portland ME"
Looking at it carefully, I decode the message using the numbers on the address. Second word, for the "2", fifth word for the "5", and tenth word for the "10".
New, Cure, Need
The South in the address, means the skip the number of lines so, it would be skip the next "1" line. The Unit gives me the mission, and location for the delivery which would be first word for the "1", and tenth word for the "10." The dash is next line.
Sample, same, drop
Looking at my name, I notice the "P" and realize that it is the time, as I do not have a middle name. A for AM drop, and P for PM drop.
"New cure, need sample, same drop, in the PM."
It is one of the ways the rebellion inside the fence communicates with each other. Instructions are given in code to through advertisements. The cipher key is always the address that is listed. The post offices in Portland always check the address on the envelope through the Secure Validation System, which houses all of our person information, name, birth date, and addresses of our home and work. The post office uses this system to verify addresses so that there is a sense of efficiency and all mail is delivered to the correct person. When an incorrect address is labeled, they send it to the work address listed for the person.
I look at it for a couple of seconds trying to see the significance of this. They have developed a new cure? The scientist in the Portland facilities are always trying to perfect the cure, and the rebels have always found ways to try to stop them from going to mass production, by contamination, or if all else fails, a total destruction of the facilities. We have come close to a destruction of a government facility, but at the last moment it was avoided.
I place my backpack in my locker and grab my water bottle. It is the only way that I am going to get close to the research facilities. There are tons of cameras, and while no one would stop me, they would question why I am in a restricted area. Checking my watch, I begin to whistle through the hallways walking slowly tossing my empty water bottle in the sky. It is then that I see them.
I give a tilt of my head hello to the guards who patrol the research area of the facilities. Tossing the empty water bottle into the air, they look at it go up and are not paying attention as I slip the ID card from the clip on the belt of one of them.
Both guards know me from the times that I have allowed them to smoke in the dock area which of course is against rules. Finally getting to the research part of the facility, I turn towards the water fountain. Looking through the corner of my eye, I see the camera making the sweeping motion of the door to the researcher materials, where they would be keeping any samples.
Looking at the empty water bottle, I make the mental countdown, as I fill it with water. Once it is at half way, I know that the camera is at the blind spot, so I make my move, swiping the ID card and entering the researcher materials lab. There on the metal table I see the syringes, I walk towards it keeping my head down knowing that the amount of time I have is very little to get the syringe and get out. I swipe the syringe and place it in my pocket walking right out.
Looking again through the corner of my eye, I see the camera is sweeping back onto the door. I let out a deep sigh of relieve and finish filling my water bottle with the water. Beginning to whistle again, I walk back through the hallway and see the same two guards walking back from their rotation.
"Hey guys," I say.
They nod.
"We still on for tomorrow?" I say cracking a smile. They are about to answer when I purposefully drop the water bottle, making it seem that I missed catching it. The guard that I swiped the ID card from bends down to grab it, and then I clip back the ID to his belt.
"You know it," the other one say. The guard hands me the water bottle.
"Hopefully you don't have butterfingers with the ball tomorrow," he says smiling.
"Don't worry about me," I say walking away from them. Beginning to whistle I walk back to the guard hut and there is where I see them. The same pony tail glistening in the sunlight, the same intense eyes, that could cut right through you if you stared long enough.
"Pretty crappy security for a major medical facility." The girl with the blond hair says.
"Pretty crappy security for a petting zoo," the girl with the pony tail says.
"I resent that," I say walking towards them. Both of them twirl around as if a gun had just been shot. The color fades from both of them, and they turn almost paper white.
I cross my arms and look at them there, obviously not expecting to find anyone here. And of course I wasn't expecting to ever find her here either.
"I leave for two seconds to get a refill," I say tilting the water bottle in my hand. "And I come back to find a full-fledged break-in."
It takes only a couple of seconds and the girl with the blonde hair says.
"We weren't breaking in. We weren't doing anything. We were just running and we…um, we got lost."
"Didn't see the any of the sings outside huh? 'No Trespassing'? 'Authorized Personnel Only'?"
She looks away not willing to see that I was only joking.
"Must have missed them," she says barely raising her voice. Both of them you could tell are nervous, and well just trying to contain myself from laughing is as hard as keeping the conversation going.
"Uh-huh," I say pointing to the nearby sign. The sign that says Authorized Personnel is almost as tall as me. Painted in bright red, and yellow, in large lettering, I am pretty sure they missed this one. "They're pretty subtle. Only a few dozen of them. I can see how you might not have noticed."
Looking towards the harbor, I see the seagulls flying in the distance. What a beautiful day, and yet I cannot help but smile at the fact that she is here.
Turning back to see her, her eyes meet mines for the first time, and I can see that nervousness slowly recedes.
"You. I saw you -" she stammers out.
She recognizes me from yesterday. The way her mouth pouts when she is angry, it is simply adorable. The blonde hair girl interrupts me from looking too long.
"You two know each other?" She asks.
I turn and look at her. Her anger has started to recede and now I look down at her hands, the way she rubs them.
"No," I say. "We've never met. I'm sure I would remember."
"I'm Hana," the blonde hair girl says. "And this is Lena."
Lena. Such a pretty name. Finally I know her name.
"Alex. Nice to meet you," I say extending my hand to her. She shakes it.
Turning my eyes to her, the look of surprise is still on her face.
"Lena," I say, extending my hand out to shake hers. "I've never heard that name before."
Her hand finally reaches for mines and when we touch it is like I feel my heart begin to beat again. For so long I have felt like that house in the Highlands and now it feels different, almost like there is a purpose now.
"It is short for Magdalena," she says.
"Magdalena," I say again testing it in my mouth, how smoothly it just flows. "Pretty."
She looks away for a quick second before turning to me. Her eyes now heated with intensity.
"I do know you. I saw you yesterday in the labs. You were on the observation deck, watching – watching everything," she says.
I look at her for a couple of minutes and examine the way she tenses up when she is angry.
"Case of mistaken identity, I guess. Guards aren't allowed in the labs during evaluations. Especially not part-time guards."
The couple of seconds that we just stare at each, seems to be endless. Up close, I see that she is as beautiful as what I had imagined. That day in Monument Square, and then in the evaluations, who would have guessed she would be here today.
"So this is it? A part-time security guard and some 'Keep Out' signs?" I hear Hana say.
Turning my eyes to her, I ask. "What do you mean?"
"I would have thought the labs would be better protected, that's all. It doesn't seem like it would be too hard to break into this place."
Tilting my head, "thinking about making the attempt?"
Her face freezes and the color that was just coming back, suddenly disappears and the white scared look is on her face again.
"Relax. I was kidding," I say. "You don't exactly seem like terrorists. This is just the loading area, anyway, for freight and stuff. Real security starts closer to the facilities. Full-time guards, cameras, electrified fence, the whole shebang."
"The loading area? Like where the deliveries come?" Hana says almost too excitedly. Obviously she wants to know about yesterday and the 'deliveries.'
"You got it," I say.
She starts to hop on her feet, almost as if she was going to open presents for her birthday.
"So this is where the trucks come? With medical equipment and…and other stuff?"
Smiling, I just nod and say. "Exactly."
After a couple of seconds, my eyes shift from Hana, to Lena's. She of course looks away shyly at the moment that I look at her.
"I'd love to look around," Hana says, which causes me to look at her.
I toss my bottle water in the air and tell her. "Trust me, there's nothing to see. Unless you're a fan of industrial waste. There's plenty of that around here," I say. "Oh – and the best view of the bay in Portland. We've got that going for us too."
"Really?" she says curiously.
"That I can show you," I say. "Come on."
We walk towards the service road that finally goes up a hill to the storage sheds. It is a walk and well I do have check on it anyways, so they follow me up the dirt road.
"So if you are part-time, means you are going to school?" Hana asks.
"Yes I am on my second year at the University of Portland," I say.
"What are you studying," she says.
"Medical technician," I say. "I was going to go for researcher but the technician is where the real money is."
She lets out a laugh and tells me that both of them are about to graduate from high school.
"I couldn't wait to get out of high school," I say. "Waking up early everyday to go to school was simply not me."
"So second year means you are 19?" she asks.
"Yeah," I say. "And if you want to know, I am a medium and my favorite color is blue, just in case you want to get me a gift."
"Well we are about to turn eighteen in a couple of months," she says. "So can start thinking about what to get us."
Looking over to Lena, I can see the sweat that is pooling on her forehead.
"Would you like a sip of water?" I say turning around.
"No," Lena says sharply.
The top of the hill is just in view, and when we finally make it, Hana just walks towards the edge of the hill.
"It's amazing. Gorgeous, isn't it? No matter how long I live here I never get used to it. I think this is my favorite way to see the ocean. Middle of the afternoon, sunny and bright. It's just like a photograph. Don't you think , Lena?"
Her arms are now crossed and I see a dark ink blot on her right elbow. Walking over to her I examine it closely, I can feel my breathing getting shallow. My heart beat begins to quicken and all I can do is continue walk closer to her. The ink blot on closer examination is a mole and all I can do is smile at the thought. Her ear is probably a couple of feet from me, and all I want to do is tell her everything. My heart beating so hard, and for the first time, nothing comes to my mind.
Finally I blurt out.
"Grey."
She turns and looks at me, surprised. Her eyes dances with the sunlight. The waves pound in the background, as the wind dances with her unraveled hair.
"What?" she asks. "What did you say?"
At this time all I can do is inch closer to tell her everything. That I was there, listening to her, tell her about my favorite story and how grey is a beautiful color.
"I said, I prefer the ocean when it's gray. Or not really gray. A pale, in-between color. It reminds me of waiting for something good to happen."
Her mouth begins to open and then close when she realizes that it is the same exact thing that she said.
"You lied. Why did you lie?" she says.
Turning a little bit from her, I continue saying.
"Of course it's even prettier at sunset. Around eight thirty the sky look like it's on fire, especially at Back Cove. You should really see it."
I continue to look out towards the horizon, trying to let her catch what I am trying to say. Looking back to her, I smile.
"Tonight…it will probably be amazing."
She arches one of her eyebrows at me, and then blinks a couple of times quickly.
"Are you asking me to -?" she starts to say, before Hana comes and grabs her arm.
"God," she says. "Can you believe it's after five already? We've got to go."
They start to move down towards the hill and finally as she disappears from my view, all I can hope is to see her again tonight.