February 11th, 2006

She stares at the little girl, and instead of the overwhelming feeling of happiness, or shock she feels guilty. Guilty for ruining a life that had just begun. Guilty for attempting to end her life before it began. Guilty for brining her into the world to two parents who could never be together no matter how much they wanted to be.

Less than an hour later Nick returns. He finds Catherine resting with her eyes closed. Their little girl sleeps peacefully in her arms.

"I'm not sleeping," Catherine reveals as Nick tiptoes over to her bedside.

"I..." he hesitates.

Her eyes pop open, and she immediately offers up the child to him. He doesn't argue, he simply scoops her up. He grins from ear to ear.

"She's so perfect," Nick comments.

"Nick we should talk."

"I know. I've been trying to talk to you for months."

"She's here now, and it can't wait any longer."

He takes a seat on the bed, next to her.

"What do you want to talk about?" he questions.

"You ask, and I'll answer."

He takes a moment and looks at his baby daughter, then to Catherine. The smile disappears from his face. "Do you hate me for this?" he questions.

"No," she answers.

"Are you sure? I don't want you to hate me, or resent me. I know that I pushed you into this."

"You did the right thing."

"Do you really think so?"

"Yeah," she nods.

"What are we going to name her?"

"You can name her."

"Are you sure?"

"As long as you don't want to name her something completely ridiculous."

"Like what?"

"Pear Blossom."

"What about Macyn?"

"That's pretty. Did you come up with that on your own?"

"I spent some quality time with a baby name book. I was thinking since her birthday is so close to Valentine's day her middle name could be Valentina."

"That's cute."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," she nods.

"How are we going to arrange custody?"

"You can stay with me the first week. And then you can have her whenever you want."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Yes," she nods.

"Catherine. You really didn't want her did you?"

"That's not it. I just... I don't want to ruin her life. I don't want to make the same mistakes that I made with Lindsey."

"I don't really know what I'm doing," he admits.

"You'll figure it out."

July 4th 2006

It's nearly midnight. After a long day outside for a cookout the first thing on Catherine's mind is getting some sleep. She quickly showers, and climbs into bed, knowing that she'd be called out early. She flips off the lamp, and crawls under her blanket. She's just starting to doze off when something wakes her up. Unfortunately, it is not a phone. She flips on her lamp, and wanders over to the crib a few feet away. She stares at the dis-satisfied baby. The little girl dark hair offsets her dark blue eyes. Catherine yawns, and picks the baby up out of the crib. The little girl wears only a diaper. Catherine pats the baby until she stops crying. As she sits on the edge of the bed holding the baby, she watches her carefully. The baby stares up at her silently.

"Macyn you know that I'm much too old for this, right?"

The baby smiles at the sound of her voice. Catherine stares at the baby, and feels nothing. Not love, or connection. Not even contempt. She places the little girl back in her crib, and returns to bed.

Nick watches Macyn as she works on a puzzle. She sits at a child's sized table next to the window.

"Daddy?"

"Huh sweetpea?"

Macyn stares out the window, "What is mommy doing here?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Mommy is sitting outside in her car."

Nick gets off the couch, and moves over to the window. "I don't know. Mace go upstairs and pick out some pj's. You can pick out some clothes for tomorrow too. I'll be up in a little while to give you a bath."

"'Kay," she scampers off.

Nick watches her up the stairs. He then steps out of the house through the front door. He walks towards Catherine's black SUV that is parked in the driveway. He walks up to her door, and pecks on the window. Her head pops up, and she points to the passenger's side as she unlocks the door. Nick walks around the front of the car and then climbs in. He looks at her, and immediately notices that she's been crying.

"Why are you sitting in my driveway? What's wrong?"

She doesn't say anything, she doesn't even look at him.

"Catherine look at me please."

She turns her head. She wipes away tears. "Hey, what's wrong? Why are you crying?"

"I told Lou."

"It ended badly?"

"No, he was very understanding."

"So why are you crying? Why are you here?"

"Why do you let me be such and idiot."

"What are you talking about?"

"I was sitting there talking to him, and all of a sudden it hit me..." she trails off.

"What hit you?"

"How self-centered I sounded. What a terrible parent I sounded like."

"Catherine..."

She flaps her hand and he stops, "Nick don't try to make this better. I've screwed up so badly. Why didn't you tell me how stupid I was being."

"What do you mean?"

"I see my daughter one day a week, sometimes two. She doesn't think that I like her."

"No she doesn't."

"Yes she does, she told me so."

"I'm partly at fault. I should have insisted that you spend more time with her, but..."

"But what? You don't want me to mess her up."

"No. I'm not afraid you're going to mess her up."

"What then?"

"I remember on her first 4th of July. I dropped her off around eight. When you looked at her, suddenly I realized that..."

"You think I didn't want her?"

"Sometimes I question that, but that day I saw something else. I saw nothing. I watched you looking at her, and I saw nothing. Like it was someone else's baby. I just figured that it was PPD."

"I remember that night too. You're right I didn't feel anything. I didn't have any feelings for her."

"I should have tried harder..."