Piper sat with Alex still not bothering to move away or attempt to avoid her anymore. She didn't have the energy to do that now. Larry had really hurt her by what he said. He didn't trust her. Of course he didn't or that wouldn't have come out of his mouth. It was the first thing he thought of as soon as he heard that Alex was in Litchfield. Piper couldn't begin to imagine what he would have done if she had told him that they were sharing a cube together. She was in a difficult situation at the moment her fiancée didn't trust her and she was stuck in prison sharing a cube with her drug importing ex. She should hate Alex for what happened between them and the fact she was only here because of Alex but for some reason every time she tried to be angry at her she couldn't manage to hold on to that anger. It was slowly fading away.
She didn't know what to do with Larry she could already see how being here is affecting their relationship. Why else would he react the way he did? She knew Larry couldn't handle this. He was too insecure, he needed Piper at home, he couldn't handle weekly visits. They hardly spent time away from each other Larry would always be around Piper in some way even if he was just constantly texting her. Piper didn't mind though she enjoyed the attention she received from Larry, he did treat her well, he made her feel safe. It was what she had wanted since she left Alex. She wanted attention and to feel safe. She had that with Larry and she loved him for it but they didn't have passion, not the same way she did with Alex, Piper could still feel Alex's arm around her. It snapped her out of her thoughts and she felt guilty all over again. Yes she was mad at Larry but she shouldnt be here with Alex like this especially with the thoughts going through her head.
Piper shook her head while she stood up and moved away from Alex who just sat there looking at her watching what she would do next. Piper looked around the cube before she met the look in Alex's eyes. They held each other stare for what felt like hours to them when in reality it a few minutes before Piper couldn't handle gazing into Alex's eyes anymore.
"I cant do this..."
Alex reached out "Pipes, wait, talk to me"
Piper shook her head "No I shouldn't even be this close to you. It's not right. It's not fair to anyone. You named me"
Alex sighed "Yes we have already been over this"
"I don't understand why. I wouldn't do that to you. Why Alex?"
"Are you actually kidding me? You wouldn't name me but when it comes to being there for me in my time of need you have no problem turning your back on me. You were my girlfriend. I chose you over everyone else and you still left me when I needed you. My mother had just died and all you cared about was yourself. You walked out on me. You gave up on us. Not the other way around Piper"
"That's not fair Alex you know why I left"
"You know what Piper why don't you just take your head out of your ass for a while and realise that it isn't always about you. I was mad at you for so long, you broke my heart, you left me and didn't look back. I hadn't seen you for years and you weren't a part of my life anymore even if I still wished you were"
"Maybe we can be friends?"
"Yeah right Piper, we were never friends and we will never be friends, what we had been too intense and special. The sex was amazing and I loved it but it was more than that because you were the only girl I ever loved. How can you be friends with a person that meant that much to you?"
"You cant" Piper shook her head and dropped her gaze before she sat back down on her bed. She looked back up to Alex "Do you ever regret what happened between us?"
"I wish you stayed, we could have still been together now, you just didn't give us a chance"
"No we wouldn't be Alex, I told you before that lifestyle was ruining everything good in your life, it pushed people away."
Alex clenched her fists "How can you say that? I gave you everything, I took you around the world, we stayed in the best hotels available. We had a good life together."
"You still don't get it. I didn't care about any of that stuff. We could have stayed in cardboard box all I wanted was to spend time with you. I didn't want to sit around waiting for you to come back just so we could share a bed before you went out all day again. I wanted to feel safe around you but I didn't when you asked me to be a little mule for you. I did it once for you and look where it got me. I just wanted you Alex and you chose the job. Thats why I left. The other things were just bad timing and I'm sorry I didn't stay but I couldn't let you drag me back into that life. I had to get away. It was the hardest thing I ever did."
Alex didn't want to hear this, she didn't want to hear that she was to blame for Piper leaving, she wanted to think it was her fault. She couldn't deny what Piper had said because it was true but it still didn't stop her hurting, it didn't stop her heart from being broken, it didn't change what happened.
"Watching you walk away from me was the hardest thing ive ever experienced. God sake even getting clean from the drugs was easier than watching you walk away"
Pipers jaw dropped hearing what Alex said "You were on drugs?"
Alex just nodded avoiding her eyes, she didn't want to see the pity or disappointment in them, she didn't want Piper to look at her like that. She heard Piper sigh and that made Alex look up out of instinct but when she found Pipers eyes she didn't find pity in her eyes. She found a look of guilt. That surprised Alex and she raised her eyebrow at Piper who had her head in her hands.
"Its my fault" Alex didn't stay anything she just waited for Piper to say something else she didn't have a clue what Piper was talking about. "I left you and then you turned to drugs to fill that gap I made. Its my fault"
"Fuck you Piper. You always have to make it about yourself. You don't get to feel bad about what happened to me after you left. Thats on me. Not you. Fuck you for making my shit about you." Alex turned her back and walked away from Piper leaving her alone in their cube more confused that she had been since she arrived at prison.