A/N: As always, thanks so much for all the reviews, the feedback, the predictions ... everything. We appreciate every bit of it.

Disclaimer: SE Hinton own The Outsiders. Noah Gundersen owns "Halo (Disappear_Reappear)."

Under my halo,
I have trouble seeing clear
You held my hand tight,
Waiting to watch me disappear

March 1970

The week after Johnny's birthday, Dallas was sullen and silent. Ellie navigated his moods and did what she could to avoid anything that might set him off. She tried to keep him from drinking through his feelings and let him stay over more than one night just so he wouldn't be alone the nights she couldn't stay at Buck's. To her surprise, she seemed to pull that off without her mom or Jimmy ever noticing.

On a Friday afternoon, he was lounging on her mother's couch while Danny laid on the floor playing with toy cars and trains. He didn't seem to be in a good mood, but he wasn't in a bad mood either. She thought about Windrixville while she fixed him a sandwich. Setting the bread on a plate, she took it into the living room and sat down facing him.

All week, she thought about what kind of good it would do him to head back up to Lane's and stay a little while. His moods made her a nervous wreck. Maybe if he got out of Tulsa and up in the isolation of his uncle's farm, he might calm down a little. It had seemed so good for him once upon a time.

"I was thinking about something," she said, crossing her legs under her. He mumbled something to her with a mouth full of sandwich. "I think you should go up and visit Lane."

A scowl crossed his face and he rolled his eyes. "Christ, why?"

He dropped the rest of the sandwich down on the plate as if he was anticipating a fight. Ellie braced herself and tried to calmly proceed.

"Well, he's your uncle and you should visit him every now and then anyway. I was just thinking it might be good for you to get some fresh air and get away for a little while." She could see the heat rising in his cheeks, and she finished quickly, "You're just so upset lately, and I just thought it might help."

"I'm not always fucking upset. I get mad when you bring up shit like this. Jesus, leave it alone."

If she were smarter, maybe she would have, but she remembered the nights he had to get wasted to fall asleep, the way he reacted to being around their friends again, and the drunken, mournful confession that he believed he got Johnny killed. Dallas had always had a short fuse, but it was shorter than ever lately. Ellie didn't know if she could hold him together all on her own.

"I'm not talking forever, maybe just for a little while. It was good for you up there before and I think you need it. Lane said you could come back if you wanted -" She stopped herself because the look on his face went from annoyed to downright enraged in the blink of an eye.

"Lane said? What the fuck did Lane say? You went up and saw him when I told you not to."

"I just stopped by," she said, shrinking back.

"What the fuck did you do that for?" he asked, tossing the plate onto the coffee table. It clattered loudly and Danny looked up from where he was playing on the floor. "I told you to leave him out of it."

"I was already up there, I just wanted to stop by and see how he was doing."

"You talk about me? Huh? Did you tell him bullshit about me?"

She tried to get a word in, but he was so mad, he shut her down as soon as she opened her mouth.

"Nothing here is any of his business. I'm not fucking going back up there, so forget about it. Quit sticking your nose where it doesn't belong."

There were so many reasons she couldn't forget about it, though.

"I'm just trying to help you. I'm going to come up and visit and stay with you if you go-"

"I don't need any help. I'm not fucking going!"

There was a knock at the door and they both sat there staring at each other until he said, exasperated, "Are you going to get that?"

"Yeah, I got it," she said, getting up. She ruffled Danny's hair as she walked by and gave him a half-hearted smile. Dally leaned his head back and rubbed his eyes.

When she opened the door and saw Mack Randle standing there, she felt her blood go cold and she thought she might faint. He didn't say a word; he just looked at her with tired gray eyes and she felt her knees turn to jelly.

"Hi Mr. Randle." Her voice sounded small and foreign to her own ears.

"I, uh, I wanted to come over and let you know Steve's been injured." He paused, wiping at his mouth before he continued. "I just got word a little while ago."

Ellie struggled to find any words, a lump forming in her throat so big she couldn't form a single one. As she tried to croak out a question, she felt a warm hand on her waist and Dallas was standing there beside her, holding her up.

"You know what happened?" he asked.

Mack shook his head a little, looking between the two of them. "They only said he was wounded, not much else. I'll know more in a few days. I just wanted to let you know."

He met her eyes, but he was looking through her at some memory or fear he couldn't shake.

Ellie finally found a way to speak. "Can we do anything?"

"I'm going to go tell his girl, but maybe you can let the others know?"

Ellie nodded, but it was Dallas who answered. "Yeah, man. We can do that."

Nodding, Mack left and she shut the door, a numb and disconnected feeling running through her. The news left her ears ringing and she stood there trying to compose herself and could only picture the absolute worst. Dally wrapped his arms around her, pulling her to his chest, their fight forgotten. Ellie leaned on him and cried.

XXX

With Danny tagging along, they walked over to the Curtises instead. Danny was already holding Ellie's hand, and Dallas was surprised when the kid slipped his little hand into his. He held it back and they cut across lawns and headed over to the Curtises. Steve's dad had been over an hour before, and it took her that long to calm down enough to decide to go over and share the bad news. They had sat at her mom's kitchen table talking about Steve and he had tried to convince her that they had so little information that maybe things weren't as bad as they seemed. Maybe he wasn't all that hurt, but he knew that it didn't matter. He was still wounded and they knew nothing else. And after worrying to death about Steve, she started worrying about Sodapop.

As they reached St. Louis Street, she stopped and looked at him pitifully.

"I can't do it," she said. "I don't know how to tell them."

He looked up at the house and back at her huge, hazel eyes. "They have to know."

Bending down, he picked up Danny and started across the street, knowing it would be just about the only way to get her to follow. She slowly did, and together they walked through the gate and up the steps. From the porch, he heard Two-Bit laughing and Ellie stopped again, hand over her eyes as she sniffed back her tears.

"Come on, dollface," he said softly.

She nodded and he opened the door with his free hand. Inside, everyone stopped what they were doing and stared. Dallas wanted to bolt because he knew they were staring at him, and after Two-Bit made him feed his baby, the novelty of seeing him carrying a kid.

"Hey," Ellie said, stepping further in.

Dally set Danny down who went running for a bedroom down the hall. He could hear the other kid in there excited to see him. When he looked back, he saw a room full of suddenly anxious faces, but he stayed back, feeling like he didn't belong.

"What's going on?" Allison asked, concerned.

He didn't miss the way Darry looked from him to Ellie a few times, as if he was looking for a reason to be mad at him. He ignored him and looked at Ellie standing alone and struggling to speak. She started to say it three different ways, and stopped herself each time. It was then he decided she didn't have to be the one to tell the bad news.

"Steve's old man came by earlier. Said he got word that Steve was wounded." His voice was rough and unwelcome against the silence.

For a long time, no one said anything. All of them seemed as lost in thought and looking as stunned as Ellie had. He looked to her and she gave him a weak smile and mouthed thank you. She moved closer to him and he took her hand, squeezing it gently. He was still mad from earlier, but even he was man enough to know when something was bigger than his own stupid problems.

Darry looked the most like he was going to hit the floor, but it was Two-Bit who spoke up.

"Did he say what happened or how he is?"

Ellie finally found her voice. "He said he might know more soon."

"Poor Steve," Carolyn said, rocking her baby in her arms. "Oh God."

Darry stood up and walked out of the room. Dally listened to the back door open and shut before Allison was on her feet, following him outside.

Ellie had told him that Steve enlisted because Soda had been drafted. That sort of selflessness floored Dallas. The thought would never have crossed his mind.

"Should we call Pony?" Ellie asked. She was looking at Two-Bit.

"I'm sure Darry will, I'm more worried about who's going to tell Evie," he said.

"Steve's dad did. That's where he was headed after telling me."

For a long time, no one said anything and Dally was uncomfortable being there. The silence wasn't helping. He tried to not think back on all the good nights he spent there, but they were hard memories to face. He sat down in Darry's arm chair, gently tugging Ellie down with him. She sat on his lap and there they all waited for something, each minute seemingly longer than the former. He would have gladly left for any reason, and he was trying to come up with a good one when they all heard the backdoor open again. Allison and Darry came back into the living room, and Dally could see his eyes were wet. He quickly looked away.

"Are you ok?" Ellie asked him.

"Yeah. We just have to keep faith, you know?"

It was a dumb thing to say, but Dallas kept that to himself. There wasn't any faith to be had. Steve was wounded and was probably coming home in who knew what kind of shape. At least he wasn't dead. It didn't do any good to keep any faith for Sodapop. Good kids died all the time. Sending them off to war just upped the chances.

Darry cleared his throat. "I need to call Pony."

"Should someone write to Soda?" Ellie asked.

Again, everyone was silent, the only sounds coming from the two kids playing down the hall. Allison had her hands on Darry's broad, but slumped shoulders and he shook his head.

"No, he doesn't need to worry about Steve right now. He needs to worry about himself. I know you write him a lot, please don't say anything. Not yet."

There was a little bit of hesitation in her voice, and she stiffened a little before she agreed. "I won't."

Carolyn stood up, resting the sleeping baby on her shoulder and rested her hand on Two-Bit's shoulder. "I think we should head out."

Dallas barely knew the girl but suddenly liked her very much. He waited until Two-Bit stood up and coaxed Ellie to her feet and she went down the hall to get Danny. Standing there alone, he was again surprised when Darry acknowledged him.

"Don't leave her alone tonight, she's going to need someone," he said.

Dally nodded and when she came out with her brother in tow, they headed back toward her house.

XXX

For the last hour, she had been sleeping soundly, her head resting in the crook of his arm and her arm across his chest. Darry hadn't been wrong about her needing someone, because she had been teary-eyed for the rest of the evening. He lay still, staring up at her bedroom ceiling with his mind racing. Thoughts bounced back and forth from Ellie going up seeing his uncle, Steve, and the way Darry told him to make sure she wasn't alone. And, for some reason, the way Darry mentioned how much Ellie wrote to Soda. It made him realize how disconnected he was from everyone. Ellie babysat Darry's kid and Two-Bit's kid, she cried over Steve, and wrote letters to Soda. All Dally did was count the seconds until it was just the two of them any time the others were around. Her world used to be his own, but he didn't feel a part of it anymore. Steve being wounded didn't shake him to his core, and he didn't worry about Soda like she did.

Instead, he felt jealous that her attention was spread so thin.

There was a stack of letters on her dresser from Soda and Steve, and curiosity and sleeplessness was getting the better of him. Cautiously, he eased himself from under her, setting her arm back on the bed and letting her head rest on the pillow. He stood up and stayed still for a few seconds, watching her to make sure she stayed asleep. Turning away, he went to her dresser and picked up the stack, thumbing through and picking one from Soda and one from Steve. Sinking down to the floor, he sat where the yellow light from the street light spilled in through the curtains, and pulled Steve's letter from the envelope. It was bland but hopeful. He told her he missed her and that he hoped she was doing well and staying out of trouble, but to maybe make a little just for him. It was short and to the point.

Things were a lot different when he opened Soda's letter.

He wasn't all that surprised to see his own name at different points on the page, but he was surprised at how much Soda had written her. The whole page was filled, front and back, with stories of what he was doing, what he was scared of, and all the things he missed. There was a line at the end where he told her how much he couldn't wait to see her and to tell her everything in person.

In a quiet rage, Dally stuffed the letter back in the envelope and got up again. He grabbed the whole stack and spent the next hour skimming through letter after letter, slowly getting angrier. Every letter Soda had sent was long and crammed full of what he was doing and wondering what she was up to. He read them all the way back to when he himself had ditched town in June. Even though he was only getting one side of the conversation, it sounded like she had some secret she wanted to tell him but didn't.

Jesus, he wondered what the hell her letters looked like. She had written him plenty of times when he was in prison, but he felt like she had never said much to him. Even now, he didn't feel like he was getting that much from her. Nothing at all, compared to the responses in these letters.

He tossed the stack to the wayside and watched her sleep. A deep, irrational anger welled up inside him because those letters were so damn personal. Ellie must have been writing Soda, telling him every detail of her life.

Dally knew it was his own fault he felt left out of that. Worse than that, it made him feel like shit because he couldn't open up to her like that.

After a while, he climbed back into bed, cramming in beside her. In her sleep, she cuddled back up against him and he soaked her in, her warmth calming him almost instantly. The letters didn't mean a damn thing, he decided. It's just how she was. She did anything and everything for anyone who needed it. It wasn't lost on him that she was, and had been, doing the exact same for him.

He had seen red earlier because of her visit with Lane. He knew why she did it, even if he didn't like it.

He was damned because he knew he would find a way to fuck this up. He was already doing one hell of a job.

Now that I'm alone here
Feels so familiar, feels so strange
Running in circles
Chasing the echoes of your name