I am going to update 'Never really friends' real soon, hopefully. I've only got 1000 words left to write on my deviancy essay woo but as the last 1000 words are turning out to be the hardest, here's what I came up with during my break in the library, if only writing essays came this quick. Let me know what you think in a review please.

Five weeks, two days and eight hours. That's how long it had been since Hotch had made the most stupid and biggest mistake of his life. He had a lot to choose from he knew that but in agreeing that a relationship with Jennifer Jareau could never work so they wouldn't even try was by far the most moronic. What was worse was the team didn't hold back on letting them know that it was the wrong decision and what was even worse than that he was getting along with JJ much better than previously, it wasn't exactly the same as before, he'd done a lot of damage by yelling at her the way he did and he knew she was deeply hurt by what he said but by opening himself up to her again he feared he would ruin the ever evolving progress they had made so far.

So although he was in a different predicament Hotch found himself sitting at his desk staring at the photo of his son again. He couldn't remember the last time he did paperwork without looking this photograph or without thinking of JJ. Without thinking of her ocean blue eyes, her flirty laugh, the way she wears and then plays with her sister's necklace when something is troubling her or the way she can just look at him and he knows exactly what she is thinking.

"Come on man if you keep this up you're going to drive yourself crazy" Derek Morgan stood at the door with a file in his hand and a grin the size of Texas across his face.

"Keep what up?"

"Pining for a certain blonde from Pennsylvania"

"I'm not Pining Morgan I'm contemplating life."

Derek shook his head in amusement, "Man you need to get laid. If you want my opinion you need to go to her office and tell her straight up that what you two have got going on at the minute is not working out so well for the pair of you. I've never seen two people mope so much for so long. Seriously I'm kind of missing the avoiding era of the JJ and Hotch saga"

They both gave an amused laugh at the situation they found themselves in, Morgan mocking Hotch over his love live or rather lack thereof. Morgan and Hotch's friendship had changed quite a bit over the years of working together in relaxed times like this neither had a problem of poking fun at the other. Morgan gave him the file in his hand and told him to get back to his pining. It was obvious to Hotch that it didn't matter if he was in a relationship with JJ or not the team were involved either way. It had been over a month and his feelings for JJ hadn't changed one bit instead they had become more evident. The old saying separation makes the heart grow stronger was certainly making sense right now and he knew that he had to do the only thing he could do right now and that was to tell JJ he didn't want to be the guy that she couldn't be with. That he didn't want to be just her colleague and nothing more. He didn't want to be the person she just talked to on the plane home. He didn't want some five minute conversation about the Redskins the day after they played. He didn't want a damn friendship with her. He wanted everything with her. He wanted a life with her.

Hotch looked out at the bullpen, Morgan was teasing Reid about something and other agents were swarming around the office busy getting on with the work they had to do. He took a deep breath; his mind was trying to keep up with his heart. He was trying to make sense of his feelings. He needed to build up his confidence. He was trying to come up with some way to get JJ on the same page as him without scaring her off. He did know one thing that he could do and that involved not letting her go like he did with Hailey.

With Hailey there was no way in making things better, he was never there and she couldn't understand why. He wasn't the only one to blame for the breakup, she was by no means innocent in the divorce proceedings but he realised that even though his first marriage was over it had given him his son, Jack, who was by far the most important person in the world to him and for that he was unimaginably grateful but the divorce had also shown him that he was also no longer head over heels in love with his high school sweetheart. Even when she died the main thing he felt was guilt, it was because of his job, because of who he was, that she died and for that reason alone some part of him would always feel guilty. He felt anger that his son would never see his mother again; he was frustrated at his inability to save her and was immensely fearful that he wouldn't be good enough for Jack. Hailey may not have been his one and only true love she was however his longest friend to say love was only a part of his past with her would be inaccurate but now three years later since they lost her, he needed to move on. It was the most traumatic thing he had ever been through, losing Hailey and the closeness he came to losing Jack but he had to move on. To show Jack that it was okay to keep living though his mother wasn't there, it was okay to be happy and Hotch wanted to be happy.

JJ was the one who made him happy, nothing had even happened between them other than opening himself up to her. Something he had never done to anyone before. Sure Hailey knew about his sketchy relationship with his parents but he never told her how he needed to be in control of his emotions and everything else because his mother was so out of control and because his father was a cheat he vowed he would always be faithful and dedicated to just one woman. He knew Sean was clued in to his regrets of leaving Jack behind when they went on cases but Sean didn't know he would try to keep the tears from falling every time he said goodnight to his son over the phone from some strange town. The team all knew that he was heartbroken over Hailey's death and they had all seen him change but they didn't know that killing Foyet with his bare hands had affected him so much his nightmares of the event would end with him throwing up. No he had only told JJ all of this, like how he told her that while The Beatles' White album was his favourite but he was a secret glam rock fan and how when he was really young he never dreamed of being a lawyer or an FBI agent but he wanted to be race car driver, she was the only one who knew the way in which he would always take the tomatoes out of a salad sandwich or couldn't drink gin anymore because of a very, very bad college experience.

Morgan was right he couldn't keep pining.....contemplating life. So he stood nearly taking the desk with him he left his office bee-lined through the bullpen towards the elevators and practically took the glass doors of the hinges. He was always a driven person but at this moment in time it was almost scary. Morgan whistled and various agents basically leaped to get out of the way of the motivated unit chief. He had JJ's office in his sights. Hotch's mind was racing on what he was going to do. He wasn't going to talk things through with her he wasn't going to give her the time to object to him being there. He was going to have to grab her and kiss her, be damned with the consequences because he knew that that was the one thing he could do to get her to come to the same conclusion as him.

Hotch strode down the corridor his confidence growing with each step he took. He looked at the sign on the door: SSA JENNIFER JAREAU COMMUNICATION COORDINATOR. He knocked and grabbed the handle pushing it open with such enthusiasm he nearly fell through.

Expecting to see her sat in her usual position hunched over her desk going over files, she was nowhere to be seen. Instead he found another person there with a familiar face that was standing at the back of the room.

"Detective Lamontegne?"